I think I need a hug

[meggie]

Pigby has been saying that he wants to go to school. A real school, not one at home. He's five and I feel kinda rejected and kinda like a failure.

 

What he likes about a "real" school (not like he really knows, he's never been to one)

~The lunchroom

~The playground

~The art

~The math

 

I told him we could go to the playground at the park, but to him it doesn't count since it's not at the school.

 

I feel like a failure because I haven't been doing all that much with him lately. I've been having a really hard time falling asleep at night, even though I'm dead tired, so when Digby takes a nap, I try to as well instead of doing schoolwork. I usually end up tossing and turning then as well. I worry that if I was making it fun enough, he would want to stay home and do school with me.

 

I am wondering if I should just go back to the 3Rs and then do a bunch of read alouds. He loves it when I read to him. Maybe I just need to rework a simpler routine and not worry yet that we're not doing art or French or music or Latin.

 

Over the past few days I have had several realizations that this homeschooling journey is going to be a tough one. Very, very tough. And I don't know if I can handle that.

[Sue G in PA]

Are most of his friends in ps? My dd5 and ds8 have recently been asking when they get to go to "real" school. I just say, "We homeschool. We don't go to ps like your friends do but it is still real school." Neither have ever been to a ps but their older siblings have. They talk about it like it was a "privilege" that the older kids got and they didn't! :glare: Try not to take it personally (which is what we instinctively do). It's tough. I have my ds12 desperate to go back to ps and it is tearing me apart. But in my case...he has been there and knows the difference and STILL wants to go back instead of being home! :glare: I have the same thoughts of, "what if I did x differently or added y into his day or...", but I don't think either of those things would help. He wants to be with his friends. All day. Every day. It's normal but not what is best for him. Your ds5 just wants what all his friends have. Kind of like a new toy, kwim? :grouphug: It's so hard! But you can do it!:D

[joysworld]

I say, don't worry about all the 'extra' stuff right now. You have a lot going on right now. My son is will be five in May, and I don't do any extra stuff with him. We do math and reading, and then he has free play. We only do the math and reading because he wants to. You have plenty of time to incorporate the extra.

 

Sometimes my kids think I'm mean. This is not a reflection of me. My daughter who is four, has already stated that she wants new parents. This is not a reflection of me. Your son wanting to go to 'real' school, is not a reflection of you!!! :)

 

Have you explained to him the things that are in 'real' school that he won't like? When my son started saying he wanted to go to school (it was for the playground as well), I explained to him that if he did go, he wouldn't see mommy, or sisters all day. That he would have to sit at his desk all day, and not talk or play. That was enough for him to not want to go to 'real' school:)

 

Another suggestion I have for you, and I mean this with utmost kindness. If you've been feeling like this for a while, then your son is picking up on that. Kids learn how to play off of our emotions real quick. If you explain to him the negatives about school and he still wants to go, you just need to affirm your authority on the matter, and lay down the consequences if he keeps bugging you about it. Of course, this is just my humble opinion:)

 

We (meaning moms) are so hard on ourselves. It's so easy to get bogged down on the details, and let that suffocate us. *hugs* It will get easier. Of course, you will have your bad days and wonder why you ever wanted to homeschool, but I find it's easiest to deal with those days if I keep the long term vision in mind.

[Stacia]

.

[joysworld]

Another thought is plugging into a homeschool group. I'm part of a homeschool group that is just a social group. We meet for outings, and there is a weekly park day. This helps us immensely, because ds has friends that have something in common with him!

[nansk]

I totally agree with all of joysworld's suggestions.

 

I am wondering if I should just go back to the 3Rs and then do a bunch of read alouds. He loves it when I read to him.

 

Yes, I'd do this. And also give him more Math ;-)

[2_girls_mommy]

It's the age. I went through this with my first too. Some of her friends from our old preschool playgroup were starting preK and K. Everyone in church went to school and people everywhere asked her about school. School was on all of the PBS shows she liked to watch. It is just part of the culture of being 5.

 

 

I did what others suggested. We got really involved in several homeschool groups. I made playdates. And I made school really fun for her, full of the things she liked best: dinosaurs, arts and crafts, new school supplies, etc. We had school in the "lunchroom" and played outside at "recess." I even rung a bell to start school in the morning. We had school shirts for field trips because all of the school groups she saw on field trips at the zoo had matching shirts. We played at the school playground on weekends. Soon she was beginning to ask me what other moms did while their kids were in school. She wondered if they missed them.

