s/o - need to show grace - dying with all your (mental) ducks in a row

[AuntieM]

If you (like kalanamak in the original thread) know of someone who passed at a respectably older age with all (okay, most) of their wits about them, still able to process thought in logical patterns and conduct themselves in an adult fashion, if they had not lost their filter for socially appropriate comments and actions, are there any things/practices/habits/beliefs/vitamins to which you might attribute their mental longevity?

 

After a most frustrating holiday afternoon, I feel the need to be proactive. :glare:

[Impish]

Wolf's Grandfather died just shy of his 106th birthday. Sharp as a tack.

 

My great grandfather was 102. Same with him.

 

No idea what the difference is for them vs my Nan who had Alzheimers. I don't doubt that it had something to do (in her case) with long term alcohol abuse. I've worked with families that had *no* reason for why their family member developed dementia.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Dh's grandmother died at 101, with all her mental faculties intact. She said socially inappropriate things, but according to the family, she always did that. It wasn't an age thing. I met her when she was 96, and the first thing she said to me was that I was a pretty girl, but I needed to brush my hair. :lol:

 

I loved listening to her stories of how her father was one of the first electricians in Poland, and the Russians kept kidnapping him to install electricity in Russia. He decided to come over to America, and his wife made him take his daughter (dh's grandmother) so that he wouldn't forget about his family and not send for them when he had enough money.

 

I think the secret to her longevity was that she had a sense of responsibility about everything she did. She worked full time until she was 84 and the company forced her to retire. I think she felt she should live life to the fullest as long as she possibly could.

[MamaT]

My paternal grandfather lived to be 97 and had all his wits about him when he died. He was a very active, outdoorsy type. He never took vitamins and ate fried foods every day. He never stopped being involved in life and other people and he had a great sense of humor. He was always playing practical jokes. He had a great time no matter what he was doing. I went to his house once when he was about 75, and he was mowing his neighbor's lawn for him (the neighbor was younger than my papa). Everyone in town called him "Papa." When he "retired" he couldn't just sit around, so he got a job driving "the old people" (many of whom were his age or younger) from the nursing home in our small town to the doctor's offices in the larger city about an hour away. He did this until he was well past 90. I hope I have lots of his genes.

[laughing lioness]

My grandma is 94, still lives in her home and is the f.t. caretaker to her "boyfriend" of 92 (he has a colonostompy -how the heck do you spell that?) so it's no easy task. She is slowing down but still firing with all thrusters, knits, sews, talks on the phone, gives the neighborhood kids candy, is the neighborhood "Grandma." etc, etc, etc.

 

She was a victim of severe sexual abuse by her father, was "given" in marriage as a teen, almost bled to death from a miscarriage, etc. She's had an interesting life, to say the least, is not bitter, loves people, cares for her animals, tends plants, etc. She worked f.t. for 40yrs for GTE and was forced to retire at 74 (she was a bookkeeper) and then worked p.t. for many years after that. She doesn't really understand why I homeschool and am not working, but she thinks my kids are lovely, beautiful people so she's o.k. with whatever we choose.

 

She has never played the victim. Ever. She got educated and supported herself and her mom in a day and age when career women weren't "acceptable." She told her first, abusive dh to quite abusing her and when he didn't she pulled a gun on him (she was a teen, he was an alchoholic man) and sent him to the hospital.

When she found herself single, alone and infertile she married my grandpa as part of a deal- he'd support her and her disabled mom if she raised his kids. They were together for 40 years before my grandpa died. His kids became her kids and my sisters and I her "babies" (she still calls me her baby:001_wub:)

She loves generously. She prays, every night, on her knees. She is the LEAST judgemental person I have ever met. She loves well and generously those she chooses to love. She does not waste her time on dead beats or victims. She doesn't throw pity parties. She loves animals, plants, children, people, good books, the Lord, her family well. No bullcrap, don't lie to her, and she'll tell you like it is. She is one of the most educated people in practical ways that I know. She took a car mechanics course when she finally retired so she could fix her own car, was a seamstress, dry cleaner shop owner, book keeper,etc and made good money investing in GTE stocks (which was sold to verizon).

 

She believes that she was put on this earth for a purpose and when that purpose is fulfilled God will call her "home." She's not afraid of life, hardship or death. She loves God but never preaches, reads voraciously, loves science, loves beauty and has a deep faith.

 

She eats well but loves bacon and cream in her coffee.

