Were you taught morality as a child?

[GinaPagnato]

I've been thinking about this recently. I was never "taught" morality from a religious context, or from any other context, for that matter. I knew there were expectations and limitations in how I conducted myself, but the ones that were morals-driven (i.e. not getting drunk, doing drugs, or having se*) were never taught to me.

 

For example, though I knew my parents would be horrified that I was se*ually active in high school, they never taught me that it was wrong, nor did they invoke any religious reasons for abstaining, though my mom would say that she is a person of faith, and that it was absolutely wrong to have se* before marriage.

 

So, as I talk with my teenage dc about all of those subjects (and I do mean "all" :tongue_smilie:), and do so from a Christian, Bible-based perspective, it occurs to me that I never had that advantage. And even if I had still rebelled against what my parents wanted me to do/not do, it wasn't based on a lack of conviction, since I was never taught to have one.

 

For those of you raised in a home that wasn't characterized by religion or faith, were you taught morality, and if so, how was this done?

[WishboneDawn]

I think primarily by example. There were the odd talks about my behaviour and about the behaviour of others but mostly I learned by how they behaved and what they expected of themselves.

[twoforjoy]

I think primarily by example. There were the odd talks about my behaviour and about the behaviour of others but mostly I learned by how they behaved and what they expected of themselves.

 

This, exactly.

[GinaPagnato]

But did you learn that they thought certain things were wrong simply because they didn't engage in them, as far as you could tell? Or did anyone ever sit down and say, "Here's why this is wrong..."?

[WishboneDawn]

But did you learn that they thought certain things were wrong simply because they didn't engage in them, as far as you could tell? Or did anyone ever sit down and say, "Here's why this is wrong..."?

 

I don't remember such straight forward comments. I think issues were mostly addressed in conversation - some news story we'd see or read and discuss and Mom or Dad would talk about right and wrong in that context. Or else stories from their childhood. That kind of thing.

[twoforjoy]

But did you learn that they thought certain things were wrong simply because they didn't engage in them, as far as you could tell? Or did anyone ever sit down and say, "Here's why this is wrong..."?

 

Thinking about it, I think I was taught morality in more of a positive way, in the sense of my parents teaching and modeling positive virtues and behaviors rather than telling me what not to do. Does that make sense? Like, they never said, "Don't get drunk." But I was taught the value of being responsible and making good choices, and getting drunk gets in the way of that.

 

I certainly had it drilled into my head in (public school) health class that getting drunk, drinking and driving, and sex were dangerous and best avoided, though!

[Ellie]

I think primarily by example. There were the odd talks about my behaviour and about the behaviour of others but mostly I learned by how they behaved and what they expected of themselves.

:iagree:

[kalanamak]

Only by example and a rare clucking of tongues over misbehavior, e.g. rude drivers, pushy salesmen, gross amounts of cleavage in an "actress", conspicuous consumption, and BO.

 

Mistreatment of people, animals, or nature got an actual word. My folks were also very troubled by children whose parents didn't at least marry once the pregnancy had happened. I think they thought it the height of selfishness to not care for a child you started. They really looked down on any man who didn't man up.

[mommaduck]

I've been thinking about this recently. I was never "taught" morality from a religious context, or from any other context, for that matter. I knew there were expectations and limitations in how I conducted myself, but the ones that were morals-driven (i.e. not getting drunk, doing drugs, or having se*) were never taught to me.

 

For example, though I knew my parents would be horrified that I was se*ually active in high school, they never taught me that it was wrong, nor did they invoke any religious reasons for abstaining, though my mom would say that she is a person of faith, and that it was absolutely wrong to have se* before marriage.

 

So, as I talk with my teenage dc about all of those subjects (and I do mean "all" :tongue_smilie:), and do so from a Christian, Bible-based perspective, it occurs to me that I never had that advantage. And even if I had still rebelled against what my parents wanted me to do/not do, it wasn't based on a lack of conviction, since I was never taught to have one.

 

For those of you raised in a home that wasn't characterized by religion or faith, were you taught morality, and if so, how was this done?

Yes, through a lot of discussion and listening. Also, through boundaries put on me as a kid. There were times where I crossed an unknown boundary and my folks would step in and inform me of their expectations and why. Some things they considered "morality" weren't. Some things fell in the morality category, but morality wasn't necessarily their main concern (more along the lines of "what will the neighbours think").

 

I was also sent to church on a bus. My mom and stepdad's faiths are a bit difficult to explain, but they made sure I was on the bus to be gotten rid of on Sundays. They didn't fully agree with the church. In fact, I probably picked up more from the church than they wished I had.

