If your child struggles with school, pls read...

[Donna]

I have one ds who is just not as academic as the others. He has to work really hard and things just do not come easily to him. Homeschooling him when he was younger helped, I think, because he was not compared to other kids. He was able to develop at his own rate and not classified or made to feel "less" because he didn't measure up to some school yardstick. We didn't do standardized tests either while homeschooling.

 

He was also able to figure out how he learns best during our homeschooling years. It was okay that he needed to move while learning or needed school in small doses throughout the day. He wasn't expected to learn like 20 other kids sitting at a desk while a teacher handed out information.

 

He is almost 14 and in PS since last year and doing well in average classes. He has learned to take control of his own learning, be responsible for doing his homework, and ask questions to help himself understand things. I don't know if he would have learned those things if he had been in school the whole time. I think he may just have checked out.

 

So, don't feel like you are letting your child down. You are giving her a gift by letting her be herself, learn at her own rate, and in her own way.

[rafiki]

.

[kaylk in tx]

Now I am curious... what did our own SWB score on her SAT? :leaving:

 

The only reason I know is that it's the first chapter of twtm; the chapter where her mother talks about homeschooling SWB and her siblings. The coincidence of it being exactly the same stuck in my head, gave me a bit of an inferiority complex as well since I'm nowhere near a doctorate!

 

740 on the SAT verbal

630 on the SAT math

 

This was back when there were only the two parts, not three like there are nowadays.

[Mommy22alyns]

The only reason I know is that it's the first chapter of twtm; the chapter where her mother talks about homeschooling SWB and her siblings. The coincidence of it being exactly the same stuck in my head, gave me a bit of an inferiority complex as well since I'm nowhere near a doctorate!

 

740 on the SAT verbal

630 on the SAT math

 

This was back when there were only the two parts, not three like there are nowadays.

 

 

Gosh... that either makes me feel really good (I was in that range as well) or really bad (I obviously could have done so much more with my life).

[Stacy in NJ]

Very well said, Peela.

[gardenmom5]

there are many types of learning disablities, and most are unrecognized. I NOW know 1ds has central auditory processing disorder, but not while he was school age. He is very smart - tested for the gifted program in our district when he was in elementary school, BUT to put it succinctly - his GUI and his HD wouldn't talk to each other and he couldn't function very well in a school setting. He really struggled. He was convinced he was stupid - but he's not.

 

2ds had visual motor integration disorder and some sensory disorder that also affected his ability to learn - but I didn't know that, and it also put him behind in school.

 

3ds has both (and more), but this time I know and he is getting therapy that has already made a huge difference for him. we're still working on it.

 

If a child is struggling, it makes me want to know, what undiagnosed learning disability is this child struggling with? If you've thought to have her diagnosed for a LD, do so. There are some absolutely brilliant people out there with LD's. LD and intelligence are two seperate things. It's really easy to say "oh, I'm seeinig something that isn't there", especially when doctors and professionals brush you off (I've done it, and am now kicking myself because I DID see something that IS there). start writing down what you are seeing and take that list in with you.

 

I think she has vision problems (near and far), so as soon as we get our vision insurance figured out, I'm going to take her in to have her vision tested. I'm hoping glasses will be the solution to her difficulty with reading (she can decode, but reading passages is torture for her).

 

near-/far-sightedness is really pretty minor on the LD scale, and is very easily corrected. (and there are many kids in classrooms all over who need glasses to see the board and getting them improves their academic performance.) while it is possible to be near in one eye, and far in the other, it's pretty unusual unless something else is going on. (raises hand.) that something else is what needs to be addressed.

 

BUT, even the most expensive glasses will NOT help a developmental vision disorder. Most optomitrists/ophthalmologists will not look for a developmental vision problem unless you tell them, and I've encountered too many (don't ask) who even then have NO. CLUE. Because of my own eye problems, I will ONLY see a developmental and let dh know I will pay out of pocket if I have to! He's learned to just let me go to one I've known for 25 years.

 

From what you said about long passages, it sounds like she may have a tracking problem. (or even converging). unless you can track and coverge reading will be a struggle even if your vision is normal, and very tiring. That is entirely seperate from near/far sightedness. You need to take her to a developmental provider, probably an optomitrist. The Infantsee (or something like that) has lists of them in every state and many communities as they encourage a free screening for infants under one year to detect these things when it is most easly corrected. Even though your daughter is past that age, the list of providers should be helpful for finding a developmental provider who can detect and treat vision disorders that make reading hard. Many of them can be improved/eradicated at any age.

