writing assignment as punishment

[Denisemomof4]

have any of you used a writing assignment as a punishment? You know, the kind where the child will have to write, "I will not do X," or "I'm sorry for doing X" type thing. If you have done this, would you mind sharing an example of what you've had the child write, how many times, and the age of your child?

 

I'm just starting to do this as a form of discipline for my 8 year old girl. It's working surprisingly well. She has many behavioral issues stemmed from trauma and neglect in her childhood (she was in an orphanage until 14 months of age) but I really need her to DO her schoolwork so I know she's learning. Putting her in school would NOT be good for her. I decided to try something new. Since writing the wrong answer, and sometimes on the entire lesson, and for WEEKS or MONTHS on end, has been something she's done for so long now, I'm having her write the RIGHT answer X number of times for EVERYTHING she gets wrong. She sees her sister having to rewrite words X number of times when she spells them wrong, so now she's doing the same - and she's DOING it. This past week her math and phonics papers were the best they've been in numerous months!!!

 

I'm going to try this now on other behavioral issues. She just scratched up our NEW fireplace :glare: and she will lose all privileges until this new writing assignment is done. It worked on schoolwork so far and I'm hoping it will work on other discipline issues!

 

FWIW, no other form of discipline has worked on her long term to date. I am surprised she's actually doing the work and I'm hoping it will have lasting affects on her.

 

Anyone else?

 

(I won't do the entire happy dance yet but am hopeful that perhaps I've finally found a form of discipline that will make a difference!!!)

[knit247]

I have my oldest DD write "reports" when she has blatantly done something that she knows is wrong (the most recent was taking vitamins without asking - my brother almost died from eating an almost-full bottle of Flintstones as a child and my DDs know that I consider vitamins the same as medicine).

 

I started her with this when she was about eight, and had her write eight well thought-out sentences. Now that she is nine she writes nine sentences ;) If I really want to make a point I mark her paper with corrections, cross out repetitive sentences, and have her write it over. She hates it, but I rarely have the same problem more than once!

 

As for schoolwork corrections, the girls both write misspelled words 3x and oldest DD also uses it in a sentence. Sometimes with grammar mistakes, I'll have her write the rule. Usually her mistakes are because I haven't explained something as well as I should have - in those instances I do not make her write anything.

 

I HTH!

[kchara]

Day before yesterday, both of my older children wrote "I will be quiet when Mom is on the phone." 100x. In cursive (a deal, especially for my DS). And it has to be neat, or it gets redone. I think there's something to repetition, if nothing else. It got the idea in their heads when talking to them and removing privileges wasn't doing it, and I bet DS, especially (who usually instigates around here) won't be pulling it again. It works really well in our home.

[SonshineLearner]

I have a friend who makes her kids run laps around the house. Don't obey? Run 5 laps and try again.. :)

[ChristusG]

Yes, I've done it once with my oldest. As she gets older, I will do it more....and add reports to that as well.

[HeidiKC]

When my ds was about 9, we were having some trouble with manners with other adults. So I reprimanded a lot (so he had plenty of warning), and finally I said that he must really need a lot more information on how to act around adults. I said it really nicely, but it looked like we'd need a few books on manners. I checked out about 5, and then had him write a one-page report on it. That worked REALLY well.

 

Now whenever we're having an issue with something, I sympathetically suggest that maybe we need to get some books and do some research on the subject. And he stops!

 

I also warned him yesterday that if he leaves the front door open ONE MORE TIME, he will write 10 times "I will remember to always close the front door when I come into the house and when I leave the house." In his very best handwriting.

[Whereneverever]

I do at times. I assign in groups of 10 until she's done arguing and working. For instance, "I will use my hands to help, not hurt." and the baseline is 10- and as long as she's standing and bickering I keep adding.

[HeidiKC]

Day before yesterday, both of my older children wrote "I will be quiet when Mom is on the phone." 100x. In cursive (a deal, especially for my DS). And it has to be neat, or it gets redone. I think there's something to repetition, if nothing else. It got the idea in their heads when talking to them and removing privileges wasn't doing it, and I bet DS, especially (who usually instigates around here) won't be pulling it again. It works really well in our home.