 

But the most important thing was for her to meet other homeschoolers. My youngest, who has grown up with homeschoolers has never asked to go to any other school. In fact we were reading a book and talking the other day, and she informed me that she didn't know that more kids went to public school than homeschooled. She was genuinely surprised. She told me she only knows 3 kids who do. :D This is in fact not true. She knows plenty more who do, but she has never asked them where they go. I guess she assumes they all homeschool like most of her friends!

 

 

[huntchaos]

Another thought is plugging into a homeschool group. I'm part of a homeschool group that is just a social group. We meet for outings, and there is a weekly park day. This helps us immensely, because ds has friends that have something in common with him!

 

:iagree:

I never get complaints on the weeks that we get together with our homeschool group - just two hours a week and my kids are suddenly proud to be homeschooled! ;)

[boscopup]

I agree with PPs... Stick to the 3Rs for a bit, and give him more math. :D

 

Also, have you talked to your doctor about your own health issues?

[NanceXToo]

Aw. :grouphug:

 

You're definitely not a failure. Nor are you being rejected. This isn't about you at all! This is about some unknown adventure to him and I'm assuming about what other kids in the area do.

 

My daughter went to public school from K-3 and she would tell him: 1) There are "silent lunches, we weren't allowed to talk in there," and 2) "We only got 10-15 minutes a day at the playground," and 3) "We had to sit at a desk alllllllll day long," and 4) "You can do art and math at home, too."

 

You might just have to tell him, "We don't go to public school, but homeschooling is still real school. We don't have a lunchroom or our own playground, but we can take a picnic lunch sometimes and go to the playground near here. And we can do art and math right here at home. And lots of other fun, cool things that we couldn't do if you were gone all day sitting at a desk in a classroom. Plus, I would miss you!" :)

 

With all that said- I DEFINITELY think you should rework a simpler (and hopefully somewhat fun) routine. Keep it basic, keep it as interest-led as you can, keep it hands on/creative if you can, and have fun with it. He's only 5.

 

It really IS okay to be more relaxed and even less academic at that age if that works best for you guys at this stage and to read, let him do the math and art he wants to do and keep the rest interest-led. It doesn't have to take lots of time a day either. You'll find your rhythm!

 

ETA: P.S. A cute book that he might be able to identify with is called "I Am Learning All The Time" (identify with in that the main character is 5 y/o and homeschooled- it's very unschooly, actually- but has friends that go to public school- it remains positive when contrasting the two lifestyles, not critical at all, but he might like that there's a picture book with a homeschooled character like him)!

 

And I agree that if you can find some sort of social homeschool group to do things with now and then, that might be a good idea too.

[stripe]

I think it might be fun to tap into the art activities thing, and do something like grow a seed (or, if you have the space, start a garden). Having some interesting little things, plus the read alouds, would bring more fun into his day.

 

(I wouldn't worry about Latin.)

[kwg]

:iagree: about doing park days and might I also suggest a co-op. I have been shocked at how much my youngest has loved his "preschool" class and they do all that- lunch, recess, art and music. It is once a week. It is perfect!

:grouphug: hope you get some sleep thing. No sleep stinks! ANy idea what that is about? :grouphug:

[meggie]

Sometimes my kids think I'm mean. This is not a reflection of me. My daughter who is four, has already stated that she wants new parents. This is not a reflection of me. Your son wanting to go to 'real' school, is not a reflection of you!!!

 

 

Thank you, that is so true! I certainly don't just stop disciplining him because he doesn't like it. I have told him that mommy and daddy think homeschooling is best for him now, but I guess I was just worried that he'd hate it so much.

 

And I tried to discuss what things are like at ps, "Won't you miss mommy?" "No, I won't be there too long." "Pigby, you'll be there all day." "I'll just go on Saturday." "Pigby, ps is all day, Monday-Friday, you have to go every day." Or telling him that he would have to sit in his chair and not talk. Or that he would probably be bored, he's ahead in some areas.

 

:grouphug: +

Thanks, I needed that.

 

It's the age. I went through this with my first too. Some of her friends from our old preschool playgroup were starting preK and K. Everyone in church went to school and people everywhere asked her about school. School was on all of the PBS shows she liked to watch. It is just part of the culture of being 5.

 

 

I did what others suggested. We got really involved in several homeschool groups. I made playdates. And I made school really fun for her, full of the things she liked best: dinosaurs, arts and crafts, new school supplies, etc. We had school in the "lunchroom" and played outside at "recess." I even rung a bell to start school in the morning. We had school shirts for field trips because all of the school groups she saw on field trips at the zoo had matching shirts. We played at the school playground on weekends. Soon she was beginning to ask me what other moms did while their kids were in school. She wondered if they missed them.

