Help! 8yo ds just asked how babies come out of women?!!

[Angela in TN]

:eek:He is my oldest son so I'm new to this and not quite sure what I should tell him. Of course he asks me this at bedtime and he says he knows I won't want to explain at that time but tomorrow...ok? I tell him maybe not tomorrow but we will talk soon, now what?!! We did spend the day yesterday with my brother & sil and they are expecting baby #5 so I'm guessing that may have something to do with it. Help from those been there done that your wise counsel is very much needed!

[Kay in Cal]

I believe in clear, accurate information. Books are great (and there are several threads of recommendations fairly recently, though I like "It's Not the Stork", http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763600474 which is age appropriate but detailed), but if not I would simply say something like:

 

"Women have a special passage between thier legs called a birth canal, or v*gina. When they give birth, the muscles in the uterus where the baby has been developing squeeze tight and push them out through that opening, which can stretch wide to let the baby pass through." Further information would be provided as questions were asked, or with time and preparation I might pull out a book.

 

My six year old could tell you this information, probably pretty close to verbatim. My four year old has heard it, but doesn't get it yet. I guess my point is that accurate information about the body has to come from somewhere, and as homeschoolers it's us or no one.

 

I don't want to raise boys who are afraid to talk about thier own bodies. I do actually know a young man who almost died because he was too ashamed to tell his mom that he had pain "down there" and ended up with stage 3 cancer. I also want to raise men who can talk to their future wives with openness and candor, will know what they are talking about, and can discuss human sexuality and development without shame or discomfort. The way we as parents present this information sets the stage for a lifetime of attitudes.

 

(Note--I have no problem saying the actual word v*gina, I'm editing it so this thread doesn't come up in unsavory internet searches)

[Tracey in TX]

All my kiddos remotely understand birds and bees. It begins as a benign question. Best way I've found to address this is to ask, "where do you think babies come from?"

We had already told DD (approx 6y/o), but her response was "daddy gives mommy a special kiss". hmmm, works until she's ready to comprehend the full information. A child will only obtain the info he/she is ready to absorb. The rest of the conversation is meaningless as the eyes glaze over :)

(btw, DH showed DD Gray's Anatomy text and she was bored and didn't get how a textbook had anything to do with babies.)

 

Good luck,

[Mom2legomaniacs]

LOL! Ok, Angela, Sorry, couldn't help but laugh because my stomach went up in my throat for you! I agree with Kay. Facts. And straight forward talk. I have done this a bit with mine. I thought they would ask questions but they never did. Then one day, a friend (who is a year older than J and also has an older sister) informed him of a few things. He got a lot wrong and it was funny, but it led to a nice conversation that helped me to learn how to be straight with him. No embarrassment, just another lesson like we usually do. Good luck sweetie!

[Doran]

:eek:He is my oldest son so I'm new to this and not quite sure what I should tell him. Of course he asks me this at bedtime and he says he knows I won't want to explain at that time but tomorrow...ok? I tell him maybe not tomorrow but we will talk soon, now what?!! We did spend the day yesterday with my brother & sil and they are expecting baby #5 so I'm guessing that may have something to do with it. Help from those been there done that your wise counsel is very much needed!

 

IMO, just tell him the correct answer, using the correct terminology without giving him a science lecture or a dumbed down version of what really happens. "Babies grow in the mother's uterus, which is a special organ here (point), right around the stomach. When they are ready to come out, they come through the birth canal which is also called the vagina."

 

If you'd feel better about having a book to use as a guide, there are plenty to choose from.

 

Remember, it's all natural, perfectly normal stuff you're talking about here. No different, really, than explaining how you made last night burritos. :D

 

Doran

[snickelfritz]

For me, this stuff is easier with a book. No hemming and hawing and it can be matter of fact. Makes it easier for me to hide the fact that I am extremely uncomfortable. Mine are younger, but we've already started with a Christian series of books that divides the information by ages. I'm not sure the exact name(it's in their room where they sleep), but it was from Rainbow Resources.

