Why isn't this real life?? or is it??...POLL

[pixelroper]

Does someone know for sure something I don't?? Like: am I in a vat of goo with my brain hooked into the main frame ala sci fi? Not sure I understand why interacting in this fashion is any less reliable than any other interaction in "real life."

 

Forgive me if I didn't provide the right options.

[choirfarm]

No it is not. You don't know me. You don't know who I am. I don't see you face to face. That is why it seems like people are sometimes a little ruder here on the boards than they would be if they were talking to someone in "real life" At least I hope so:001_huh: Some of the posts I've read have been pretty rude.

 

Christine

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Does someone know for sure something I don't?? Like: am I in a vat of goo with my brain hooked into the main frame ala sci fi? Not sure I understand why interacting in this fashion is any less reliable than any other interaction in "real life."

 

Forgive me if I didn't provide the right options.

 

It isn't, because it doesn't provide honesty. Even though people "know" me here, they don't get the "benefit" of my sinkful of dirty dishes, my pudgy, undisciplined self (Moderation?? SNORT! I don't think so.), or my ability to put my foot in my mouth multiple times during the same conversation.

 

It's very artificial. Like extramarital affairs. All the good, none of the reality.

[GailV]

I vote it's not real life, since I can shut it off and walk away, never to return.

 

It's harder to do that with real life friends and family. Walking away never to be seen again tends to involve moving to a new town or other drastic measures in real life.

 

Shoot, is it possible that here I could set up a new account under a new name, and present myself as a new person? I'm not sure what the board rules are about how many accounts can come from one IP.

[mcconnellboys]

I don't think that we get a lot of folks here who purposefully try to mislead others, but I do think the written word leaves something to be desired. Folks don't always understand what we mean and if they don't ask questions to illicit a clearer understanding, someone may go away mad, hurt, etc.

 

Regena

[Jill- OK]

It's very artificial. Like extramarital affairs. All the good, none of the reality.

 

I've never thought about it like that, before. :-)

 

I've made friends here that have 'translated' into off-board cyber-relationships, or ones in 'real life', but no, I don't consider this remotely the same as real life.

 

I'm not at all suggesting that anyone here is 'fake', but I can tell you that there's a heap of stuff that many folks here who have only interacted with me on these boards don't know about me. I can choose to keep stuff to myself.

 

And as I'm fond of saying...I could really just be a fifty-year-old man, masquerading as a homeschooling mom, in order to have a 'tribe'. Or troll for women.

 

It would be hard for me to pull that off in person.

 

But not impossible, I guess. ;-)

[elegantlion]

For me it seems real enough. Yes, I have moved across the country and my so called "Good friends" have acted as if I fell off the face of the earth. That changed my perception of friendship.

 

Here I can ask more pointed questions that I might have to do in a real life setting. I can pick the brains of other mothers that may be too busy IRL to just hang out for a girls night.

 

I see people not too busy to ask how someone is doing, pray for them, to even debate them. They stop by our blogs to comment on pictures or schedules each week.

 

Just because it isn't face to face doesn't mean the sentiment isn't sincere.

[DollyM]

Years ago I joined a local women's group and sort-of-simultaneously joined an UNRELATED online group.

 

There was a gal I "got to know" over the online forum - she seemed quite rational and wise in her written posts. Mentally I began to put more stock in her posts as I "discerned" her to be a wise, helpful ,reasonable, personable gal. She would post and chime in on the online forum and everything she typed in was just stellar. She was thoughtful, helpful. A1. Truly.

 

Meanwhile in my real-life group, I was getting know this really flaky young mom whose kids were wacko and who was clearly lacking in social skills and passing it on to her kids. Clearly having a hard time fitting into the rest of our "real-life group" - even going so far as to embarrass herself in group situation by asking truly stupid questions, etc. She was sweet but clueless and - sorry if this sounds harsh - but just NOT someone I would go out of my way to make friends with.

 

Well, maybe you can see where this is going, but one day in conversation it came to my attention that these TWO gals were .... you guessed it ... ONE and the SAME person. I was flabbergasted. Floored. Couldn't hardly believe it.

