ok - I am NOT a fun mom -what can I do?

[jenniferlee]

I have five kids 12 down to 4. three boys and two girls.

I hate that I am just so snappy and practical and BORING. I'm always saying no to everything, and I hate messes and don't like crafts and don't like getting cold or wet or too hot. Don't much care for animals either.

My kids love the outdoors, animals, plants, they are very imaginative and fun. I'm always such a wet blanket. My main idea of fun is reading - I think I must have been a boring child as well.:glare:

How can I add more fun into our day? Just some small spontaneous things -or even some more planned things. I really need some ideas. I sat down to make a list and couldn't think of one thing. That's how bad it is...

I feel like I need a personality overhaul.:tongue_smilie:

 

Jen

[Dandelion]

I'm sure you're probably being harder on yourself than you need to be... :)

 

If I was feeling that way though, I'd probably just ask my kids ("I feel like I haven't been much fun to be around. What can I do differently?")!

[eight_gregorys]

I totally understand. I'm exactly how you described. I also have kids ranging from 12 to 3. Somethings that have helped me is finding places for them to do "messy" things. For instance we do play dough at a plastic Little Tykes picnic table in the garage. So I don't have to worry about them getting it in the carpet. I usually just open the garage door and sit in my lounge chair reading while they do this. We do the same thing for art. Sometimes I use our patio so that when they are done I can just spray down the patio (ours is just a concrete square with a picnic table). I usually hose down the kids as well. Doing this allows me to control the mess and allow them to have fun as well.

 

HTH,

[Hillary in KS]

I'm not certain if you're looking for ideas on how to make a life change, or just fun things to do in the summer.

 

So I'll just guess :tongue_smilie: and give you an idea for a plan.

 

On a piece of paper, make a list of every fun thing for the kids to do that you can think of: going to the public pool, storytime at the library, hitting a park, fingerpainting, play-doh, salt flour dough maps, storytime and snacks in a blanket fort, etc.

 

Ask the kids for ideas. Go to http://www.familyfun.com and search for outdoor games or water games. Bake some cookies.

 

Cut them all up onto little slips of paper and put them in a jar or bowl. Every day, at a certain time, have one child draw a slip- and then do whatever's on it. No exceptions. (OK - one exception: weather.) Shop ahead for anything you might need so you have it in advance.

 

You can do one thing a day.:001_smile:

[cjgrubbs]

My library has tons of craft/nature books. Go there and pick out a few. Go through them and find some crafts that you can stand the mess or find a place where the mess won't bother you. I have a tablecloth that is wipeable (found the fabric at Wal-Mart and just bought the right number of yards) and we do crafts there or outside. I can wipe off that tablecloth and sweep/mop the floor when we are done. I bet after you see the fun your kids are having, you will be encouraged to try even more. Good luck!

[myfunnybunch]

Don't be so hard on yourself. :) Some people just don't like to do projects and the like. I'd focus mostly on sharing the things that you *do* enjoy with them, like reading or music or photography.

 

Some fun ideas that might help....

 

On a warm sunny day, take them on a short hike or to the park. Make them carry their own water bottles, snacks and any outdoor toy they want. Bring a blanket and a book for yourself. Find a nice place to settle, and read while they play. Or read out loud to them. Or each can bring a reading book and you can all read together before they go play. If you want to count it as a school outing, make everyone bring paper and colored pencils and a magnifying glass, or a small paper bag for collecting "treasures," and do a nature study.

 

My kids love to watercolor on nature days. (Another messy project.) Throw watercolor paints and brushes in a baggie. They can paint at the park with water from a creek or water fountain, leave everything in the sun to dry. When it's time to go home, they've got dry paintings and everything else goes in a baggie.

 

Can you hire an older teen to lead messy projects once a week, or once a month? She (or he) could be in charge of set-up and clean-up. My oldest dd used to teach my boys art (and Japanese) once a week...lovely.

 

Teach the older kids to clean up projects to your standards, then tell them that they can get as creative and messy as they want as long as they clean up after themselves.

 

And when you do find a few things you enjoy, keep doing them. :)

 

Cat

[LibraryLover]

I don't 'play' with my kids. I let them use their imaginations and do whatever.

