Your Thoughts on Changing Names - yours, your kid's

[eternalknot]

Have you changed your birth name?

 

If yes, was it acceptable to your family or did they contest the change?

 

If no, have you ever considered doing so?

 

Would you be upset if your child wanted to change his or her given name?

 

I have an Asian name, which I've legally Americanized. My family didn't care, and it's quite common among my peers and in my social circle. Our families still use the Asian name, but professionally and socially we use a more American name. I wouldn't care if my kids changed their names.

 

I recently met a girl who wanted to change her name. In fact, she was introduced to me as Taylor and I later found out (from her mother) that her given name is actually Katherine. Her mother was upset to discover the daughter introducing herself as anything other than Katherine or Kate (her childhood nickname). It's caused a bit of a rift between them.

 

Just curious about what other people think. I wonder if it's different when Americanizing a name versus flat out changing an already American name.

[AK_Mom4]

I would not mind if one of kids wanted to change their name.

 

I wouldn't pay for it for them, but if they wanted to pay for it themselves, it would not bother me. By the time you get to be an adult, you should be able to choose what you want to be called.

[Elizabeth in WA]

I have used my middle name since I went off to college. When I got married, it was super easy to get just my middle name and new, married last name on my new driver's license and that is what is on my passport and how I file my taxes as well now. I do put my full birth name on forms that ask if you have ever been known by another name.

 

My family occasionally still calls me by my original first name, but not very often and generally only older relative such as my grandparents or those I have not seen very often in the last 20 years.

[MorganClassicalPrep]

Hm. Well, I've considered changing my name. My legal name is Kimberly, but I don't like going by that or by Kim. I go by Kymmie, which is alright, but sometimes feels a little young. :tongue_smilie:I can't imagine being anything else though... I've spent so long as Kymmie!

 

I'd be a little sad if DD wanted to change her name, since both her first and middle name are very meaningful. For now, she loves having a similar name as her aunt! (DD-Jenna, her aunt is Jennifer. She was named for her aunt, who is also my best friend.) But.... if she does feel that she wants to change it, I'll respect that, and would possibly even help her pay for it if it was a thought-out decision and she had been living as the new name for awhile.

[JeneralMom]

My father anglicized his original name (from Hungarian to English) and dropped part of his last name (it was hyphenated) because no one could pronounce or spell it. When he was applying for his US green card it caused sooooooo much trouble, but he doesn't regret it. My DH's mom went by her middle name after she got married because she hated how her first name was shortened (Veronica - Ronnie) but her family (her brothers) still, to this day, refers to her as Ronnie.

 

I would feel hurt if my kids wanted to change their names because I put so much thought and love into choosing the names for them.

[kchara]

I would be very hurt. I spent a lot of time and prayer over my kids' names, each and every one of them. They're all very meaningful to me.

 

Now, that said, if it were an Americanization, as in your case, I wouldn't feel nearly so bad. That's different than outright changing it because they just didn't like.

[DaffodilDreams]

My dd hates her name and swears she is going to change it when she grows up. I tell her that's her decision at that point. It would probably be hard for me to think of her by another name, though.

 

My cousin has changed the legal spelling of her name because people mispronounced it all the time. Most of our family isn't aware of the change, and she won't tell everyone as long as her parents are still alive. Her dh, sister, and I are the only ones in the family who know about it, but she uses the new spelling professionally and with friends (she lives far away from most of our family).

[Crimson Wife]

My mom kept her maiden name and gave my brothers and I hyphenated last names. It was really unwieldy, however, and all 3 of us decided to go by just our dad's last name once we hit school age. My brothers had to go to court to legally change it but I got married young (a month shy of my 22nd birthday) & simply took DH's name.

 

The issue I've run into is that some of my records have the hyphenated name, others just have the surname I went by, and some of them inexplicably have the two names run together without the hyphen. :glare: Whenever I'm trying to locate something from before I was married, I always have to say: "Look under [Mom's name]-[Dad's name]. If it's not there, try [Dad's name]. If it's not there, it might be under [Mom][Dad] all one word, no hyphen." :rolleyes:

[Cinder]

I would not mind if one of kids wanted to change their name.

