"Adult Reception"?

[Aubrey]

ETA: Nevermind. The wedding STARTS at 9PM.

 

I assume this means, "Sure. Bring your kids to the wedding, but then, please go home. OR get a sitter for the wedding AND the reception, & come on!" :001_smile: (Because who's going to take their kids to a wedding, take them home to a sitter, & then return to the reception?)

 

What if...your kids are IN the wedding? Are they the silent exception, or do you skip the reception? If the wedding is close family, wouldn't skipping the reception be rude?

 

Does it make a difference if the reception is in the same location as the wedding? :bigear:

Edited April 9, 2011 by Aubrey

[Lawana]

You need to ask for specifics. I'm sure the bride-to-be has specific ideas about what is and is not okay. And if it were someone related to dh, I would make him ask.

[Chelli]

My cousin had an "adult reception" at the same place that they were married. Basically, it was because the caterer (an on site caterer) charged the same price for a kid's plate as an adult plate and my cousin and her fiance couldn't afford it because his family had a lot of children. Even if the kid's didn't eat off their own plate, but were sitting at the table they were charged half price! We didn't attend because of all this. We would have had to have gotten a hotel room just to attend a 15 minute ceremony, so we just stayed home.

 

My cousin's niece was actually in the wedding and she wasn't expected to stay for the reception eventhough she had been in the wedding. I found it all kind of rude, but it wasn't my wedding or my money so it's not my choice.

 

What an "adult only" reception means to others, I don't know.

[Aubrey]

You need to ask for specifics. I'm sure the bride-to-be has specific ideas about what is and is not okay. And if it were someone related to dh, I would make him ask.

 

I will ask, but...I don't want to get the polite, "Oh, of course--bring the kids!" when they'd really rather you didn't. I'd have mil ask for us, but I'm afraid a "No" would upset her, lol.

 

Maybe I'll ask, & if they say yes, we'll just stay very, very briefly. Long enough to be cute, not long enough to be loud. ;)

[ChristusG]

If the kids are IN the wedding, I would be irritated if they were not allowed at the reception....I mean, what are you to do? Bring them home?

 

ETA: I don't attend weddings that don't allow my children.

[In2why]

I wonder if Adult reception versus Adult Only reception means parents beware there is going to be drinking, adult music, diving for the garter belt, and risque toasts? So Parents decide if you have a problem with a reception that isn't "G" rated. But I would also ask just to make sure.

[Aubrey]

If the kids are IN the wedding, I would be irritated if they were not allowed at the reception....I mean, what are you to do? Bring them home?

 

ETA: I don't attend weddings that don't allow my children.

 

Well, & just to make it more complicated, 2 kids are in the wedding; 2 aren't.

 

How can you tell if the wedding is catered? The only catered reception I've attended included a meat choice on the invitation, but I'm guessing it could be catered w/out that.

 

AND...if you're attending the wedding but not the reception, how do you respond on the RSVP card? :confused:

[fhjmom]

I think it is incredibly unthoughtful of the bride/groom to plan a reception that would exclude part of the wedding party. If children are to be included in the wedding party, they should be accomodated at the reception. That being said, I have seen many brides do things that make my jaw drop and usually the caveat is given, "well, it's her day , she dan do what she wants." I do not think that excuses really thoughtless behavior, but that is JMHO.

 

In this case, since it sounds like at the very least some thoughtlessness at least regarding communication has occured, I would just ask. If children from the wedding party are truly excluded from the reception, I can't see myself going home then returning sans kids. I would probably attend the wedding only then stop for a special dinner with my child(ren) all dressed up and make the remainder of the evening" their" day.

[Starr]

I've been to weddings where the children in wedding party (and their siblings) were included in the reception even though other children were not. The world of weddings gets more and more complicated. If you're all going you might as well stay late because the later it is, the louder the music. :D They'll never know you are there.

[Aubrey]

I wonder if Adult reception versus Adult Only reception means parents beware there is going to be drinking, adult music, diving for the garter belt, and risque toasts? So Parents decide if you have a problem with a reception that isn't "G" rated. But I would also ask just to make sure.

 

This could definitely be the case.

