Holly IN Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Hello, I am having a serious problem. I am 38 years old. Dh and I always had great TeA. I think we have it more than average... about 4 times a week. For the last 3 months my desire has been going down big time. We still have it regardless but I am having trouble getting the O's and the climax. I have no idea why. It is very depressing to me. I am looking at the marriagebed.com right now and really want to hear your input as well. Here is what has changed in the last 2 months... *Full time job (still homeschooling) *treated terrible by the supervisor who is not MY boss. He is just a supervisor. He has issues with women and think they are lower than scum. Even my boss said that. * gained 7 pounds (went off Low Carb for a short while because of stress due to this supervisor...) going back on LC asap * loosing my hair * dry down there *stress level is at an all time high * remodeling house so my "school room" is in disarray (changing it to den/library to make it more user friendly for the kids to do their schooling) *dh is not angry but very concerned about my desire even though I go ahead and have TeA with him. He wants me to be able to get "it". That is it I think. These changes have occurred. I read the article "lack of desire" on the marriage bed website. I think that article just scratched the surface. I wonder if stress is playing a big part of the whole thing. My dh said I am very tense during TeA. Any ideas??? Am I lacking vitamins? Should I go for a blood test to see what my hormones are? I try not to go for blood tests because they automatically check my cholesterol. I am a big believer that cholesterol is a myth. My cholesterol is low but I know it gets higher when I go off LC which I did. Thanks for reading, Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 pre-menopause? That and/or you're just stressed and tired. Ask hubby to serve tea during a romantic getaway. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OregonNative Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I wish I had good advice. I think the factors you mentioned are def. playing a big part. What you are going thru right now has been me for almost the entire 11 years of my marriage. For me, I know a lot of it is emotional, but I'm encouraged to go have my hormone levels tested. Thanks for being so open and posting this. I think it is going to help others as well. If you do find anything out, would you be willing to share it with me privately? Big :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarcyB Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I'm thinking stress is having a big part in what's going on with you. Working full time, still homeschooling and running your home, not a great work environment - it's easy for that kind of thing to make us not 'think' about TeA (and what does that mean? I still haven't figured it out LOL). Do you and your husband practice it in moments not in the bedroom? gearing up for it? Planned 'date nights' where you know it's coming, and you both work, during the day, to build the excitement for it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I think you should cut yourself some slack. Really. Why are you having tea if you really do not want it. Much of that and making tea becomes a chore instead of something to be anticipated. You probably don't need a doctor. More than likely you need to destress. Take some time for yourself. Tell dh that he will have to get on without you for a while. Really consider how badly you need the job that stresses you and makes you feel less than good about yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OregonNative Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 TeA (and what does that mean? I still haven't figured it out LOL). Me either:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I'm thinking stress is having a big part in what's going on with you. Working full time, still homeschooling and running your home, not a great work environment - it's easy for that kind of thing to make us not 'think' about TeA (and what does that mean? I still haven't figured it out LOL). Do you and your husband practice it in moments not in the bedroom? gearing up for it? Planned 'date nights' where you know it's coming, and you both work, during the day, to build the excitement for it? Me either:confused: This thread explains TeA Brace yourself for what is probably the most classic thread on this board. Warning, though, it is not for the easily offended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I think you should cut yourself some slack. Really. You probably don't need a doctor. More than likely you need to destress. Really consider how badly you need the job that stresses you and makes you feel less than good about yourself. :iagree: Given everything you are describing, I am amazed you are even interested at all! Any woman in your situation would have some trouble there. A blood workup still might be a good idea, especially if you haven't had one in awhile. Have them check your thyroid too if you are losing hair. Whenever I am stressed and super busy, I totally lose interest. It's a real struggle. I have to take steps to keep myself interested. (Just yesterday I ordered a few, uh, items, off the internet..:blush:.inspired by the other thread floating around!) Not because I am already intersted, but to keep the interest up! It's normal to go through these phases I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OregonNative Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 This thread explains TeA Brace yourself for what is probably the most classic thread on this board. Warning, though, it is not for the easily offended. I couldn't even finish the thread it was so hilarious! :lol::lol: What great ladies we have here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MominIN Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I agree with everyone else that you are probably just stressed, but several of the things on your list (losing hair, dryness, weight gain) are all symptoms of low thyroid, which can cause a decrease in sexual desire. A simple blood test would let you know if that's the problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 So, you are superwoman and you think it's not going to cost you in some way? The energy has