 

I wouldn't pay for it for them, but if they wanted to pay for it themselves, it would not bother me. By the time you get to be an adult, you should be able to choose what you want to be called.

 

This was pretty much dh's response to ds2's question about how dh would feel if ds wanted to change his name. He said, "When you're an adult and can pay for it yourself you can change your name to whatever you want." I don't think ds seriously wants to change his name; he's just one of those kids that has to know the what-ifs.

 

I had a neighbor who really, really wanted to change her kids' last name. She was divorced and her xh was a bum. In the 3 years we lived next to them we never saw him and the kids rarely spent time with him. It was painfully obvious he didn't want them--he always had an excuse why he couldn't have them on his weekend. But her dd's first name was her (the mom's) maiden name. She didn't want to go for a complete name change for dd so she never pursued the name change.

[bluemongoose]

I've changed my last name, but never my first. When I turned 18 I changed my name from my bio fathers last name to my step fathers last name. Bio father was hurt, step father was proud. Honestly, I didnt care how bio father felt, he basically abandoned us and step father raised me from 6yo on. He would have adopted me legally if bio father would have relinquished his rights. Bio father hung on to anything he could just to get back at mom, he really didnt care two bits for us!

 

Since then, I changed to my DH last name, so now I dont have either name.:tongue_smilie:

 

I agree that when digging up old documents, it can get a little difficult!

[Happy]

For a gal born in the late 50's, I have a very, very, very common name. At least the nickname is common. In my fifth grade class, there were five OTHER girls with this name. I've never liked it.

 

When we moved from one city to another, my husband asked if I wanted to change my name to something more distinctive. I really, really, really ;) wish I had. At that time, my mom was still alive and I didn't want to deal with all that.

 

Oh well...I'm distinctive even if my name isn't.

 

A friend of ours did modify her 50's era name from Brenda to Bre (like the french cheese.) After a while even those of us who'd known her before got used to it.

[Julie Smith]

I changed my name to my middle name when I was about 5, and never switched back.

 

As the story goes when I was about 5 I simply insisted that "old name" wasn't here any more, and only "new name" was here. ie (I would say, "Jane isn't here anymore, only Julie.")

 

I supposedly was very stubborn and simply never responded to my old name, got angry when people purposely called my by my old name.

[Carrie12345]

I'm sure I'd be hurt. I agonized over each and every name! But I'd accept it. I mean, *I* wouldn't be the one going around using a second-rate name! ;)

[fairytalemama]

I had one friend change her name from Jennifer to Genevieve (she couldn't stand how common her first name was. Her parents were hurt, but got over it. They still call her Jennifer though.) and another friend who changed the pronunciation of her first name so it wouldn't rhyme with her married last name (e.g. imagine having the name Mary, marrying a guy with the last name Cherry, and then changing the pronunciation of Mary to Marie...that's pretty much what she did). No one seems to mind and the second friend tolerates me calling her by the original pronunciation because I have tried so hard to call her by the new and kept messing it up.

 

Some friends of ours have a 5 year old that decided to go by her first name instead of her middle name which she had been called since birth. It's incredibly confusing since the parents don't mind her going by her first name, but still call her the middle name exclusively.

[Miss Sherry]

Have you changed your birth name?

 

If yes, was it acceptable to your family or did they contest the change?

 

If no, have you ever considered doing so?

 

Would you be upset if your child wanted to change his or her given name?

 

I have an Asian name, which I've legally Americanized. My family didn't care, and it's quite common among my peers and in my social circle. Our families still use the Asian name, but professionally and socially we use a more American name. I wouldn't care if my kids changed their names.

 

I recently met a girl who wanted to change her name. In fact, she was introduced to me as Taylor and I later found out (from her mother) that her given name is actually Katherine. Her mother was upset to discover the daughter introducing herself as anything other than Katherine or Kate (her childhood nickname). It's caused a bit of a rift between them.

 

Just curious about what other people think. I wonder if it's different when Americanizing a name versus flat out changing an already American name.