 

Okay, I'm off my soap box.

 

I want to know how many of those public schooled kids are behind grade level . . . . . what are all those studies they keep releasing decrying the PS system because Johnny can't read?

Edited September 1, 2011 by gardenmom5

[Negin]

This thread has been so helpful and encouraging for me, since my worries about our ds keeps me up at nights. He would really and truly suffer if he was in school. He's never been tested. Nothing like that here. And, quite frankly, I don't know what the point of testing would be. I'm not going to medicate him. I know that he would be diagnosed with pretty much everything anyway. I dislike labels and so on. We just have to keep plugging on.

He's very smart as far as listening skills go, and things that he's interested in - investing, gardening, marine life, horses, history, current events, you name it ...

I thought he would never, ever learn to read. He now reads, although he mainly reads things that interest him, but don't most of us do that?

His handwriting leaves much to be desired.

His spelling is slowly improving thanks to AAS.

His LA are still very behind.

Math comes easier to him, but that's not saying much. He forgets how to do things very quickly. But after a quick refresher, it comes back to him.

I worry about him a lot, lot, lot ... I hope and pray that at least he can get through community college. It breaks my heart since this is a boy who really, really wants to go to college :(. I hope he can. It's hard for dh and I. We both have graduate degrees. I got mine from an Ivy League school. Dh and I never had any sort of learning disabilities, etc. It's also hard since pretty much all the extended family are super-achievers, etc.

 

Peela, reading your post is incredibly encouraging. :grouphug:

the diagnosis didnt change how we schooled.

I feel we worked hard but I didn't push as hard as many do here- there was sooo much resistance and he needed a lot of time to jsut do his thing.

Yes, this is how I feel. I know for a fact that our son would be diagnosed with a few things, but quite frankly, I don't care. I need to go on.

And we don't push excessively either. I often wonder if I should have pushed more. But that would have probably led to more gray hairs for me and frustration for both of us. :banghead:

 

Now he is excited by his life and wants to homeschool again so that he can get on with all the things he is excited about. He will get into university if he wants- but only if that is what excites him.

:hurray: Peela, this is great news.

 

School is not everything. Academics are not everything. Some kids are never going to be up there and it's not the only value that should be given to homeschooling- academic achievement.

 

There is something so against being "average" at anything, in our culture, and it is not healthy. We cant all be brilliant academically. Or socially. Or at relationships, or parenting, or whatever. But we do all have our gifts and we can give our kids the incredible gift of helping them become who they are, rather than who we think they should be. Comparison is not often a good thing especially when we take the achievements, or lack of, of our kids, as personal.

Your words are gold. I strongly believe in this. Even though I love the book, "Outliers", this is a problem that I had with it. He was so against anything average and his definition of success was mainly about financial and academia. Success is so many other things. And yes, comparison is not a good thing. I once read, Comparison is the enemy of contentment.

 

Enjoy the days- enjoy the process- enjoy your daughter. THis is the atmosphere she is growing up in and it will feed her for the rest of her life if it is a basically happy and accepting one. If you are stressed that she is not doing well, or you are not doing well enough when you really are doing the best you can, that is the atmosphere she grows up in.

Thank you. I need to read this every day.

 

Again, this thread has been very helpful. I've copied, pasted, and am printing out all the replies. I plan on reading and internalizing each post every single day, particularly during moments of frustration and worry. :crying:

[Negin]

I think someone here posted this a while back. I think. Thanks to whoever did. :grouphug:

 

Here is a quote from Pablo Casals (1876 - 1973), the famous Spanish cellist.

"Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that never was before and will never be again. And what do we teach our children? We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are?

We should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all of the world there is no other child exactly like you. In the millions of years that have passed there has never been another child like you.

And look at your body - what a wonder it is! Your legs, your arms, your cunning fingers, the way you move! You may become a Shakespeare, a Michaelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel."

[lewelma]

I could only read basic Dr Seuss books until I was 9.5 and my parents sent me to reading school, and I never learned to spell. Now, I have a PhD in biology. To achieve this, I had to read REALLY difficult material, and had to write and publish numerous papers. So whatever held me back in language arts when I was young, was not a problem later.

 

Just keep at it and never let your worries rub off on the child. If you are finding curriculum that is appropriate for her level, she will be learning as fast as she can.

 

Ruth in NZ

[asta]

Thank you SO much for the words of encouragement. As I watched her jump rope and blaze through math facts this morning, I realized that really IS better off at home.

