s/o mom I know is missing -- bizarre turn of events

[MariannNOVA]

http://www.daytondailynews.com/news/crime/name-released-of-person-of-interest-in-missing-xenia-mom-case-663817.html

 

How heartbreaking for everyone involved.

[Tangerine]

Yikes. Do people have to reimburse the state when they go missing of their own volition? How terrible all around.

[LibraryLover]

It's sad. But given human nature, I don't find it bizarre.

[kalanamak]

It's sad. But given human nature, I don't find it bizarre.

 

Yup. If we didn't have amazingly strong drives in that direction, we humans would die out....

[cjzimmer1]

Yikes. Do people have to reimburse the state when they go missing of their own volition?

 

I'm sure it varies state to state and case by case, but a few years ago a college student pulled a "missing person" stunt. Search expenses ran over $200,000 before she reappeared. When all was said and done she was required to pay a portion of it back but not the whole amount maybe $20,000, I can't remember the exact amount anymore but at least it was something to make her stop and think just how stupid she was.

[Nicole M]

Just because she knew the guy doesn't mean that foul play can be ruled out.

[hornblower]

Slightly ot - Agatha Christie once disappeared. Nobody knew where she was & last I read, it remains a mystery. She did just turn up on her own & iirc, refused to talk about it.

[MariannNOVA]

Just because she knew the guy doesn't mean that foul play can be ruled out.

 

That is actually one of the things that bothers me most. What if she was being 'groomed' for something untoward......but she thought the friendship was innocent?

[LibraryLover]

That is actually one of the things that bothers me most. What if she was being 'groomed' for something untoward......but she thought the friendship was innocent?

 

 

I thought of that as well. If he did harm her, he eventually will be found. His photo is everywhere.

[MariannNOVA]

I thought of that as well. If he did harm her, he eventually will be found. His photo is everywhere.

SHHHHHHHHHHHHH. We're doing it again -- talking, bosox and nyy fans.

[LibraryLover]

SHHHHHHHHHHHHH. We're doing it again -- talking, bosox and nyy fans.

 

 

And you're a Christian, right? lol Shhh...I am not. LOL

[Mrs Mungo]

Slightly ot - Agatha Christie once disappeared. Nobody knew where she was & last I read, it remains a mystery. She did just turn up on her own & iirc, refused to talk about it.

 

Wasn't that just after her husband had an affair? I'd guess she either had a mental break or was attempting to make him sweat.

[Saille]

Oh gosh, how weird that this is in Dayton. I was just at the Greene last week. I actually homeschooled the kids at the Books & Co. the day before the MidWest Convention, too.

 

I hope they find her soon. You said she has a little baby at home, right? Maybe she's been having a really hard time, and with a little breathing room, she'll be back. I know that it's a double edged sword, though. No one would want to imagine her voluntarily leaving her husband, baby and family behind. But no one wants her to be in danger, either. What a scary mess.

[MariannNOVA]

And you're a Christian, right? lol Shhh...I am not. LOL

 

Yes, I am........but we have Seder, celebrate Hanukah, Rosh-Hashanah. I grew up in a predominantly Jewish neighborhood (you said OY, before, right?) and I have such Jewish-envy, you cannot believe it. :svengo: Can't we all just get along? Darn baseball season!:leaving:

[LibraryLover]

Yes, I am........but we have Seder, celebrate Hanukah, Rosh-Hashanah. I grew up in a predominantly Jewish neighborhood (you said OY, before, right?) and I have such Jewish-envy, you cannot believe it. :svengo: Can't we all just get along? Darn baseball season!:leaving:

 

 

HA! I am heathen to the core. lol I do adore Purim and Sukkot, however. :D I support good drink and good food. :)

[MariannNOVA]

HA! I am heathen to the core. lol I do adore Purim and Sukkot, however. :D I support good drink and good food. :)

 

Now, if you had said HA instead of OY, I would not have thought you were Jewish. Totally with you as far as good drink and good food - neither of which is found at ballparks.:glare:

 

Funny Seder story, though: few years ago, a long distance friend asks me to invite a gentleman new to the area to my Seder -- he is from New Zealand, he is Jewish, and his family has not joined him here yet. So dh invites him. I am really nervous - shiksa making Seder and now a Jewish person is coming. OY!

I clean like mad, make sure the fridge is divided - meat and dairy - the whole thing.