 

My 4 1/2 year old dd already knows the correct terminology, although she calls them "China and Venus." :) Actually, the 2 year old also hears the same book.

[Angela in TN]

I don't want to raise boys who are afraid to talk about thier own bodies. I do actually know a young man who almost died because he was too ashamed to tell his mom that he had pain "down there" and ended up with stage 3 cancer. I also want to raise men who can talk to their future wives with openness and candor, will know what they are talking about, and can discuss human sexuality and development without shame or discomfort. The way we as parents present this information sets the stage for a lifetime of attitudes.

 

This is what I want for my boys for sure. I'm the one who has and issue with saying v*gina so I'm not sure I could use that word with him and not display some unease (which I don't want to pass on to him!). Of course my issues are a whole other story. I appreciate your words and will look up that book and if your in town can you come have "the talk" with my son?! :tongue_smilie:

[Colleen]

I'm not one who shies away from honesty about this subject (though truth be told, I've not had the need to get into a great deal of discussion about it). On the other hand, simple questions require nothing more than simple answers. I wouldn't pull out a book. I woudn't get into the process of conception and birth from A to Z. I'd say nearly the same thing Doran offered in her reply, with one exception: I'd leave it at the term "birth canal" for now.

[Janet in WA]

Well, hopefully it goes better for you than it did for me. When our middle son was about 8 and our youngest son was about 6, I was forced by a playground incident to tell them the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about s*x. When I had finished the whole astonishing story, my 8yo burst into tears and said, "I can't believe God would make you do THAT just to have babies!". My 6yo got a sly look in his eye and said, "You mean you and Dad did THAT?"

[Mamagistra]

My first response to my own dd was, "Through the birth canal, dear." :D But of course, I explained things further in age-appropriate detail and language later.

[Melissa in Australia]

there is a great book called" where do I come from" ,it might be out of print. It has great cartoon type pictures, and explains it very simply my mother used it with me when I was little, and I have used it with my children. I have always loved the picture of the Sp##m with a top hat.

otherwise watching a nature video that shows animals being born, and saying something like " that is how baby people are born as well.

 

MelissaL

[Susie in CA]

Well, we seem to be having an on-going conversation about this lately with our dss 7 and 8. We pretty much told them what Kay said. However, in our case they wanted to also know how the baby actually gets there. They asked dh, actually, and he did a great job explaining it matter of factly.

 

 

Susi

[Sandy in Indy]

I try to give accurate answers..but not necessarily the *whole* story. I'd proabably say something like...God made a special part of women just for babies and when it's time, the baby comes through a special opening. That would hold my 7 yr old for a while.

 

A word of caution...please be sure to caution your child that this information is for family discussion and not for him to share all over the playground. Kids love to tell what they know...and other kids may not be privy just yet to these facts. Give their Mom a chance to be the first to share.

[Chris in VA]

I grew up in Ohio--I can't help thinking Erie Canal whenever I hear the phrase, "birth canal!"

 

Just keep it simple. Love the explanation already given.

[Doran]

A word of caution...please be sure to caution your child that this information is for family discussion and not for him to share all over the playground. Kids love to tell what they know...and other kids may not be privy just yet to these facts. Give their Mom a chance to be the first to share.

 

 

Good advice. I still giggle about the time my little nephew (maybe he was 5 at the time, maybe younger -- he's now about to graduate from Duke) was leaving the church after a candlelight Christmas Eve service and turned to the older woman walking alongside him down the aisle to say, "I have a penis!" :D I'm sure other of you have even better stories.

 

Doran

[Mom2legomaniacs]

Good advice. I still giggle about the time my little nephew (maybe he was 5 at the time, maybe younger -- he's now about to graduate from Duke) was leaving the church after a candlelight Christmas Eve service and turned to the older woman walking alongside him down the aisle to say, "I have a penis!" :D I'm sure other of you have even better stories.