 

She rocks. She is my heroine.

[LidiyaDawn]

My maternal grandmother is… somewhere in her eighties - I'm thinking 84? - and quite the energetic character. She thinks cars are nasty things and has never driven a day in her life - she walks EVERYWHERE in just about any weather, taking along her little metal carry cart thing most of the time; she'll accept a lift from time to time and the driver gets tongue biting practice as she'll spend the entire trip ranting about the evils of anything on wheels - takes care of her own house (mowing, painting, etc)… goes trout fishing in the summer and ice fishing in the winter. She doesn't work for pay anymore, but she did all manner of work on farms & at fish plants years back and started it very young - she only went as far as the fourth grade.

 

She's got an attitude and you just don't disagree with her. It doesn't matter if you can see that the sun is shining away outside the window and she tells you it's snowing - just drink that cup of tea and promise to wear your hat. ;)

[Joker]

I've known two. My grandfather and my great-grandmother. Both never took vitamins and ate mostly fried foods but they spent a lot of time outside working. My mom always said what made them live so long and kept them so healthy was the fact they had NO stress. They just didn't worry about things like we do today (what foods should we eat/not eat, what vitamins should we take/not take, etc..) They were just really happy people.

[myfunnybunch]

Lots of outdoor exercise, good mental habits and a healthy diet. And good genes.

 

My grandfather has not passed yet, but he's a great example. He's 92 and his doctor says she's got patients 30 years younger who aren't as healthy, and he's probably got another good 10 years in him. (To which he replied something along the lines of, "Well, I'm not sure I want to go that long!" LOL That's my grandpa.)

 

My grandmother passed two years ago, but she was herself until the very end.

 

They both grew up very poor and were/are intelligent people who took responsibility for themselves, think/thought independently, read widely and created beautiful things, worked hard all their lives, prepared all of their own food--with butter and white sugar and white flour, but also their own fresh vegetables, fish they'd caught, meat they'd raised, fruits they'd picked themselves.

 

Cat

[felicity]

In my case I think it comes down to genes, not anything they did or didn't do. Both of my Grandmothers are LDS, so there wasn't alcohol abuse or smoking contributing to anything. My paternal grandmother died of complications of Alzheimers about 10 years ago. On her side there is a long line of people contracting Alzheimers. My maternal grandmother is 84 now and going strong. On that side of the family it's normal for the women to outlive the men by 30 or 40 years and be completely well into their 100s.

 

My grandmother with Alzheimers did crossword puzzles her whole life, was a teacher and ran her home. She didn't do anything that would lead her down that road any more than my grandmother without it did to avoid it, if that makes any sense.

 

I'm really, really hoping that I got those genes and not the Alzheimers ones. That is my biggest fear about growing older.

[Parrothead]

My great-grandmother lived right by herself until she died at home. I think she was 92. She still has living children. Her oldest, my grandmother, died several years ago in her early 80s of Alzheimer's. Her son, my dad, is 67 and still mentally sound. His body was sorely abused (Vietnam) so he isn't getting around well. While mom and I anticipate him being in a wheel chair one day, he did drive his bus from the deep south to Ohio and will take it pretty much start to Florida down I-95 for the return trip.

 

I know nothing about my maternal great gran. My mom's mother is alive and well at 84. She lives at home with her grown son. She is as mentally and physically sound as ever. I don't expect her to die any time soon.

 

Dh's grandmother is 92, alive and living in her home. Her grown son lives with her, but she takes care of him instead of him taking care of her. She eats the typical southern soul food diet. I think the anti-oxidants in the sweet tea she constantly drinks is what is keeping her healthy. She has living sisters, of which she is the oldest.

 

As far as I know the only one with dementia of any type is my paternal grandmother who died from Alzheimer's. She was morbidly obese but well read, educated (she was a nurse by profession) and baked her own bread. And she is the only one of 5 sisters to have Alzheimer's. I really have no idea what caused it.

[Mejane]

Yes. My mil, who died at 79 with her children and her wits about her. She was unswervingly positive, giving grace to even the most undeserving individuals. She was active with clubs and friends and volunteer work, and she smiled and laughed all the time even though she had lifelong health problems. She prayed for every member of her family by name every night (and that's a lot of names! :D) The last thing she said to her children before she slipped away was, "Be happy. Have a happy life." Needless to say, she is hugely missed.

