I'm more burned out than ever.

[cathmom]

I don't know if anyone pays any attention to me, but I've posted a couple of times about my burnout.

 

First thread: http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=302944

 

Second thread: http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=322096

 

It's been four months since my first thread, and my burnout is worse than ever! It's actually really disturbing. I don't want to think about homeschooling at all. The other night I was looking through my homeschooling binder and I was disgusted. I made all these plans - over and over and over - that we never do and we never get to and life just keeps interrupting and I am so sick of feeling like a dying salmon trying to swim upstream!

[QuirkyKidAcademy]

(((hugs)))

[Cammie]

:grouphug: Could it be depression? If so, maybe you could talk to someone about ways to cope with it. Sometimes depression/anxiety can be so overwhelming and they can present in different ways in different people.

 

Good luck!

[LG Gone Wild]

:grouphug: Could it be depression? If so, maybe you could talk to someone about ways to cope with it. Sometimes depression/anxiety can be so overwhelming and they can present in different ways in different people.

 

Good luck!

 

:iagree: :grouphug:

[jennsmile]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Sometimes the most important things in life are the little things.

 

The time spent together as a family loving life. I don't remember my homeschool lessons from being a teen but I remember endless hours with my brother having fun. He passed away at 24. The time I had with him was priceless. Yes we should have done more school but we both did fine in college. I wouldn't trade our monopoly and scrabble time for school lessons.

 

So look around you at the relationships you are building in your family and realize that you all are exactly where you need to be at right now. You may not be keeping up with the Jone's and you may not be as far behind as others. Simplify and accept you are one person and you can't do everything you want to do. I have a hard time keeping up with just my kids. And we only have 3 so far.

 

Put away all your school stuff till January then take it one day at a time or one week. Much easier to change up the schedule then to fit life into the picture.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[JessieC]

What happened with the charter school? I'm sorry you're feeling this way--it sounds like it's time for a change?

[cathmom]

They are still planning to open an elementary school, but it won't be for another couple years. There's nothing definite. I could put my two oldest at home in the charter school now, but my younger ones are not old enough yet (it starts at 6th grade currently). And if I put my older ones in school FT, then I have no one to babysit the younger ones while I teach. I could try to find someone, but then I'm paying out more money which I probably can't afford.

 

I don't see how I can quit teaching. I love teaching; I love the school. I will never be able to just be home again, and this is really the perfect part time job, and it has a lot of potential to grow into FT.

 

I have put some of the youngers in the lottery for another charter with an elementary school, but chances are they won't get in. There's another possible charter, and I'll put them in there too, but who knows if they'll get picked.

 

The current plan for next year is to have my olders take 2-3 classes at the charter school and the youngest go to preschool, hopefully 4 days per week. If the twins got into a charter school, they would go. I would homeschool the 8yo.

[treestarfae]

Take a week off and relax! Have an early Christmas break. You'll feel better after.

[momma aimee]

:grouphug: Could it be depression? If so, maybe you could talk to someone about ways to cope with it. Sometimes depression/anxiety can be so overwhelming and they can present in different ways in different people.

 

Good luck!

:iagree:

 

i stuggle most at homeschooling (not that i have the conmitment or expereince of the OP) most if my medication is not in balance --

 

sounds like time for some self care boot camp for momma

 

:grouphug:

 

talk to yur GP at least -- it sounds like you are checking the NO JOY in LIFE box --

 

(not disrespecting you -- i need my meds to function)

[Fleur de Lis]

no advice just :grouphug:

[tex-mex]

Does the school district offer a preschool for employees? When I taught full time and hubby stayed home, we used it for when my ds was ages 2.5-3 yrs. At age 4, we enrolled him in a church preschool. Would this be cost prohibitive? You can deduct the cost of daycare come taxtime also.

[PollyOR]

Sometimes when I give myself permission to do something, I'm able to gird up my loins and keep going. If you decide that it is okay to put the kids in the charter school, you might find that the sense of relief is enough for you to find your spark again. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but it has worked for me before.