[Impish]

Nope, not at all.

 

I was told, "We know you're going to have s*x, so..." from the time I was a preteen. I was never told that it was ok NOT to, or anything similar. In fact, my mother told me that if I got pregnant, I'd be going for an abortion. I was a virgin.

 

I was taught that money was the be all and end all, and screwing over anyone and everyone other than family was ok to get ahead. Better than ok, expected and praised. My parents laughed about getting away with amoral behaviour.

 

No clue how I turned out the way I did.

[gardenmom5]

My father died when I was 12. He wasn't religious (he was looking for something and started going to a unitarian-in-name-only "church" that would make most unitarians look conservative. I loathed that place.)

 

Don't get me wrong, I loved my mother, but I'm not blind/ignorant of her shortcomings either. My mother coudn't decide if she was agnostic or atheist. Her motto was "if it feels good, do it" (and if you ignore it long enough it will go away). She had a plaque on the kitchen wall that said "everything I like is illegal, fattening, or immoral". (NOT an exageration). I will not go into the gory details of how she lived her life that was far from moral or even responsible as a parent. so no, I was taught almost nothing about any kind of value, and in fact was taught by her example that which was highly contrary.

 

I am of a fairly conservative christian religion. My kids are religious of their own choice, they are moral (tea and its precursers are for marriage only. You treat other people well even if no one is watching. etc.), they don't do drugs or drink. they are still at home (what is wrong with this picture? grrr) but 1dd has decided she's now making enough to save for a downpayment on a house. 2dd is in grad school and dh keeps telling her it is MUCH cheaper to live here for the next three/(or depending where she gets a residency) four years. (it is very convienent we are so close to where she's in school).

 

at least I'm not living the "how many children do you have?" "three", how many live at home?" "five - two got married" Joke.

[Night Elf]

Hm.. some of it was my mom teaching me right from wrong. It is wrong to lie, steal, or intentionally hurt someone. Those things cover many situations.

 

Then there were the things that are illegal. Doing illegal things is just plain stupid.

 

Then there are the things that I might do to make others perceive me in a bad light. My mom warned me about doing things that would make me look "trashy".

 

My mom talked to me about drugs and s*x. She was very open with me which led me to always be very open to her. We had a pretty good relationship when I was growing up.

[Laura Corin]

I think primarily by example. There were the odd talks about my behaviour and about the behaviour of others but mostly I learned by how they behaved and what they expected of themselves.

 

The things you mention - getting drunk, having sex, doing drugs - were taught in terms of self-preservation and societal responsibility, rather than abstract morality. This worked well.

 

Laura

[nd293]

I think primarily by example. There were the odd talks about my behaviour and about the behaviour of others but mostly I learned by how they behaved and what they expected of themselves.

 

Exactly. I was raised in a Christian home for my teen years, and considered myself Christian at that time, but that was never a driving force behind how (or why) to behave.

[BMW]

We went to church sporadically. As far as being taught morality... I was taught not to lie or to steal. I was taught that "good girls don't do that" (promiscuity). I always had a heart for what was "right"... I should say what that means, I suppose. In my heart, not lying and not stealing resonated. I loved watching wholesome shows, such as The Waltons, and right and wrong seemed to be distinguished.

 

When I was 10 I took being a Christian seriously. It wasn't from being in church consistently. During my teens I was in and out of church, based on my parents choices. During that time, though, I stayed committed to seeking God and what the Bible taught and that has stayed with me throughout my adult years. Life has definitely not gone how I would have wanted, but I have learned to keep turning to God and I believe that morality is real... it is a choice... it is taught by example and by life lessons. Sadly, I think it is quite lacking in our world today.

[DawnM]

Drilled into me from about age 2! I grew up in a strongly conservative Christian home surrounded by others who believed the same way.

[LaxMom]

The things you mention - getting drunk, having sex, doing drugs - were taught in terms of self-preservation and societal responsibility, rather than abstract morality. This worked well.

 

Laura

:iagree:

I am the child of non-religious liberals. There was no shortage of learning to be an upstanding human being.

 

I tend to view substance use as amoral activities that can lead to immoral behaviors, and my children learn about them in the context of health - physical, emotional, social - not as absolute right/wrong. Same with lying, stealing, killing. I believe those things are absolutely wrong (particularly killing), but I can allow that there are situations when any of them could be the right-est choice one has.

[momma2three]

The things you mention - getting drunk, having sex, doing drugs - were taught in terms of self-preservation and societal responsibility, rather than abstract morality. This worked well.

 

Laura

 

Yes, this.

 

My parents were big on responsibility. To ourselves, and our community, and our society.