Staying Calm and Collected

[mmasmommy]

How do you do this?

 

This morning I sat at the dining room table (our school table) while DS did math. Well that was what he was supposed to be doing. Instead he danced around, made silly noises, yelled at the 2 year old for existing. (I guess she was breathing to loud for him to concentrate or some nonsense like that) I swear if he says poop or fart one more time I might scream! All this while I'm trying to help oldest DD understand her math. He will not leave big sis alone and it takes him forever to accomplish anything. I have a 2 year old who refuses to do anything but be in the same room as us mostly climbing on the table and chairs. This has been every.single.day. since we started. I am really starting to feel like my brain is going to explode. All they see is this harried, crazy eyed Mom who can't get them to do anything.

 

I know I need to stay calm but it gets increasing difficult as the day goes on. This morning is exceptionally bad and I'm ready to lose my mind.

 

How do I keep it together and get this child to accomplish his work?!

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I listened to Andrew Pudewa talk about how educating boys is a whole different ball game from educating girls. It was an eye-opener for me! I now have a lot more patience and tolerance, because he made me understand how difficult it is for me as a female to comprehend the workings of the male boy's mind! :lol: They just have a hard time sitting still, a difficult time hearing and listening, and they just aren't like us! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Hang in there, Mommy!

[Starr]

When mine wouldn't pay attention like this I would loose my patience and send the child to his/her room. We would go back to it later. Yes it made the day longer but it's the only way I could cope. They learned the work had to be done. It can be exhausting. Hang in there!

[Starr]

Oh I forgot how much ds ran laps around the house at that age. He loved it, really. 5 times around the house was always a big help to concentration. lol

[5knights3maidens]

Sending some strong coffee your way. I'm going through the same thing. Dd 7 diagnosed with adhd/pdd is driving me crazy (on meds). This is the 3rd day and I'm ready to explode. I started with easy work and books. She absolutely, defiantly, refuses to pick up a pencil or do what I say. All I want her to do is fill out a few words. Nothing hard. She's trying to control everything by saying, "No, I want to read the bible." "No, I want to do math." etc. Now she's going to the bathroom....she is, I checked. ;) She is by all means able to do everything I ask of her. I've been wondering if she does this because dh (not bashing here, stating a fact) refuses to do anything. I have ask him to help me discipline her many times and he won't. I asked him to do math with her last night and no, he didn't. She got away with not doing it. This needs to be dealt with immediately and I can't figure out what to do.

[fairfarmhand]

OUTSIDE!!!! NOW!!!!

 

Seriously, with 2 dc these ages, you probably want to work with them one at a time. Send ds to play and educational video game or watch something educational (Family Fun magazine had a huge list this month in it) and do his work one on one with him later. I bet it will take the exact same amount of time since you won't have to keep saying "sit down. Be quiet. Do your work" And your older dd will be able to focus better.

 

If the words he is using are bothering you then ban them. He's old enough to say "Pass gas." or "Have a bowel movement" if he NEEDS to talk about it.

 

"Son, those kinds of words are rude and we don't say them. (that should go for everyone in the house) Here is what you say instead. If you use the other words, you will be in trouble."

[Beach Mom]

Oh I forgot how much ds ran laps around the house at that age. He loved it, really. 5 times around the house was always a big help to concentration. lol

:iagree:This works! I have two of the most wiggly, fidgety boys. They run, walk or ride their bikes around the block before school starts. We start with math and Bible and then they run around the house 5 times. They are learning, after a year of this, that they need the physical exertion. Initially I thought adding these "recess" breaks where they have assigned physical activity would greatly extend our day. Amazingly, I found that they are so much more focused afterwards that our day is shorter, and we are all less frustrated.

 

My other tip is keep an eye on what they are eating for breakfast. My two need lots of protein and little/no sugar if we are to have a successful school day.

[Night Elf]

I just read an interesting thought last night that pertains to this.

 

Do you hate feeling rushed? Well, kids natural rhythms are slower than ours and they just don't have that same sense of urgency we as adults have. They don't see the long list of to-do's in your head, even if you do have schoolwork listed out. They are just on a different timetable.

 

With that in mind, I'd suggest that you find a way to work with your children independently, not at the same table at the same time. He obviously needs hand-holding and your attention focused on something else only allows his attention, and therefore his behavior, to wander. I know I feel overwhelmed and frustrated when I'm bouncing between my 2 children and I have always felt that way regardless of grade levels.

 

As for staying calm, I had to learn it like a skill. It seems to come easy to some people and they don't understand why it isn't natural for someone else. If it were me, I would take a deep breath, give him a huge hug telling him it's time to sit and focus on this lesson and he can play afterward, then sit with him and point to the problem. "Ok, how do you set up the first one?" or "Let's read the question together, what do you think they are asking you to figure out?"

 

The 2 yr. old is an entirely different story. I'll have to defer to parents in that situation. :)

[SailorMom]

Here's what I did (our sons could be related......):

Exercise first thing - as said before, running around the house, jumping jacks, or what not.