 

The next funny thing was: AFTER I discovered the truth ("they" really were the SAME woman) her online posts started sounding "off" to me - I'm sure my reception of her online posts was totally colored by my perception of her in real life - but when I didn't KNOW the poster was my flaky acquaintance, my perception of her as an online-friend was just totally different. Wierd but true. So there ya go.

 

So, no: I don't think this is real life. Not at all. I find it fun and interesting to read all your posts, but it's no substitution in my life for relationships with people with skin. :D On the other hand, the experience and wisdom on this board in this one very narrow slice of life (homeschooling with a classical bent) cannot be beat and I find the discussions here very reliable and helpful.

[Mrs Mungo]

No it is not. You don't know me. You don't know who I am. I don't see you face to face. That is why it seems like people are sometimes a little ruder here on the boards than they would be if they were talking to someone in "real life" At least I hope so:001_huh: Some of the posts I've read have been pretty rude.

 

Christine

 

I'm no nicer IRL than I am here. However, I have a nice, caring, loving tone of voice that you would hear if we were face-to-face and you would know that I'm being funny/caring and yet still letting you know my opinion at the same time. It doesn't come across that way on the internet. That's the trouble with the medium.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

For me it seems real enough. Yes, I have moved across the country and my so called "Good friends" have acted as if I fell off the face of the earth. That changed my perception of friendship.

 

Here I can ask more pointed questions that I might have to do in a real life setting. I can pick the brains of other mothers that may be too busy IRL to just hang out for a girls night.

 

I see people not too busy to ask how someone is doing, pray for them, to even debate them. They stop by our blogs to comment on pictures or schedules each week.

 

Just because it isn't face to face doesn't mean the sentiment isn't sincere.

 

That is very true, that last sentence.

 

This WAS my community for two years of the last five. And with its many limitations, it filled a deep need for that time.

[buddhabelly]

I find it fun and interesting to read all your posts, but it's no substitution in my life for relationships with people with skin.

 

Hey, I object! I have skin!

 

I do think this is real life. I could lie to you just as easily in person as on this forum. I choose not to. But I think if I was a liar here, I would be just as big a liar IRL and if I was good at it, you wouldn't know. Yes, I can't pretend to be a young, thin, blonde in real life, but I don't think weight and age are moral failings. I know people who do. :eek: I believe that one's character is the most relevant, and I believe that comes across fine in this forum.

 

OK now, let me have it!

 

buddhabelly

[buddhabelly]

I'm no nicer IRL than I am here. However, I have a nice, caring, loving tone of voice that you would hear if we were face-to-face and you would know that I'm being funny/caring and yet still letting you know my opinion at the same time. It doesn't come across that way on the internet. That's the trouble with the medium.

 

I can hear your loving, caring voice. You must be a good writer because your "voice" comes across loud and clear.

 

I must admit, though, the reason I originallyliked you was because I thought you were Drew's wife. I thought that because he used to post as "Mungo" a while back. I figured out my error pretty quickly. But now I just like you because of your posts.

 

And that is my real life. Just a slice of it, but it is life. We are communicating. Or failing to, LOL, just as if you were on the phone with a friend or relative.

 

I should insert a caveat here: my belief system might be swaying my answers to this thread. I would also say that if I was watching a movie or reading a book, that is "real life." I say that because for that moment that I am involved with those fictional characters, that is my reality. I could go further, but it would get way too Buddhist. (As in, ultimately, there is no "me" anyway. And no "you." Which makes compassion self-existing. Shall we just leave that alone? Yes, we shall.)

 

buddhabelly

[j.griff]

Ahhh, very insightful. Thanks for posting that!

I'll be on the phone with my mom, and I'll stop talking for a minute and she'll ask "are you there?". I usually reply one of two ways: "No." or "Is anybody REALLY Here?". I think she thinks I'm just being "difficult", LOL- but I am always seriously pondering "existence". :D

[Colleen]

I believe person-to-person ("real life") communication is integral to our being. Mediums such as this are secondary, although I admittedly prefer this in many respects. Why? Convenience, for one thing. I can insert myself into conversations any time of day or night, say what I want, leave without answering, etcetera. In essence, it's selfishness. Communicating like this allows us to be more selfish, in my opinion, and I freely admit to taking advantage of that.