[Aubrey]

I think it is incredibly unthoughtful of the bride/groom to plan a reception that would exclude part of the wedding party. If children are to be included in the wedding party, they should be accomodated at the reception. That being said, I have seen many brides do things that make my jaw drop and usually the caveat is given, "well, it's her day , she dan do what she wants." I do not think that excuses really thoughtless behavior, but that is JMHO.

 

In this case, since it sounds like at the very least some thoughtlessness at least regarding communication has occured, I would just ask. If children from the wedding party are truly excluded from the reception, I can't see myself going home then returning sans kids. I would probably attend the wedding only then stop for a special dinner with my child(ren) all dressed up and make the remainder of the evening" their" day.

 

Meh. If we were coming from out of town, it might bother me, but I remember sitting in a friend's wedding 6mos before mine & being incredulous at how loud kids were & how rude parents were not to keep them quieter or take them out.

 

SO I was very anti-kid when we got married. In the end, I didn't say anything about it on the invitations, & it was fine, but I do remember being worried about it.

 

And *shrug* I don't mind getting out of the reception. I consider that a bonus. ;) :lol:

[Chelli]

Well, & just to make it more complicated, 2 kids are in the wedding; 2 aren't.

 

How can you tell if the wedding is catered? The only catered reception I've attended included a meat choice on the invitation, but I'm guessing it could be catered w/out that.

 

AND...if you're attending the wedding but not the reception, how do you respond on the RSVP card? :confused:

 

My cousin's invitation didn't require an RSVP for the wedding, but there was an RSVP card for the reception (which is where it indicated that it was an "adult only"). On the reception card you chose beef or chicken so I knew it was sit-down catered, but at my other cousin's wedding they had a buffet that was catered so you didn't have to indicate what type of meat you wanted. I didn't know it was catered until we got there.

[Beth S]

Our dd was the flower girl in bil's wedding (and dh was best man) fifteen years ago. It was "adults only" reception because it was a nice, sit-down dinner at a country club.

 

However, they intentionally wanted to include dd (& our toddler son) in the reception because we were out-of-town and in the wedding party.

 

The bride initiated the clarification (exception to the invitation we would receive), and we made sure our 2 kids did not distract from the festivities in any way (actually there was a side room where we took turns babysitting them when they got restless).

 

Weddings are such a challenge to navigate!

[Aubrey]

My cousin's invitation didn't require an RSVP for the wedding, but there was an RSVP card for the reception (which is where it indicated that it was an "adult only"). On the reception card you chose beef or chicken so I knew it was sit-down catered, but at my other cousin's wedding they had a buffet that was catered so you didn't have to indicate what type of meat you wanted. I didn't know it was catered until we got there.

 

This RSVP card just has a blank for your name & a blank below for the number attending. Since the point is typically how much food, I'd think it would be better to reply for the reception vs the wedding, but jeepers. I don't know.

 

Dh is going to call his bro, but that may be worse, lol--2 guys trying to decide about something like kids & RSVPs. :tongue_smilie:

[redsquirrel]

I have seen weddings with kids in the party where the children were not at the reception. I didn't really think about it because I didn't have kids at the time. It was late and I assumed the children wouldn't want to be there anyway.

 

I love weddings with lots of kids, but not everyone is like me. I can also imagine loving a wedding with no children.

[Aubrey]

Oh. my. goodness.

 

I just re-read the invitation.

 

:svengo:

 

It's at 9.

 

In the evening.

 

And they want 2yo & 3yo IN it.

 

Do you KNOW what happens to a 2yo after bedtime? He doesn't get all sweet & cuddly. He goes SUPERNOVA.

 

:svengo:

[teamturner]

Well, & just to make it more complicated, 2 kids are in the wedding; 2 aren't.

 

 

My cousin got married a few years ago and asked my older dd (who at the time was 7?) to be a flower girl. And children were not invited in the wedding. I had to get a sitter, and we were attending an out of town wedding, for my other 3 dc. Luckily, my brother's dear childhood friend lived in the area and we left my 3 and his 2 kids at his house. My other dc ended up having a great time and we had a great time at the wedding. The parents of the bride had a brunch the next day and we were able to bring all of our dc to that so out of town family were able to see all of my dc. It was a strange senario though.

 

I think couples these days are looking for ways to cut cost so leaving children out is a way to do that, especially if a lot of food is being served.