[LibraryLover]

I wonder if stem cell research could be used to screen for "crazy relative' gene? :D

[Jean in Newcastle]

My uncle went into the office every day until he was 92 years old (he advised at that age, nothing else). He also ate a bowl of ice cream for lunch every day!

 

My dad is 89 and my mom is 85 - both are active and sharp. My dad still teaches once a week and sometimes more. My mom writes for her retirement apartment newsletter.

[Audrey]

If you (like kalanamak in the original thread) know of someone who passed at a respectably older age with all (okay, most) of their wits about them, still able to process thought in logical patterns and conduct themselves in an adult fashion, if they had not lost their filter for socially appropriate comments and actions, are there any things/practices/habits/beliefs/vitamins to which you might attribute their mental longevity?

 

After a most frustrating holiday afternoon, I feel the need to be proactive. :glare:

 

 

My grandmother lived to 94. She wrote letters to family frequently, did crossword puzzles, word search puzzles and jigsaw puzzles, and knit and read a LOT. She also exercised daily. In her late 80's she had fallen and broken a hip, but still continued to exercise daily even using her walker as a means of support -- kind of like a ballet bar.

 

I do believe the mind needs to exercised like the body does -- regularly and with variety.

Edited April 25, 2011 by Audrey

[FaithManor]

Dh's grandma lived to 98. She was lucid all but the last year and the only reason she lost her memory was a strong. She did not have dementia.

 

I personally believe it's good genetics. Dh will not likely be so lucky. His grandfather, father, and his two uncles (paternal) all had aggressive prostate cancer. His father waited until he'd had symptoms for two years before he finally went and got it checked out. Too late, it had metasticized to his bones...his older brother waited six months after his migraines began and it was prostate cancer metasticized to his brain, the middle uncle was very smart and at the first hint of trouble, got treatment. He is still alive and that was 20 years ago. But, I do think dh probably inherited the faulty gene.

 

I've met people who were in their 90's, completely lucid, still living along, who smoked, drank, ate nothing but fried fatty foods, etc. I'm pretty certain that it had to be good DNA that kept them going.

 

Faith

[Farrar]

My great-grandfather, who I didn't know well but did know a little, worked right up until the day he went into the hospital. He was in his 90's. He had the same job from the 1920's as he had when he passed away in the 1980's. Amazing. But I feel like that dedication somehow helped him hang on.

 

My grandmother is my last living grandparent. She's only in her 80's, but I feel like she's too busy to die. At least from her perspective, people *need* her! And somehow that makes me feel like she won't go anywhere for at least awhile longer.

Edited April 25, 2011 by farrarwilliams
typo!

[AuntieM]

I am very much enjoying reading about the amazing people you all know! Right now I am on the run but will respond when I can. Thanks so much!

[kalanamak]

are there any things/practices/habits/beliefs/vitamins to which you might attribute their mental longevity?

 

After a most frustrating holiday afternoon, I feel the need to be proactive. :glare:

 

Whole foods (my mother fed us WW in the 50s!), hard work, gardening and walking, mental challenges, a love of nature, a healthy stubbornness, close family, and (on my father's part) cheerfulness or (on my mother's part) wicked sense of humor and general bit of the Old Nick. Neither ever even held a cigarette, but did have a bit of sherry, etc. a couple of times a week.

 

My father did get forgetful after 94 or so, but if you got him on topic, he still made sense. I recall him writing out a time line of events as the Iraq War began, coordinating who was doing what. And when even that much memory was beyond him, he was reading a book on the Mayflower designed for young teens. When he finally had to go into assisted living, I brought him there and stayed the first day with him. He counted the steps to the dining area ("so if I count too many on my way back, I know I took a wrong turn") and carefully ask everyone's name and mutter a memory device to remember ("Anna ... hairclips" and since he was nearly deaf I said to Anna, quickly, do you always wear hairclips, and when she said yes, I bellowed in his ear "YES, Anna: hairclips").

 

Above all, a constant, searching, alert awareness of the world and all possibilities.

[Liz CA]

 

She eats well but loves bacon and cream in her coffee.

 

 

 

I will be okay then! :001_smile: I think the survival instinct plays a big role. A fighter is not always strong looking. The mind is a powerful thing!

I remember Ruth Bell Graham writing in her biography that the Chinese people thought her mother (medical missionary to China) would not last beyond 6 months in the rough conditions because she was so small and delicate. Of course, she did last beyond six months and had all her children in China too.