Socializings kids when homeschooling

[MistyMountain]

I know that homeschooling isn't bad for kids socially and public school isn't the best way to get it. I am trying out kindergarten and considering homeschooling but not sure yet. One thing that is a concern for me is the sociaization aspect. I am introverted. I don't mind getting out but I don't make friends easy and just have one or two good friends at a time usually and mostly aquantances. I don't have an active social ife and I am fine as long as I have a close friend.

 

I like where I am now and it has a good homeschooling community but I don't know if I will find friends or not. We are selling our place and most likely will end up elsewhere if it sells because we are without health insurance. I don't know where we wil be and if I will fit in and find friends or activities. I don't know what the homeschooling community will be like and if I will make friends. I will be an oddball since I am very crunchy and green in someways and have some AP qualities but there is a lot that I don't do and follow. I don't quite fit in with the mainstream or the AP groups. I definetely won't be doing the unschooling, waldorf relaxed thing like most crunchy people probably do. I also am an atheist/securlar humanist or a unitarian. I usually get along well with Christians and have met a lot that I really like but sometimes they eventualy invite me to their church which is fine but then I worry if they knew they wouldn't want to be my friend or would just keep me as an aquantance.

 

My dd is shy and introverted and takes a long time to warm up. DS is more outgoing and extroverted but he is sensitve to noise and crowds and hasn't made friends yet and he can be a little rough since he is sensory seeking. He is only 3 so I am sure he will get better as he gets older since not all kids have friends at that age and still parallel play. Anyway my point is that I am not a very outgoing person and the best socially and my kids are not naturally good at metting people and making friends.

 

I just want to hear what people here do about the socialization thing. If we do the higher grades then we will spend a lot of time on school and peope metioned how there isn't time to do activities and groups.

[MistyMountain]

Does anyone have any tips on what they do for socialization for your kids?

[Bang!Zoom!]

Purists, ignore me..

 

But...

 

Having run two different experiences and flavors in the variant forms of education...socialization has *never* been an issue.

 

On any given day I could give outstanding examples of amazing encounters my children have/were given that could not have occurred in a "generalized" PS setting.

 

I honestly have never run into this question in person, and it's always curious to me when it surfaces. Makes me wonder if it's geographical or something.

[Unicorn.]

What Margaret said. Out of all of my kid's friends, not one of them came from the time they spent in public school. They met in dance class, boy/girl scouts, swim team, etc. I met my closest friends at those same activities, and I am an extreme introvert. hth

Edited January 8, 2012 by Unicorn
left out an apostrophe, didn't want to hurt a kitten, or a puppy

[Mrs Mungo]

I am an extrovert, 2 of my 3 kids are extroverts. If anything, we have to be careful of balancing our school and social time so that we get school finished!

[ForeverFamily]

:bigear: I am not the most socially outgoing, neither is my Dh so I am curious to hear what others have to say as well!

[Lily_Grace]

I am an introvert and we move often.

 

That said, socializing has never been an issue. Think of it this way - the homeschooling community is one resource, not the resource. In any given week my son meets with the homeschoolers twice, scouts once, a church group* once, and another afterschool activity like drama or swimming or a general youth group. Then there's also the friends in the neighborhood. Lots of opportunities to be around other kids and about half of the time unstructured. We've found that the more you look, the more activities there are for kids no matter where you are.

 

 

 

 

 

 

*we are not Christian, but encourage ds to learn about different religions. He chose this church group since it's not heavy on the "musts" but welcomes all walks of life.

[ChandlerMom]

Moving is tough, and your kids sound to me like they will be better off OUT of ps. IMO, kids that are shy or introverted need adults to help them learn the ins and outs on the child's schedule. In ps they tend to be the kid that ends up being picked on, teased, excluded, or such -- hardly things that will help!

 

Check out local community groups and classes for your kids -- sports, gymnastics, MA, crafts...they are usually fairly cheap and give the kids a chance to get out and do interesting things.

[Dmmetler]

I have to agree. Socialization is a non-issue.

 

Even my DD's pediatrician, who sees her only once a year because my kid literally hasn't been sick since we pulled her from school, commented about how much better DD's social skills, eye contact, and general social behaviors have gotten in the year and a half that she's been homeschooled. I've seen the same with other children-two years ago, she would have needed adult intervention to even start to talk or play with a child that she'd met previously, and wouldn't have gone near a stranger. Now, she's the one who found a child (her age) who's mother had left her in the TV section of an electronics store, talked to the child, found out what was going on, offered to wait with her, and dispatched me to go "find her mother-I'll wait with Becca!".

 

I really believe that a lot of it is simply because DD was always the youngest and smallest and most vulnerable in group settings, while in homeschool settings, with a range of kids, she's no longer the one everyone takes care of-she gets to be the caregiver, the one who helps the shy kids, the one who gets to be the big kid and lead, so she's able to try on the different social roles and figure out where she fits. And it's been wonderful.