 

I'll admit that I have really struggled with homeschool the past couple of years. I think it is because homeschool didn't turn out the way I thought it would (expectations vs. reality) I was very tempted to send my kids to public school this year, but they wouldn't have it. The youngest might like to go but she is a bit delayed and I know the school kids would eat her alive. So, I'm stuck. :001_rolleyes:

 

For me, if I had prayed about it and the answer was "that would be fine" or "it would be okay either way" then I would give the school a try. It doesn't have to be permanent.

 

:grouphug:

[ereks mom]

I don't know if anyone pays any attention to me, but I've posted a couple of times about my burnout.

 

First thread: http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=302944

 

Second thread: http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=322096

 

It's been four months since my first thread, and my burnout is worse than ever! It's actually really disturbing. I don't want to think about homeschooling at all. The other night I was looking through my homeschooling binder and I was disgusted. I made all these plans - over and over and over - that we never do and we never get to and life just keeps interrupting and I am so sick of feeling like a dying salmon trying to swim upstream!

 

Last year I was right where you are. I was teaching a math class two afternoons a week plus teaching my dd and another (non-family member) student. I finally realized that I had to put something down. I dropped the math class this year, and while I have a lot less money, I do have more time, and I'm not perpetually tired.

[justamouse]

They are still planning to open an elementary school, but it won't be for another couple years. There's nothing definite. I could put my two oldest at home in the charter school now, but my younger ones are not old enough yet (it starts at 6th grade currently). And if I put my older ones in school FT, then I have no one to babysit the younger ones while I teach. I could try to find someone, but then I'm paying out more money which I probably can't afford.

 

I don't see how I can quit teaching. I love teaching; I love the school. I will never be able to just be home again, and this is really the perfect part time job, and it has a lot of potential to grow into FT.

 

I have put some of the youngers in the lottery for another charter with an elementary school, but chances are they won't get in. There's another possible charter, and I'll put them in there too, but who knows if they'll get picked.

 

The current plan for next year is to have my olders take 2-3 classes at the charter school and the youngest go to preschool, hopefully 4 days per week. If the twins got into a charter school, they would go. I would homeschool the 8yo.

 

There is no way I could teach and homeschool and not burnout. No way. I can barely handle getting people to CCD and scouts and the weekly shopping!

 

Homeschooling is a full time job. You've added another job on top of that. You're burning the candle at both ends. It's not depression, it's too much on your plate.

 

If you need to teach, perhaps it's time to put the kids in any school and afterschool them?

[cathmom]

I asked our speech therapist about our local elementary school, because she used to work there full-time. She said I would not be happy with my children there and that she would never put her child in there. She is my friend and has been coming to our house multiple times a week for 2 1/2 years, so she would know what I would like and not like.

 

Ideally, I would like my two older ones to go to the charter school I teach at, my twins (who will be in first next year) to go to a different charter school, my youngest to go to his current preschool 4 days a week, and keep homeschooling my 8 yo. That would be my ideal, I think. I'm not sure it's anyone else's ideal, but oh well.

 

I'm actually very happy except for this homeschooling thing. I love teaching; I love being part of my school community and getting to know the other faculty members, who are all fascinating people. I really enjoy my students. I love having something that is mine.

 

ereksmom, it's not a matter of having less money - it's a matter of not having enough to live on. I taught during the 2007-08 school year (the year prices starting really skyrocketing), part-time like I am doing now, and then my youngest was born. Dh was able to do another PT job at his company to make up for my loss of income, and he worked 7 days a week until this past March when his company merged with another and he was no longer allowed to do that job. We cannot live on his salary alone. Even with food stamps. It just doesn't compute, I mean, unless all we do is stay home and cook from scratch and the kids wear rags. I mean, I didn't have 7 children so they could live in poverty in the middle of nowhere and have to rely on food stamps their entire childhood. That's why I'm teaching.

[UnsinkableKristen]

No advice, but :grouphug:.

[gardenmom5]

:grouphug: Could it be depression? If so, maybe you could talk to someone about ways to cope with it. Sometimes depression/anxiety can be so overwhelming and they can present in different ways in different people.

 

Good luck!