I remember when I was very young - I think before age 10 - my brother and Dad were talking about calling my brother Jim instead of Lyle.Lyle is the name he was given when he was born. My Mom was very upset about that.

A neighbor boy told us his name was Tommy and we called him Tommy for a long time until his sister told us that his name was really Yurislav. We were under the impression that his family,including his Mom, did not like us calling him by the name of Tommy so we stopped.

 

I would be upset if my children changed their names. Their names are Carrie, Jared and Lisa. But if they did change their name I would try to not make a big deal about it in order to try to keep it from becoming a wedge between us. But I would really have to try to not get upset about it.

[Parrothead]

I've not officially changed my name but do, strangely enough, prefer Chuck or Chucki to my given name. I'd actually prefer to answer to pretty much anything but my given name.

[gardening momma]

Some friends of ours have a 5 year old that decided to go by her first name instead of her middle name which she had been called since birth. It's incredibly confusing since the parents don't mind her going by her first name, but still call her the middle name exclusively.

I know some kids--siblings, actually--whose parents exclusively called them by their middle name, because the first names were also the parents' names. I get wanting to name your kids after you or another family member, but why make that their first name and then deliberately use the middle name instead? Why not switch the names around when naming them?

 

I knew someone who had his dad's name, but he still used his first name. We knew how to tell who was who when we heard the name (Burt Jr., little Burt, etc).

[Kate CA]

Just curious about what other people think. I wonder if it's different when Americanizing a name versus flat out changing an already American name.

 

I love the names I gave my children, but when they are adults, if they wish to change them, they can. They will not hear a negative word from me. People have the right to be called what they wish.

 

I do think there will be fallout from all these parents that think they are being so creative with the spellings and pronunciations of their children's names. I mean one can only add so many double letters and y's until a name becomes ridiculous. It won't surprise me at all to see these people changing their names to something normal when they are older. lol

[eternalknot]

I do think there will be fallout from all these parents that think they are being so creative with the spellings and pronunciations of their children's names. I mean one can only add so many double letters and y's until a name becomes ridiculous. It won't surprise me at all to see these people changing their names to something normal when they are older. lol

 

The girl I met is only 18; she's a friend of my little sister. Honestly, when her mom went off upon finding out she was calling herself Taylor I'm the one who asked what her given name was. I was expecting something like "Precious" or "Buffy" or "Maddy'ssenn" or something; not Katherine LOL. My mind went straight to what yours has.

[Stacie]

My third born son has chanced his name recently. He only answers to Red Ninja or sometimes to Buzz Lightyear if he's caught off guard. I'd probably be sad if this would be a longer lasting change. I worked hard to pick out their names, and fought a long hard battle about one of them! Their names have meaning to me, and significance to each of them.

[*Lulu*]

I know some kids--siblings, actually--whose parents exclusively called them by their middle name, because the first names were also the parents' names. I get wanting to name your kids after you or another family member, but why make that their first name and then deliberately use the middle name instead? Why not switch the names around when naming them?

 

I knew someone who had his dad's name, but he still used his first name. We knew how to tell who was who when we heard the name (Burt Jr., little Burt, etc).

 

 

We have that situation in our family. My husband and his father share a first name, but have different middle names. Our eldest son was also given this first name in honor of both men. FIL goes by first name, DH goes by middle name, (actually a shortened version of middle name), and DS goes by his middle name.

 

And should DS choose some day to go by a shortened version of his middle name, I will, (just as my MIL does for DH), steadfastly continue to call DS by the name I gave him at birth. :D

[eternalknot]

My third born son has chanced his name recently. He only answers to Red Ninja or sometimes to Buzz Lightyear if he's caught off guard. I'd probably be sad if this would be a longer lasting change. I worked hard to pick out their names, and fought a long hard battle about one of them! Their names have meaning to me, and significance to each of them.

 

:tongue_smilie: I like that kid.

 

I really wanted my kids to have Asian names; specifically, family names. I do understand the decision that goes into the names we've chosen for them. Maybe I'm not bothered because I gave them American first names and Asian middle names -- so, even if they change their first names, they'll always still have the names I chose for them as part of their name. Hmm.