[teamturner]

The wedding starts at 9 or the reception??? If it's the wedding, that's insane!!

[ChristusG]

I wonder if Adult reception versus Adult Only reception means parents beware there is going to be drinking, adult music, diving for the garter belt, and risque toasts? So Parents decide if you have a problem with a reception that isn't "G" rated. But I would also ask just to make sure.

 

If this were the case, I wouldn't be staying for the reception either, whether children were uninvited or not. Yes, I'm a prude.

 

And if two of my kids were in the wedding and two were not, I would hope that the other two would be invited as well. You can't pick and choose members of a family to invite.

 

I see you mention it doesn't begin until 9??? I'd question the sanity of of the bride asking children to be in a wedding beginning at 9 LOL.

[Jennifer in MI]

9 pm wedding?????? INSANE!!!!! If it's the reception, I'd be asking/begging my mom to help me watch the kids.

 

Ugh.

[Aubrey]

The wedding starts at 9 or the reception??? If it's the wedding, that's insane!!

 

Wedding. Yeah, INSANE. And to not TELL us before the invitations go out? When you agree to have your dc in a wedding, you assume it's going to be during HUMAN hours.

[Aubrey]

9 pm wedding?????? INSANE!!!!! If it's the reception, I'd be asking/begging my mom to help me watch the kids.

 

Ugh.

 

My mom's in another state, lol, & kind-of...well, she's in several other states, lol.

[Jennifer in MI]

Wedding. Yeah, INSANE. And to not TELL us before the invitations go out? When you agree to have your dc in a wedding, you assume it's going to be during HUMAN hours.

 

If this is the case, I'd be on the phone with the bride ASAP to clarify. And, if your kids truly cannot do it that late, you need to tell her!!

[Jennifer in MI]

My mom's in another state, lol, & kind-of...well, she's in several other states, lol.

 

LOL I was in ONE wedding after I had kids. I was in Philadelphia and my mom was in MI (ds was 6 mo). I BEGGED my mom to come. In the end, she did. She was GREAT. She watched my oldest (I was pregnant with my second at the time). Worked out great!!!

[Aubrey]

If this is the case, I'd be on the phone with the bride ASAP to clarify. And, if your kids truly cannot do it that late, you need to tell her!!

 

The clothes have already been purchased--I think mil paid for them, not the bride, but still...&...to try to get replacements *now*? Who would even agree to it?

 

I don't need clarification about the reception any more, though!

[Jennifer in MI]

The clothes have already been purchased--I think mil paid for them, not the bride, but still...&...to try to get replacements *now*? Who would even agree to it?

 

I don't need clarification about the reception any more, though!

 

In this case - which kids? And, will they nap???? And, what is their responsibility? Can they do the ONE thing at 9 pm (walk down the isle and look cute in their overpriced dresses/suits?) and then go back to the hotel and go to bed? You know your kids. :grouphug: This is tough!!!!

[elegantlion]

Wedding. Yeah, INSANE. And to not TELL us before the invitations go out? When you agree to have your dc in a wedding, you assume it's going to be during HUMAN hours.

 

Who gets married at 9pm? Seriously? Vampires? Is there something you don't know about dh's family?

 

Dang, you get people older than 40, they want to go to bed early. Who isn't going to be worn out from the day by 9pm?

[Aubrey]

In this case - which kids? And, will they nap???? And, what is their responsibility? Can they do the ONE thing at 9 pm (walk down the isle and look cute in their overpriced dresses/suits?) and then go back to the hotel and go to bed? You know your kids. :grouphug: This is tough!!!!

 

The wedding is about 30 min away, so we'll be going home. I *imagined* they'd stand there through at least some of the ceremony, but I guess that's not how it's usually done, is it? My big two were in my sister's wedding, & I think they went & sat w/ dh & grandmothers after they walked down the aisle. *Leaving* seems weird, but...I don't know.

 

CAN they do it? I'd have to check my glass ball. Several times. Because THAT is something that cannot be predicted.

[Aubrey]

Who gets married at 9pm? Seriously? Vampires? Is there something you don't know about dh's family?

 

Dang, you get people older than 40, they want to go to bed early. Who isn't going to be worn out from the day by 9pm?

 

I know--do they not want their *grandparents* there? What. on. earth????