Guest walks in - he bought fabulous wine - was absolutely delightful - but two seconds after he walks in, he says, "I say, does everyone in the States do this Passover thing? In New Zealand, being Jewish is really more of a social thing for my wife and me and I've never been to a Seder in my life." :001_huh: (that would be me). He goes on to say, "She made me promise to call her the minute I get in tonight so I can tell her what goes on at one of these." :lol::lol::lol: I relaxed!;)

[LibraryLover]

LOL Ha! Oy! I was recently in a Jewish home during this last Passover season. The visiting grandmother looked me up and down as I walked in. I stopped dead in my tracks, raised my hands as if she were police, and said "I don't have any food on me". She laughed, "Good girl!" and let me come in. LOL

[Laurie4b]

Not unless they have done something to mislead police that a crime has been committed. If they call and act like they were kidnapped, etc, or set up a false trail, then they may have to pay. But adults are free to walk away from their current life without notifying anyone.

 

It is a sad situation. The news story says she has a one year old baby. I wonder about post-partum depression and whether something like that is involved.

[RoughCollie]

According to what I read on Websleuths, her car was found abandoned, with a flat tire, and shopping bags with clothes for her baby inside (from Carter's). She had plans to go to a cook-out that afternoon, with her husband and baby.

 

I wonder if she went with the guy against her will. It's possible, no matter what the guy's wife says. It is also possible that the guy being missing as well is unrelated, although I had to strain at a gnat to type that.

 

This doesn't seem like a planned event to me. It sure would be hard to understand, even if she does have post-partum depression, because she has a lot of people who love and care about her who do not seem to think this is the case. I've not read any comments from people who know her that send up red flags, but maybe they are being circumspect. The runaway bride is a case in point -- I don't recall, at the time, many people thinking the case was not on the up and up. Afterward, it was a different story. OTOH, people who love her are very worried, no matter how they read the situation, and they might be afraid to say anything that may stop the police from diligently looking for her. Now that the story is in the national spotlight, it would be odd if the police suddenly gave up, even if they do have information that leads them to the conclusion that she left of her own volition.

 

I hope she is a runaway wife and mother simply because that would mean that she is not a crime victim.

 

If she did leave on purpose, then I hope she will have the guts to call someone and tell them she is okay. It does seem like she would have expected that her disappearance would make the national news and that her loved ones would be worried sick. If I had left on purpose, I would have a hard time making that phone call. I mean, how does one explain one's actions in a way that makes sense?

 

There is a $5,000 reward for information leading to her safe return.

Edited April 21, 2010 by RoughCollie

[MariannNOVA]

According to what I read on Websleuths, her car was found abandoned, with a flat tire, and shopping bags with clothes for her baby inside (from Carter's). She had plans to go to a cook-out that afternoon, with her husband and baby.

 

I wonder if she went with the guy against her will. It's possible, no matter what the guy's wife says. It is also possible that the guy being missing as well is unrelated, although I had to strain at a gnat to type that.

 

This doesn't seem like a planned event to me. It sure would be hard to understand, even if she does have post-partum depression, because she has a lot of people who love and care about her who do not seem to think this is the case. I've not read any comments from people who know her that send up red flags, but maybe they are being circumspect. The runaway bride is a case in point -- I don't recall, at the time, many people thinking the case was not on the up and up. Afterward, it was a different story. OTOH, people who love her are very worried, no matter how they read the situation, and they might be afraid to say anything that may stop the police from diligently looking for her. Now that the story is in the national spotlight, it would be odd if the police suddenly gave up, even if they do have information that leads them to the conclusion that she left of her own volition.

 

I hope she is a runaway wife and mother simply because that would mean that she is not a crime victim.

 

If she did leave on purpose, then I hope she will have the guts to call someone and tell them she is okay. It does seem like she would have expected that her disappearance would make the national news and that her loved ones would be worried sick. If I had left on purpose, I would have a hard time making that phone call. I mean, how does one explain one's actions in a way that makes sense?

 

 

It's sad, strange and frightening. I agree with what you've written.

 

About the runaway bride thing, that's interesting..... because people here said right at the get go that she was a runaway bride with cold feet - I was the only person (at the school where I taught) who thought that it was on the up and up - egg on MY face!

[RoughCollie]

It's sad, strange and frightening. I agree with what you've written.