:grouphug::iagree::grouphug:

stress can affect the body much like full blown depression. several years ago, I kept saying I wasn't depressed - just seriously (and I mean *seriously*) stressed out by circumstances beyond my control. I had been very depressed, crying ALL the time, and suicidal earlier in my life; but not this time. I thought "depression" didn't apply to me this time, because I was sure it was "just" stress (and there was alot.) because this time, I wasn't suicidal. I had my mother frequently saying she thought I was depressed, and me pooh-poohing her because "I was just overstressed." (I should have gone in then. I also had a lousy Dr. who had absolutely no artistic skill to practice the *art* of medicine.) eventually I was put on anti-depressants (by a different Dr.), and they were exactly what I needed. I only needed them for about 18 months. sometimes, drugs are good. ;)

 

sleep deprivation/exhaustion/stress - all have cumulative effects much like depression.

[TravelingChris]

SInce you have college aged children, I think you must be old enough to be in peri-menopause. Maybe you need to go to a doctor and get checked out. Thyroid issues creep up at this time. Some women first develop depression then too. It sounds like you have a very stressful life with so many children and so little money. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[cathmom]

I'm 40.

 

I just wanted to point out that teaching did not cause this level of stress. I was stressed and burned out BEFORE I started teaching again this year. So quitting teaching, while temporarily might help my stress level, will only hurt us financially in the long run and it would lose the priority I have to get my children into the charter school I work at. Not to mention that it would piss off my principal and make it hard to work again!

 

I've seen some things about my personality that are really incompatible with homeschooling, and I'm clearly seeing the very real disadvantages to homeschooling over a long period of time. I've been doing this for 15 years. I've homeschooled all the way through high school and graduated a student who got a full scholarship to college. But I guess I just don't really feel like I continue to do it. I'm, literally, burnt out.

[melissel]

:grouphug::iagree::grouphug:

stress can affect the body much like full blown depression. several years ago, I kept saying I wasn't depressed - just seriously (and I mean *seriously*) stressed out by circumstances beyond my control. I had been very depressed, crying ALL the time, and suicidal earlier in my life; but not this time. I thought "depression" didn't apply to me this time, because I was sure it was "just" stress (and there was alot.) because this time, I wasn't suicidal. I had my mother frequently saying she thought I was depressed, and me pooh-poohing her because "I was just overstressed." (I should have gone in then. I also had a lousy Dr. who had absolutely no artistic skill to practice the *art* of medicine.) eventually I was put on anti-depressants (by a different Dr.), and they were exactly what I needed. I only needed them for about 18 months. sometimes, drugs are good. ;)

 

sleep deprivation/exhaustion/stress - all have cumulative effects much like depression.

 

This is very similar to my experience. So much stress, all the time, will burn you right down to a little nub and destroy your coping abilities. If you can't cut back on the stress, please seriously consider talking to your doctor about something to help you along in the meantime, until you ARE able to make the changes that will allow you to stop burning yourself out.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[melissel]

...

Edited December 11, 2011 by melissel
PMed instead

[Denisemomof4]

I just read your other two threads. Here's my opinion. (and I *know* how important it is to you!):tongue_smilie:

 

I think you need to at least try the charter school. When I was totally burnt out from my RAD kid, from my parent's declining health, from running the farm single handedly, from cooking three meals from scratch single handedly (and that also means grinding my own grains and doing ALL the baking from scratch), I was Burnt Out. I wanted to put my kids in school, and our options weren't as good as yours! Dh really didn't want me to put the kids in ps so I forced myself through two years. Those were the worst two years of my life AND my kid's lives. While our ps turned out to be a bad decisions with awful consequences, and I have HUGE, HUGE regrets and would never consider it for my girls, I also know the state you're in mentally right now because I was there. I Could No Longer Homeschool and be Everything To Everyone.

 

You really do seem like you're at the end of your rope. I think you should at least TRY the charter school. I think it's wonderful that you will actually be WORKING at the school your kids will be in. I also love that you'll have all the same days off.

 

Here's what's important to remember. Vital. What ever decision you make, it doesn't have to be permanent. IF you decide that the charter school isn't working for ANY reason (kids changing attitudes, changes in family dynamics, bullying, curriculum, teachers - ANYTHING), you can go back to homeschooling. NO decision you make has to be permanent.