 

Their dad and I didn't agree on either name. He finally chose the boy's name, and I really like it. Now. It grew on me about four years in LOL.

 

My girl was unnamed for five days after her birth. I gave up the good fight. I like her name well enough. I'm not attached to either, though. I can see how that'd affect my feelings if they were to change those names. I can better see how this mother feels about Katherine becoming ... Taylor. It's nothing at all reflective of mom's selection.

[kamom]

I have been called a name that isn't my legal name all my life. My parents named me the American version , which is on my birth certificate and then switched it to the French version while still in the hospital but never changed it on my birth certificate. It has caused quite a bit of confusion, even once at closing when we bought a house they made out all the legal documents with the wrong name and every sat their exchanging glances wondering if this would be even be a "legal" transaction with the wrong name on all the documents=(

 

Having said that it never seemed worth the money to get it legally changed. Once I asked advice and was instructed that legally you won't have a problem as long as you always sign it the same way. One signature. So that's what I've always done.

 

I plan on letting our youngest ds choose if he wants to go by his first or middle name once he's older.

[eternalknot]

My mom kept her maiden name and gave my brothers and I hyphenated last names. It was really unwieldy, however, and all 3 of us decided to go by just our dad's last name once we hit school age. My brothers had to go to court to legally change it but I got married young (a month shy of my 22nd birthday) & simply took DH's name.

 

The issue I've run into is that some of my records have the hyphenated name, others just have the surname I went by, and some of them inexplicably have the two names run together without the hyphen. :glare: Whenever I'm trying to locate something from before I was married, I always have to say: "Look under [Mom's name]-[Dad's name]. If it's not there, try [Dad's name]. If it's not there, it might be under [Mom][Dad] all one word, no hyphen." :rolleyes:

 

May I detour a bit here, and ask more about this experience?

 

My SIL (husband's sister) hyphenated her name after marriage. Well, she went to the hyphen a few years in when she started running with a different crowd LOL. Anyhoo, her family didn't care for it but I thought it wasn't a huge deal.

 

Fast forward six years and they have their first child. A son. They hyphenated his last name, too. And then, naturally, the name of their second - and final - child, also a son. The boys are both under 3 years old but will absolutely be going into public schools. Not that it matters, but the two last names together are super long. Like, last-kid-in-the-entire-school-to-ever-learn-how-to-spell-much-less-find-the-physical-strength-to-handwrite-all-those-letters long. And odd sounding together - one is very Eastern European and the other is quite Anglican/English. Definitely a mouthful.

 

I always figured at least one might want to drop the hyphen, and wondered how it would play out. Seems an uncomfortable decision to broach, especially with an uber-feminist mom who is very attached to her name. Though maybe in time she'll mellow, who knows. Either way, sounds like a hassle for you to go looking for records and such. Boy Howdy.

 

Did you all three discuss it together, before approaching your family? OR was it more of a monkey see, other monkeys follow kind of thing? I apologize if this is overly nosy; I'm genuinely curious because of my nephews. In my culture it's common for women to keep their maiden names, but this whole hyphenated thing is new to me.

[IlluminatedAttic]

We changed our daughter's name just before her first birthday. My sister wrote about it here.

[Tap]

I don't care a hoot about what names others use.

 

My dd12 goes by her birth first name at home and in the neighborhood.

Her birth middle name at school.

She also has 3 variations of her first name that she uses in 3 different social circles.

 

Ds16 uses on his birth first name.

 

DD4 has a legal first and middle name that her bio-parents gave her. They call her by this name.

We call her a very, very different fist name, which we will eventually rename her to legally.

 

If anyone of my children, family members or friends wanted to change their name...I wouldn't care.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I agree with some others here that I would be sad if my dc wanted to completely change their names. We had ds4's name picked out before we even got married 18 years ago! Three of my dc have family names as their middle names so I would hope they wouldn't want to change those. Each of my dc's names were carefully thought out and hold significance to our heritage. I have actually asked them, with the exception of ds4 and dd2, if they would prefer to be called by their middle names and they have all said they like their names and are actually proud of them and love telling their friends their meanings and origin.

