Another Family Dilemma ??

[Scarymelon]

I have a family dilemma and am deciding what I should do..every year we have paid for my husbands family to go away for Presidents Day weekend, where we rent a house. This year, my SIL cancelled it because another event came up. My husband is close to his brother, but my relationship with my SIL is only cordial. The point of the weekend is for everyone to spend time together, so we are going to have to cancel the house. I will be out $250 for canceling and I want to ask them to pay for it...or at least part of it. I only booked the house after I had confirmed with them that they were free and they liked the house. My work doesn't make it possible for me to reschedule anytime in the near future. My husband would never ask for the money in a million years, but I think it is reasonable. Thoughts?

[Random]

I know you said the point of the trip was to spend time with your husband's family, but honestly, I would go without them and do my best to have a very good time.

 

Because:

1-cancelling is too expensive

2-rescheduling is not possible

3-it doesn't sound like they really want to go

4-asking for them to cover the $250 is not likely to be well received

 

Hope it works out!

[SailorMom]

Go - enjoy it. If you can't reschedule anyway - what's the point of canceling? Go - and you won't be spending time together, or cancel and not spend time together.

Might as well go and have fun.

[Carol in Cal.]

First of all, your SIL was rude. One doesn't accept invitations and then change one's mind upon receipt of a better offer, unless that offer involves a death, wedding, birth, or graduation.

 

Second, though, you have always paid for this. Why is that? The answer to that would color my opinion of whether you should ask DSIL to reimburse you. The fair answer is 'yes'.

 

Third, are these the only two families who usually attend? If not, I would go anyway, and have a great time with the remaining family. It would be fun, and living well is the best revenge anyway. In fact, I might even just go as one family, and see how much fun you all can have together. Who knows, you might enjoy it so much that you do it again sometime!

[Word Nerd]

I would go anyway if you want to get away, especially since you can't reschedule. I think it was rude of her to cancel, but maybe she doesn't understand the situation and how much her cancellation will cost you?

[regentrude]

I know you said the point of the trip was to spend time with your husband's family, but honestly, I would go without them and do my best to have a very good time.

 

Because:

1-cancelling is too expensive

2-rescheduling is not possible

3-it doesn't sound like they really want to go

4-asking for them to cover the $250 is not likely to be well received

 

Hope it works out!

 

:iagree:

[ma23peas]

I get it, going ahead and going is likely out of the question...we've rented beach houses before and when you rent one for 3-4 families you are talking thousands of dollars you would not spend on your own single family.

 

I'm with your husband, eat the $250...lesson learned...drop the grudges that may creep up, an action by you to request payment will only breed resentment and hostility...if they were the kind of people to be considerate 1. they would be going and 2. they would have already offered to see if they could help with any deposits lost. Make it clear next time that there is a non-refundable deposit..they may not know this. Very tacky to ask them for it and moreover, not kind. $250 may seem like a lot (I know when it's half my food budget for the month I get protective of it) but why be more protective over half that than the relationship you need to foster with your relatives.

[2cents]

Go - enjoy it. If you can't reschedule anyway - what's the point of canceling? Go - and you won't be spending time together, or cancel and not spend time together.

Might as well go and have fun.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[SunD]

Hm. My DH would agree with everyone here, and go anyway. He'd say there's no point in wasting your vacation time and money, and if the relationship is only cordial, you might have more fun without her.

 

I would likely be very upset and cancel the whole thing, and never offer to host or pay for anything again.

 

We usually end up going with the middle ground. In this case I guess that would be, go anyway because your money's already spent and you can't reschedule. Consider it a $250 lesson learned. Your SIL doesn't want the relationship to be more than cordial, or she wouldn't have cancelled (after positively confirming!) to accept a "better" offer. Don't invite her again.

 

If anyone asks about the getaway next year, I would say, "Well, we lost a $250 deposit last year. We save for vacations and can't afford to just throw money away, so we're not going to be able to host weekends any longer."

[Unicorn.]

Why don't you invite some friends to go this year, or go ahead and make it a family only vacation? In the future, I would not schedule the trip, unless they are willing to pay the cancellation fee up front as a sort of deposit. Your sister in law was very rude, unless this was something that just couldn't be avoided.

[sweetbasil]

If your reservation is through a management company, can you transfer it to a smaller, less expensive rental?

[AK_Mom4]

I know you said the point of the trip was to spend time with your husband's family, but honestly, I would go without them and do my best to have a very good time.

 

Because:

1-cancelling is too expensive

2-rescheduling is not possible

3-it doesn't sound like they really want to go

4-asking for them to cover the $250 is not likely to be well received

 

Hope it works out!

:iagree:

[DaffodilDreams]

What Random said.

[Scarymelon]

Thank you for the reasonable advice; my dh is going to talk to his brother and we are going to invite some friends for the weekend instead. Just sucking it up and not offering to plan and pay for another weekend again is my best plan. Hopefully, I can keep my mouth shut. We have paid for the weekend for the last 5 years because we have been the most financially stable and had the most kids; we budget for it because it means a lot to my dh. She is canceling to go to an overnight bachelorette party. Unfortunately, I have a list of small grudges of things she has done over the years (starting with scheduling their wedding on my due date) and I haven't completely let go of them. Maybe that would be a good New Years resolution.

[EmilyK]

You've made the best decision for the "couple" part of it.

 

For you individually, if I were you I would (without resentment) say to my husband "why don't you plan a get away just you and your brother"? or if group gatherings are going to be planned, have those two plan and reserve it. It obviously is not very important to SIL, and I don't think you and she should be coordinating it. If between you and your husband it would be odd for him to plan the trip, then maybe you plan directly with his brother. But I think it is important to have the two people who actually most want to be together to do the planning.

[2squared]

(starting with scheduling their wedding on my due date)

 

My SIL and brother did that to me too! When I think about it, I still get a little angry about it. They planned a fancy-smancy wedding half way across the country that my entire family attended while I sat fat and miserable waiting for my baby to show up. His wedding night was a very tough night for me. I cried.

 

I am ticked at both of them equally, though. My brother called me from his reception, and I could tell that he was disappointed that his only sibling wasn't able to attend his wedding. Huh. Maybe he should have thought about it nine months earlier.

 

All that to say :grouphug: about the wedding situation. BTDT.

[fraidycat]

Hmm, I would go ahead and take BIL and his family. Who says his wife has to be there? She is the one going to the bachelorette party - I assume that BIL isn't going with her, so he could still go on the family vacation. Honestly, it sounds like it'd be more fun without her there, anyway. :)

[NotSoObvious]

Hm. My DH would agree with everyone here, and go anyway. He'd say there's no point in wasting your vacation time and money, and if the relationship is only cordial, you might have more fun without her.

 

I would likely be very upset and cancel the whole thing, and never offer to host or pay for anything again.

 

We usually end up going with the middle ground.

 

 

HA! You guys sound just like my husband and I. It's a good thing I married him and not someone like me, or we would have NO friends. :)

[Susann]

I know you said the point of the trip was to spend time with your husband's family, but honestly, I would go without them and do my best to have a very good time.

 

Because:

1-cancelling is too expensive

2-rescheduling is not possible

3-it doesn't sound like they really want to go

4-asking for them to cover the $250 is not likely to be well received

 

Hope it works out!

:iagree:

[In the Rain]

Hmm, I would go ahead and take BIL and his family. Who says his wife has to be there? She is the one going to the bachelorette party - I assume that BIL isn't going with her, so he could still go on the family vacation. Honestly, it sounds like it'd be more fun without her there, anyway. :)

 

:iagree:

 

Is this a possibility?