HeidiKC Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 After reading the thread about the 10-year-old being invited to a sleepover with a single dad and all the interesting responses, I had to throw this out there! Of course I loved them as a kid, they were so fun. My son is 10 and has been on very few sleepovers, but I feel like it's a set-up for trouble. He has only spent the night at houses of friends I know well and respect as parents. But the thing is, I think parents think that they really have to raise the bar on "fun" (translates to stuff like TP-ing, getting on YouTube, PG-13 movies, staying up WAY too darn late) when there is a sleepover. The kids also seem to set their expectations higher, and trouble (even minor) is more likely to happen. I know there are positive things to come out of sleepovers - bonding and all that. But it just seems like kids are exposed to things they wouldn't be during an afternoon playdate. Again - these are parents I consider friends and responsible. But the kids push for more at a sleepover and sometimes it is easy to give in. They stay up WAY too late and our whole family pays for it the next day. Why in the world do 10-year-olds need to stay up until past midnight? I think parents also supervise a bit less at sleepovers than during an afternoon playdate, just because of the time of day, tired, etc. Meanwhile the kids have an adrenaline rush because they are trying to think of what kinds of excitement they can come up with! I haven't completely banned sleepovers (so then it is rather unfair when I pick and choose where he can go), but I really like "sleep-unders" where they do some fun stuff like get into PJs, watch a movie, have popcorn, etc. and then go home around 9:30. That will have given them plenty of fun, without the trouble (or in the case of the single dad - cause for concern from other parents). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 Sounds good to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BethInNH Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 I like it!! It would really relieve the pressure some kids feel too- I know some kids, esp. the younger ones, get really nervous about sleeping at a strange house, but yet they also don't want to feel left out. I think sleep-unders are a great idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 I think it's a great idea - in fact, dd10 has gone to a few 'un-slumber' parties -- pajamas, movies, pizza, and everyone is on their way home by 10pm. I think that for many households, two-parent and single parent, the 'sleep-under' (is that what you called it?) or the 'un-slumber' party carry all the fun and none of the headache.:iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 What a great idea! After our experience with the kids first and last sleep over last weekend this is a really great idea! I may suggest this to the kids for a weekend this month and see what they say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 Gosh... My daughter loves sleep-overs and she just wants "normal" friends who can bike to the pool... walk to the library.... do classes together... and have giggly sleepovers where everyone stays up painting nails and laughing. She is constantly asking when she can have real friends like her public school step-sister... who is with us half time. The bad thing about it... is I do feel bad for her. Our homeschool friends here are such a contrast. Family life is great... but I wish that she had friends to just hang out with... and spend the night. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 Of course I loved them as a kid, they were so fun. My son is 10 and has been on very few sleepovers, but I feel like it's a set-up for trouble. He has only spent the night at houses of friends I know well and respect as parents. But the thing is, I think parents think that they really have to raise the bar on "fun" (translates to stuff like TP-ing, getting on YouTube, PG-13 movies, staying up WAY too darn late) when there is a sleepover. The kids also seem to set their expectations higher, and trouble (even minor) is more likely to happen. Thank you for posting this! I'm sitting here at 10:50pm, after telling my dd (who has a friend over for the convenience of a class early tomorrow morning) that now is definitely NOT the time to settle in and watch a movie. :confused: Good grief. We have denied sleepovers as of late because of all the reasons you mention above. While the parents of dd's friends are all very nice and respectable, they all have very different parenting philosophies than we do. Staying up til whenever they fall asleep (which, really, if they are quiet about it, I really don't care much), watching whatever they want on cable with no restrictions, all night access to the unfiltered computer (YouTube being a fav)...basically no rules and no supervision is ridiculous, imo. I'm a bit more strict than that, and it would seem dd isn't old enough or responsible enough to be able to say, "Uh, no. Can we do [this] instead?" Or even an "If my mom knew I was doing this she'd kill me," would be fine. I do still (obviously) allow sleepovers occasionally here, though. Letting kids get used to doing sleepovers and then taking the privilege away, though, seems really mean. Dd had her moments of being upset about it, but the friends' parents seemed to take it harder! I explained that we were never going to let our kids do sleepovers in the first place, then I was guilted into letting them by a whole host of people, and now we just decided to go back to the original plan. It's the truth, but the very, very short version. So, I guess, just thanks for posting this because I was feeling like a big meanie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mesa Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 I LOVE the un-slumber party idea! I'm going to adopt it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 I haven't completely banned sleepovers (so then it is rather unfair when I pick and choose where he can go), but I really like "sleep-unders" I like your idea, for all the reasons you stated, I just have to say I don't like the name you use. Sleep-under? Sleep under what? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 I like your idea, for all the reasons you stated, I just have to say I don't like the name you use. Sleep-under? Sleep under what? :D Perhaps "Kid's Movie Night" would be an alternative name since it seems to center around jammies, a movie and some popcorn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaillardia Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 My littles did this last week, it was their friend's idea to come over to see a movie she knew we had, in her pajamas with her stuffed toy, eat cookies, glass of milk, her dad walked over to pick her up when we called, by 9:30, sweet. It was fun, no regrets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 We call them late-nights. They work really well for us, because my oldest tends to get over-excited, miss her sleep window, and end up insomniac and upset. And some of our friends don't do sleepovers anyway. And you can invite 2 or 3 friends to a late-night, have a lot of fun, and then get a good night's rest. Yay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leighton Academy Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 We call them "almost sleep-overs". My boys, however, love sleep-overs! They've only done them with a neighbor so it was easy for everyone. The boys always stay up too late because they just can't stop giggling and goofing around. It's always so much fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConnieB Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 (or in the case of the single dad - cause for concern from other parents). While I like your idea of a "sleep under" that ends just short of overnight and the time can be adjusted for the age of the child...........I have to say that the above part I quoted doesn't make sense to me. It's the same problem I have of not understand the logic of having a midnight curfew for your teenage daughter on a date "so nothing happens". If "something" were going to happen it will happen when there is opportunity, not based on what time the clock says. If Dad is evil, he'll just get it done before your 9:30 pickup...if the teens plan to do something they'll just have to start early and be done by midnight. Just saying.....don't lull yourself into thinking "nothing will happen" based on the clock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Time4tea Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 , but I really like "sleep-unders" where they do some fun stuff like get into PJs, watch a movie, have popcorn, etc. and then go home around 9:30. That will have given them plenty of fun, without the trouble (or in the case of the single dad - cause for concern from other parents). That's what we do, only we call them late-overs since her friends can stay late. I'm lucky in most of dd's close friends' parents don't like sleepovers either. There are some friends I wouldn't mind her sleeping over with, but then it saves the "my Mom will let me sleepover at her house, but not yours" dilema. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 After reading the thread about the 10-year-old being invited to a sleepover with a single dad and all the interesting responses, I had to throw this out there! Of course I loved them as a kid, they were so fun. My son is 10 and has been on very few sleepovers, but I feel like it's a set-up for trouble. He has only spent the night at houses of friends I know well and respect as parents. But the thing is, I think parents think that they really have to raise the bar on "fun" (translates to stuff like TP-ing, getting on YouTube, PG-13 movies, staying up WAY too darn late) when there is a sleepover. The kids also seem to set their expectations higher, and trouble (even minor) is more likely to happen. I know there are positive things to come out of sleepovers - bonding and all that. But it just seems like kids are exposed to things they wouldn't be during an afternoon playdate. Again - these are parents I consider friends and responsible. But the kids push for more at a sleepover and sometimes it is easy to give in. They stay up WAY too late and our whole family pays for it the next day. Why in the world do 10-year-olds need to stay up until past midnight? I think parents also supervise a bit less at sleepovers than during an afternoon playdate, just because of the time of day, tired, etc. Meanwhile the kids have an adrenaline rush because they are trying to think of what kinds of excitement they can come up with! I haven't completely banned sleepovers (so then it is rather unfair when I pick and choose where he can go), but I really like "sleep-unders" where they do some fun stuff like get into PJs, watch a movie, have popcorn, etc. and then go home around 9:30. That will have given them plenty of fun, without the trouble (or in the case of the single dad - cause for concern from other parents). I guess I'm the odd one out, because this is what I do. Movie, pj's, bed. Yes they can sleep downstairs, but at the younger ages, I sit in the other room downstairs and start shushing them at 10/11/12 depending on age. I stay reading and shushing until they are all asleep. I have yet to meet a child who can outlast me while in their sleeping bag in the dark and quiet. :tongue_smilie: And yes, they may wake up before me in the morning, but I had the night shift, dh gets the early morning! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiKC Posted March 5, 2010 Author Share Posted March 5, 2010 While I like your idea of a "sleep under" that ends just short of overnight and the time can be adjusted for the age of the child...........I have to say that the above part I quoted doesn't make sense to me. It's the same problem I have of not understand the logic of having a midnight curfew for your teenage daughter on a date "so nothing happens". If "something" were going to happen it will happen when there is opportunity, not based on what time the clock says. If Dad is evil, he'll just get it done before your 9:30 pickup...if the teens plan to do something they'll just have to start early and be done by midnight. Just saying.....don't lull yourself into thinking "nothing will happen" based on the clock. Not sure how to do this quote thing, but this was in my response to the concern about single dads at a sleepover. I put this in there because of another thread about this. You are definitely right that is Dad is a creepo he is going to figure out a way to do his stuff early in the evening if that's his only chance. BUT... I have read where some molesters have done their stuff at sleepovers while the girls were sleeping. In this case the girls can't say "no" or defend themselves at all. So if the guy is a creeper, while they are asleep is definitely easier for them. Don't mean for this thread to go in this direction, since this is not a concern of mine. My bigger concern is the lack of supervision by parents - the same parents that are better about that during normal daytime hours. I have a good friend I have known since the boys were a year old. She was always pretty protective of her kids when they were young and is still pretty wary of stranger-danger and the situation I described above. But her 10 son was in my car the other day and told me he loves watching horror movies at sleepovers on pay-on-demand cable because they are PG-13 movies cut from ones that were originally rated "R". I asked (oh so casually) for an example and he mentioned "Jennifer's Body". I checked it out on this website: http://www.kids-in-mind.com/ (a great resource for movies that are graded on sex, violence and profanity). I about DIED!!! It almost made me cry. I need to ask his mom (my good friend) about it because I am confused about whether she really knows he watched this (I don't think he's lying). I don't want to come across as judgemental, but I don't think it's right to not let her know if she's unaware of it. I'd want her to tell me if she heard something like that from my son. Anyway, I digress a bit! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiKC Posted March 5, 2010 Author Share Posted March 5, 2010 (edited) I guess I'm the odd one out, because this is what I do. Movie, pj's, bed. Yes they can sleep downstairs, but at the younger ages, I sit in the other room downstairs and start shushing them at 10/11/12 depending on age. I stay reading and shushing until they are all asleep. I have yet to meet a child who can outlast me while in their sleeping bag in the dark and quiet. :tongue_smilie: And yes, they may wake up before me in the morning, but I had the night shift, dh gets the early morning! Cheryl - can my kids spend the night at YOUR house???!!! :001_smile: Edited March 5, 2010 by HeidiKC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy in Ky Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 We have a rule for dd--no sleepovers. Period. We don't do them here and we don't let her go anywhere for them. Having this rule saves a lot of trouble. Dd doesn't really like it (of course), but that is okay. Her protection is the main thing. She has friends come to play, and she can visit other friend's houses (though 99.9% of the time I am present at the friends' houses). She is not isolated, but she is supervised. There is a difference :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 My girls were part of a neighborhood swim and dive team last summer. They had movie nights and other type events for the kids. They lasted to about 11pm. This was great. Fun times, no sleeping over. They had boys and girls and popcorn and movies. Oh, and this was after a swim meet so they were all tired too and not that much energy. Those are the kind of events I like. I can tolerate staying up to 11 or so. I don't want to monitor people all night long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tidbits of Learning Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 Gosh... My daughter loves sleep-overs and she just wants "normal" friends who can bike to the pool... walk to the library.... do classes together... and have giggly sleepovers where everyone stays up painting nails and laughing. She is constantly asking when she can have real friends like her public school step-sister... who is with us half time. The bad thing about it... is I do feel bad for her. Our homeschool friends here are such a contrast. Family life is great... but I wish that she had friends to just hang out with... and spend the night. :-) I would agree with you except I let my dd9 have way too many sleepovers last year and I did trust the mom. Only to find out that she left the kids with the older (13 yr old) brother a lot and his guy friends and that she was going to let them walk to the pool by themselves (my dd can't swim) and that she dropped them off on a Friday night at the skating rink (yet again with only the big brother and one of his buddies) after she told me she would be staying. We live in a pretty big place with some pretty bad stuff. A 9 and 10 yr old left in the care of a 13 yr old and his guy buddy who are having their own fun is just not acceptable. I didn't go on any sleepovers as a kid and didn't want my dd to miss out, but after this year of horrible incidents and my child having far too much independence than is necessary at this age and a parent that has a way different standard than I do...I can safely say sleepovers are overrated! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 (edited) We have a very tight knit group of hsing friends and cousins, and my youngest has done lots of sleepovers. My older kids didn't have exactly the same type of group and did fewer. My teen dd never liked sleeping anywhere but her own bed, so that worked out for her. She even has to take her own pillow on vacation. Our current little core hsing group does frequent sleepovers and the kids love them. None of us care if the kids stay up giggling until morning. We know they will need a good night's sleep the next night. I know my dd loves them and I am thrilled she can have these fun expereinces. I trust all the dads and moms. And I don't care if my 10 yr old is watching Finding Nemo at 2am or eating cookies at the same time. These folks are among my most trusted friends, so that does help. We have a nice community, and I am grateful. I would have loved the childhood my dd is having. lol Edited March 5, 2010 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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