 

Wow - 100 times?! I threatened 10. I think I will up my threat to at least 25 if you're doing 100. 10 sounds pretty pathetic in comparison!

[kchara]

Wow - 100 times?! I threatened 10. I think I will up my threat to at least 25 if you're doing 100. 10 sounds pretty pathetic in comparison!

 

LOL DS needs LOTS of repetition... lots and lots and lots. If he got the idea at 10 or 25, then I'd probably assign that many. But... he doesn't. :glare:

 

Actually, he had a major meltdown over it, but my DD jumped right in and started. I excused her after 25, because of her good attitude about her discipline. She still learned her lesson, and we haven't had a phone incident since. DS is still learning his lessons about accepting discipline gracefully, and the intended lesson of not running through the house screaming like a banshee when I'm on the phone.

[knit247]

Wow - 100 times?! I threatened 10. I think I will up my threat to at least 25 if you're doing 100. 10 sounds pretty pathetic in comparison!

 

I lied as a young teen. A lot. My Mom was fed up and I had to write a line-and-a-half sentence 1000 times before I was allowed to do anything (besides eat, sleep, shower, school, and church). I don't think that I ever lied again. Seriously!

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I was doing this with ds and I may go back to it. I felt a little bad because he does struggle with handwriting, but I got over it! LOL.

 

He usually has to write apology notes to his sister.

 

Recently I made him start drawing pictures. He's a pretty angry kid, so he has to draw 6 things that his sister does that makes him happy. Or when he was going through his "I wish I was never born" phase, I made him draw pictures of good things.

 

I try to keep everything on the positive side, so instead of teaching him how to write the words he shouldn't be saying, I'll have him write "I will only use nice words like ..." "When (sister) annoys me, I will walk away."

 

My dd does it on her own. A week ago I had a butterfinger (I know, in the grand scheme of things this is nothing) and dd was begging for it. I told her no, and reminded her that she and her brother have other types of treats. This is my treat, and I usually do not have treats. Anyway, later that day I went for my treat and the wrapper was empty! I sent her to her room for not listening. When she came out, she had a note of apology and said she'd work for the cost of the treat. It was very sweet. I did make her go back and edit her mistakes! :)

[Denisemomof4]

Day before yesterday, both of my older children wrote "I will be quiet when Mom is on the phone." 100x. In cursive (a deal, especially for my DS). And it has to be neat, or it gets redone. I think there's something to repetition, if nothing else. It got the idea in their heads when talking to them and removing privileges wasn't doing it, and I bet DS, especially (who usually instigates around here) won't be pulling it again. It works really well in our home.

 

ok, I'm feeling better now. After Laurie's response, I questioned whether or not I was being too tough. Sorry Laurie - that's nothing for you to take personally!

 

I've had the same behavioral issues with dd for so many years now and it's just got to stop. I have her in my sight ALL THE TIME (have for YEARS now!) but I've JUST started to step into the kitchen to get tea, or what ever, and allowed her to stay at the table. I should have known I can't let my guard down. In those few seconds she decided to scratch up our beautiful fireplace. Since damaging the house has been going on for years, I've given her a HEFTY writing assignment (actually more than 100 times) because I just can't take it anymore. I'm tired of repairing her damage. I make her clean her messes, writing on walls, boogers off of things, etc. but the damage which requires repairs is something dh or I normally take care of. I will be doing wall repairs and repainting the bathroom where she was picking apart the drywall when I was allowing dd11 to take her to go to the bathroom. :svengo:

[Denisemomof4]

Wow - 100 times?! I threatened 10. I think I will up my threat to at least 25 if you're doing 100. 10 sounds pretty pathetic in comparison!

 

actually, like I said, mine is even more than 100. I wasn't going to admit that because I didn't want to get blasted, but really, unless you're dealing with a child with severe behavioral issues (and destroying a house IS a CHOICE no matter what's going on inside of you), you really can't say what you'd do. I've had to rip out carpets, replace walls, and this while she was a TODDLER.