 

About the runaway bride thing, that's interesting..... because people here said right at the get go that she was a runaway bride with cold feet - I was the only person (at the school where I taught) who thought that it was on the up and up - egg on MY face!

 

Yeah, I know what you mean. I was wrong about the runaway bride, too. There was no evidence to support that she was a runaway, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I don't understand how anyone can do something like that unless they have a major mental illness, or are supremely selfish and don't care if they terrify the people who love them, and don't care that the details of their lives are plastered all over the national news.

 

I hope that this case is resolved quickly and in the woman's favor.

 

I just don't understand what would drive her, under the publicized circumstances of her life, to do this on purpose. Obviously, she would not be thinking rationally because she would not want to terrify her family and friends. If that is the case, we can all be glad that she is found to be safe, and hope that whatever is wrong with her can be successfully treated.

 

It's a heck of thing: To be right that she is a runaway, probably means something is terribly wrong with her mentally. To be wrong means that she is a crime victim. Either scenario is pretty awful for her and for her loved ones, even though the former is obviously the very best outcome, IMO.

 

My opinion is based on the publicized circumstances of her life being basically accurate. It is unlikely, but maybe there is something negative going on that we don't know about. No point speculating about that.

 

I just don't see that a rational woman with resources who was fleeing something really bad would do leave her baby behind. Her resources are not merely financial (although for all we know, they are) -- they are her family and friends.

Edited April 21, 2010 by RoughCollie

[elegantlion]

http://www.daytondailynews.com/news/crime/name-released-of-person-of-interest-in-missing-xenia-mom-case-663817.html

 

How heartbreaking for everyone involved.

 

IDK, it's hard to say, but scroll down and look at the photo of them together. How she is standing in closed in type position, legs firmly together, both hands gripping the cup to her chest. He has a hold of her arm. Maybe it's my "lie to me" instincts kicking in. She is also looking up, I would think if she were trying to "hide" herself her head would be down. He seems to be in mid-stride, shouldn't she be too? Obviously too many variables to really determine, but I do wonder what her body language is saying in that photo.

[Denisemomof4]

how devastating for the spouses.

[RoughCollie]

He has a hold of her arm.

 

I clicked on the picture at the link to enlarge it. I don't see his hand on her arm. Maybe my monitor doesn't show images distinctly enough.

[TXMary2]

I clicked on the picture at the link to enlarge it. I don't see his hand on her arm. Maybe my monitor doesn't show images distinctly enough.

 

 

I don't see his arm on her either. Also, the photo is from two weeks ago before she went missing. It could be she had some bad judgement, got sucked into something because this guy complimented her or was pursuing her and perhaps he is the nutso and has abducted her.

[elegantlion]

I clicked on the picture at the link to enlarge it. I don't see his hand on her arm. Maybe my monitor doesn't show images distinctly enough.

 

It's hard to tell, you're right, I think it's just the color of skin looks almost the same shade as his shirt.

[unsinkable]

I don't know if I agree that people who walk away from their families have mental illnesses.

 

I think it might be character flaws.

[Nicole M]

I don't know if I agree that people who walk away from their families have mental illnesses.

 

I think it might be character flaws.

 

Or extreme desperation. We don't know what happens inside anyone else's marriage.

 

I am so sorry about your mom, unsinkable. So sorry. :grouphug:

[DarlaS]

IDK, it's hard to say, but scroll down and look at the photo of them together. How she is standing in closed in type position, legs firmly together, both hands gripping the cup to her chest. He has a hold of her arm. Maybe it's my "lie to me" instincts kicking in. She is also looking up, I would think if she were trying to "hide" herself her head would be down. He seems to be in mid-stride, shouldn't she be too? Obviously too many variables to really determine, but I do wonder what her body language is saying in that photo.

 

It looks to me like she's looking up at the lottery numbers and he's on his way to pay for his coffee. Just my "former convenience store clerk" instincts. :D

 

Just from that photo alone (without reading the article), I would not assume that those two people even knew each other. They seem to be a little close, but convenience stores are small, and you brush past people all the time. You also see the same other customers in there day after day as you get your coffee, gas etc. on your way to work so a nod or smile of acknowledgment between relative strangers is the norm.

[unsinkable]

Or extreme desperation. We don't know what happens inside anyone else's marriage.