to come from *somewhere*. It's like your wallet-money doesn't just *appear* when you need it. If I were you, the first thing I would do is get into the Dr and have your hormone levels checked. Then, make sure you;re taking your vitameatavegimine. Fish oil is *amazing* for sexual desire. So make sure you're taking that. Your Vit B to give you a constant energy-it stabilizes your blood sugar so that you don't have big ups and big downs. Vit D to help with everything-but your mood, mostly. Vit E to help regulate your hormones (even my Dr recommends those). Tell your Dh that watching him do dishes *totally* turns you on. Watching him vacuum? You'll be writhing in ecstasy on the floor. Just get him to help. That leaves more time for you to relax and then to focus on him. Get some transitional time in there where you can do something that helps you switch hats from mom and worker to wife and lover. You can't come home from work, clean the house, do homeschooling and *voila* be a seductress, too. I mean, we'd like to think so but then there's reality. Girls take a lot longer to switch gears. You're working now so the house responsibilities have to get split. Then you both have time to sit on the couch and rub each other's feet. You're a team, you made the winning goal, now you can pop the champagne. :D Give him a kiss, too, for being understanding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Oh great, now I have to go read that thread. To the OP: I agree with the other poster's. You probably don't need to see a doc. You have *a lot* of stress and that's going to play a huge factor into this issue. I've been in those ruts myself. Try to relax. Don't force yourself to do it. (((Hugs))) mama...I know it's rough, be gentle with yourself and discuss the problem with your dh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I don't know about the rest of the ladies here...but...4x/week?!!?:001_huh: I'd have trouble with that too! You may just need a break. Talk to your dh about him helping you destress a bit. If he could help, like instead of 4x/week TeA, maybe twice a week, but a couple of other nights he can take the kids off your hands so you can take a long bath with a glass of wine and a good book. Or you can go out with a friend for a coffee. Or if he just did a load of laundry or dishes. Maybe his plate is overloaded too, but remember your physical desire is in your head. If it's not happening there, it's not happening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehogs4 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Hello, I am having a serious problem. I am 38 years old. Dh and I always had great TeA. I think we have it more than average... about 4 times a week. For the last 3 months my desire has been going down big time. We still have it regardless but I am having trouble getting the O's and the climax. I have no idea why. It is very depressing to me. I am looking at the marriagebed.com right now and really want to hear your input as well. Here is what has changed in the last 2 months... *Full time job (still homeschooling) *treated terrible by the supervisor who is not MY boss. He is just a supervisor. He has issues with women and think they are lower than scum. Even my boss said that. * gained 7 pounds (went off Low Carb for a short while because of stress due to this supervisor...) going back on LC asap * loosing my hair * dry down there *stress level is at an all time high * remodeling house so my "school room" is in disarray (changing it to den/library to make it more user friendly for the kids to do their schooling) *dh is not angry but very concerned about my desire even though I go ahead and have TeA with him. He wants me to be able to get "it". That is it I think. These changes have occurred. I read the article "lack of desire" on the marriage bed website. I think that article just scratched the surface. I wonder if stress is playing a big part of the whole thing. My dh said I am very tense during TeA. Any ideas??? Am I lacking vitamins? Should I go for a blood test to see what my hormones are? I try not to go for blood tests because they automatically check my cholesterol. I am a big believer that cholesterol is a myth. My cholesterol is low but I know it gets higher when I go off LC which I did. Thanks for reading, Holly i think stress is most of your problem right now. Everything that you describe is MAJOR stress. Not minor. I wouldn't even be participating--that would shut me down completely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 i think stress is most of your problem right now. Everything that you describe is MAJOR stress. Not minor. I wouldn't even be participating--that would shut me down completely. :iagree::iagree::iagree: Even one of the stresses you described could be enough to cause the proble, but you've got way too much on your plate right now, and it's hard to relax when there's so much going on in your life. And then "participating" with your dh when you're not into it, is making it even worse for you, because I'm sure you're worried about not being into it, and then worried that he'll be upset that you're not into it, so then you really can't get into it... yikes! :eek: Is there any way to ditch the job or get a different one? That sounds like a major stressor. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 Just to clear things up... I really want it but I can't get into it because of lack of desire. Hope that makes sense. I love TeA!! Believe me dh has already told me that my job is not worth the money if it is causing me stress. Here is the clincher... My "BIG" boss is his boss. I have a boss then another boss then the big boss. My hubby is telling me to hang in there if I can and things will change in August. He will do everything he can to get me away from this guy and into another building. He is very understanding of my stress and our household stuff is already split. He is Mr. Mom in the evening and I am the mom in the mornings. The issue is I really want this with hubby!!!! I am just not O'ing or climaxing during TeA. Will try the suggestions then if not work then will get a blood test done. Thanks for all the suggestions. :D Would love to enjoy TeA again. (4x a week) :D:D Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm sure everything will work out, Holly. It sounds like your dh is a great guy, and that's the most important thing. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 You say that you are losing your hair. That (to me) is a sign of a possible medical issue. I agree that your life at this point isnt' conducive to much desire, but I wonder if you have a medical issue going on, as well. That could be low iron levels, thyroid issues, B12 deficiency, hormone fluctuations...so if it were me, I would want to rule out those things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bird Girl Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Those symptoms sound like low thyroid to me. It can be a little more tricky then getting your TSH checked, and sometimes borderline TSH levels can really be signaling a problem. It sounds like you don't really have a physician you trust--sometimes your ObGyn will order tests, and frankly, you might want to check with an ObGyn anyway. You do have a lot of stresses in your life right now, but sometimes a nice cup of tea can be just the ticket to relaxation and sleep ;), so I would follow up with the medical thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mykdsmomy Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Those symptoms sound like low thyroid to me. It can be a little more tricky then getting your TSH checked, and sometimes borderline TSH levels can really be signaling a problem. It sounds like you don't really have a physician you trust--sometimes your ObGyn will order tests, and frankly, you might want to check with an ObGyn anyway. You do have a lot of stresses in your life right now, but sometimes a nice cup of tea can be just the ticket to relaxation and sleep ;), so I would follow up with the medical thing. :iagree: It can be a combination of several things too. Thyroid, stress, hormones, etc. I agree with the pp's about taking supplements too. Most people are deficient in Vitamin D and/or Zinc too. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Wow. I am not anywhere near that stressed and my libido is somewhere around "once a month is plenty". But dh is like that too so its ok. So.....perhaps you need some perspective? I am just wondering...what exactly is the problem? I mean...it's obvious you are stressed but thats not the issue you are bringing. Do you have an idea of how much you *should* be having tea? Because there *is* no correct amount that is right, you know. Is the problem that you want to keep up, that you want to want it more? That you want ot make dh happy? Its part of marriage to deal with it...but you have to be true to your reality, not your ideal. You are stressed, you are getting older, you might be getting hormonally thrown around...I agree it could be thyroid issues too. Take care of yourself. One of the things that happens past 40 is...you cant get away with not taking care of your own physical needs any more. You just cant. You have to take care of yourself first, before you can satisfy everyone else's needs. If you don't...you end up in bed with everyone taking care of you. So take care...your needs are important, look after yourself, get some bloodwork done, get your diet back on track, take a multi vitamin and don't put your husband first....he will be ok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delaney Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I'm thinking stress is having a big part in what's going on with you. Working full time, still homeschooling and running your home, not a great work environment - it's easy for that kind of thing to make us not 'think' about TeA (and what does that mean? I still haven't figured it out LOL). Do you and your husband practice it in moments not in the bedroom? gearing up for it? Planned 'date nights' where you know it's coming, and you both work, during the day, to build the excitement for it? See this is what guys don't get. Mine comes home from work, eats, does more work, we run around cleaning up after kids and getting them to bed, and when we finally drop into bed exhausted he's all ready to go. Really? This is the first time all day that I am not being asked to do something for someone and here you are ASKING ME FOR ANOTHER THING!!!!:glare: Rant over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mykdsmomy Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 See this is what guys don't get. Mine comes home from work, eats, does more work, we run around cleaning up after kids and getting them to bed, and when we finally drop into bed exhausted he's all ready to go. Really? This is the first time all day that I am not being asked to do something for someone and here you are ASKING ME FOR ANOTHER THING!!!!:glare: Rant over. :iagree: But then for me the guilt sets in.....like I know he has needs .....but I just want to be left alone :( Or yes, the back rub does feel good...but I know you're not rubbing my back out of the kindness of your "heart" ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl in NM Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 (edited) Hello, I am having a serious problem. I am 38 years old. Dh and I always had great TeA. I think we have it more than average... about 4 times a week. For the last 3 months my desire has been going down big time. We still have it regardless but I am having trouble getting the O's and the climax. I have no idea why. It is very depressing to me. I am looking at the marriagebed.com right now and really want to hear your input as well. Here is what has changed in the last 2 months... *Full time job (still homeschooling) *treated terrible by the supervisor who is not MY boss. He is just a supervisor. He has issues with women and think they are lower than scum. Even my boss said that. * gained 7 pounds (went off Low Carb for a short while because of stress due to this supervisor...) going back on LC asap * loosing my hair * dry down there *stress level is at an all time high * remodeling house so my "school room" is in disarray (changing it to den/library to make it more user friendly for the kids to do their schooling) *dh is not angry but very concerned about my desire even though I go ahead and have TeA with him. He wants me to be able to get "it". That is it I think. These changes have occurred. I read the article "lack of desire" on the marriage bed website. I think that article just scratched the surface. I wonder if stress is playing a big part of the whole