 

As far as whether or not I'm "real", I reckon many follks here wish I'd be a little less real from time to time.;) People who care for me on this board would likely feel the same if they were to meet me in person. Ditto for those who dislike me. And I share my ups and downs without hesitation because to me, that's real. That's who I am. I'm well aware that anyone from my neighbor to my brother to my first grade teacher could listen to me here, and if my banal life interests them to that degree, so be it.;)

[pixelroper]

I'm still mulling...

 

and thank you for the comments thus far:)

[Mamagistra]

But now I just like you because of your posts.

 

:iagree:...and your Mike's! :lol:

[Kate CA]

Reliable is not the word I would use. Reliable to me indicates my friend saying she will come over here at 5 and then coming at 5. That is reliable. I often don't have any idea what will be posted here when I ask a question. I could get 50 different answers to a single question. That is not usually most people's reality. That is what makes it valuable though.

 

I mean when I asked (last week) about high school experiences affecting one's homeschool choice. I did not expect the answers I got and I really learned from them. I appreciated that people from all walks of life posted there with their thoughts. I appreciate the availablity of this kind of forum, but it is simply not real life to me. I don't always agree with everyone here, and sometimes very strongly. That is not normally the case in my chosen friendships--though sometimes it is. :)

 

I have had relationships transfer from here to real life and I have been blessed by every one of them. I would never know some of the finest people had I not met them here. So while I am very grateful that this board is here and I feel I reap the benefits of this place, it is not my day to day real life. Like someone else already posted, I can shut off my computer and never come back here but my personal life with my family, friends, church, etc., does not stop.

[Carol in Cal.]

People can project personae here that are not real. People can more easily present only one aspect of themselves, or lie, or whatever. I think that it is really important to keep that in mind. We have had some pretty weird troll incidences, and I don't believe that these can be prevented. They are probably happening right now here, in ways that I don't bother to even try to imagine.

 

Also, there are people here who probably like each other a lot more online than they would in real life. The measured, thoughful responses might not be someone's stock in trade IRL. The same with the quick quips. Maybe a shy person suddenly gets a 'voice' online. Is that real? Maybe so, maybe not.

 

One of my basic beliefs is that most people are pretty nice. So I probably think that 'here' is more real than it probably truly is. But I don't care. I like it here.

 

And, in aggregate, real or not, this community is very significant, in my view. There is literally nowhere else where I can get the information, support, details, analysis, and honesty IN AGGREGATE that I can get here, about one of the most important aspects of my life--homeschooling. Although some individual posts might be less than helpful, the sum of them is always extremely helpful. I love it when I meet someone who post here regularly. It is exciting--I have something in common with them from the start. I have friends who homeschool IRL, and I'm so glad that I do. But I don't have the range of IRL homeschooling friends that I hear from here, so I do depend on the hive for feedback and information that I cannot get anywhere else.

[Kate CA]

People can project personae here that are not real. People can more easily present only one aspect of themselves, or lie, or whatever. I think that it is really important to keep that in mind. We have had some pretty weird troll incidences, and I don't believe that these can be prevented. They are probably happening right now here, in ways that I don't bother to even try to imagine.

 

Also, there are people here who probably like each other a lot more online than they would in real life. The measured, thoughful responses might not be someone's stock in trade IRL. The same with the quick quips. Maybe a shy person suddenly gets a 'voice' online. Is that real? Maybe so, maybe not.

 

One of my basic beliefs is that most people are pretty nice. So I probably think that 'here' is more real than it probably truly is. But I don't care. I like it here.

 

And, in aggregate, real or not, this community is very significant, in my view. There is literally nowhere else where I can get the information, support, details, analysis, and honesty IN AGGREGATE that I can get here, about one of the most important aspects of my life--homeschooling. Although some individual posts might be less than helpful, the sum of them is always extremely helpful. I love it when I meet someone who post here regularly. It is exciting--I have something in common with them from the start. I have friends who homeschool IRL, and I'm so glad that I do. But I don't have the range of IRL homeschooling friends that I hear from here, so I do depend on the hive for feedback and information that I cannot get anywhere else.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

There was really no other way to say it. :tongue_smilie:

[klmama]

