knit247 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I posted a question last month about my DD, now 7yo who exhibits many symptoms of OCD. I did make an apt. for her - with my PDoc, who is actually a child psychologist (who knew?). Her apt. is next week. The PDoc suggested that I tell DD not only that she is going to the "talk doctor" (that's what we call it around here), but why. I posted last time that I am hesitant to tell her that what she is doing isn't completely "normal", because she (DD) doesn't seem bothered by her own behaviors. I don't want her to think that she is somehow doing something "wrong" or "bad" (that is likely how she will see it). She is so sensitive... I asked the PDoc about it & she said that DD needs to understand that what she is doing is not helpful / normal / whatever - and that she is going to the talk doctor to figure out a better way to deal with it. But I still want to "protect" her, kwim? Any advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 She is either going to find out from you or she will find out from doc at the appointment. If you are worried about telling her ahead of time, could you maybe be part of the appointment at the beginning and tell her with the Dr there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I read your previous post. I am a social worker and I agree with your doctor. I would be honest and put it in words your dd understands. I doubt very much the psychiatrist is going to blindsided your dd and tell her she is wrong for her rituals/collections (if the doctor does this then that person is not doing a very good job). Tell your dd that sometimes people go psychiatrists to learn new ways to handle worries they may have - which is totally true and is often the case with OCD. The person with OCD often is NOT bothered by their behavior . . . but I think you have already seen how disturbing and potentially debilitating this behavior can be. I think you are doing the right thing by seeking help now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winni Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 No advice, but I hope it all works out. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 In theory, I think your dd should know. I received the same advice when started taking my daughter (about the same age as yours). I told her, and no matter what I said or how it was said she just thought she was being "punished" and that there was something "wrong" with her. Made her feel terrible. Plus, she just clammed up and didn't say a single word during her appointment. Not one. Not at the psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist....never. We've been going through this since she was about 8 years old. She'll be 15 in July, and it was just last year that she finally spoke during group therapy, and there was no substance to it. So yeah...in theory, it's great. In practice, if I had it to do again, I'd let it unfold naturally in the office. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knit247 Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 TY all so much! Fortunately my DD thinks going to the talk doctor is going to be fun. When I go to mine - usually just for a 15-min. med-check - I always take DDs. Although they wait in the waiting room, they know that they can come in and "check on me" ;) So, DDs have met the PDoc & seem to like her. I will be in the room the 1st apt. for sure and as often as I can be after that. She knows that she is going, just not why. Now to work on that... :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knit247 Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 So yeah...in theory, it's great. In practice, if I had it to do again, I'd let it unfold naturally in the office. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I think it's great that she's seeing someone she's already familiar with! My ds began going through evaluations of all types when he was 4. It was probably a bit easier for us, because we had to keep it rather basic due to his age. We told him it was all "to understand how his brain was working". At 7, I would definitely discuss it with her beforehand. It may actually give her some time to think about things SHE'D like to bring up with the doc! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 We took ds1 for the first time last year when he was 7 (we call it the "talkie doctor"), and we told him it was to help him figure out why he was so worried about things and help him not be afraid of bugs and dogs and everything else that terrifies him. He was okay with it. Now, he wants to go see her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 "you know how things bother you when they are not done just right? The doctor may be able to help you learn to not get so upset about it. " how bout that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Please be honest with her. I would not use "normal" or "not normal", though. I would tell her that she has some behaviors and thinking that are getting in the way of her school, play, chores, etc. Reminder to you, mom: There is nothing to be ashamed of, needing to be hidden, to be unsettled about in seeking mental health support. Life is so complicated in contemporary times that I'd say nearly everyone could benefit, during a seaon or two, from mental health support. My supervisor tells her developmentally challenged clients (We counsel in a nursing home) that she is a "mood" Dr. :D;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I don't know whether I would bring this up without an actual diagnosis. Kids can get so worried about themselves. If it turned out that she DIDN'T have OCD, would you want her to know that that had been on the table? Would that distort her behavior in the future, by making her self-conscious or internalizing the idea that there is something very wrong with her, but we just haven't figure out what it is yet? What if that is not true? I'm pretty open, but I'm also all about not borrowing trouble. "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." And self-fulfilling prophecies can be both tragic and unnecessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 "you know how things bother you when they are not done just right? The doctor may be able to help you learn to not get so upset about it. " how bout that? :iagree: I would tell her something like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