I am so sorry about your mom, unsinkable. So sorry. :grouphug:

 

Nicole,

 

I agree with you -- it could be desperation & we don't know...

 

Thank you for you kind words.

 

Topics like this start me wondering all over again about my parents & childhood.

[RoughCollie]

The FBI has been called in.

 

It seems to me if she had a character flaw that wide, someone would have noticed. Instead, her friends and family are saying that it is out of character for her to have left.

 

I've watched all the videos and the only thing I noticed was that her family seems so stoic about this. OTOH, I bet they are only saying what the police tell them to say. Her baby is adorable. Maybe she was on t.v. to help lure the mother back home.

[littlebug42]

It looks to me like she's looking up at the lottery numbers and he's on his way to pay for his coffee. Just my "former convenience store clerk" instincts. :D

 

Just from that photo alone (without reading the article), I would not assume that those two people even knew each other. They seem to be a little close, but convenience stores are small, and you brush past people all the time. You also see the same other customers in there day after day as you get your coffee, gas etc. on your way to work so a nod or smile of acknowledgment between relative strangers is the norm.

 

The news media around there has reported that they were seen together at this particular convenience store on more than one occasion in March and April. I think they at least knew each other. It doesn't mean that she automatically left with him of her own accord.

[DarlaS]

The news media around there has reported that they were seen together at this particular convenience store on more than one occasion in March and April. I think they at least knew each other. It doesn't mean that she automatically left with him of her own accord.

 

Oh, I understand that they are believed to have known each other (I did read the article.). I just am not getting any kind of feeling about their relationship from that photo. Like someone else pointed out, it kind of looks like he's walking and she's standing still.

 

I would think (hope even) that if he withdrew money, and both of them are missing, they have simply run off together. The icky alternative would be that he's planning to flee after he does whatever he has planned for her. Trying not to let my mind go there, but I don't have a good feeling. For no one to know where either of them are is just odd.

[Nicole M]

The icky alternative would be that he's planning to flee after he does whatever he has planned for her. Trying not to let my mind go there, but I don't have a good feeling. For no one to know where either of them are is just odd.

 

It seems like if she had been planning to run off with him, there would have been some kind of preparations made, on her part, either a very large withdrawal of money, some kind of evidence. Based on what little we know, even factoring in that she knew the man (I "know" people I chat with regularly at stores all the time), it is hard for me to imagine that she willingly left her family. But it is possible.

 

I feel for the families. A local man here disappeared off his boat, which was found adrift and empty a week after he left port, and it has been very hard for the family to not know what happened to him.

[MariannNOVA]

I don't know if I agree that people who walk away from their families have mental illnesses.

 

I think it might be character flaws.

 

I agree with you. I think that there probably are as many reasons for walking away as there are people who walk away.

 

I'm sorry about your mom, unsinkable. :grouphug:

 

I haven't been paying attention to anything but school and sick dd11 (strep) all day so I don't know what is going on with this story, but I am afraid for this young woman.

[unsinkable]

I agree with you. I think that there probably are as many reasons for walking away as there are people who walk away.

 

I'm sorry about your mom, unsinkable. :grouphug:

 

I haven't been paying attention to anything but school and sick dd11 (strep) all day so I don't know what is going on with this story, but I am afraid for this young woman.

 

Thank you. I just want to make it clear that my mom always came back after a while. So after the first couple times, we kind of knew the drill. She certainly didn't have it easy with my dad. He was brutal at times. But she left my brother and I with him. That's the part I still wrestle with. None of us could cope with him but she got to walk away. I just want to be able to understand why.

[DarlaS]

It seems like if she had been planning to run off with him, there would have been some kind of preparations made, on her part, either a very large withdrawal of money, some kind of evidence. Based on what little we know, even factoring in that she knew the man (I "know" people I chat with regularly at stores all the time), it is hard for me to imagine that she willingly left her family. But it is possible.

 

 

That's why I don't have a good feeling. It appears he was the only one making plans.

 

People do run into each other in stores--especially convenience stores as they are a place frequented by people on their way to and from work at the same time day after day. They will act like they know each other just from seeing each other daily.

 

I used to work in a convenience store and saw this regularly. It's how I met my husband. He came through at the same time every morning. He and a bunch of other guys at 4:45 AM that "knew" each other.