 

That being said, if, when they become adults, they decide to change their names I won't say a negative word about it.

 

My nephew changed his name when he was 15. He was named after his father, Bob, and was so tired of being call Bob Jr. or little Bobby. He choose his grandmother's maiden name, Mitchell, which I thought was pretty neat...keeping a family name and all.

[katemary63]

I would feel hurt if my kids wanted to change their names because I put so much thought and love into choosing the names for them.

 

:iagree:

 

I would put up a pretty big stink if one of my kids wanted to change his/ her name. But I just can't imagine it happening. All my kids, even my son, have already picked out (at least tentatively) names for their own future children. The names they have chosen are special to them and have been chosen carefully. I'm sure they would understand how hurtful it would be to have that disrespected. Naming a child is a parent's right.

 

FYI: My future grandchildren by my son

Boy: Sayer Allan

Girl: Lane Marie

[eternalknot]

:iagree:

 

I would put up a pretty big stink if one of my kids wanted to change his/ her name. But I just can't imagine it happening. All my kids, even my son, have already picked out (at least tentatively) names for their own future children. The names they have chosen are special to them and have been chosen carefully. I'm sure they would understand how hurtful it would be to have that disrespected. Naming a child is a parent's right.

 

FYI: My future grandchildren by my son

Boy: Sayer Allan

Girl: Lane Marie

 

Maybe part of my not getting this mother's hurt over her daughter going by a different name is that I never did have my kids' names picked out. Never gave it much thought before I was even pregnant. I can see how one might be very attached to something they've had on their hearts for so long.

 

Not long back there was a thread of what names we'd never get to use, that we had wanted to. I can't remember if I posted to it, or not, but I read it with interest. "Lane" is on my list. Both names sounds wonderful - congrats to you and your son!

[katemary63]

Both names sounds wonderful - congrats to you and your son!

 

Just to clarify: These are imaginary, future, grandchildren. They don't plan on kids for years. But these names have been picked out for over a year now. I can't wait to meet these two little angels some day so Thanks!

 

Another comment: About the kid who changed from his dad's name of Bob to something else. If that happened to my husband, he'd be crushed! He'd feel his son didn't identify with him enough or wasn't proud enough to be his son to put up with the a little "Bobbie" or "Bob Jr." I would feel terrible for the dad who's kid said, "I don't want your name."

 

I know a kid who changed his name from something else TO his father's first name - JAN! No lie. The kid adored his dad and at a very young age, took on this first name to honor him. (he was less then 15 or so). Now THAT's something.

[Peela]

I have changed my name twice and a couple of years ago, returned to my birth name. I was known by 2 different names for about 10 years each name.

I did not care what my family thought :) They continued to call my by my birth name and I didn't bother trying to change that- I don't see them often anyway. I did find that some friends, even those who have changed names themselves, would have something to say about it and many still find it difficult to call my by my very ordinary birth name. I am now often called any of 3 different names and while I have tried to re-establish my birth name, I am affectionate about the other 2 names.

Considering my own stance, I would be hypocritical if I got upset that my kids wanted to change their names.

My son has often stated that he would like to be called Oliver instead of Jared and he even sometimes uses Oliver in some circumstances.

Names are such personal things- I don't think its anyone's business what I choose to call myself, and I would not consider it my business to interfere with someone else's name change.

[meena]

Our DD's name is Spanish. There are two ways to spell it in Spanish, as well as multiple 'Americanized' versions that are spelled in English phonetics. We chose one of the Spanish spellings, and people sometimes mispronounce it (although it's not really a difficult name). If DD eventually decided to change the spelling to make it easier to pronounce, I would completely understand. If any of my children wanted to change their name to something entirely different, I don't think I would feel hurt but I would have a difficult time understanding. I would definitely have a hard time remembering to say the new name!

 

DH also has a Spanish name that is very difficult to pronounce. He is named after his father. Neither of them go by that name, and both use an Americanized version of their legal name. Neither of them has had it legally changed. Doing paperwork is a pain sometimes because of this.