 

Start saying yes more and then cut yourself some slack.

 

I have an art cabinet with tons of art supplies. I let the kids use them in the kitchen are as they see fit. Say yes to that. If you have room in the kitch area, dedicate a cabinet to supplies. Clays, watercolors, tape, glue, magazine for collages, staplers, all kinds of papers, stickers, various markers etc etc.

 

In summer, set up an easel in the back yard. Hang a sheet to paint on the shed. Set up a tote of supplies they can bring to the picnic table (or whatever). Do the messy stuff ouside, on the porch, deck etc. Water and cornstarch makes a huge mess, but it washes away with with a hose. 9I am assumning access to a hose. If not, a good rain or a couple of buckets of water willt ake care of it). My kids have never needed me to 'do crafts' with them. I might look through books with them. I have a couple of favs I'll link later.

 

I do knit with them. I do play board games and cards etc. When they were tiny, I did turn on the hose and let it run for awhile as they made concoctions with flower petals, dandelions etc.

 

Say yes to filling buckets and pots full of water for the sandbox etc.

 

I say yes, but it doesn't mean I get involved in their play. That's their world and I do not intrude.

Edited June 7, 2010 by LibraryLover

[CalicoKat]

I have five kids 12 down to 4. three boys and two girls.

I hate that I am just so snappy and practical and BORING. I'm always saying no to everything, and I hate messes and don't like crafts and don't like getting cold or wet or too hot. Don't much care for animals either.

My kids love the outdoors, animals, plants, they are very imaginative and fun. I'm always such a wet blanket. My main idea of fun is reading - I think I must have been a boring child as well.:glare:

How can I add more fun into our day? Just some small spontaneous things -or even some more planned things. I really need some ideas. I sat down to make a list and couldn't think of one thing. That's how bad it is...

I feel like I need a personality overhaul.:tongue_smilie:

 

Jen

It's hard to be a fun mom when you're busy pouring milk, refereeing, driving, cooking, washing laundry for five kids.

 

I scheduled time this summer for the library. Wednesday a.m.'s 9 a.m. without fail and I wrote it in my daytimer.

 

I also scheduled time for us to use our pool passes.

 

I asked my 7 yo what he wanted to do. "Um, I'd like to do more latch hook." Listen to what your kids are saying and see if you can't fit it in.

 

Don't beat yourself up. It's a tough job you're managing. :D

[Barb_]

I don't 'play' with my kids. I let them use their imaginations and do whatever.

 

Start saying yes more and then cut yourself some slack.

 

That's exactly what I was going to say. Just say "yes" more often. Saying no can turn into a habit. You begin to say it before you really think about what you are objecting to. Say yes. But make them clean up after themselves :D

 

Barb

[Parrothead]

I don't think it is my job to entertain my kid.

 

My idea of "playing" with dd is taking her to the pool. This might include taking her friend to play with or it might not.

 

Something that we have made special is surprise visits to the ice cream stand or the candy shop.

 

We play video games sometimes. We do tickle.

 

That is about the extent of my fun-ness.

[Caralee]

You could take a subject you are interested in and include your children in your learning. For instance, if you are interested in American history, with your children you can read up on the subject with great books, then watch a video on the subject or a movie that was placed during that time period, ...look up what people wore in that time period...what they invented, listened to music of that time period etc. It is very much like diong unit studies but the topic is something you are interested in. You could have the children find books in the library for you on realted topics and even make a little presentation on what they have learned...just keep it light and fun (not stressful...etc) If there are any activities involved, have them join in like public speaking (in front of you), role playing, art, music, the list can go on and on.

 

Children just want to spend time with you, feel needed and appreciated and enjoy you. They want you to enjoy them and their accomplishments. If you are enjoying something, then show them your excitement and talk to them about it...what you like/don't like/want to do etc. I am sure they would get excited with you if they saw you were excited about something.

 

The more difficult suggestion I have (that I have personally learned and continue to learn) is that in being the parent you will need to put aside your dislikes and discomforts and do the things that your children enjoy with them ....whether you enjoy it or not at that moment. This is what a parent does who desires to give good things to their children. Sacrifice is hard for everyone...no matter the situation. And as shown by your honesty about yourself and in making a request on this forum, I think you are wanting to give and do good things with your children. You are on the right track.