[MariannNOVA]

Thank you. I just want to make it clear that my mom always came back after a while. So after the first couple times, we kind of knew the drill. She certainly didn't have it easy with my dad. He was brutal at times. But she left my brother and I with him. That's the part I still wrestle with. None of us could cope with him but she got to walk away. I just want to be able to understand why.

 

Oh, I am SO sorry! :grouphug: The first person I was married to was brutal - would not be exagerrating if I called him a socio-path -- but I always put myself in between him and my daughters. It was an awful existence until one day I (literally and figuratively) kicked him out. The only thing that gives my dd29 solace about our life up until that day is that I put myself between them. It doesn't make me feel any better, but she tells me it is how she knows she was loved. I don't have any answers for you, but you clearly are strong and you are able to overcome. Again, I'm so sorry! :grouphug:

[Crimson Wife]

That's why I don't have a good feeling. It appears he was the only one making plans.

 

People do run into each other in stores--especially convenience stores as they are a place frequented by people on their way to and from work at the same time day after day. They will act like they know each other just from seeing each other daily.

 

:iagree: There are folks whom I've become acquainted with because we frequent the same dry cleaners. I'd hate to have people make negative assumptions about my relationship with them based on that.

 

And even if the mom in question *WAS* involved in a secret intimate relationship with the guy she still could be the victim of a crime. He might've harmed her to get back at her for ending or threatening to end the relationship, threatening to tell his wife about the relationship, etc.

[MariannNOVA]

:iagree: There are folks whom I've become acquainted with because we frequent the same dry cleaners. I'd hate to have people make negative assumptions about my relationship with them based on that.

 

And even if the mom in question *WAS* involved in a secret intimate relationship with the guy she still could be the victim of a crime. He might've harmed her to get back at her for ending or threatening to end the relationship, threatening to tell his wife about the relationship, etc.

 

:iagree: and what if it was just a grab a cup of coffee/not worth mentioning to anyone kind of acquaintance to her, and she perceived it as the same to him, but she was being set up.

[kalanamak]

That's why I don't have a good feeling. It appears he was the only one making plans.

 

 

Or perhaps she planned on a short meet up in a moment away from home and he announced, breathlessly, that "he did it", he left his wife, and caught in the thrill of the moment she bolted with him. As much as stranger abduction of attractive white females grabs our attention, a couple of married people running off short or long term is FAR more common.

 

Keep up the APB, the search, but I suspect they are both okay, as least physically. As long as that is case, my next hope that birth control is being used.

 

Some people are selfish and weak, but some people get caught up in things. I freely raise my hand and admit that every serious relationship I had in my 20's and 30's, even those which lasted years, were mere infatuations compared to my first marriage. When I met my exhub I was overwhelmed with an incredible, calm sense of "rightness", a profound feeling I had never imagined. I cannot describe it adequately. If one has never seen, heard of, or tasted a citrus fruit, how can one imagine what it will be like? We were both unattached. How lucky for us. I cannot imagine what it would have been like if I had been married for 10 years to someone I was only attached to legally and socially, who I had a child with in the hopes it would bring us close, that every smile I gave him was an act, that every time I looked at a child that should bring me joy, I see a chain linking me to him.

 

Of course, I don't know about this situation, but the above is not only possible, but I'm sure has happened to many people. I have a theory why so many marriages fail after 20 years....you get older, a friend drops dead from a heart attack and suddenly you can't sleep thinking it will happen to you and you've been blocked from happiness or lost out on love, and gosh, when you are dead you're dead a long time. I don't know about most, but many people do lead lives of quiet desperation, and one of the ways I cope is to assume that the vast majority of people are doing the BEST THEY CAN, no matter how flawed it seems.

 

I am sad for all parties concerned, but the devil in me wishes I'd been there when the man's wife answered the door and said "of course he's run off with her". I wonder if they'll make a TV movie out of it?

[RoughCollie]

His car has been found.

 

http://www.daytondailynews.com/news/dayton-news/auto-owned-by-hutcherson-found-665890.html

[MariannNOVA]

His car has been found.

 

http://www.daytondailynews.com/news/dayton-news/auto-owned-by-hutcherson-found-665890.html

 

 

Seriously -- WOW! as in, 'Oh, my!'

[MariannNOVA]

Or perhaps she planned on a short meet up in a moment away from home and he announced, breathlessly, that "he did it", he left his wife, and caught in the thrill of the moment she bolted with him. As much as stranger abduction of attractive white females grabs our attention, a couple of married people running off short or long term is FAR more common.