 

And it's NOT a money thing. It's JUST weird.

[Aubrey]

Ok, my reading skills must need a brush-up. The location to which the RSVP card goes is 30 min from us. The wedding is an HOUR away. At NINE.

[VA6336]

I just want to say how much that sucks!! You've agreed to let two young kids be in the wedding, money has been spent on that decision and NOW you find out it's at 9 PM!!! :eek:

 

Good luck, Aubrey. Sounds like you're going to need it (and maybe a tall bottle of brandy).

[Sara in AZ]

This thread is bringing up a buried memory I have of my cousin's wedding when I was about 10. My sister was the flower girl and allowed to attend the reception with my parents. I got to babysit my other three siblings in the hotel room all night. That was a lot of fun.

 

Hope you figure it all out!

[mom2scouts]

When I got married, my SIL had just had a baby and had two other young children and was coming from out of state. We hired someone to provide daycare in the church nursery and made it optional for any parent who wanted to use it. This gave parents the option of letting their children go play or bringing well behaved children to the ceremony. Our reception was a small affair immediately after the ceremony (no catered meal)and the children came out and joined us for that. I think if brides want to have their extended family attend the wedding, they need to find a way to make it possible.

[CAMom]

What if...your kids are IN the wedding? Are they the silent exception, or do you skip the reception? If the wedding is close family, wouldn't skipping the reception be rude?

 

 

 

So we want you to shell out the bucks for your kids to be in the wedding but we don't want to pay for their meal?;)

[Embassy]

I backed out of a wedding late in the game - well, I backed my son out. He had had lots of anxiety and sensory issues and was doing really well and thought he would be fine for the wedding. When the date approached he "freaked out" and I knew he wouldn't be able to do it without lots of regression. Family was not happy, but it worked out fine. They thought it would have been cute if he ran screaming down the aisle or if he refused to move an inch. :glare: They found a replacement.

 

I'd talk with the bride and express your concerns. Maybe she is unaware of how children morph into something else when they are very tired.

[Lawana]

It's at 9.

 

In the evening.

 

And they want 2yo & 3yo IN it.

 

:svengo:

I have *never* heard of a wedding at 9 p.m. :glare:

I'm guessing your future SIL hasn't had much experience with kids, since it didn't occur to her when asking for a 2 and 3 yo to be in the wedding that 9!!! is a little late for little ones.

[Aubrey]

I have *never* heard of a wedding at 9 p.m. :glare:

I'm guessing your future SIL hasn't had much experience with kids, since it didn't occur to her when asking for a 2 and 3 yo to be in the wedding that 9!!! is a little late for little ones.

 

Ironically, she's a teacher. Middle school, though.

 

And she's got a niece that's going to be in the wedding--surely her sister TOLD her this is a bad idea? I don't know.

[Rosy]

The wedding is about 30 min away, so we'll be going home. I *imagined* they'd stand there through at least some of the ceremony, but I guess that's not how it's usually done, is it? My big two were in my sister's wedding, & I think they went & sat w/ dh & grandmothers after they walked down the aisle. *Leaving* seems weird, but...I don't know.

 

CAN they do it? I'd have to check my glass ball. Several times. Because THAT is something that cannot be predicted.

My kids were in a wedding at 4 and 3. You can totally pull them out of there after they walk down the aisle. We got my son out of there as fast as humanly possible, I don't think anyone noticed. People are pretty focused on the bride and groom.

 

Do they nap in the afternoon? I would let them oversleep as much as possible, and then bribe them *heavily* at the rehearsal dinner and the actual wedding. You could sit in the back with them, or just leave...I don't think anyone would notice or care.

[Lawana]

Ironically, she's a teacher. Middle school, though.

 

And she's got a niece that's going to be in the wedding--surely her sister TOLD her this is a bad idea? I don't know.

 

Middle school kids during the day are one thing. 2 and 3 yo at night are something else entirely, but I don't need to tell you that. How old is her niece?

[Aubrey]

Middle school kids during the day are one thing. 2 and 3 yo at night are something else entirely, but I don't need to tell you that. How old is her niece?

 

3 or 4, I think.

[Rivka]

Is it taking place in the Deep South, in high summer?