 

Charmayne

[LibraryLover]

LOl yes, but sometimes little ones do need help cleaning up, and bigger kids who are not used to using messy art supplies, or baking on their own, or whatnot need some modeling. Yk, "Put away ingredients after you measure them out," or "Put some hot soapy water in the sink so you have a place for dirty spoons or measuring cups etc". I also keep the vac nearby when they cut paper or do work that deals with dripping little bits of things. They find it easier to vac than sweep. As do I. ;)

 

OP, you have some big kids there; they can help the younger kids. Fi, I have never liked to bake (although I love to cook), and I had to force myself to bake cookies, bread etc etc when they were younger. (I get a headache thinking about making Gingerbread Houses, fi. UHG!) As soon as the oldest could read a recipe, the kids took over baking. My 11 yr old is the one who churns out the cookies and banana breads with her older sister. My 16 yr ds is a good cook as well. My oldest makes some good egg breakfasts. I also do not like making pancakes, but the 17 yr old loves to make pancakes. As soon as you teach them, or let them do this, the more you can sit back. Yes, at first the kitchen is a bit messy, but I don't mind washing a cookie sheet, whereas I do not like making cookies.

 

And no, even older kids do not get the kitchen as tidy as you would, nope ll :), but at least they are enjoying themselves (and learning), and you're being a fun mom by letting them bake the cookies you have no interest in baking... kwim? I have a method to my madness.

 

 

That's exactly what I was going to say. Just say "yes" more often. Saying no can turn into a habit. You begin to say it before you really think about what you are objecting to. Say yes. But make them clean up after themselves :D

 

Barb

Edited June 7, 2010 by LibraryLover

[jenniferlee]

Oh, there are some great ideas here.

I like the slips of paper idea a lot

Going to the pool is a good idea. They always want to and I "always" say no.

Painting outside sounds good :)

Picnics everyone loves - so much work!!:D

 

My oldest does bake a lot. I taught her young and she has gone crazy with it. You are right she does not clean up like I would - and I hate it. But she does have a great time and always includes one of the little boys. Which is so nice.

I need to look on the bright side of that situation.

 

Charmayne, thanks for the encouragement. I am wanting to make some changes. I think I've been more selfish with my time than is healthy. Not ever wanting to get out of my comfort zone.

 

I took everybody to the store last week when my dh was out of town and let them pick out whatever snack they wanted to eat and have it for dinner! You would have thought we'd gone to disneyland!! (I never take them shopping, it's such a hassle) They were thanking me over and over and saying what a nice wonderful mom I am. It made me feel bad in a way because I realized how little it takes to make them happy, and I just can't be bothered most of the time.

 

 

Anymore ideas are welcome - I'll take all I can get.

 

Jen

[NanceXToo]

Take them for a ride in the car and let them take turns telling you when and where to turn so they can see if they can get you "lost." Kids love that :D

 

Give them shaving cream (mixed with a few drops of food coloring even) and let them cover your patio tables in it and draw in it with their fingers. When it rinses off your tables will be clean, too :D

 

Institute a family game night and each week let a different kid pick out the board game and sit down and play it with them. Ditto a family movie night, or family audiobook night, or family listening-to-music night, or whatever!

 

When the weather isn't too hot or cool, go on a nature walk with them. Set up a "nature tank" and encourage everyone to find something cool to put into it. Let them examine that stuff with magnifying glasses. Let them switch the stuff out for other things when they need to.

 

Go on more "field trips" to interesting places.

 

Help them design and decorate a puppet theater, make paper bag or sock puppets, encourage them to put on a puppet show that you can watch.

 

Play food tasting games with them, where someone closes their eyes and the other gives them bites of food and they have to guess what it is.

 

Have a slumber party with them- set up a "tent" (blankets and sheets and stuff) in the living room. Tell stories, make indoor (microwave) s'mores.

 

Look for pictures in the clouds together. Look for constellations.

 

Have water balloon fights or water gun fights with them one day in the backyard.

 

Do some sort of community service/volunteer project together.

 

And...like you said... just say "yes" more :)

[KrissiK]

You need to go boating.