 

I had a light bulb moment: if she's not moving, she's not learning - unless it's listening to a read-aloud (and even then, she likes to draw/color while I read). I highly doubt a PS teacher would be allowed to let her jump, run or twirl during math time.

 

The single most helpful thing to me in homeschooling was my sister in law noticing (and telling me) what KIND of learner Switzerland was. [that is her work specialty] He is visual kinesthetic, like your daughter. It was literally a life saver. Give him a history book? Nothing is retained. A college level Teaching Company video series on Western Civilization? He can practically recite it back to you (AND will wander around the internet looking for extra information on the mentioned topics all. on. his. own.).

 

Busy, overly colored texts (those infernal DK books come to mind)? Aie. Throw them out - too stimulating. Calm, 1950s - 70s books done in two tone with graceful illustrations are fascinating to him. They are illustrations HE can draw to explain a point to me (it's impossible to draw a CAD generated 3-D model - well, at least for him).

 

She does much, much better when there is color on pages. So, if a math page is written/illustrated in lots of colors it'll stick better than if the same information is plain b&w. I've thought of taking different colored highlighters and brightening up the b&w pages.

 

MATH. I realized last week that, since 5th grade, we have tried SEVEN different math programs trying to fix the problems caused by one lousy teacher in 4th grade public school (1st-3rd were fab pub & pvt schools). Yes. He is a 12th grader and I'm still trying to fix core issues. I feel like a complete failure. He has been gutting it out all of this time, somehow doing Algebra 1 & 2 & Geometry without fully understanding FRACTIONS and myriad other things (can you say times tables?).

 

Funnily enough, he is having massive success with a Singapore math computer program run by HeyMath!. You can choose US, UK, India, or Singapore versions. We looked at all of the samples, and the Indian one was most like how he initially started to learn maths (successfully), so that is what we bought. He is succeeding! The examples are simple, have movement, and are not of the "do equations until you die" variety. He has made so much progress I am astounded.

 

So, having said all that, I still feel like I'm over-reacting to have her evaluated for a learning disability. Despite everything, she's really, really smart. It's hard to explain.

 

Beyond all of the difficulties, there are obviously areas in which she is doing just fine. Has it occurred to you that, at least for those areas, that she just doesn't test well?

 

Kid can still recite his bio textbook, utilize all of its concepts in his college level chem work, but at the time? Oof. His tests sucked. In fact, his tests suck in general. He'll even tell you so. The UK uni he wants to attend will allow a year of US college in exchange for SATs, and we're looking at having him do so via an option we now have (he'd only have to take things like Research methods, English 101, College Algebra, World History - 12 hours of dirt basic stuff he will have already done in HS, and would mostly only have to write papers for (thankyouverymuch IEW).

 

Try and remember when someone says "your kid is behind", they have their own definition of "behind". IOW, they have an established "standard" in mind, and they have placed your child behind that standard. The problem with that concept is, your child is not someone else's standard, they are a human being, with their own set of parameters. Behind, ahead, "on-target" - they are all relative terms. The only person who really knows what is going on inside your child's head is, in fact, your child. And, in the absence of repeated exposure to people telling her so, I doubt she would label herself "behind".

 

One last thought about people and their claims of what they and their family members are or are not. I work with crazy people on an internet site. If there is one thing I have learned in doing so, it is that people can be whomever they want to be on the internet. I'm not even talking about trolls. On the internet, anyone can be just a wee bit better, successful, or more 'together'. It is the glory of cyberspace.

 

Don't let it get you down. The most important things in life are all around you, and you can reach out and touch them.

 

 

asta

[chiguirre]

I often wonder if I should have pushed more. But that would have probably led to more gray hairs for me and frustration for both of us. :banghead:

 

 

I pushed too hard and that's exactly what happened! It took a long time to get back on track and I don't think I'll make the same mistake again, or at least I hope not.

[Alicia64]

"Failed her"?? No way! :D There is so much more to homeschooling than just academics. Yes, they are important, but she will progress beautifully in her own time under your loving guidance. :grouphug:

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Homeschooling isn't just about lessons -- it's about making the most of family time. I get to cuddle and snuggle my boys so much more often than if they were in ps all day.

 

Plus they're not exposed to name calling, teasing, crashing boredom of ps.

 

As a homeschool mom you get to decide so much of how your girl spends her day. You can hang at the library, be in the pool, read aloud etc. etc.

 

One of my twins read young and early, 5, and I guess he picked it up because of all the read aloud I've done. But no formal lessons in reading.