Do not expect more than 20 good minutes at a time of "seat work"

Let him stand up while he does his work (not dancing, but he can rock back and forth, or transfer his weight around quietly)

Let him chew gum - it really helps. Keeps their bodies busy so that their minds can work.

 

It will be ok!!!

[Carol in Cal.]

Laps around the house are good--that worked here, too.

 

Incentives for early starts and early completion of skills work--along with disincentives for prolonged argument or defiance worked well together in a ticket system. I don't have this as a word doc, but I have posted on it a couple of times before. It took the head to head conflict out of the situation beautifully.

 

Have you ever tried teaching the math the night before so that they can sleep on it and then get to it without you, first thing in the morning? This works great for some kids, but not for mine.

 

Alternatives--I always had some fallback that I could announce with great fanfare, and tried to stay far enough ahead so that I didn't mind skipping a 'normal' day. For instance, when DD was just learning to read I would sometimes take a break from her phonics reader for one day and have her read an IR version of a SOTW story. This was a treat for her, and something that she looked forward to. For math I sometimes played and discussed chess, or a cooperative game. Usually Equate was the fallback math lesson. I also used Quartermile Math to teach math facts--it was more fun and self-correcting compared with the Saxon worksheets.

 

You might need to separate them while teaching math, which does require real focus...i.e. the 7yo runs around the house while you instruct the 9yo, and then the 9yo does the math assignment in her room while you instruct the 7yo.

[Karen in CO]

Exercise early. No sweets. A big cup of coffee so I can take a sip before I speak. Music for Concentration playing in the background.

 

My ds was in ps through until middle school. His favorite teacher would have the class get up and do jumping jacks every 15 minutes thorughout the day and then run laps around the room whenever the energy level got too high. It really helped them concentrate.

[KidsHappen]

I just read an interesting thought last night that pertains to this.

 

Do you hate feeling rushed? Well, kids natural rhythms are slower than ours and they just don't have that same sense of urgency we as adults have. They don't see the long list of to-do's in your head, even if you do have schoolwork listed out. They are just on a different timetable. :)

 

Well, this would certainly explain why my youngest takes five hours to do homework. :glare:

[KidsHappen]

When mine were younger, I found it easier to school them individually. I would do one child at a time and the others had free time when I wasn't working with them. It went so much smoother this way. I would try to find something the two year old can only play with during school time to distract him/her from interrupting.

[LisaS]

I agree with the exercise. Mine DD ran laps around the house or when it was colder did jumping jacks or some other weird body bending routine I could think of at the moment.

 

I'm also laughing because of the gum suggestion from SailorMom. It really does help us too.

 

When that doesn't work I sequester her away (she is very social and this true torture for her - thus giving her incentive to finish the given task) until she finishes "x".

 

Hang in there. I know it is frustrating. You are right about remaining calm though.

[lulubelle]

This is where we are. I let the jumping jacks take my frustrations awAy. It never changes the behavior! Our days are very long!

[AnneGabe]

b

Edited September 6, 2023 by AnneGabe
privacy

[Alyce]

you also must address his mouth. I would use some kind of punishment like losing his TV priviledges for 5 mins or having to do some chore. I have known some moms who will take a priviledge away each time he does it. The punishment needs to be something he can understand. If it were me I'd isolate him from the rest of the family, at least for a little while, until he can clean up his mouth. I have had to do this with both my kids when they were young. It is hard to deal with defiance but you must. He is testing your limits with that behavior and he has to learn to respect other people. Beyond being rude it is disrespectful. That is one behavior I would stop now before it gets worse as he grows up. The rest does sound like just boy behaviors and he does need to get energy out.

[LibraryLover]

My belief is that 7 year old little boys can get all that need, and learn what they need without sitting and without workbooks.

 

That will all come, but not always at 7.

 

Math can be done on the move. Reading can be done on the move. Science can be done on the move.

 

I can't think of anything a 7 year old needs to know that would require sitting and writing. I would do gross motor and fine motor activities in preparation for the day one could be comfortable sitting still to work.

 

Everything comes in time and it can come without banging ones head against the wall.

Edited August 26, 2010 by LibraryLover

[AuntieM]

Oh I forgot how much ds ran laps around the house at that age. He loved it, really. 5 times around the house was always a big help to concentration. lol

 

Yup, we practically had a track worn around the house. I used to separate subjects with chores or activities between them.

 

Since school is taking a while anyway, why don't you just let him play w/2yo while you help your older daughter, then give him your undivided attention? Yes, school will take longer, but that should change once he sees that you are not going to throw up your hands in frustration and let him off the hook for math altogether.

 

Make sure your lessons are short. Maybe 10 minutes at a time until he gets the hang of it. Ten minutes of focused work is waaaay more productive in the long run than 90 minutes of avoidance behavior!

 

AuntieM (mom of 2 formerly squirrelly boys)

[SailorMom]

Kristy, does chewing gum really help? I might try this with my daughter.

 

QUOTE]

 

Totally! We bought a huge pack of sugarless gum - it was amazng how much longer my ds could work. Standing at the same time was even better. He was 7 - starting 2nd grade - at the time. Now he doesn't really need it anymore - but it got us through until he turned 11 :)

[mmasmommy]

Thanks everybody for the great advice.