 

I am not really a fun mom, either. I'm all about not acting silly at the table, getting your work done, etc. I have 2 little boys (6 & 7) who are at that "bodily functions are hilarious" stage which is about to drive me crazy, so I spend my life feeling "not amused!" But, yesterday our friends invited us to the lake. I hate water and was not going to bring my suit. But I did. And they have this raft thing you tow behind the boat and I went on it. And screamed and yelled and fell off. It was really a lot of fun. And now... I feel like I'm much more fun! Or at least, my kids saw me in a different light.

[Caralee]

Jen,

 

I really understand what you are saying about not being a fun mom. I have struggled with this very thing for about 10 years. And it was only through prayer and learning to be a servant to my family that I have begun to overcome this. Now, I am much better for it and I am actually enjoying my children and their messes more....though I am still working on this area in my own self.

 

Something else I thought of was...teach your children from very young to clean up after themselves and to work with you as you cook, bake, clean, garden and whatever you do. They don't have to have a play activity in order to have fun. Working can be great fun when Mom is working with them, talking to them, singing with them, teaching them, make it a game of who can do it the fastest, and so on. Yes again it is sacrifice for you in the areas of actually needing to teach them and supervise their work and then being patient to see them do a good job especially when they are young, but in the long run you are not only teaching them to work hard, but how to do it in a fun way and you are developing a trusting relationship with them.

 

Again, children most desire a relationship with us that shows them that we love and delight in them.That we take an interest in them, in their thoughts, in their accomplishments etc. They want us to love them and all that they do. They want you to be their biggest fan...their biggest cheerleader. They want to do things with you because they love you and enjoy your company. If we do not do this, they will find someone else who will fill this void.

 

Charmayne

[keptwoman]

This is a link to a handy "Planned Spontaneity" planner.

oops! Might help if I put the link!

http://www.homeschooling-ideas.com/homeschool-planner.html

 

I like this because its a way of getting ideas and things ready for being able to be spontaneous. I'm trying to implement it myself at the moment.

Edited June 7, 2010 by keptwoman

[texasmama]

A fun thing to do that is not too messy is to put down a large bedsheet and use rice or beans (dry, uncooked) with several different types of containers, spoons, cups, measuring spoons, etc. and let the kids play in the middle. Then, just pick up the sheet at the edges and it is pretty easy to put it all back in a container for the next time and shake out the sheet in the backyard.

 

I let the kids do messy crafts on the back porch. I can see them through the windows so my littles go out together and use the glue, colored sand, chalk, etc. and nothing is messy inside.

 

Put playdough on a jelly roll pan so it is contained. Only buy washable markers. They really do come out of clothing. I got some crafty things online on clearance (a big box of stuff) that the kids can pull out when they want to. It is a mess to clean up afterwards (even if I ask them to do it, they don't do it well so I have to go behind them) but I don't mind doing it once in a while.

 

Sometimes we have a "fun" dinner and I let them choose whatever they want. We put a sheet down and picnic in the middle of the living room while watching a movie.

 

Also, my littles like to wash windows using a spray bottle full of water and vinegar. It can't hurt them and it keeps them occupied. I have one child who loves to help me cook so I put him on the couch with some cookbooks and have him pick out some recipes that look interesting and then we try one or two.

[texasmama]

Thought of some more -:tongue_smilie:- My kids like card games (which aren't too painful to me to play). We play Uno, War and go fish. I hate monopoly so if they want to play, they do it without me and I let myself be okay with this.:D I will play other board games but they often play together without me. If we are really having a hard day, I know we need a little ride in the car or trip out of the house to break up the day. If I am low on energy, I institute movie night and we pop popcorn and watch a movie.

[Rosie_0801]

They sound like industrious young people! They probably don't need you to be fun. My mother wasn't much fun, but for the most part she stayed out of our way and let us get on with our own. That was just fine :) Your kids will probably be quite happy if your answer to "Mum, can we..." is "Yeah, outside. Take your shoes off before you come back in."

 

Rosie

[jenniferlee]

Sandra,

thanks so much for that link. That looks like a great website! so many good ideas.

 

nance and texas, thanks for the great ideas!