 

Keep up the APB, the search, but I suspect they are both okay, as least physically. As long as that is case, my next hope that birth control is being used.

 

Some people are selfish and weak, but some people get caught up in things. I freely raise my hand and admit that every serious relationship I had in my 20's and 30's, even those which lasted years, were mere infatuations compared to my first marriage. When I met my exhub I was overwhelmed with an incredible, calm sense of "rightness", a profound feeling I had never imagined. I cannot describe it adequately. If one has never seen, heard of, or tasted a citrus fruit, how can one imagine what it will be like? We were both unattached. How lucky for us. I cannot imagine what it would have been like if I had been married for 10 years to someone I was only attached to legally and socially, who I had a child with in the hopes it would bring us close, that every smile I gave him was an act, that every time I looked at a child that should bring me joy, I see a chain linking me to him.

 

Of course, I don't know about this situation, but the above is not only possible, but I'm sure has happened to many people. I have a theory why so many marriages fail after 20 years....you get older, a friend drops dead from a heart attack and suddenly you can't sleep thinking it will happen to you and you've been blocked from happiness or lost out on love, and gosh, when you are dead you're dead a long time. I don't know about most, but many people do lead lives of quiet desperation, and one of the ways I cope is to assume that the vast majority of people are doing the BEST THEY CAN, no matter how flawed it seems.

 

I am sad for all parties concerned, but the devil in me wishes I'd been there when the man's wife answered the door and said "of course he's run off with her". I wonder if they'll make a TV movie out of it?

 

I know someone whose favorite saying is: the best you can hope for is ambivalence.

 

Oh, and it's not me -- although it is one of my favorite sayings.

[Nicole M]

Seriously -- WOW! as in, 'Oh, my!'

 

"Oh, my!" -- why?

 

If they don't want to be found, of course he'd have to ditch the car, and work mighty hard to remain hidden.

[RoughCollie]

"Oh, my!" -- why?

 

If they don't want to be found, of course he'd have to ditch the car, and work mighty hard to remain hidden.

 

Well, the police did not say what or who they found in the car, if anything.

 

Maybe he bought an old car to drive with some of his $2000.

Edited April 22, 2010 by RoughCollie

[MariannNOVA]

"Oh, my!" -- why?

 

If they don't want to be found, of course he'd have to ditch the car, and work mighty hard to remain hidden.

 

'oh, my' as an interjection.....nothing more.

[Nicole M]

'oh, my' as an interjection.....nothing more.

 

Okay, thanks. I read that link and thought, well that tells us about nothing. So I wasn't sure what you meant.

[MariannNOVA]

It seems like if she had been planning to run off with him, there would have been some kind of preparations made, on her part, either a very large withdrawal of money, some kind of evidence. Based on what little we know, even factoring in that she knew the man (I "know" people I chat with regularly at stores all the time), it is hard for me to imagine that she willingly left her family. But it is possible.

 

I feel for the families. A local man here disappeared off his boat, which was found adrift and empty a week after he left port, and it has been very hard for the family to not know what happened to him.[/QUOTE]

 

Seriously -- WOW! as in, 'Oh, my!'

 

And if more than an interjection, then b/c of what I have bolded in your quote. A sad interjection. His car is likely now undergoing forensics testing -- if there is blood or whatever, it will be found. If there was a struggle, there will perhaps be evidence of that in his car. The newspaper said there will not be another news conference till tomorrow morning. By then, they will perhaps have the results of some of the testing being done to the vehicle now. The 'oh, my' was written in reaction to that.

 

And the other part of your post made me think of the Natalee Holloway case. Those first few days when her mom arrived in Aruba, the news made it sound as if she was going to be found any minute. How heartbreaking for families of victims who never have closure of any kind.

Edited April 22, 2010 by MariannNOVA
because I hadn't been clear

[Nicole M]

I don't know about most, but many people do lead lives of quiet desperation, and one of the ways I cope is to assume that the vast majority of people are doing the BEST THEY CAN, no matter how flawed it seems.

 

QUOTE]

 

This is why I said we can't know what happens inside other marriages. Quiet desperation is no way to live. A part of me feels like there must be a way to extract yourself from a situation like you described with some kind of integrity, but in my experience, it does not happen often.