 

Doran

 

LOL! Yep. My older one had discovered that his was little since he was little and daddy's was bigger since he was a grown up. He somehow didn't realize that pappaw was a grown up and asked him if his was big or little and proceeded to tell him the status of others in this house! ROFL! This was the house I grew up in. You weren't even allowed to call going to the bathroom poop or pee. Very funny!

[Elisabeth in IL]

This is what I want for my boys for sure. I'm the one who has and issue with saying v*gina so I'm not sure I could use that word with him and not display some unease (which I don't want to pass on to him!). Of course my issues are a whole other story. I appreciate your words and will look up that book and if your in town can you come have "the talk" with my son?!

My boys just asked me the other day if babies come out of my butt hole. I didn't use correct terms at all but rather said that God made three holes - one for pee pee, one for poo, and one for babies. Boys, of course, only have 2 holes. It wasn't an elegant conversation but that is all that they really wanted to know. They were concerned for the baby with all that poo. :rolleyes:

[Remudamom]

They need to know the facts alright. A very pregnant friend of mine woke up from a nap on the sofa to find her four yr old son standing over her with a kitchen knife, he was going to help her get the baby out. I don't think she managed to sleep again until the baby was born.

[lynn]

keep it honest and simple. Women have a birthcanal that the baby passes through. may be all he/she needs if he/she asks where, give another simple answer.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Funny! Here's another one.

 

When ds11 was little - around 3 1/2, he found underwear very uncomfortable and was always "adjusting" himself. When little boys "adjust", their little p*nises come to attention. And when they come to attention, they find themselves outside the flap. Well, ds who found underwear uncomfortable found this completely unacceptable. Wherever he was, he would shout at the top of his lungs, "Help, my p*nis is sticking out!" -- in the grocery store, in the library, restaurants, etc. If I did not stop immediately to help him "readjust", he would flip out (sensory issues, ya think?).

 

When this happened in the middle of the street, he had a major tantrum because I made him finish crossing the street before taking care of the problem. I ended up taking him back to the middle of the street to fix it (okay, not a good parenting moment, but I was plumb exhausted 8 months pregnant at the time and took the expedient path.)

[dirty ethel rackham]

I'd proabably say something like...God made a special part of women just for babies and when it's time, the baby comes through a special opening. That would hold my 7 yr old for a while.

 

 

 

This is what my mother told me when I was little. For years, I believed that a whole opened at the bottom of the belly (kind of like where c-section scars are.) In 6th grade, we saw "the movie." Imagine how shocked I was to find out that it was a DIFFERENT hole, :001_huh: I ended up asking some very embarrassing questions at school and was teased for a very long time afterward.

 

I would recommend getting slightly more specific.

[Kay in Cal]

My oldest ds was 2 or 3 when he yelled in the middle of Barnes and Noble:

 

"Mom! Mom! My p*nis is uppercase!" He had his pants pulled out and was looking down with this look of amazement--I almost fell over laughing.

[RoughCollie]

When my DS was 4 or 5, DH and I took him to the grocery store. It was probably the first time he'd been anywhere alone with the two of us.

 

So DH and I are discussing the grocery list -- I'm giving my usual speech to DH about not buying junk food.

 

DS pipes up from the back seat: "Mom, I figured it out! Men have p*nises and women have brains!"

 

I just about died laughing and had to caution DS not to say that in the store -- which he would have just to get that good reaction from someone else.

[Robin Hood]

I think you'll be real surprised at the simple answer he probably wants. "The talk" will probably just overwhelm him. Keep it simple and tell him where and that might be all he wants to know.

 

After continual questions and hysterical solutions, I finally told my dds (9yo) how "the act" happens in 9 words. "Gross" was they said and that was the end of it. They had slowly aquired information on bodily names and functions as they asked other questions. "The act" was all that was left to tell. I was hoping for discovery through nature, but they never caught on and kept on asking. Boys probably figure that out faster than girls from stories other moms tell me. Girls mostly need to be told according to moms of girls.