 

But the most important thing was for her to meet other homeschoolers. My youngest, who has grown up with homeschoolers has never asked to go to any other school. In fact we were reading a book and talking the other day, and she informed me that she didn't know that more kids went to public school than homeschooled. She was genuinely surprised. She told me she only knows 3 kids who do. :D This is in fact not true. She knows plenty more who do, but she has never asked them where they go. I guess she assumes they all homeschool like most of her friends!

 

 

 

I've been trying to find groups, I just figured out, kinda sorta, the whole yahoo group thing and have sent an email to the leader. I'm hoping this will help. I think a lot of it is about finding some other friends for him. He's just so happy when he gets to play with other kids.

 

Aw. :grouphug:

 

You're definitely not a failure. Nor are you being rejected. This isn't about you at all! This is about some unknown adventure to him and I'm assuming about what other kids in the area do.

 

My daughter went to public school from K-3 and she would tell him: 1) There are "silent lunches, we weren't allowed to talk in there," and 2) "We only got 10-15 minutes a day at the playground," and 3) "We had to sit at a desk alllllllll day long," and 4) "You can do art and math at home, too."

 

You might just have to tell him, "We don't go to public school, but homeschooling is still real school. We don't have a lunchroom or our own playground, but we can take a picnic lunch sometimes and go to the playground near here. And we can do art and math right here at home. And lots of other fun, cool things that we couldn't do if you were gone all day sitting at a desk in a classroom. Plus, I would miss you!"

 

With all that said- I DEFINITELY think you should rework a simpler (and hopefully somewhat fun) routine. Keep it basic, keep it as interest-led as you can, keep it hands on/creative if you can, and have fun with it. He's only 5.

 

It really IS okay to be more relaxed and even less academic at that age if that works best for you guys at this stage and to read, let him do the math and art he wants to do and keep the rest interest-led. It doesn't have to take lots of time a day either. You'll find your rhythm!

 

ETA: P.S. A cute book that he might be able to identify with is called "I Am Learning All The Time" (identify with in that the main character is 5 y/o and homeschooled- it's very unschooly, actually- but has friends that go to public school- it remains positive when contrasting the two lifestyles, not critical at all, but he might like that there's a picture book with a homeschooled character like him)!

 

And I agree that if you can find some sort of social homeschool group to do things with now and then, that might be a good idea too.

Thank you, I will look up that book. And I don't know what our local elementary school is like but silent lunches? Holy cow, what genius (being very sarcastic) thought that one up?

 

:iagree: about doing park days and might I also suggest a co-op. I have been shocked at how much my youngest has loved his "preschool" class and they do all that- lunch, recess, art and music. It is once a week. It is perfect!

:grouphug: hope you get some sleep thing. No sleep stinks! ANy idea what that is about? :grouphug:

I've tried searching for a co-op, I will keep my eyes open. I don't know about the sleep thing. Digby is sick right now and he's always been... a not very good sleeper, so lately I've been having to get up with him several times a night. And I just lay in bed wondering when I'm gonna hafta wake up next and hoping it's not right as I'm about to fall asleep.

 

Well, in the time it took me to respond, I've heard back from two people about a homeschooling group. I will do whatever it takes to make this fun for him, even if I have to take DH to work and pick him up so I can have the car. I do think he would like some friends and see them on a consistent basis. Thank you everyone.

[Karis]

Hi Meggie,

 

I hope you DO find a great co-op. With all the stuff he loves.

 

He could have a special lunch box and backpack (filled with all his supplies) just for co-op days.

 

He'll enjoy getting all of his school supplies. He might like having print out of his schedule so he can SEE his week.

 

Maybe sign up for Pizza Hut book it coupons. There are so many options available to us now. We owe a big thank you to those that went before us in this.

 

Everything will be fine.

 

The flip side is having a child who says they'll NEVER want to go to school. EVER!!!

 

Even college.

 

They "can just go to college on the comPUter and live with you and Daddy FOREVER!!!"

 

(at 6, this was adorable)

[Hebrews3:13]

 

Have you explained to him the things that are in 'real' school that he won't like? When my son started saying he wanted to go to school (it was for the playground as well), I explained to him that if he did go, he wouldn't see mommy, or sisters all day. That he would have to sit at his desk all day, and not talk or play. That was enough for him to not want to go to 'real' school:)

 

 

 

 

I absolutely agree with this. The few times this has come up I remind them of how the neighbor children get home barely in time for dinner, are hardly ever able to play outside, get sick every 5 minutes it seems, and do not have "Fun Art Fridays" like us. :) It does not hurt that the neighbors constantly ask for me to homeschool them and wish they were at home instead of at school.