While I wouldn't call this real life, I do think this may be where some people are able to be at their honest best. I think of what DollyM wrote about her real-life acquaintance who was "flaky" turning out to be the same person as her online friend who seemed wise. I suspect many of us could be considered the same way, simply because of the way we process information. Some of us don't process the spoken word as well as the written word, so we don't do as well in groups of people, or even one-on-one. We get flustered easily and we may miss some social cues. We aren't able to put our thoughts together as well when faced with people, and do much better when reading and writing. When we read things we can ponder them awhile before answering, and so we give our best answers. When we write, we can do so without having to formulate our words while being distracted by other people. We may be able to give wise advice that we aren't able to live by as well as we'd like, simply because of the way we process life. That doesn't mean we don't have wisdom; it just means we have struggles we don't handle well. Some of our children may inherit the genetic tendency to be the same way, and that makes our lives even more stressful and overwhelming.

 

Thankfully, we have this type of online interaction to be at our best, not in an attempt to deceive others by feigning how well we have it all together, but to share what we honestly believe. I'm sure there are some that aren't truthful online, or that do try to gloss over the less-pleasant parts of their reality, but for some of us, this is one of the most comfortable, satisfying parts of our day, because we can communicate the way we wish we could in real life.

[buddhabelly]

While I wouldn't call this real life, I do think this may be where some people are able to be at their honest best. I think of what DollyM wrote about her real-life acquaintance who was "flaky" turning out to be the same person as her online friend who seemed wise. I suspect many of us could be considered the same way, simply because of the way we process information. Some of us don't process the spoken word as well as the written word, so we don't do as well in groups of people, or even one-on-one. We get flustered easily and we may miss some social cues. We aren't able to put our thoughts together as well when faced with people, and do much better when reading and writing. When we read things we can ponder them awhile before answering, and so we give our best answers. When we write, we can do so without having to formulate our words while being distracted by other people. We may be able to give wise advice that we aren't able to live by as well as we'd like, simply because of the way we process life. That doesn't mean we don't have wisdom; it just means we have struggles we don't handle well. Some of our children may inherit the genetic tendency to be the same way, and that makes our lives even more stressful and overwhelming.

 

Thankfully, we have this type of online interaction to be at our best, not in an attempt to deceive others by feigning how well we have it all together, but to share what we honestly believe. I'm sure there are some that aren't truthful online, or that do try to gloss over the less-pleasant parts of their reality, but for some of us, this is one of the most comfortable, satisfying parts of our day, because we can communicate the way we wish we could in real life.

 

If all of your 17 posts are this thoughtful and well-written, I am speechless. So. Yeah. Thanks.

 

buddhabelly

[Night Elf]

I voted it's as real as any other life's platforms, including people you meet face to face. I don't see any difference between the unknown faces here and people I meet in real life. Well, maybe that isn't so. I can see how people can be more honest online because they are talking to people they don't see. Although there are rude people online, it's easier to take than meeting rude people face to face.

 

I'm editing to add that I've met too many people face to face who just aren't what they really seem. I've met so many two faced women that I'm totally put off trying to have any real face to face relationships anymore.

[KidsHappen]

In "real" life people tend to associate with other people like themselves, so they get a distorted perception of what life is really like. They only have their experience and the experience of their friends and family to base their world view and opinions on.

 

And let's face it, in "real" life people are less rude to your face and more likely to agree with you or at least not vehemently disagree with you. People are less likely to questions your beliefs and intents.

 

And finally, in "real" life you don't always feel free to discuss uncomfortable things or ask for advice on intimate problems. You don't want to share your problems or your childrens' problems with people for fear that it will color that person's views and interaction with you in the future. You always have your game face on.

 

On this board, we keep it real. We share, we discuss, we argue, we call each other on our rudeness and misperceptions. And while we do not personally know the person behind the screen we do form attachments and come to value certain peoples' contributions. I can't imagine anywhere else that I would be exposed to such a wide variety of religious, ethnic, political, lifestyle or general personality differences than this board.

 

This board also fufills an important function for people that are painfully introverted or ones who have other difficulties interacting with "real" people on a regular basis. This board has been my community for at least five years now. I have family that I am very close to, some other people in my life that I interact with on a regular basis and of course casual aquaintaces and neighbors but very few people that I would feel comfortable discussing my teen's dramas or my intimate health details with. This board gives me an outlet for this sort of thing and I appreciate it immensely. I also like being able to help and contribute to others' lives as well.