[Angela in TN]

Thanks so much for all the feedback. I am going to keep it as simple as possible, and I'm thinking that a simple sentence will have him saying "Oh alright" and then he'll move on. I do not want to shock his system by giving him more than he's able to process, he's the child who will cover his ears and walk out of the room if he here's any kind of mushy talk on t.v. I appreciate you all and you've had me cracking up at your stories about your sweet boys!!

[Doran]

DS pipes up from the back seat: "Mom, I figured it out! Men have p*nises and women have brains!"

 

 

ROFL!!! That is one smart boy! :lol:

 

 

Doran

[GraceinMD]

"Mom! Mom! My p*nis is uppercase!"

 

Hilarious! I *sort of* miss that lack of inhibition as they grow older!

 

When ds was about 5, we were in the grocery store produce dept - the area with no tall shelves, and lots of folks picking through veggies, all in line-of-sight.

Ds says (normal tone of voice), "Mom, where do babies come out?"

I said, "Well, that's something we'll talk about in private; I have a great book at home, and I can show you some pictures."

Ds says, loudly, this time, "Oh, that's ok, Mom, you don't have to tell me, JUST POINT ON YOURSELF TO WHERE I CAME OUT, ok?" I didn't know that heads could swivel that fast....

[Aubrey]

Ok, mine's only 7, so take what I have to say w a grain of salt.

 

I think the first time they ask, they have NO idea what they're in for, so when I was pg w #3 & ds asked how she would come out, I said, "When the time is right, God opens a door." That was enough for him at the time.

 

Now that I'm pg AGAIN, he has asked again, but this time, he wanted to know, "Where's the door?" I told him about the birth canal & said it's not time for the baby.

 

But he *really* wanted to know, so he got basic, basic anatomy. That's all he asked, that's all I said.

 

Dh thinks the time is coming for "the talk" soon. I think, depending on the child, we could have some time. Personally, & I'm off-the-chart conservative when it comes to this, I think telling a child about stuff too soon causes them to think about it more than they otherwise would.

 

But my experience is pretty conservative, too. I didn't know *anything* until I was 10, & there was some stuff I didn't know until my wedding night. Dh, otoh, was raised in an inner-city school, & there wasn't much he didn't know in K. I figure somewhere between our two experiences would be a good middle ground, although I'd love for our kids to have something closer to my experience!

 

Whatever you decide, GL! I imagine that w a good relationship & open communication, whatever you decide will be fine.

[Old Dominion Heather]

I finally told my dds (9yo) how "the act" happens in 9 words. "Gross" was they said and that was the end of it.

 

My ds wanted to know if the man's p*nis would break off! You should have seen the look of relief on his face when I reassured him!:lol:

[WTMindy]

Heck, that's the easy question! The harder one is how they get *in*! :-) Actually, I've been surprised at how little my kids ask about it. (They are 9 & almost 11). I'm ready to answer questions, but they don't seem to be asking them. The other day in the car they were talking about if men or women are better. Dd said, "You have to have women to have babies or there won't even be men." And somehow it turned a little and dd said, "Well, you said that some women have babies without being married, so there could still be babies around." Ds said, "Yah, about 4 each year or so." I have no idea where or why he got that number, but dh and I were just cracking up. I did tell dd that there needs to be both a man and a woman, but they still don't ask more questions. :-)

[Robin Hood]

Heck, that's the easy question! The harder one is how they get *in*! :-) Actually, I've been surprised at how little my kids ask about it. (They are 9 & almost 11). I'm ready to answer questions, but they don't seem to be asking them. The other day in the car they were talking about if men or women are better. Dd said, "You have to have women to have babies or there won't even be men." And somehow it turned a little and dd said, "Well, you said that some women have babies without being married, so there could still be babies around." Ds said, "Yah, about 4 each year or so." I have no idea where or why he got that number, but dh and I were just cracking up. I did tell dd that there needs to be both a man and a woman, but they still don't ask more questions. :-)

 

 

That is too funny! Thanks for the laugh.