[EthiopianFood]

I would feel hurt if my kids wanted to change their names because I put so much thought and love into choosing the names for them.

 

:iagree:

[RoughCollie]

My kids all have what I call white bread names - they are ordinary names, no creativity involved, and not unusual. The boys are glad, especially because they do not like the names I would have chosen for them if DH had agreed, and if the names had sounded good with our last name.

 

DD wishes I had named her one of my favorite names - Skye Cameron. Unfortunately, it does not sound good with our last name. If she wishes to change her name when she is an adult, it will be fine with me -- especially if it is an uncommon name (spelled normally).

 

I thought I had named DD a relatively unusual name, until we went to the little kids playground when she was 2. There were 3 other girls there with her first name, and one of them had her middle name, too.

[Liz CA]

I always go by my middle name because my first name is Scandinavian and very difficult to pronounce in English. It just made my life sooo much easier but I don't think I would change a name just because I dislike it. The only other reason would be if the name implies something so funny that it becomes embarrassing to say it. I knew someone whose last name meant "small pig". I think the kids suffered a lot in school.

[Firestar Academy]

I do love telling this story of my name....

 

when I was born, mom agonized over my name and wanted to name me Robin. her mother said that was a boring name, so they chose Leesa instead. My mother continued to call me LeeRobin as a name.

 

When I was almost 2, my mother's cousin had a baby and named it Robin. My grandmother, at that time oohhh and aaahhh saying what a pretty name, blah,blah,blah.... My mother cried for a week. My grandmother was like "what's your problem?!" My mother cried that she didn't name me what she wanted because of my grandmother's comments.

 

Sooo, they spoke to a child psychologist to find out of they would 'damage' me by changing my name at almost 2 years of age. The psychologist said it was more damaging to have a mother who secretly wished I was named something else.

 

They went to a lawyer and found out that they could call it an 'error' on the birth certificate if it was fixed before age two. So, now I am officially named Robin Leesa.

 

I do report it under the "have you been known by any other name" though I'm not sure I have to.

 

mostly I think the damage was done to my brother. He was 5 and people thought it strange he didn't know his 2 year-old sister's name.

 

I did 'get back' at my mom and named my first born Leesa. Now that they are getting old she forgets and calls me leesa, my DD leesa, my other DD leesa.

 

Robin (Wishing I was still Leesa)

[Jenny in Florida]

I changed my whole name about 10 years ago.

 

My entire growing up time, Jennifer was the number one most popular girl's name in the country. I never had a class in elementary, middle or high school that did not include at least three of us. On top of that, I never felt comfortable with the formality of Jennifer, always feeling like "Jenny." I hated having to write the full name on official forms and dreaded having to answer to it in official situations.

 

I also always disliked my middle name and never felt it flowed nicely with my first name.

 

When we got married 17 years ago, I kept my maiden name. It was something I felt strongly about at the time, having been married briefly once before and been through the mess of untangling myself and getting my "real name" back. I had also been working for 10 years by then and had all of my professional background under my maiden name. So, I kept it. My husband was fine with that. It was never an issue.

 

At least, it wasn't an issue until seven years and two kids later. By that point, I was permanently estranged from my birth family, with whom we'd had several years of constant strife and unpleasantness. My kids (my son, especially) hated that my name was different from theirs, and my maiden name now had nothing but negative associations.

 

Because I had not changed it when we got married, my only option was to go through a legal name change. And I decided, since I had to do that, anyway, I might as well do the whole thing. So, I changed my first name legally to Jenny and asked my family and close friends to help me choose a new middle name that was meaningful to me.

 

I'm extremely happy I did it and have no regrets at all. I have no idea how my birth family feels about my decision. I'm not sure they even know, and I don't care either way. So, my situation is unusual.

 

Now, my daughter plans on a career in entertainment. And, although she loves her name, she is not sure it's marquee appropriate. She talks occasionally about changing it. And, yes, it would make me a little sad. My husband and I thought long and hard about naming her, and the names are meaningful to us. But, I understand her reasoning, and it wouldn't make me angry at her. We usually call her by her nick-name, anyway.

Edited March 28, 2011 by Jenny in Florida