Should husband with altered dietary menu make own food?

[YLVD]

I'm the "make one meal for all" kind of person. We were never a big protein family to begin with but I have cut a considerable amount of carbs from our diet and it has been great.

 

However, he is an EXTREMELY picky eater about certain foods and textures. So it is quite limited what he'll actually eat...and frankly I am bored and he won't help. I've told him time and again I'll show him how to make this stuff...will he do it? No.

 

I'm leaving with the kids to see my family and will be gone for 3 days..I am having to precook stuff for him because he won't do it himself.

 

I would not do this in a million years. He can take care of himself. Sorry if harsh but..he's an adult.

 

I tend to think that you teach people how to treat you. He's doing this because he thinks and knows that you will let him get away with it.

 

I also would not want to model that for my children. I want my DD to grow up seeing that man are not helpless and that it isn't a woman's job to feed them as if they were children. Again, harsh but I just can't believe what people will put up with sometimes!

Edited August 11, 2011 by YLVD

[Soror]

I was going to say yes, but not with those strict of restrictions or that attitude. Dh has tried to lose weight at times but I will only go along with cooking foods that are healthy, no crazy fake foods or anything crash diets. But I make things that we can all eat together, with some eating some things and avoiding others. I tend towards low carb myself so that isn't as big as a deal but not to that extent and by golly if I was cooking all this food and getting complaints I would be ticked.

[HSMom2One]

I would request that he help with the planning as a compromise and give me ideas for meals that fit his specs but can also feed the family. I would shop and prepare the meals we planned.

 

I'd lean this way too. For one, I am dh's helpmate, and two, he helps me with so many things I couldn't even begin to list them. But in this case, in order for me to help him, he'd need to take part as well.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[Lacie]

I usually make something for my dh (weight loss/maintenance diet - down 160 pounds!!!) and something my youngest (food allergies). My oldest and I usually eat what they do or eat something else. Some times it is a small change like adding cheese to the top of spaghetti or something.

[Annie G]

I love my husband and cater to his food wishes. But that's because he totally appreciates it and also caters to me. If he copped an attitude, he'd be on his own for food. The OP's dh copped such an attitude. Game over.

 

On the flip side, OP doesn't care for the muscleman look and that is probably playing into her lack of desire to help her dh. I might not always be as interested in things that interest dh, but I try to respect his interests. That goes a long way in our house- dh loves Corvettes, I love quilting. We combine our passions when we take daytrips- we scour the the countryside for quilt stores while driving the Vette. We're both happy.

[Meriwether]

I guess I would try to humor him. Dh earns the money in our house. He has paid for many things he didn't want. This spring we got chickens which he could do without. He is building a chicken coop for the chickens he didn't want. The coop has to be well over $500 now.:001_huh: He didn't want chickens. He didn't want to build a coop. But he did it because I wanted it and earning money and building things fall under his job title. I wouldn't like it if he told me to earn my own money for the chicken cooop. If he wanted me to cook for a certain diet for him, I'd give it a go. I wouldn't appreciate the criticism, though.

[SonshineLearner]

It would depend on how healthy the plan was... and what I could do. I'd love my husband to lose weight, and if it was something that wouldn't put me out too much, I'd probably do it. I'm trying to cook all organic, all healthy, food. I'm not great at meals anyway.... so..... if it was something horribly different and not healthy.... it'd be hard. :(

[YLVD]

I love my husband and cater to his food wishes. But that's because he totally appreciates it and also caters to me. If he copped an attitude, he'd be on his own for food. The OP's dh copped such an attitude. Game over.

 

On the flip side, OP doesn't care for the muscleman look and that is probably playing into her lack of desire to help her dh. I might not always be as interested in things that interest dh, but I try to respect his interests. That goes a long way in our house- dh loves Corvettes, I love quilting. We combine our passions when we take daytrips- we scour the the countryside for quilt stores while driving the Vette. We're both happy.

 

I think that this is a great attitude to have. My SO does most of the food stuff in this house but if it were something else, I certainly don't mind helping and catering to him. He does so much for me. But, it's the attitude and expectation of it that would be the issue.

[Quiver0f10]

I would learn what I needed to and would shop/prepare/cook for my husband.

[Quiver0f10]

I usually make something for my dh (weight loss/maintenance diet - down 160 pounds!!!) and something my youngest (food allergies). My oldest and I usually eat what they do or eat something else. Some times it is a small change like adding cheese to the top of spaghetti or something.

 

Wow! That is fantastic!

[LibraryLover]

I was going to say yes, but not with those strict of restrictions or that attitude.

.

 

 

That's the thing. Of course I'd want to help him eat well & healthy. I do almost all of the food shopping and cooking. I want to; he works many hours, plus I do (mostly lol) enjoy food prep. However, it just isn't right for the partner to not be helpful or grateful, or believe the stress placed on their partner doesn't matter.