 

I really shouldn't complain. Yes, I'm LIVID that she did this to my gorgeous and NEW fireplace, but really, she's doing SO MUCH BETTER that I truly am counting my blessings. AND still dishing out consequences. I think writing assignments are such drudgery that maybe she's deciding that her games on her schoolwork simply aren't worth it. Hopefully the destruction will stop, too.

 

Also, it's been three months since she drew all over the wall. We truly ARE making progress. Years ago destruction was a daily thing.

[Denisemomof4]

I lied as a young teen. A lot. My Mom was fed up and I had to write a line-and-a-half sentence 1000 times before I was allowed to do anything (besides eat, sleep, shower, school, and church). I don't think that I ever lied again. Seriously!

 

dd11 has lied a few times recently and I've told her that not only is it a sin, it destroys relationships. It hurts me SO deeply. I remember my boys having a huge writing assignment over lying about the same age, and she's got a 500 writing assignment this weekend because the groundings apparently haven't worked. I've never done this before with her but I'm thinking I won't have to again. ;)

 

She's being a trooper about it. I think she's being the perfect role model as younger dd sits there with her writing assignment.

 

Hey - if it works.......

[Denisemomof4]

Recently I made him start drawing pictures. He's a pretty angry kid, so he has to draw 6 things that his sister does that makes him happy. Or when he was going through his "I wish I was never born" phase, I made him draw pictures of good things.

 

I try to keep everything on the positive side, so instead of teaching him how to write the words he shouldn't be saying, I'll have him write "I will only use nice words like ..." "When (sister) annoys me, I will walk away."

 

 

I *LOVE* this! I think I will change what my dd's are writing!!!

[Aggie]

You could have her write 10 different sentences about not destroying things. Then 10 more about WHY we don't destroy property.

 

This might help her think things through a little bit.

[flobee76]

I've only done this a couple of times. She had to write out "I will not be rude." 10x when she was interrupting me while I was on the telephone. She also had to write out "I will be loving to my siblings" when she was having a prideful day. I would post it up on our "school" wall for a few days.

[pbt1294]

I have always been scared to do this because I have never really enjoyed writing, although I have always been fairly decent at it. I have been afraid that my dcs would hate it even more if I used it for punishment, but that is probably not the case.

[Joanne]

Special circumstances can require us as parents to consider tools that we would not, in theory, pursue.

 

This would be one of them for me. In most situations, I would not suggest writing as discipline. In your situation, I understand why you've decided to try.

 

Know that the effectiveness may eventually wear off and you'll have to find something else.

[Denisemomof4]

 

Know that the effectiveness may eventually wear off and you'll have to find something else.

 

I do realize this. It's always two steps forward, one step back with her, and what works now won't work later. I don't know what I'll try next, but last time what ever I did (it was after my mom's death and I don't remember what the consequence was) had her doing her school work well for almost a year. I'm hoping that will happen again this time.

[Denisemomof4]

You could have her write 10 different sentences about not destroying things. Then 10 more about WHY we don't destroy property.

 

This might help her think things through a little bit.

 

I *LOVE* this as well! Thanks!!!

[HayesW]

Denise, I am just so absolutely thrilled to hear you've found something that is working for you both. And hooray for not writing on the walls in three months. HOORAY! I am so so glad that she is making progress.

[Denisemomof4]

Denise, I am just so absolutely thrilled to hear you've found something that is working for you both. And hooray for not writing on the walls in three months. HOORAY! I am so so glad that she is making progress.

 

thank you! How nice of you to write this!

 

Actually, she had about 8 months of TERRIFIC behavior before the decline of my good friend and parents. She recently told me that when I was caring for everyone, she felt like I didn't care about her. :sad: I suspect we will make tremendous progress once again. I'm only feeling myself, or recovered, in the past few months. She's really doing well and I'm really focused on helping her to make better choices. I'm also closely guarding my time because I'm dedicated to doing fun things with my girls alone, without a homeschool group, without friends.

 

It seems that life has just been quiet and easy with her for a few months now. I'm SO happy to see her doing well again.