 

My oldest was in ps for 9 days. It was a nightmare and she never wanted to go back. She attended Christian school for one year, and while a better experience she was glad to come home. My youngers have never been and do not ask. My oldest DS merely wants to ride a school bus. I wish I could let him do that once. ;)

 

Your son is young, so I would back off anything rigorous. Just have fun as much as you can and cover the main bases of reading and writing. Definitely read aloud to him if he loves it. You have a lot on your plate with the other little ones and not sleeping, so hang in there. This too shall pass. I remember my oldest when my boy were 1 and newborn. I thought I would lose my mind and should would be an idiot as little as we seemed to accomplish. One with colic and me overwhelmed and exhausted. Those days are 1000 miles away now.

 

Maybe work to make things extra fun this week? Plan an outing (if you can) or take him on a "date" (my kids love this) just you and him if you can get a sitter. Have an art day, take him to a playground. All just suggestions of course.

 

If any friends are causing these thoughts, call me mean old lady, but I would limit his time with them.

 

Oh and try some melatonin for the sleeping issue. It is awesome!

 

:grouphug::grouphug: Hang in there!

 

~Laurie

[stripe]

And I tried to discuss what things are like at ps, "Won't you miss mommy?" "No, I won't be there too long." "Pigby, you'll be there all day." "I'll just go on Saturday." "Pigby, ps is all day, Monday-Friday, you have to go every day." Or telling him that he would have to sit in his chair and not talk. Or that he would probably be bored, he's ahead in some areas.

 

Honestly I would just skip trying to argue this with him. Just be exciting by yourself.

[Ritsumei]

I don't know what kind of math you're doing with him, but I'm using Math Expressions, and it's got tons of art-math activities in the K-1 book. Prep is easy. I made manipulatives for our flannel board, rather than buying the "official" ones, and if you pick up the workbook then that would be basically all the prep for the book. Very open-and-go. I've blogged about it quite a bit.

 

This is our flannel board in action, and also the graph chart, which he had his turtle lay penny "eggs" on that day as we were counting.

 

This is an example of the "numbers in motion" activities they regularly do.

 

Here is work with "partners" in numbers, trapezoids & octagons, and one of those math-art activities I was telling you about.

 

One of the assignments was do draw "Math Monsters" - where the monsters have a counted number of features. This one was a hit. We did it in sidewalk chalk too, since that was such a fun activity.

 

Anyway, it might be a nice way to kill two birds with one stone, as far as the math and art go. Amazon usually has the teacher's edition. I didn't actually buy the kids' workbook this year, and haven't really missed it, since almost all of the worksheets we've cared to do have been easy to draw. But if you were really looking to minimize prep time (and it sounds like you are) I don't think the workbook is terribly expensive.

[MeganW]

It's funny the things that kids miss. I had one who was DEVASTATED about not getting to ride the schoolbus, and another who was heartbroken that she didn't get to go to public school b/c she heard that they have a gerbil in the kindergarten classroom. #3 is bummed b/c she wanted to pick out a lunchbox.

 

But since they have met some friends who are homeschooled, they are MUCH happier at the thought!

 

Would adding a weekly park date be possible?

[stripe]

You could still have a lunchbox and be homeschooled!

[MeganW]

You could still have a lunchbox and be homeschooled!

 

Yeah, but not the one she wants. Course, she wouldn't be getting that one even if she were going to public school! Does everything marketed for 5 & 6 year olds have to be hideously glittery????? :)

[MeganW]

You could still have a lunchbox and be homeschooled!

 

And don't you dare suggest we get a gerbil - that's not in the cards either!!! :)

[Chelli]

Sounds like your dc is an extrovert like mine :001_smile: We make it a point to be involved in a homeschool co-op on Fridays. She is involved in dance and softball. She also used to bug me through K about going to ps.

 

You know what has really made the most difference? When her friends at church would ask her about going to school, she would say, "I'm doing school at home with my mom (very not happy tone)." I would speak up and say, "Yep. Dd is done with all of her school in 1 1/2 hours so she gets to spend the rest of the day playing outside, watching some TV, playing the Wii, reading books, etc." Then I just let the ps kids take it from there: "Really! You only do school for 1 1/2 hours! We are at school for 8 hours. That is so not fair...I want to be homeschooled too!" Of course, I explain to them that we can finish all of her subjects so quickly because she can go at her own pace and not have to wait for everyone else, etc. I don't want them thinking that we don't do ANYTHING :D

 

This year I have not heard one single comment about going to ps. In fact, she brags about being homeschooled now!

[meggie]

Update!