 

Everything can't always be perfectly shared, and sometimes there is an imblance/disturbance in the family force...that happens. ;) Yet treating each other with kindness and respect is critical. Not to mention, the children are watching.

Edited August 11, 2011 by LibraryLover

[Frontier Mom]

He should make his own and just think of all the calories he will burn!

[elfgivas]

:grouphug: i think this is a relationship issue, not a food issue. i'm sorry. :grouphug:

ann

[kaylk in tx]

Can't use:

onions

mushrooms

peppers

cauliflower

broccoli

spinach

cucumbers

 

If these are the only limitations you have, count yourself lucky! My own personal pickiness is much greater than this. Although, now that I've figured out that I probably have a mild form of Asperger's, I don't know that I would call it pickiness. More like the textures and tastes of certain foods make me gag. I also have children with limited diets, probably for the same reason. Just to say that it may not be him being "picky" so much as the pickiness is a manifestation of some other issue.

 

So if he's going high protein, give him a double portion of whatever protein you're making for dinner, a veggie on the side he likes, and a protein drink for dessert. That seems easy enough. And if that won't make him happy, then the food served in the metal dish on the floor sounds like the next logical step.

 

Oh, and no way would I pre-cook stuff for him while away. At most, there would be food in the frig for him for cook for himself.

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

At our house we make one meal for everyone. If you don't want it you don't have to eat it but you aren't served anything else either. The only exceptions would be a very strong aversion (older ds to hard boiled eggs, they make him gag) or a food sensitivity. DH isn't picky. He has a very few select things that he doesn't like, but the kids and I are all much pickier than he is. If he wanted to eat a special diet, I would try to accommodate him as best as I could. He, however, would be appreciative of my efforts, even if they didn't turn out as he or I had hoped. If it was really difficult for me for whatever reason dh would certainly help me as much as he could. I certainly wouldn't make ahead food for him while I was gone, though he would never expect that. He usually eats quick-to-make things when I'm not there to cook, since by the time he comes home from work it's already dinner time. He's more than capable of making anything he would want if time allowed. Even my dad, who knows almost nothing about cooking and has been catered to by my mom, will make a few different things when she is not there. He makes pizzas, french fries, fish sticks, chicken nuggets, and simple boxed pastas. Surely your dh could make something like that while you are gone, or at least buy some ready-made food from the store or restaurant.

[Cricket]

He is on a high protein diet...like super high protein. He wants to bulk up muscle.

 

So to make it taste better and extend it: I like to add veggies and the like...he is so picky though.

 

Can't use:

onions

mushrooms

peppers

cauliflower

broccoli

spinach

cucumbers

 

Does high protein mean he doesn't also eat carbs or is he just adding in more protein? He could just eat whatever you prepare (maybe in smaller amounts) but add in a protein shake. You can find big containers of protein powder at most grocery stores.

 

It would probably cost more but I would probably have meals with separate items--like a whole chicken or beef roast with sides instead of stir-fry-type meals. That way he could eat all the meat he wanted but the rest of the family would be fed as well. Like another pp said, it doesn't take much time to make a separate chicken breast along side a chicken stir-fry. If it were my dh, I'd probably accommodate him as best I could but I'd definitely address the attitude as well.

[the4Rs]

Wow! So much good advice and some rather hysterical comments to boot. :D

 

See here is the thing. Yes my husband is the main bread winner in our family but I also work. My income covers our gas and groceries. So I see what we do as a partnership. I have daycare, I sell thirty-one, I homeschool two kids, I teach Sunday School, and I help with video editing for our wedding business. It's not like I sit around all day eating bonbons. 'That' I could see as reason to cater to him and serve him, but not when we are both working hard.

 

I don't think I am subconsciously sabotaging him because I don't like the muscles. If it's his thing, good for him. Just not my favorite thing at all.

We are at a truce this morning.

 

If I am being honest, I have never really liked cooking. I detest grocery shopping with a passion. I'm sure some of my own negativity regarding that in general isn't helping the situation. I know I have to work on my own heart and not let bitterness take root. And I need to work on my attitude in how I treat him...but I don't want to be a doormat either. I need to work on being more assertive while still loving.

(And yes he is doing P90x)

[Parrothead]

If a husband goes on a radical diet that greatly affects what he can put into his body for a time period...should said husband be responsible for his own food? i.e. cooking and prepping and making sure he has everything he needs for the week?

Not if he can get together a comprehensive list and if I had the time to add extra shopping/prep.

 

Or should the wife make sure to prepare all his meals and also make meals for the rest of the family that aren't quite so radical?

It is never the wife's job alone to provide meals for the family.

 

What if this new eating plan was vastly different than the wife was used to making and now planning meals was becoming a consuming headache?

The party who has changed the status quo should ultimately be responsible for any changes.