 

As far as opportunities, honestly there's something going on for homeschoolers here every day of the week, it seems, and that's not counting the usual after school activities. I've had to learn to say "no" to things that really do sound good because otherwise both DD and I burn out. We usually do something with the homeschool group at least twice a week, with the same group of kids, usually getting together to discuss/work with a topic. We do an American Girl club once a month, a country once a month, and at least 1-2 field trips to something in the area. We also do a weekly co-op class where parents trade off teaching topics of interest to them, which has included everything from making soap to elections to science to art to music. I don't consider any of this part of our curriculum, but having those weekly meetings with the same group of kids has given DD friends that she wants to spend time with, and has made it easy to set up playdates when she wants one, because she knows that, for example, Peyton enjoys building with Legos, or Ella likes American Girl dolls, or Maggie is also reading Greek mythology.

 

While I'm sure we'll be able to do fewer of these group activities as she gets older and school starts taking longer (right now, it's about 3 hours a day at most), as she gets older she'll also be more independent and more able to call a friend on the phone and set up a time to get together, clear it with me, and arrange transportation-which is what I see happening with the older kids in our homeschool group.

 

I admit, when I pulled her from K, I was wondering how it would work when she didn't have her friends at school. What I learned was that, really, the kids at school weren't her friends. They were simply people she was stuck with. It wasn't until she was doing activities with kids with a range of ages that she started to make friends based on interests and actually wanting to spend time with those kids outside of structured activities.

[snowbeltmom]

I have to agree. Socialization is a non-issue...

 

I admit, when I pulled her from K, I was wondering how it would work when she didn't have her friends at school. What I learned was that, really, the kids at school weren't her friends. They were simply people she was stuck with. It wasn't until she was doing activities with kids with a range of ages that she started to make friends based on interests and actually wanting to spend time with those kids outside of structured activities.

 

:iagree:

 

This was my experience with my kids as well.

[chepyl]

My kids are both very outgoing. They do dance, theatre, gymnastics, and a homeschool co-op. They are leary of strangers, but as soon as a trusted adult introduces them to a new person, they are ready to play or talk.

 

A note about time in upper grades.....I teach dance and theatre. Our older students who Homeschool have so much more time to pursue their passions. They can dance every night and rarely miss. On the other hand, those in PS must limit activities becaise of homework. What classes they do take they miss for projects, homework, and study groups. They may see their friends at school, but have no time for other things. I would say that homeschooled atudents have more time to socialize.

[Laura in MI]

My kids are in sports, dance, music lessons, clubs, homeschool co-op, my younger ones are in a play group, church, neighborhood kids, cousins, my friends kids, etc.

 

Socialization has not been an issue :)

[In2why]

I think socialization can be a problem even though it doesn't have to be. Not everyone has strong homeschool groups, and if don't agree with their core statement, then you might really be on the outside looking in socially.

I also see it sometimes in my younger son when he is around a lot of other kids. There are not a lot of brothers and sisters so there isn't much give and take, and he struggles with the norm roles in large groups. I also see it in stories on here. Not in a negative way, but children who have a tough time speaking for example. Although I think that changes as they get older.

Sometimes I wonder if I am doing okay making sure that my son fits in with other kids. He has the freedom to be who he is, and I wouldn't want him to change based on bullying, yet there is certain behaviors that are taught by king of the hill behavior. Finding a balance is hard. Since we left public school 2 years ago there is some regression in the ability to make friends, but that might be because he/we are more picky, or there aren't as many opportunities to find others that just "mesh". I am not sure.

I am not much help, because we went to a birthday party yesterday and I am filled with insecurity today, after watching a kickball game yesterday. My son doesn't like things he isn't really great at. He didn't like not being a "Captain" and picking teams, and his behavior bothered me. But it is strange, because he plays organized sports and knows how teams work, but this wasn't coach led, and he had a hard time with the give and take and negotiation that goes on between the kids. (didn't mean to hijack your thread, just thinking about socialization out loud)

[Caribbean Queen]

When you are around nice families say something like, "We are go to the park on Fridays at 9:30. Anyone who wants to come is welcome." If no one shows up at the park, who cares? You were going to the park anyway. If people do come, you can get a nice little play group together. Moms can sit on the benches and chat while the children play together. Everyobody gets to socialize the whole time, unlike classes in which the children have to be quiet and listen to the teacher, and do their assignments.

 

Here are good places to meet people and make your park day announcement

 

La Leche League * a very good place to meet people

library story time

save the sea turtle awareness a-thon

any community event in which things or services are given away for free to children

parks on Saturday and Sunday afternoons

[Amy in NH]

Huh! Socialization... we need to cut back.