[KidsHappen]

You are always honest and real. I know that there is a real person behind the posts. I can feel your pain and struggles so I know that there is some substance and weight behind the things that you say. Sometimes I wish I had more advice to give you than I do. Usually I can only sympathize. But I value your contributions and appreciate them immensely.

[Colleen]

nt

[Kay in Cal]

To me, this board is real.

 

As many of you know, a few years ago when my husband was very ill this WAS my only social life outside the hospital. For six months I got up every morning, turned the kids over to a nanny, headed for the hospital. Sometimes I didn't know driving in if Doug would be alive at the end of the day. I'd stay until 5pm, come home, feed the kids, get them to bed. That time in my life was horrible, exhausting, terrifying, sent shockwaves through our psyches and souls. And after the kids were in bed, and I had ten hours before I needed to be back at the hospital, I'd pull up the board and get online. And cry. And vent. And rest in the grace of cyber hugs and smilies.

 

This WAS my life for six months. And truly, it was very real. Real women from this virtual world showed up at my house with food, with a massage, with emergency babysitting when the nanny quit. Real people sent care packages of books for Doug to read when he was well enough, boxes of soap (guess who?), and, as hard as it was to accept, some money when we couldn't afford to pay the medical bills and childcare and everything else. I can never thank all of those (you!) wonderful women enough. :grouphug:

 

It was a terrible and exhausting time, but this was my community. My church supported us, my local homeschooling group made meals, some friends came through--though more didn't. But this place was real. Since then I've met even more boardies in person, and they were all real.

 

Now that times are better, life is stable (is it ever?), Doug is home and things are good, all I can do is make it my life's work to be that real, that authentic to others who are in that same place of darkness. The power is ours, to create authentic community and grace, or not. Yeah, I know there are probably some fakes (JGEMOM, ahem). But perhaps the medium that filters our thoughts and our words allows us not to be fakes and hypocrites, but to be our best selves. The selves we want to be. And here, we can be that for each other. If that isn't community, I don't know what is.

[WTMindy]

All of the people that I have met in real life from these boards are exactly how I would expect them to be from what I know from them here. They are delightful, wonderful people and I find that the people I connect with the best here are the same ones that I connect with in real life.

 

Is there a potential for misleading? Sure, but I haven't found that to be the case. I think if you met me, you would find I am exactly who I try to be here, encouraging and a LOT silly!

[pixelroper]

Thank you all for the thoughts. For me this is just as real & reliable as interacting in any other way (maybe I'm pessimistic). If I felt this was not 'real' life I wouldn't waste my time. For me everyone here is 'real' whether they are misrepresenting themselves or not. They would be 'really' misrepresenting. I find most expressions of opinions, thoughts, questions & answers quite real, thought provoking and seem to be offered with the best intent. The idea of just walking away doesn't make it any less real, just a quirk of online interaction. Plenty of people walk away from "real" conversations, situations, life etc. Even if I disagree with a response, it is none the less, a response derived from a real person. If this is just for fun, I'm not convinced you could honestly claim it has no effect on you, like the 'real' world does. If you are interacting, you are interacting. If you are just reading this, you are still 'really' being stimulated/bored/confused intellectually for 'real.'

 

Will mull some more--

[pixelroper]

I am surprised at the poll results this far. hmmmm....

[beansprouts]

or my ability to put my foot in my mouth multiple times during the same conversation.

 

 

Oh, we've all seen that, Pam! :D

 

*Cindy ducks and runs*

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Oh, we've all seen that, Pam! :D

 

*Cindy ducks and runs*

 

You BETTER run!

 

But it's true. LOL

 

Today was classic. Twelve hours in the same place with 9 friend/acquaintances/fellow students. Four incidents of foot. Five apologies, one extra for something I did at the nervous hospital a few weeks earlier.

 

I'm pathetic. :glare:

[beansprouts]

I'm pathetic. :glare:

 

Hardly. I was playing with you because I like you :001_smile:

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Hardly. I was playing with you because I like you :001_smile:

 

Oh, I got that part. :) That's why I chased you when you ran.