 

krissi - you are too funny! we went camping last year with my relatives and they had a boat with a pull behind deal and I totally would not go on it! The kids had a great time though.

 

Jen

[LibraryLover]

They sound like industrious young people! They probably don't need you to be fun. My mother wasn't much fun, but for the most part she stayed out of our way and let us get on with our own. That was just fine :) Your kids will probably be quite happy if your answer to "Mum, can we..." is "Yeah, outside. Take your shoes off before you come back in."

 

Rosie

 

LOL Yep.

[jenniferlee]

rosie, thanks for the reply. They are very "industrious". And yes, they do have a great deal of fun on their own. but I'm tired of being grumpy and resentful.

 

By the way, I love your signature line.

 

Jen

[happi duck]

I agree with making the decision to say 'yes' more often. I would not make a big deal out of it (hey kids, I'm a yes-mom now!). I also think it is important that your plan is very doable. An elaborate plan of desired activities that isn't doable will just make you feel worse (I know I said we'd [fill in the blank] but we can't...)

 

During a particular season in my life, I started writing down the activities I said 'no' about. The 'no' might have been because of time, money, my interest, my energy etc. I then found a way to make those things happen at a later time, though I didn't promise at the time. KWIM? So if the kids wanted to paint and I had no patience I would say no but make a point to bring the paint out within the next week or so.

[Rosie_0801]

but I'm tired of being grumpy and resentful.

Jen

 

I think that's why Mum used to send us outside with instructions not to come back in until dinner.:lol: Pack your kids a picnic lunch and do the same ;) You won't feel nearly so grumpy or resentful if they are outside happily doing their thing and you can keep an eye out the back window and actually get dinner cooked without anyone interrupting. See if you can get dinner cooked early in the afternoon. It's *so* much less stress than doing it at 5.

 

Rosie

 

P.S If you're feeling guilty over the threads about mothers not wanting to spend time with their kids, don't. For every one of those threads there's one about kids not knowing out to occupy themselves these days because they are all over scheduled and over supervised. ;)

Edited June 7, 2010 by Rosie_0801

[Peela]

I completely understand also- I too was never one to get down and play Barbies with my kids and it was easy to get into a rut of saying no. However, all snuggling in my bed at night and reading "just one more chapter" of a fun book, was more my style.

 

One thing my kids loved to do, which I loved to do as a child too, was make cubby houses in the loungeroom or under the dining room table, and have a picnic under there. Or, if there is a suitable tree in the garden, outside. A few old blankets, some pegs, and they can create a whole other world. You just supply some snacks and be patient when its time to pack it all up!

 

I also loved to take my kids into the bush, or to a park, where I could sit and relax, or walk and look at the wildflowers, while they ran off and went wild.

 

I agree with the others though- just say yes a little more often- but don't go overboard!

[Homeschooling6]

Sometimes when I feel like I'm becoming a boring mom I do something totally out of my comfort zone with the children. One time I turned on the sprinklers and ran through them with the kids :D but most times I just bake cookies.

 

Play soccer or tag. My kids love when I play outside with them.

 

Let them eat dessert first. Once or twice a year we have ice cream first then eat a light dinner.

 

Take a walk to the coffee shop and by them a child size coffee.

 

Let them all sleep in the living room.

 

Tell them it's okay to use the couch cushions to make a fort.

 

Let them get muddy.

 

Play in the rain.

 

have a dart gun fight (friendly of course)

 

Watch Mary Poppins and let them all have a spoon full of sugar.

 

When they pick a boring cartoon movie, watch it with them.

[4them]

I have five kids 12 down to 4. three boys and two girls.

I hate that I am just so snappy and practical and BORING. I'm always saying no to everything, and I hate messes and don't like crafts and don't like getting cold or wet or too hot. Don't much care for animals either.

My kids love the outdoors, animals, plants, they are very imaginative and fun. I'm always such a wet blanket. My main idea of fun is reading - I think I must have been a boring child as well.:glare:

How can I add more fun into our day? Just some small spontaneous things -or even some more planned things. I really need some ideas. I sat down to make a list and couldn't think of one thing. That's how bad it is...

I feel like I need a personality overhaul.:tongue_smilie:

 

Jen

I can't help you but I can empathize! You sound just like me...