[Homemama2]

My kids play with the neighbors, and have friends they have met through various sports, awana club, church, art classes, and co-op (which we aren't doing anymore, but still meet with the people for playdates etc.). There are things like scouts, 4-H, music groups, swimming classes, library groups etc. The options are endless. I prefer to be at home, but my oldest is an EXTROVERT :001_smile:, so I go outside my comfort zone to give him lots of opportunities to make friends, and see the friends that he has. I have actually found that I'm much LESS of an introvert now as a homeschooling mom than I ever was as a public school student.

[Shellydon]

We do church weekly, co-op weekly, Girl Scouts bi-weekly, music lessons weekly. We also meet with homeschooling friends a few times a month.

[almondbutterandjelly]

Join things. Volunteer places. Sign up for classes. These are the ways to meet people. Since you are unitarian, find a unitarian church. Churches can be fantastic places to socialize. They offer classes, ways to serve the community, fun things for kids. Our church is the backbone of our social life.

 

Joann, Hobby Lobby, and Michaels all offer classes for kids. Sign yours up for some classes and go fairly regularly. I think for introverts, familiar places and people are important. The more you see someone, the more likely you will feel comfortable talking to them and making friends. Lowes and Home Depot have free building workshops for kids. Go at the same time every time, and some faces will become familiar.

 

Gymnastics classes or other sports will be a great place for your kids to make friends.

 

I put my dd in an afterschool Latchkey class from 3:30 - 5:30 three times a week, even though we homeschool. It allowed her to make friends and play and do crafts in a fun environment. It wasn't very expensive and filled a social need for a couple years.

 

Volunteer regularly somewhere. Again, familiarity will breed friendship.

 

Best of luck!

[Desert Rat]

I'm an introvert. My kids are not introverted or extroverted. They are nicely in the middle. That said, there's not problems with the "s" word here.

My kids are in soccer, taekwondo and archery. They attend lego club and pokemon club. A few of the activities are with the exact same set of kids, so it's more like a PS setting, dealing with the same personalities all the time.

The other activities are with larger groups. Pokemon club and taekwondo have wide ranges of ages from 5 to 70. (Yes, 70 yos play pokemon! I was creeped out at first until I got to know them. They started out with their kids and learned to love it. How, I don't know.)

My kids can talk to all ages. Some of our single friends are taken aback that our kids can carry on nice conversations at their ages. I'm not surprised.

My kids haven't picked up many nasty habits or sayings. Of course, they do get a few from soccer and taekwondo. Nothing bad though.

I can't praise Pokemon club enough for teaching my quirky oldest so many social skills I couldn't at home. He has improved so much that family members and good friends are noticing and commenting. It's all that Club. I'm so glad we found it.

Bottom line-socialization is not even a concern for us.

[Mommy22alyns]

Well, your kids being socialized might look different because they are naturally reticent and slow to warm up. Accounting for personality differences is important. For example, I'm an introvert but I went to PS. Maybe if I was a homeschooler, I might have looked "unsocialized," but that's just my personality.

 

My girls are naturally outgoing and talkative. So I haven't found socialization to be a problem in the slightest. They go to co-op one day a week. They have AHG (an all-homeschool troop) twice a month. Gymnastics once a week for Sylvia and twice a week for Rebecca. Choir once a week. And soccer in the spring. They also played tennis for a month last September. And they go to playgrounds a LOT.

[Lovedtodeath]

I think it is very hard.

 

My kids 9 and 4 are lonely, bored and get very little exercise. I am an introvert with health problems. I made friends at Curves and DD made friends at dance class, but our health has not allowed us to continue these things, and by the time we get school and chores done I feel like driving somewhere for activities several times a week is so difficult. Going to a park or a homeschool skate or other gathering is extremely difficult for me because of the 4 year old. We have to chase him around to keep him safe, he doesn't play well with younger kids because he isn't used to it, but activities with 4/5 year olds or a group including older kids are usually strict and school-like and he doesn't do well with that either. Ugh. I just visited a "mega church" that has a mom group and gym and I am hoping that helps. If I was not comfortable using the church for socializing or it doesn't pan out, I would/will be back to square one. We are considering putting one or the other of them in school so that I can handle getting one or the other to age appropriate activities.

 

But I also keep in mind that when DD was 5 she got maybe 30 minutes of socializing at school even though she was away from me for 7 hours per day. They were not allowed to talk during lunch and recess was yup... 30 minutes.

 

Carmen

Edited January 8, 2012 by Lovedtodeath

[Trilliums]

We have had hard times and easier times in this area. I find my kids have rather esoteric interests which can make it harder to make friends with similar interests. My kids would have struggled with this if they were in school or out of school though. Being homeschooled I believe they feel much more comfortable with who they are though. :)