 

My second son is just now becoming a fluent reader at 8 yrs. and 4 mo.

 

Maybe because I have twins I feel comfortable w/ the idea that some kids "get" things at 5 while others get things at 9. That's just how the brain is wired.

 

Hang in there -- and look for the positives.

 

Alley

[justamouse]

 

The criticism of families with kids who are behind is just directed towards families who aren't tuned in or aren't trying. That doesn't apply to you. I think every child should be "pushed" a bit so that they are challenged. That just means different things for different kids.

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

I think that thread had more to do with the people who wake up, breathe and call it schooling. I honestly don't think that is what you do. (Universal you) Your child is your child and even if they were in PS, they could be behind, and, frankly, I would rather that child be behind at home than at school. But that's not the same as a parent who is taking their child out of school and not doing justice to their education because the parent is lazy.

[shinyhappypeople]

 

If a child is struggling, it makes me want to know, what undiagnosed learning disability is this child struggling with? If you've thought to have her diagnosed for a LD, do so. There are some absolutely brilliant people out there with LD's. LD and intelligence are two seperate things. It's really easy to say "oh, I'm seeinig something that isn't there", especially when doctors and professionals brush you off (I've done it, and am now kicking myself because I DID see something that IS there). start writing down what you are seeing and take that list in with you.

 

That's what I feel like. I feel like I'm over-reacting. To get her tested through our charter I have to fill out a checklist of things I've observed. Very little of what I've observed is on the checklist. NONE of her math issues is on there. It's really made me second guess myself.

 

 

From what you said about long passages, it sounds like she may have a tracking problem. (or even converging). ers that make reading hard. Many of them can be improved/eradicated at any age.

 

 

Just took her to the eye doctor on Friday, and her visual acuity is PERFECT in both eyes. She's not near- or far-sighted. You could have knocked me over with a feather when the optometrist told me that. And he spent a very long time on her exam (longer than with younger DD who I also took in that day). He said she has "very minor eye teaming issues." But, he doesn't think it's enough to make reading a problem. He said, "Maybe she just doesn't like reading." :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm going to try to figure out a way to take her to a COVD, but until then I'm working on accommodations. One thing is that she has trouble seeing black writing. Colored writing is MUCH easier for her to see (no wonder she didn't mind the McRuffy math worksheets). So I bought her some erasable color pencils to use with her school work. We'll be using a BIG white board with color markers for reading / phonics, so she doesn't have to read it close up but at a distance. She does much better that way. Explains why she can read billboards so well, but hates books. Also, I got RightStart C for her little sister, but older DD really likes it. There's very little writing involved (yay!) so I think I'm going to let them both do RightStart (yay! combined subject!)

[pdalley]

I'm feeling down today. I know that none of this was directed toward me or my kid, so please, please don't be defensive. It's just that when I hear about other home schooled children being years ahead (or at least on level), about the many moms who use standardized tests as part of the evidence that they're doing a good enough / rigorous enough job I just feel kind of crappy.

 

My kid is the one that, if put back into PS today would be 2 years behind, at least in math and writing (her reading/decoding is fine). She bombed her standardized testing, so no evidence of my home school prowess there, either.

 

She's also awesome, creative, bright, curious, funny, social... and "behind." And I feel that somehow I've failed her, even though I have great resources, even though she's worked hard (esp. at math), none of that is enough.

 

So, I guess how I know we're doing enough? I don't know that at all. But, I know we're both trying. I know that I'm totally engaged and spend a ton of time trying to figure out how to help her, esp. with math.

 

I need encouragement, especially from other moms of kids who struggle. This whole comparison thing is so stupid and fruitless, and I need to stop it NOW.

 

:grouphug:

 

My boys are also behind. They have various learning issues and all three have very different learning issues. We work as hard as we can.

 

I have periods of 'am I doing enough' but since I know they were behind when they were in the local public school and that same school refused to help them I know I am doing better for my kids what they would get in public school. Private is not an option and the charter is full.

 

So I remind myself that I am doing all I can and that's the best I can do.

[Renee in NC]

I could only read basic Dr Seuss books until I was 9.5 and my parents sent me to reading school, and I never learned to spell. Now, I have a PhD in biology. To achieve this, I had to read REALLY difficult material, and had to write and publish numerous papers. So whatever held me back in language arts when I was young, was not a problem later.

 

Just keep at it and never let your worries rub off on the child. If you are finding curriculum that is appropriate for her level, she will be learning as fast as she can.