 

I remember reading in a 1940s-era Emily Post book that Southern weddings were often in the evening because it was cooler. But sheesh, that was before air conditioning! What would be the excuse now?!

[Lawana]

3 or 4, I think.

Then yes, I'm surprised her sister didn't say anything, unless the niece is used to staying up late on a regular basis.

[redsquirrel]

:001_huh:

 

Wow. I've heard that the later the wedding, the more formal. But, 9pm for starting is just insane! There aren't many things that I enjoy doing that I would agree to to do after 9pm. A wedding and reception? Buh bye.

 

Use my big time, only in emergencies excuse... the kids have pinworms. It will work like a charm and no one will ask for the clothes back.

[Carrie12345]

Um... If you're seriously considering keeping your kids in the wedding, don't forget to weigh the pressure of PHOTOGRAPHS at that time of night - which could be before and/or after the actual ceremony!!!!!

[Aubrey]

Um... If you're seriously considering keeping your kids in the wedding, don't forget to weigh the pressure of PHOTOGRAPHS at that time of night - which could be before and/or after the actual ceremony!!!!!

 

Oh my gosh--I hadn't thought of that!

 

Ugh. Dh has apparently known about this & just didn't think about how the kids would be. Now? His solution is to "not stay very long FOR THE RECEPTION."

 

We were about to watch a movie together. Now I'm back w/ you guys. Sometimes mellow makes me mad. LOL

[redsquirrel]

I really think you need to talk to someone about this now. Ok, tomorrow.

 

But it needs to be done. If I had to have my kids who are 6 and 11 anywhere at 9pm, the would be asleep when we got there.

 

Maybe start with the mother of the other child? What is her plan?

 

Pinworms. Great excuse. Just sayin'

[Aubrey]

I really think you need to talk to someone about this now. Ok, tomorrow.

 

But it needs to be done. If I had to have my kids who are 6 and 11 anywhere at 9pm, the would be asleep when we got there.

 

Maybe start with the mother of the other child? What is her plan?

 

Pinworms. Great excuse. Just sayin'

 

I don't know the mother of the other child; I've only met the bride 2-3 times. I hate to disappoint anyone, but what I really hate? If we don't go & stay, mil will not be happy. Dad. gum. it. Why does it always come down to that?

 

Of course, there's a *chance* mil doesn't know the time of the wedding yet & will not be happy when she finds out about *that.*

 

*Crossing my fingers*

 

And goodness. I need a volunteer to explain this to dh. He says it's one night--who cares. I started to point out what time we'd get home, but he interrupted & said, "The kids aren't going to get to bed at a decent time: I know that."

 

But for a 1 hour wedding, it will be ending at 10--if it starts on time. (Weddings aren't an hour! he objected, but less assured than before.) I told him pictures afterward can take close to an hour, but we could estimate just 30 min. If we skip the reception & go straight home, it would be 11:30 when we walk in the door. And right now...he can't go by himself that late at night.

 

He's almost convinced that something's got to give. But he's an idealist, so he thinks that that something could maybe be *reality.* (No, I didn't say that to him.)

[redsquirrel]

It isn't that they won't get to bed at a decent hour. It's that they will be screaming and rolling around during a wedding. At least they would if they were my kids.

 

Your kids must be much more easy going than mine. My younger son, 6, will just plop himself down at 8pm and start to sob "put me to beeed! Puuuut meee to beeed!" It is rather pitiful. And my older son, 11, stays pleasant but will fall asleep in mid-sentence around 9:30.

 

My husband wouldn't even have to wonder. The conversation would go like this:

Me: the reception doesn't even START until 9pm

DH: Too bad we can't be there.

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

Keep them up late for a week or two to get them used to it, and they'll be fine. Staying up a bit later each night is easy...it's the reverse that will be hard, getting them back on a normal schedule. I hate springing back, I love the other time change.

[Aubrey]

:grouphug:

 

Keep them up late for a week or two to get them used to it, and they'll be fine. Staying up a bit later each night is easy...it's the reverse that will be hard, getting them back on a normal schedule. I hate springing back, I love the other time change.

 

Um...don't you think that's a bit much to ask?

 

My kids haven't ever seemed to respond to the time change: they wake up when they wake up. (Before ME, no matter how late they went to bed. But *cranky* if it was late.)