 

:grouphug:

 

Honestly, I'm a little envious. At this point, I just wish I could do the fun subjects with dd (history and especially science!) and have the day to myself. While I do love homeschooling, I'm ready to be done with this gig. Next year I'm planning to take advantage of the online schooling for at least a part of our subjects.

[Elizabeth in MN]

I'm 40.

 

I just wanted to point out that teaching did not cause this level of stress. I was stressed and burned out BEFORE I started teaching again this year. So quitting teaching, while temporarily might help my stress level, will only hurt us financially in the long run and it would lose the priority I have to get my children into the charter school I work at. Not to mention that it would piss off my principal and make it hard to work again!

 

I've seen some things about my personality that are really incompatible with homeschooling, and I'm clearly seeing the very real disadvantages to homeschooling over a long period of time. I've been doing this for 15 years. I've homeschooled all the way through high school and graduated a student who got a full scholarship to college. But I guess I just don't really feel like I continue to do it. I'm, literally, burnt out.

 

It sounds like you want permission from somebody to put your kids in school.

[cathmom]

It sounds like you want permission from somebody to put your kids in school.

 

I want a school I like to put them in. It would have been perfect for them to start an elementary school at the school where I teach either next year or the year after, but alas, that is not to be.

[annandatje]

I worked seasonal part time and sometimes much more throughout my homeschooling years. Although it was often difficult, I do not regret continuing to work. Not only did it help financially but it kept me connected to dynamic intelligent adults in a way that was not dependent upon children.

[Unicorn.]

Could you have them do some type of online or computer based school, to take some of the stress off of you?

Would it really be so horrible to put them in that school for only Jan-May, when you could re-evalute?

Or, could you just do the barest minimum for the remainder of the year (math, reading, maybe some spelling) while you refresh and get your groove back?

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[justamouse]

I'm 40.

 

I just wanted to point out that teaching did not cause this level of stress. I was stressed and burned out BEFORE I started teaching again this year. So quitting teaching, while temporarily might help my stress level, will only hurt us financially in the long run and it would lose the priority I have to get my children into the charter school I work at. Not to mention that it would piss off my principal and make it hard to work again!

 

I've seen some things about my personality that are really incompatible with homeschooling, and I'm clearly seeing the very real disadvantages to homeschooling over a long period of time. I've been doing this for 15 years. I've homeschooled all the way through high school and graduated a student who got a full scholarship to college. But I guess I just don't really feel like I continue to do it. I'm, literally, burnt out.

 

Then stop. There is nothing wrong with stopping. Don't feel guilty about it, there's nothing to feel guilty about. Just put the kids in school, afterschool them and teach!

 

You're getting caught in the middle, only there's no middle to be caught in. Just enroll them. :grouphug:

[QuirkyKapers]

:grouphug: No advice. Just hugs as you work through what to do.

[Elizabeth in MN]

Then stop. There is nothing wrong with stopping. Don't feel guilty about it, there's nothing to feel guilty about. Just put the kids in school, afterschool them and teach!

 

You're getting caught in the middle, only there's no middle to be caught in. Just enroll them. :grouphug:

 

:iagree::grouphug:

[Ester Maria]

:grouphug:

 

First of all, I do not think you should stop working. I know exactly how that feels and I know exactly how good it can be for you to get outside, change your surroundings, change the people you are with - in the periods I have some kind of an outside commitment, I am literally a different person, in a good way. There are few things more depressing for me than being inside all day, every day, with kids. I HAVE to get out, have other people in my life too, work something with my professional talents. So, for you, if you function the same way, I believe you absolutely need to continue to teach, because giving up on that and getting out less may make you sink lower rather than help.