 

Ruth in NZ

 

I think about this all the time when I am feeling like we'll never get there.;)

[Chris in VA]

I'm feeling down today. I know that none of this was directed toward me or my kid, so please, please don't be defensive. It's just that when I hear about other home schooled children being years ahead (or at least on level), about the many moms who use standardized tests as part of the evidence that they're doing a good enough / rigorous enough job I just feel kind of crappy.

 

My kid is the one that, if put back into PS today would be 2 years behind, at least in math and writing (her reading/decoding is fine). She bombed her standardized testing, so no evidence of my home school prowess there, either.

 

She's also awesome, creative, bright, curious, funny, social... and "behind." And I feel that somehow I've failed her, even though I have great resources, even though she's worked hard (esp. at math), none of that is enough.

 

So, I guess how I know we're doing enough? I don't know that at all. But, I know we're both trying. I know that I'm totally engaged and spend a ton of time trying to figure out how to help her, esp. with math.

 

I need encouragement, especially from other moms of kids who struggle. This whole comparison thing is so stupid and fruitless, and I need to stop it NOW.

 

I had a struggling kiddo, too (math and foreign language).

 

Then I heard,

 

"What the world needs now is more good men, not more smart men."

 

My kid is good. He's smart in his own way, maybe even gifted. He'll always struggle with math and foreign language. I wouldn't trade his good heart for a head full of knowledge.

 

Hope this encourages you somewhat.

[LibraryLover]

I maintain my that my children were/are always exactly where they need/needed to be. 'Accelerated' or 'behind' has no meaning to us as hsers. I don't think of their growth as being anything but exactly what it should be at any given point in time. Hsing was freeing for us; we no longer had to think in terms of age constraints. We simply do what we need to do.

Edited September 4, 2011 by LibraryLover

[Negin]

I pushed too hard and that's exactly what happened! It took a long time to get back on track and I don't think I'll make the same mistake again, or at least I hope not.

Thank you for reminding me not to.

BTW, your avatar always makes me smile. This is one of our all-time favorite books. I'm going to put in on my pinterest board later. We are huge Bill Peet fans. :D

[ErinD]

I can't tell you how to hop off the comparison train, but I can at least commiserate. I have spent the entire afternoon alternately crying in my bathroom and trying to teach - all because my 13yo is dyslexic/LD/ADD and can't remember a thing I taught her about the last 3 years of math (no, we haven't taken a break, but if I teach one subject, say multiplying fractions, she forgets everything else, even if we have covered it multiples of times). Well, I take that back, it's not ALL because of my dd, we have a ton of other bad things going on, but this is what is making me cry *right now* LOL.

 

She wants to go to college, but I don't even know how to help her get there. Do we plow through w/o much retention? Do I give her Ds on her transcript? Or do we do 4 years of algebra I?? :banghead: Don't even ask about spelling. :lol:

 

So no advice, but many :grouphug:

 

Amy and others, just wanted to send you a :grouphug:....this describes my oldest perfectly. We got as far as the end of algebra and we'd both just had it. However, I've noticed in the last year and a half since we dropped the math he seems to have finally processed a lot of the information from the years before. Like everything else, I think he just needed to figure it all out in his own time (He's 19 now). Hang in there.

[DawnM]

This is the way I feel too. A child who is behind can catch up provided he doesn't have any learning disabilities.

 

However, character is harder to learn if you don't have it already.

 

Dawn

 

I had a struggling kiddo, too (math and foreign language).

 

Then I heard,

 

"What the world needs now is more good men, not more smart men."

 

My kid is good. He's smart in his own way, maybe even gifted. He'll always struggle with math and foreign language. I wouldn't trade his good heart for a head full of knowledge.

 

Hope this encourages you somewhat.

[ravinlunachick]

Shinyhappypeople, I just wanted to share with you that when I was teaching first grade, we had a reading program that used colored transparent overlays. The kids would place them over the text, and many found that it made the print MUCH easier to read. Perhaps something like that would work for your dd.

 

As the mother of an LD kid who has struggled mightily with math, I really appreciate this thread. :001_smile:

[FairProspects]

Shinyhappypeople, I just wanted to share with you that when I was teaching first grade, we had a reading program that used colored transparent overlays. The kids would place them over the text, and many found that it made the print MUCH easier to read. Perhaps something like that would work for your dd.

 

:iagree:Our vision therapist gave us a bookmark with a blue overlay that only shows one line of text at a time. We still use it while doing our reading primer even after 18 months of vision therapy because it is so helpful in both in isolating the text and in aiding ds to read.