mazakaal Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 We've started going to a new church. It's lovely. The people are very nice. We're now trying to get to some of the activities outside of church time to get to know people better. So a few weeks ago they announced that there would be a 'family day' with a bring-and-share lunch today, and they needed volunteers to help out. I figured it would be a good chance to get to know people, so I signed up and spent the morning helping 3yos put stickers on their 'shakers' and make animal masks. It was fine. I did get to chat a little during clean up time and while the kids were eating lunch. Of course, I was so late getting to the buffet, that I barely got anything to eat. Aside from that I had to take my 2 youngest dc, neither of whom wanted to get themselves dressed and moving to get there on time. The 7yo was clingy and bored the whole time. So, all in all, not my best morning, although I was happy to have at least had a few conversations with other moms there, in between the craziness. So tonight they're having a men's bbq. Nice. No kids. Just bring something to put on the bbq. Everything else is provided. No kids to look after. No helping with crafts. Just hang out around the bbq and eat. I have to confess that I'm a little envious. :nopity: I mean, I love my kids. I love being able to homeschool them. But sometimes I just want a break. I don't want every event to have to revolve around kids - my kids, other people's kids. I really need to get a hobby or something. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 So suggest a Mom's time out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Maybe you just haven't been there long enough to see one yet. Maybe the next event will be girls' night, sans kids. If not, you might offer to organize one! The reaction to that could be very telling. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Yes, and also maybe your DH should suggest a dad's day complete with kids to complement it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickelfritz Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Maybe they just need someone to organize them? My dh is great about me going out without kids. Always has been. He encourages me to get out. But, I can immediately think of 3 friends whose husbands are NOT so willing to take the kids. Especially, the under 2 kids. One of them even hires a sitter for ladies nights, over having to ask her dh to watch 2 kids. The other 2 guys are tied up in their own hobbies. Add in those who have babies that are nursing or difficult for mom to get away from.... And it's just harder to arrange for ladies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Well, nursing little ones are usually mostly with mom. I get that. I go out once a month with my friends sans kids. I just started being able to do it because my youngest needed me home to nurse him. He wasn't ready for the separation and I didn't want to force it. Now, that he's two he is more than happy to stay with the "big boys" when I leave. My boys love when I go out. Daddy makes a huge steak that they all eat together and then watch movies or play video games. There are no vegetables with dinner, no dishes get done, and no one saying "Turn the TV off." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazakaal Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 (edited) Yes, and also maybe your DH should suggest a dad's day complete with kids to complement it. Yea, and maybe hell will freeze over. :tongue_smilie: eta: That was a bit too flippant a response. Dh is great. He will watch the kids if he's available (though that isn't very often), but I don't think that he would ever actually try to organize a dad's day out with kids. He's really uncomfortable with other peoples' kids. Anyway, I just wanted to clarify that. Once I saw it in writing I realized how bad it sounded. Edited June 3, 2011 by MeganP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazakaal Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Maybe you just haven't been there long enough to see one yet. Maybe the next event will be girls' night, sans kids. If not, you might offer to organize one! The reaction to that could be very telling. ;) We've been there for about a year, but were very sporadic in attendance until about 6 weeks ago. I've never noticed any ladies' days out, but maybe they happened when we weren't showing up. Even the ladies' Bible study is on a Tuesday morning. Everyone's kids are in school, so they only have to bring pre-school age kids, but of course, I'd have to bring mine. When we're there a bit longer and are more established I'll have to try to get something organized. I wonder if others would be interested or even able to get out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QumaCote Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 My sister-in-law has attended a church for quite some time that is like this. The men's events have no children with great catered food. The women's events are with children, and the women are supposed to bring their favorite foods and help with the clean-up. She HAS never quite understood that either!! I hope you find something that can encourage you. It is so difficult to find your place in a new church or community. (We moved 1,200 miles about 6 months ago, and it is HARD!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickelfritz Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 The men's events have no children with great catered food At least the women aren't providing this food, too. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I get the need for time out and the "why are moms always with the kids" question. But why isn't your oldest babysitting for you? Or even your oldest two - each of them taking a younger under a wing for an afternoon or an evening. Pick an evening and tell two ladies where and when. Have them each tell another two ladies. Then you have six and a nice start to a monthly evening out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazakaal Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Oldest is my difficult child. I won't leave the little ones with him. I've started leaving them with the 13yo since his last birthday, just for short times - a quick trip to pick up milk, etc. We've worked up to about 45 minutes and will hopefully soon be able to leave them longer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen in NS Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 (edited) At least the women aren't providing this food, too. :) Well, over the years, my church has held fairly regular men's retreats, and recently, women's retreats. A few years ago for one of the men's retreats, a couple of the women in church leadership decided that "the women" of the church were going to provide the food for the men's retreat!!!!! I got a call from one of them asking for a donation of some baked items. I was NOT impressed!!! Esp. since there hadn't been any women's retreats in a few years. Edited June 3, 2011 by Colleen in NS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I'd ask. I'm sure the leadership of the church would love to explain, hear your input, fill you in about the next women's event, etc. (or at least they *should* be eager to do so). Too many people get offended about things for which there is probably a simple explanation. That said, I think it's excellent that they are facilitating male friendships. I think women tend to connect more quickly, more deeply (in GENERAL) and that men often don't even see a *need* for real fellowship. If I were you, I'd be thankful to be in a church that values male friendship! Here's to hoping your turn is coming soon! And if you get tired of waiting, I agree with those who said "plan it!". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickelfritz Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Well, over the years, my church has held fairly regular men's retreats, and recently, women's retreats. A few years ago for one of the men's retreats, a couple of the women in church leadership decided that "the women" of the church were going to provide the food for the men's retreat!!!!! I got a call from one of them asking for a donation of some baked items. I was NOT impressed!!! Esp. since there hadn't been any women's retreats in a few years. This describes the typical men's group I've known about. :) At least the men involved with the OP were thoughtful enough to cater their food.:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Mom's Night Out needs to become a part of your vocabulary! Meet at a restaurant after the dad's get home from work. It's much cheaper for just mom to go out to eat then the whole family :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom23Boys Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I would ask around and see if they ever have one. Our women's ministry does events (child-free) every other month. We have men's events every other month as well. We also have family events and days. Maybe the regularly scheduled men's event happened to fall on the same day? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Well, nursing little ones are usually mostly with mom. I get that. I've seen this issue ruin potential Moms Nights Out and cause nasty in fighting in groups. Bah. My Moms Night Out group altered our meet ups for awhile so that we could go out just down the street from the mom who still had a new nursing infant - that way she could go home in a matter of a couple minutes if she absolutely had to. But we kept it to no kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Goldwater Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I'd ask. I'm sure the leadership of the church would love to explain, hear your input, fill you in about the next women's event, etc. (or at least they *should* be eager to do so). Too many people get offended about things for which there is probably a simple explanation. That said, I think it's excellent that they are facilitating male friendships. I think women tend to connect more quickly, more deeply (in GENERAL) and that men often don't even see a *need* for real fellowship. If I were you, I'd be thankful to be in a church that values male friendship! Here's to hoping your turn is coming soon! And if you get tired of waiting, I agree with those who said "plan it!". I would only add that men (in general, not all men) don't see a need for 'feminized' fellowship, the way it's too often done these days...but if we men are given a job to do (build a widow a wheelchair ramp or clean out someone's gutters), or have some ducks to shoot, or a volleyball game or bowling, we're typically 'all in!' :) BTW feminized is not meant to be derogatory...men relate to each other in a different style than women relate to each other (not better or worse, just different). So we tend to flock when someone recognizes that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I've seen this issue ruin potential Moms Nights Out and cause nasty in fighting in groups. Bah. My Moms Night Out group altered our meet ups for awhile so that we could go out just down the street from the mom who still had a new nursing infant - that way she could go home in a matter of a couple minutes if she absolutely had to. But we kept it to no kids. An excellent idea. I have no problem leaving my kids, because I know they are in good hands. Dh may not do everything exactly like I do, but I'm not stupid enough to be overcontrolling in that area, and he knows it ain't "babysitting" when it's your own child... ETA--I meant to say "had no problem"--they're older now...lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 it ain't "babysitting" when it's your own child... ETA--I meant to say "had no problem"--they're older now...lol :iagree:Mine are older now too... but dh hated it when my mom would call when he was home with kids, sans me, and she would tell him how nice it was that he was babysitting the kids. He'd say "babysitting? they're my kids...", and she'd say "I know but it's nice of you to let Cathie go out"... ugh, he never had a problem with me going out with the girls for some mom time, and thought it was odd but just laughed it off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 An excellent idea. I have no problem leaving my kids, because I know they are in good hands. Dh may not do everything exactly like I do, but I'm not stupid enough to be overcontrolling in that area, and he knows it ain't "babysitting" when it's your own child... ETA--I meant to say "had no problem"--they're older now...lol :iagree: This is a huge pet peeve of mine. Babysitting is something you do for money or as a favor. Fathers watching their own children is neither. It's being a parent. I have a wonderful DH who has never hesitated to say "yes" to a night out (or more!) for me. When I thank him, he doesn't understand why. I have friends whose husbands are not so thoughtful, so I know how lucky I am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I would only add that men (in general, not all men) don't see a need for 'feminized' fellowship, the way it's too often done these days...but if we men are given a job to do (build a widow a wheelchair ramp or clean out someone's gutters), or have some ducks to shoot, or a volleyball game or bowling, we're typically 'all in!' :) BTW feminized is not meant to be derogatory...men relate to each other in a different style than women relate to each other (not better or worse, just different). So we tend to flock when someone recognizes that. My dh would totally agree with this. He wouldn't be caught dead going to a men's pancake breakfast. But he is more than happy to flip pancakes all morning with a bunch of men for a mission fundraiser. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 We don't really have child-free events, either for men or for women. Our mens events tend to be breakfasts, target shooting, camping, etc., at which all males are welcome. (Littles probably wouldn't be welcome at the shooting events!) Womens events are the same, although we often hire child care for daytime things, such as bible study or anything in which littles might be disruptive. However, since we're a pretty family-oriented church, moms are always welcome to have their children with them if they prefer. Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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