 

I have found two yahoo groups. Someone in my area PMed me and said one does (among other things) a weekly park date and the other does field trips. I also found another group that meets in a town about 15-20 minutes south of us and they do crafts and activities and stuff. I'm waiting to be accepted into the Yahoo groups and the other one is going to mail me a packet of information.

 

I swear I've tried a million times to find these things before, but for whatever reason I couldn't find anything until today. And since DH is home today, I actually got to take a nap. Now everything seems much less overwhelming.

 

And I've been thinking it might be fun to get one of these lunchboxes for him. Back before Pigby was born, we used to pack a lunch and eat it out on the lawn. Those were fun times. Hopefully the weather will get warmer (we got snow yesterday!) and we can go out for picnic lunches too.

 

We do have a salt water tank that my husband keeps up, that teaches him a little about coral and fish and invertebrates. DH is also trying to set up a vivarium for dart frogs :glare: that'll teach Pigby a little about amphibians. Beyond that, no more class pets!

 

And for math, we use MUS primer. He does anywhere from 1-3 pages a day, he chooses when to stop.

 

Thanks everyone, really. I very much appreciate the advice and support I get here.

[stripe]

And don't you dare suggest we get a gerbil - that's not in the cards either!!! :)

Haha, my mom keeps buying my kids these sorts of cute travel cutlery sets. I don't know where she thinks my kids eat, but they just use them occasionally at home.

[boscopup]

And I don't know what our local elementary school is like but silent lunches? Holy cow, what genius (being very sarcastic) thought that one up?

 

My son's class in private school usually had to do at least part time silent lunch. If they don't, the kids don't eat, and then by the end of the day, they're having issues from not eating. Early elementary kids are very easily distracted from eating by talking to their friends, and they aren't capable of going that long without food. So yes, it's actually a very good idea.

 

The way my son's K class usually did it was to do silent lunch until the 2nd grade came in (which was after about 15 minutes). Then they had the other 10 minutes of lunch to talk. That way, most of the kids had eaten at least a significant amount of food before it was time to talk.

[Homeschooling6]

My second child (dd) went through this when she was six years old. We lived right across the street from the public school. She would sit at the window daily and watch the children leaving for home (she'd watch from the 2nd story window, so cute).

 

At first I felt bad and didn't know what to do. Dh and I talked because I thought of putting her in P. School, but in the end we decided not to.

 

I talked to dd telling her reasons why we homeschooled her and she understood. I also let her know that public school was an eight hour thing and we talked about that too. She realized she needed to be content where she was at. We would continue talking about it here-and-there as it came up. Eventually she was fine. Now my dd is in 5th grade and very happy to be homeschooled ;).

[stripe]

Last year my son chased after the school bus in the afternoons. Almost every day. I wasn't sure where he thought he'd end up, but he was really mad at the idea that they wouldn't stop and pick him up.

 

We did get to ride a school bus at a tour of the recycling plant. He found it thrilling. ;)

 

He does the same chasing routine with the ice cream truck.

[Sasharowan]

I volunteer to get them up and ready at ps hours, keep them sitting in their seats for hours with no talking while I talked to them and then assign their schoolwork to do after hours as homework which will cut into their tv and play time. Usually by this point they are regretting they ever even mentioned the ps word. They usually are thinking og some fun thing that a friend mentioned to them without thinking of the negative stuff.

[Tracy]

:grouphug:

 

I totally understand. I have chronic insomnia that gets really, really bad when I am pregnant or nursing. And my little guy nursed until he was 27 months! So all last year, I was homeschooling my 5yo on 5-6 hours sleep every night. Now that I am feeling better after weaning ds, I look back and wonder if it was worth it (to nurse that long). In my foggy mind, though, I couldn't even contemplate the work it would be to wean him without someone's help. (We weaned him when dh had a vacation.)

 

I totally agree with what you said about getting back to basics. When mama is not healthy, that is just what you have to do. And perhaps your dc really needs some social activities. I found free storytime classes at a library that really helped. It was hard to get there, but once I was there, it was so nice that someone else was entertaining dd. And I met some other moms, and we became friends.

 

Again, :grouphug:.

[purplebrooklyn]

In our second year of homeschooling, my first grader wanted to go to PS. I let her. In three months she came to me and asked when she could do homeschool again. So we took her out.

 

It is tough, very tough. It get easier though. The more you prepare, forgive yourself, and pray, it is SOOO worth it!!

[Haiku]

The vast majority of 4/5/6 year olds that I know or know of expressed a desire to go to school, including both of mine. He will outgrow it. Don't fret over it.

 

Tara