secular_mom Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 TY all so much! Fortunately my DD thinks going to the talk doctor is going to be fun. When I go to mine - usually just for a 15-min. med-check - I always take DDs. Although they wait in the waiting room, they know that they can come in and "check on me" ;) So, DDs have met the PDoc & seem to like her. I will be in the room the 1st apt. for sure and as often as I can be after that. She knows that she is going, just not why. Now to work on that... :) "BTW DD, we are going to the talk Doctor to talk about some of the things you've been doing. Most people don't xyz, but some people do and some of those people do it A LOT. When it stops someone from getting on with their day (they HAVE to stop to xyz before they CAN do anything else) talk Doctors can help people not NEED to do xyz." No need to tell her that her behavior is not normal or say anything like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 OCD is an obsessive disorder, right? I have similar issues, and the more time I have to think about something that might be negative, the more I obsess/over thing/get anxious about. I go over how it might happen so many times that I start dreaming about it, and afterward I sometimes get the reality mixed up with the scenarios I got worked up about. I also have anxiety symptoms; tightness in my chest, loss of appetite, dizziness, high blood pressure. I don't know if any of this applies to your DD, but anxiety does set off more OCD, if that's what she has. It's used as a calming ritual. I still think it should come from you and not the doctor, but I wouldn't tell her until that morning or the ride over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 "you know how things bother you when they are not done just right? The doctor may be able to help you learn to not get so upset about it. " how bout that? :iagree: No way woould I use the phrase 'not normal'. 'Sometimes when we are confused about things, a good Dr can help us figure out better ways to handle and think about things. Let's see what she has to say. She might be able to help us figure this out." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoyfulMama Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 If dd believes that going to the "talk doctor" is a "normal" activity for you, does she know why YOU go? Is she exhibiting symptoms similar to yours? (Forgive me, as I did not read the first thread.) Would explaining why you go help for you to explain why she is going to also meet with this doc? You don't have to go into detail, but how does this doctor help you? Does she help you to do things easier? Does she help you to be a better mom? I understand you want to protect her, however I also believe you can empower her by being honest, yet gentle, with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 DD4 has been in therapy for 2 years. When we have added or changed doctors, I have always been upfront with her ahead of time. I let her know that different doctors help us in different ways. I let her know that her 'talk doctors', as you call them, only job is to talk and listen to us. (When we added medication, her psychiatrist added a blood pressure check, weight/height monitoring-we explained that it was due to the medication-by then she was more comfortable). Instead of stethoscopes and shots, these doctors use games and toys and words, to find out about us. I let her know that sometimes mommy and the doctor will talk, and sometimes the doctor will talk to her. With an older kid, I would probably show her how many therapists are listed in the phone book and let her know that that means that sooooo many people go to 'talk doctors' that there needs to be a lot of talk doctors. I would let her know that certain talk doctors go to school to help kids, some help adults, and some help both. I would let her know that talk doctors who talk to kids.....like kids a lot, and really like to talk to them, that is why they choose to be a kid doctor. As far as addressing your concerns....my dd gets OCD traits from time to time. When the show up, I tell dd...."this week when we go to see Tracy, we will get to talk about lots of things. One thing we will share with her is: you liking to scribble a mark on paper each time you crawl into bed. (Dd kept a piece of paper by her bed and insisted on scribbling on it before she would get into bed) We may also talk about washing our hands (15+ times a day at one point) and then you can pick anything you would like to tell her about. What is something you would like to share with the doctor? It can be anything at all! " (dd4 would usually answer something like 'it snowed yesterday and I played outside' or 'we went to the mountains'. For dd4, having something in her personal life to try to remember, helps her focus telling the doctor that. You don't have to label anything, just tell her it is a topic you are going to talk about, among other things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I haven't read the other responses but I found a good way to handle a situation like this was to just matter-of-factly state it along with an explanation that all of us in the family see doctors for something. ie "Later this morning we're going to visit Dr. X. You know how Mom goes to the allergist for her runny nose and ear problems, brother needs to go for blood tests, sister sees the dentist because she has a lot of cavities. Well, today you're visiting Dr. X because you sometimes get really anxious about stuff." That way it doesn't single the one child out as the only one with issues, and frames it up in a context that they already are familiar with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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