 

What if husband wanted those foods but wouldn't make them for himself?

What self respecting person would demand someone do something for them they they are not willing to do themselves?

 

He wasn't demanding of the wife but would act put out if it wasn't made in time or would criticize if it wasn't perfect?

There is a lack of respect going on there. Respect is something men often feel is their due, but sometimes they need a reminder that that road runs both ways.

[Parrothead]

He is on a high protein diet...like super high protein. He wants to bulk up muscle.

 

So to make it taste better and extend it: I like to add veggies and the like...he is so picky though.

 

Can't use:

onions

mushrooms

peppers

cauliflower

broccoli

spinach

cucumbers

Part of being a picky person means that one knows others enjoy the things one doesn't and one is willing to PICK those things out without comment or criticism.

[Impish]

I don't get the idea of, "he makes the money, so...."

 

Seriously. Don't understand it at all. Raising kids is work too. So is houseWORK, grocery shopping, any one of the dozens of things that a SAHP does during the day.

 

I don't see earning income as = partnership.

 

So, tossing that train of thought out the window, I'll be honest and say that its the attidude your dh has that would have me foaming at the mouth and picking out a site in the yard to bury him in. (Not dead, just up to his neck :tongue_smilie:).

 

Sounds like things are on their way to being sorted out. Wish you guys the best. :001_smile:

[AuntieM]

A couple of thoughts.

 

First, wow. Wouldn't we all be more healthy and fit if we had all our meals prepared and served by a personal chef. Nice. Unrealistic.

 

Second, I'd have to change my sig line. Because nobody I could call my best friend for ten years would treat me like The Help.

 

Sorry to be so blunt, OP, but it's not really even about food. It's about your relationship. When a spouse demands too much of a partner, it robs the partner of the joy of giving freely, be it time, intimacy, or service to one another. He is stealing your joy, and in response you are locking up the kitchen (by the way, I'd do the same). Time to sit down and have a real heart to heart.

 

ETA You might want to ask him if he wants you to be his wife, or be his mommy. He can't have it both ways.

[UnsinkableKristen]

:grouphug: i think this is a relationship issue, not a food issue. i'm sorry. :grouphug:

 

:iagree: Sorry, but while I would be completely willing to do all the crazy diet stuff for him (and have before), his lack of grace or thankfulness and abundance of snottiness would mean we would be having a VERY serious discussion about how we communicated - in ALL aspects not just this one. And there would be a very large bullet point in the discussion regarding unrealistic expectations and not acting like a child.

[Mama Geek]

I haven't read the whole thread... but my dh figured out gluten was a major problem for him. I changed the way I cook and eat. I was offered toast this weekend and thought, man I would rather have something better like the rice he was eating.:lol:

[YLVD]

A couple of thoughts.

 

First, wow. Wouldn't we all be more healthy and fit if we had all our meals prepared and served by a personal chef. Nice. Unrealistic.

 

Second, I'd have to change my sig line. Because nobody I could call my best friend for ten years would treat me like The Help.

 

Sorry to be so blunt, OP, but it's not really even about food. It's about your relationship. When a spouse demands too much of a partner, it robs the partner of the joy of giving freely, be it time, intimacy, or service to one another. He is stealing your joy, and in response you are locking up the kitchen (by the way, I'd do the same). Time to sit down and have a real heart to heart.

 

ETA You might want to ask him if he wants you to be his wife, or be his mommy. He can't have it both ways.

 

:iagree: Well said

[Pretty in Pink]

If it were an allergy I would absolutely accommodate dh's requests, no questions asked, but that's not the case here.

 

It sounds like you don't love cooking to begin with and would probably like him to take some responsibility for his own meals regardless of his attitude. That's fine. It also sounds like your dh is kind of being a butthead about the whole thing and that wouldn't really fly around here.

 

I don't know what your dh's work schedule is like. I would let my dh know that I am glad to work with him to prepare meals that fit within his guidelines, but that I would appreciate some help in return since it is an extra effort on my part to do so. If he's home in time, I'd ask him to help make supper. If not, I'd ask him to handle the kitchen after dinner or take care of the kids' baths and such.

 

It shouldn't be that much work to set a portion of protein aside for dh before completing your dish, then serve a giant green salad and a second veg (perhaps those steam in the microwave types if you are so inclined -- doesn't get much easier than that). Then your dh would have his protein plus two veg. You can even get those microwave veggies in single portions if you prefer that way the entire family is not limited to only the vegetables that your dh will eat.

 

Or just keep a bunch of raw veg in the fridge and tell him to chop what he wants before dinner. My dh prefers raw veggies and he often chops his own while I serve plates. It's not difficult.

[EthiopianFood]

Everyone keeps suggesting to just make more meat. Is that really all he is asking you to do? I can't imagine you would be so frustrated with just having to make a little extra. Is this a very specific diet?