[K&Rs Mom]

I have a friend who makes her kids run laps around the house. Don't obey? Run 5 laps and try again.. :)

 

I've done this - they make a mark on the sidewalk with the sidewalk chalk each time around.

 

I've also had 8yo copy relevant definitions from the dictionary - clearly she wouldn't act this way if she understood what obedient and respectful mean, right? :lol: I've had to use the thesaurus on my computer to come up with enough relevant words at times (side note - my dictionary actually has a definition for the phrase "sweetness and light"). Now that I think about it, she hasn't had to do this in quite a while. Maybe it actually worked.

 

I've had her write apologies, too - to me or to whomever she's hurt/wronged. I required at least 5 decent sentences in legible handwriting, delivered gently (no throwing the paper at someone and stomping off).

Edited April 1, 2011 by K&Rs Mom

[littlebug42]

When I was a kid, my Mom has this ancient, deadly boring grammar book called Write Better, Speak Better that she would have us copy passages out of. Brutal but effective. :001_smile:

[Sasharowan]

I had ds15 write a 5 paragraph essay when he was 11ish about the importance of sleep when we started having issues with him going to sleep. He would argue about bedtime, sneak a light and read past bedtime, and other stuff like that. He was really srgumentative and touchy about everything. In his research, he found that lack of sleep contributes to poor attitudes, easy irritation, and viewing things negatively.

 

ETA: I have also had ds9 write I will not .... papers a few times when he was younger. Some times they need the repetition to drill it in their heads.

[tex-mex]

When I was a kid, my Mom has this ancient, deadly boring grammar book called Write Better, Speak Better that she would have us copy passages out of. Brutal but effective. :001_smile:

When I used to be a public school teacher, this same method was quite effective for certain students at recess time for discipline. I used the encyclopedia. If the particular (strong willed) student was acting out in class, the usual method beyond the "teacher glare" or standing next to the student while lecturing (which usually stopped the behavior)... then if the behavior or disruption continued, his/her name went on the board as a warning. I never said anything to shame or embarrass them. I just kept on with my lesson as if nothing happened. LOL

 

If during the same day, more disruptions or misbehavior continued, a check next to their name. One check mark meant no recess. Two check marks meant the dreaded copying from the encyclopedia along with missing 2 recesses and a note sent home. Third check mark? Automatic phone call to parents with the copy work and loss of all 3 recesses -- student was immediately sent to the principal with the copy work. Rules for this were posted clearly on the front of the classroom and I made sure each student had their parent sign an acknowledgment stating they knew of my discipline system the first week of school. It usually took one student at the beginning of the school year to show all of the students how the system worked and then the rest of the year went well. ;) I usually never had to go beyond the name on the board and one check mark after that first incident.

Edited April 1, 2011 by tex-mex

[Celia]

Oh yeah, I sure have done this! For my ds6 :) And another Mom on this forum suggested that for tattle-tales, they need to fill out a form. This also I will implement given another year when my dd is big enough!

[Parrothead]

Yup, dd writes lines in groups of 25. I really can't think of what she had to write last time, but it was about 1 and a half lines long so it took up both sides of a page of lined paper.

[Hoggirl]

I never used the method on my ds that you described, nor was it used on me by my mom. However, I distinctly remember a time when I had been sassy and I had to look up the word "respect" in the dictionary and write out the definition. I then had to write how I had NOT been respectful, why that was wrong, and how I could be respectful in the future. It REALLY made an impact on me. I can't recall my age, however.

[Denisemomof4]

thanks for all the replies! I really feel this is the right thing for now.

 

Both my dd's have writing assignments this weekend and have NO privileges until they're all done. Dd11 is a great, easy kid but she's at the developmental stage where testing the waters with lying is acceptable to her. NOT ME. I am having her write about lying this weekend. (both my boys did the same at her age and I do remember writing assignments with them, too!)

 

Dd8 actually has three writing assignments right now. Sometimes any sort of discipline will bring on more issues with her and this has happened.