thing. My dh said I am very tense during TeA. Any ideas??? Am I lacking vitamins? Should I go for a blood test to see what my hormones are? I try not to go for blood tests because they automatically check my cholesterol. I am a big believer that cholesterol is a myth. My cholesterol is low but I know it gets higher when I go off LC which I did. Thanks for reading, Holly I had a total hysterectomy 7 years ago. The following are some of the symptoms I experience when my hormones are out of balance (which change as I age): *gain weight * loosing my hair * dry down there Of course, stress can cause you eat poorly and gain weight and even to lose your hair, but it won't cause V dryness. The V dryness is a slippery slope. If it's that dry your muscles can atrophy and then everything becomes dryer and then everything down there atrophies worse. It's a vicious cycle. When the muscles atrophy down there it affects more than your ability to enjoy TeA, it affects all muscle control in the area. You will start having accidents when you cough and laugh as well. I'd visit your doctor. Have your hormone levels checked. I'd also find a way to reduce the stress in your life. I know, easier said than done. Try to schedule fun things and "make" yourself follow through with them. Sometimes reducing stress must be a very regimented activity for awhile. I hope you feel better soon. Edited January 14, 2011 by Cheryl in NM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 You say that you are losing your hair. That (to me) is a sign of a possible medical issue. I agree that your life at this point isnt' conducive to much desire, but I wonder if you have a medical issue going on, as well. That could be low iron levels, thyroid issues, B12 deficiency, hormone fluctuations...so if it were me, I would want to rule out those things. :iagree: It CAN be stress, but a simple blood test to rule things out is not a hard thing to do. And high five on the 4x.:tongue_smilie: O's are like crack. You want them all the time. They even make headaches go away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I agree with the others that a little bloodwork would not hurt. I went on the pill to straighten out some other hormonal issues, but the bad side effect was that it virtually eliminated any tea-sipping interest I had. And can I just say that, if you haven't tried it yet, the tea-aditive that increases slipperiness is like a little bottle of OHHHH-M-G. Highly recommend. Two thumbs up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 :iagree: It CAN be stress, but a simple blood test to rule things out is not a hard thing to do. And high five on the 4x.:tongue_smilie: O's are like crack. You want them all the time. They even make headaches go away. No kidding. If I do not have the Os I am disappointed. It is an high for me. :D High five back!! Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 And can I just say that, if you haven't tried it yet, the tea-aditive that increases slipperiness is like a little bottle of OHHHH-M-G. Highly recommend. Two thumbs up. Yes...and some are better than others. "This is not your Grandma's KY." ;) astrolube...just sayin' ;) (Cuz if you write things really small, no one will know you have said them. :lol:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Stress. Absolutely - it kills my libido. Also - are you taking any antihistamines? They can do a number on it as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I think you should cut yourself some slack. Really. Why are you having tea if you really do not want it. Much of that and making tea becomes a chore instead of something to be anticipated. You probably don't need a doctor. More than likely you need to destress. Take some time for yourself. Tell dh that he will have to get on without you for a while. Really consider how badly you need the job that stresses you and makes you feel less than good about yourself. :iagree: I agree with everyone else that you are probably just stressed, but several of the things on your list (losing hair, dryness, weight gain) are all symptoms of low thyroid, which can cause a decrease in sexual desire. A simple blood test would let you know if that's the problem. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 This is the same post that I posted in another thread but it is equally applicable here. Stress could be causing a lowering of libido. As a matter of a fact, I would be really surprised if it was not. But the dry sounds like a hormonal issue. Doctors can prescribe a long laster moisterizer that can be applied daily or even weekly that will keep thing flowing there. Good idea to talk to you doctor anyhow. You can also by lubricants over the counter. You can make a habit of inserting them every night before going to bed so that you are always prepared for whatever may happen. Finally oral stimulation will definitely help with not only lubrication but may also help with libido. I personally would also cut back to about twice a week and then maybe on the other two nights do things for your hubby that will make it so that he doesn't even miss the tea and that he will probably appreciate so much that he won't be worried about the other. There are plenty of good books on the subject as well, many that you can get out of the library. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 (Cuz if you write things really small, no one will know you have said them. ) That's my working theory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 See this is what guys don't get. Mine comes home from work, eats, does more work, we run around cleaning up after kids and getting them to bed, and when we finally drop into bed exhausted he's all ready to go. Really? This is the first time all day that I am not being asked to do something for someone and here you are ASKING ME FOR ANOTHER THING!!!!:glare: Rant over. Can I join you in this rant? Up until the lights are out, I am the nanny, teacher, cook, maid, chauffeur, sounding board, etc. But I feel like I am not a person. No "How was your day?" or "gee, you look great." or "You look worn out. Let me rub your back." As soon as I hit the bed come the roaming hands. I'm like "If you don't like the everyday dishes, you don't get the good china!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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