 

Secondly, I would make alternative schooling arrangements for the kids. If you are burnt out, they are much better off with a healthy mother that feels good even if the modality of schooling is not ideal at that moment, than with a miserable mother who forces herself to go through it. Public / charter school is not ideal, but it is what it is. They are not the first and not the last kids that are going to attend. With a strong family background and values, they will be fine. It does not mean that you are "giving up" on them. It means that you recognize that you cannot currently meet their needs and send them elsewhere. It is a sign of CARE both for your well-being and their education, even if it means that some difficult choices have to be made. Furthermore, it may even be temporary, even if it seems to you *right now* as though you are DONE. But, there have been people who put their kids to school without an intention to ever look back, and they were back homeschooling when they recovered and regained their forces. I say you put them to school and see how things go. Maybe you just need a short break. Or, maybe, it will be a lasting arrangement. In any case your health and stability - mental and emotional - must come first. If you do not put that first, you will not be able to give your maximum anyway. Kids will survive. Unless you are literally living in a ghetto where their physical security is threatened, the chances are that they will be just fine and adapt quickly, like kids are known to.

 

A lot of us are finding ourselves lately making some alternative arrangements for our children because we cannot be for them all they need. It is fine. It does not mean that it is not hard on us, and possibly even on them on some level, but it is fine and normal and that is life.

 

Take care of yourself. :grouphug:

[cathmom]

I don't want to just enroll them now though. I don't think that's a good transition for any of them!

 

I'm sick; I'm exhausted. Since Halloween, I've had extra stuff to do at school but that is almost over. Friday is my last day and I have a 2 week break. I'm going to try to take a real break, a guilt-free break. I'm going to have a serious talk with my older dc and get across to them what I am thinking about their schooling and what I need.

 

I have January and February, then a spring break in March. Another break at Easter, then May and I'm done teaching. Then we have the whole summer. We'll see if they get into the charter schools I apply to and decide what we're doing for the fall. I have a feeling it's going to be full time enrollment for all school age children, even if it's at the local school. And that's that.

[JessieC]

I have January and February, then a spring break in March. Another break at Easter, then May and I'm done teaching. Then we have the whole summer. We'll see if they get into the charter schools I apply to and decide what we're doing for the fall. I have a feeling it's going to be full time enrollment for all school age children, even if it's at the local school. And that's that.

 

Sounds like a great plan!

[OLG]

Sounds like you are trying to wrestle things into a 'perfect' situation and there is none. You will end up compromising on 'something'! Have you literally written done the benefits and drawbacks to each scenario you might consider? It helps. Have you and your dh tossed around all the concerns you have? Sometimes, talking it thru with a live person does help. Going in circles doesn't. (I know because I tend to do that myself!)

 

Look at your diet too. Sugar muddles the brain and zaps energy. Although seven kids would zap my energy. Can you delegate some of the homeschooling of the younger ones to the older ones??

 

PP suggested perimenopause and I know that this hit me earlier than 40. the WIsdom of Menopause (Christiana Northrup, I think) was an eye opener.

 

Chances are no one single thing is causing all of this and no single solution will suffice. Cut yourself some slack while you search. Try to avoid falling into a pit of self-pity and seek little bits of joy in everyday things. I am sorry you are going through this. I think many of us do and more often than we want to admit. :grouphug:

[melissel]

Sounds like a great plan!

 

:iagree:

[cathmom]

Interesting...I found something I wrote 4 years ago when I first started working and just after I had had a full-blown case of mastitis requiring an ER trip.

 

I have been trying to figure out if it’s that I am overly pessimistic when I am sick or extremely exhausted (or both), or that I am overly optimistic when I am well. When I was sick a couple of weeks ago, I felt like I was failing at everything and that every single aspect of my life was out of control. But when I got better, I could feel that I had regained my normal frame of mind, which is, OK, what can I do to make this better? How can I get things under control? So I don’t know which it is – am I seeing reality when I am sick, which is that I can’t do everything, or could I really get it all done if I was just organized enough?

 

Both this thread and my previous one were posted when I was sick. I think I need to refrain from posting when sick LOL!

[momma aimee]

OP on thing to keep in mind -- if youa re going to feel gulity or bad about changing your kids school situation -- then THAT is not going to help burn out -- it is jsut going change it

[Wendi]

:grouphug:

 

I'm right there with you! My plans are constantly foiled by sickness (I have terrible sinus and allergy issues), behavior (ds has Asperger's and anxiety, and puberty isn't helping), etc. Now ds is in high school, and I stress myself out worrying that he'll never graduate.

 

Wendi