 

A FUNNY:

 

Yesterday we had the plumber come over to fix the leak in the pipes (that dh caused! Ssssshhhhhhhhhhhh!) so we could have our master bathroom shower back. We've known this guy for about 15 years now. He came into the addition so see our new work and give us contacts for the kitchen remodel. While in there he saw dd8 sitting at the table doing her writing assignment. He leaned over to see what she was writing and immediately broke out in a chuckle. What was she writing:

 

"I will not bully my mom anymore."

 

Yes, that was what she was writing! I'm rereading some of Nancy Thomas' work to refresh my mind about dd8. ALL OVER HER WORK she speaks of the mother being bullied by the child. I had forgotten about that but WOW, that's exactly what happens in my house! She bullies me!

 

So I had her start with the above writing assignment and when she finishes that she will get on to the writing assignment for scratching the fireplace. I know I could be more creative in my choice of words with this one, and I really want to be more positive and encouraging as some of you pointed out. However, with this one it's straight forward. Stop the bullying. Period.

 

The plumber, dh and I laughed and dd8 was NOT amused.;) He also spoke of when he made his kids do writing assignments. They're all grown and out of the house now and doing VERY well. I'm convinced it's because of the writing assignments. ;):lol:

[mathewsgang]

I sometimes have them write out a verse that applies to the misbehavior. I just had my 7 year old write out Eph. 6:1 several times to help him with obeying an order that he has been given.

[Audrey]

have any of you used a writing assignment as a punishment? You know, the kind where the child will have to write, "I will not do X," or "I'm sorry for doing X" type thing. If you have done this, would you mind sharing an example of what you've had the child write, how many times, and the age of your child?

 

I'm just starting to do this as a form of discipline for my 8 year old girl. It's working surprisingly well. She has many behavioral issues stemmed from trauma and neglect in her childhood (she was in an orphanage until 14 months of age) but I really need her to DO her schoolwork so I know she's learning. Putting her in school would NOT be good for her. I decided to try something new. Since writing the wrong answer, and sometimes on the entire lesson, and for WEEKS or MONTHS on end, has been something she's done for so long now, I'm having her write the RIGHT answer X number of times for EVERYTHING she gets wrong. She sees her sister having to rewrite words X number of times when she spells them wrong, so now she's doing the same - and she's DOING it. This past week her math and phonics papers were the best they've been in numerous months!!!

 

I'm going to try this now on other behavioral issues. She just scratched up our NEW fireplace :glare: and she will lose all privileges until this new writing assignment is done. It worked on schoolwork so far and I'm hoping it will work on other discipline issues!

 

FWIW, no other form of discipline has worked on her long term to date. I am surprised she's actually doing the work and I'm hoping it will have lasting affects on her.

 

Anyone else?

 

(I won't do the entire happy dance yet but am hopeful that perhaps I've finally found a form of discipline that will make a difference!!!)

 

 

If it works for you then go ahead. It is surprising sometimes what will motivate a kid.

 

It wouldn't work for us, though. My ds hates writing, and I really don't want him to "hate" it. If I used it as punishment, it would just make my efforts to teach him good writing that much harder because he'd associate it even more with torture than he seems to already. :sad:

[NanceXToo]

My 10 y/o sometimes has to write lines as a punishment. When she does, it can be anywhere from 10-50 times depending on what she's in trouble for.

 

Average is probably 20/25 lines. This past school year, it tends to happen like once every couple of months, that she's writing lines for something or other!

[Guest momk2000]

No, I would never use schoolwork as a punishment. My kids love school, and I wouldn't want them to start viewing it in a negative light, or as a punishment.

[Denisemomof4]

No, I would never use schoolwork as a punishment. My kids love school, and I wouldn't want them to start viewing it in a negative light, or as a punishment.

 

well it certainly ISN'T considered school work.

 

Because my dd has been so much trouble to homeschool, she's basically doing everything online anyway. I do have her do math and phonics papers as extra fluff, but most of her schoolwork is online. This has restored my sanity.

 

We just added A Reason For Writing a few weeks back to make sure she still kept up with good handwriting practice. She won't need to do that when she has writing assignments.