 

We did start our day with jumping jacks and running in place and I will continue along those lines. He's just a very silly, squirmy boy. He loves to learn and soaks up information like a sponge. I've allowed him to start standing and moving from side to side while he's doing math and that seems to help his concentration. I saw on another thread that someone suggested an exercise ball to sit on, I may give that a try too. I'll be buying gum tomorrow and sending him out for some lap running as well. This is the 1st year we're homeschooling and I think some of it is him testing to see what he can get away with. He knew what he could and couldn't do in PS but he hasn't figured that out at home yet. I just have to stay consistant and redirect him, not an easy task when you're super frustrated!

 

As for the potty mouth, we talked about it this afternoon. I told him he gets one warning and the next time I hear the offensive words he'll be in time out. I'm hoping this will work. If not I'll move on the soap in his mouth!

 

It's so helpful to know I'm not alone though, I'm so glad I found this board. :001_smile:

Edited August 26, 2010 by mmasmommy

[EKS]

At 7, I wouldn't expect a child to be able to work independently. I would sit with him as he does his work, redirecting as necessary. It's much easier for everyone this way and it will probably save you time in the long run as well.

[kalanamak]

OUTSIDE!!!! NOW!!!!

 

 

 

:iagree:

A solid, hard run before work helps my wiggler.

[Perry]

Jumping jacks and laps are what kept me sane.

[Kim in Appalachia]

he thought it was funny at first, but then got annoyed and it started to help. :001_smile: This year I plan to make him run. I also he a reward of a hershey kiss if he finishes his math in a certain amount of time. I always give him help and try to talk him through his work, and write down examples for him.

[bookfiend]

Exercise is mandatory. A small rebounder (mini-trampoline) is a great indoor energy burner.

 

Re: Potty talk - belongs in the bathroom. I would send him in there by himself to say all the things he feels the need to say. The absence of an audience quickly kills the glee.

[Sara in AZ]

I feel your pain. This is my first year schooling two. And while things have been going pretty well, the constant juggling between two, and management of the two year old who's life mission is to color on everything she can get her hands on, we're three weeks in and I'm getting tired of it. Luckily, our current plan is to school for three weeks and take a week off, so looking forward to that week off has been what's keeping me going this week!

[Night Elf]

As for the potty mouth, we talked about it this afternoon. I told him he gets one warning and the next time I hear the offensive words he'll be in time out. I'm hoping this will work. If not I'll move on the soap in his mouth!

 

I suppose this could end up being a huge source of debate, but I really hope you aren't serious about putting toxic soap in your child's mouth. I've heard of some people using tobasco (sp?) sauce for repeating swearing. When I was a daycare teacher, I had a parent who asked us to use Binaca in her 1-year old's mouth every time she bit a child. Just throwing out some other suggestions. I just wouldn't ever want a child to know it's okay to ingest something toxic like soap.

[ChristyH463]

I have an 8-year-old very wiggly son who also happens to have Sensory Integration Disorder, so we have many of the same problems. Lots of the things others have suggested work for us: running outside or doing jumping jacks, chewing gum (this is a big one - he puts everything in his mouth, and chewing gum seems to calm him), and we use an exercise ball for "seat" work. Tomorrow is his birthday, and we bought him a mini-tramp. I'm positive this will help him too.

 

Some other suggestions:

 

Get a sit n' spin and take the middle handle part out to make it into a spinning board, and spin him every so often during the day. Start out with maybe 5 spins, and don't do it too quickly or he'll get sick. Work up from there, and anytime he's getting too hyper, hanging from the chair, table, or whatever, put him on the spinning board. Some kids love to sit and read while spinning. :ack2:

 

Give him something to fiddle with, like a rope with big beads on it. He can put it in his lap and fiddle with one hand while he does his work.

 

Lots of heavy work. Make him carry stacks of books from one place to another. Do wall or floor pushups, etc.

 

During DS's kindie year in public school, I was a teacher for a program called Ready Bodies Learning Minds. You might take a look at the website, it will probably give you lots of other great ideas for helping him get control so he can concentrate: http://readybodies.com/.

 

We use a positive reinforcement system as well. DS had a bad attitude, was complaining and taking forever to get work done. So I created a sticker system that uses "checkpoints." These are just natural points during our day during which we take a break, and we have 4 of them. So, for example, he does morning work and math, then we have a checkpoint. We come back from break and do handwriting and spelling, then we have a checkpoint at lunch time. If he has focused on his work, done it with a good attitude (i.e., no complaining), done his best work, etc., he gets a sticker on his checkpoint chart at each checkpoint. If, by the end of the day, he gets 3 of 4 checkpoint stickers, he gets to pull a reward out of a tissue box. The rewards are just slips of paper with things he likes, some big, some little. For example, go to McD's for ice cream, play a board game with Mom or Dad, watch an extra tv show or play on computer, get something from the dollar store, play on the slip n' slide, etc. Obviously, you'd have to come up with your own rewards that would be motivating and that you're willing to do. This has been *amazingly* motivating. He can start acting up and all I have to do is remind him of the upcoming checkpoint and he straightens up and focuses.