melissel Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 The "spending time with your DH" thread reminded me that I've been wanting to ask this question! Many of you know that I finally quit my job recently. DH wasn't totally on board with the decision, but he supported it because he knew it was what I needed to do. I need to focus on being present for and teaching the girls, and our marriage had gone to a place where we were holding together with just gum and dental floss, basically. I want to make sure he knows his needs are important in all this, because he supported me in fulfilling my huge need. Unfortunately, most of his needs take money, which is what we're really lacking right now! He loves to eat out, and I know he's sad that we can't just order in or zip out to a restaurant the way we're accustomed to. I've been trying to replicate favorites at home, like paella (which turned out to be not so frugal after all, whew!) and buffalo wings (hence the help thread from the other day--they were a HUGE hit, by the way :D). I've also been made a concerted effort to listen to him talk about his work stresses, which is very difficult for me because I tend to internalize them and get incredibly stressed out on his behalf :rolleyes: What other ways do you make your DH feel pampered and appreciated? I'd love some new ideas. TIA! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 I'll be reading this thread with interest. My DH is coming home this weekend. He's been gone since 28 December. So far I am doing the following: His favourite meal in the crockpot His other favourites in the freezer (things that freeze well like eggrolls, tacquitos, etc.) His favourite cookies and a cake. Katy and I will go eat at PF Changs on Friday so he will have leftovers to eat, too. Oh, and since he missed Valentine's Day we will make him a bunch of Valentines for the entry wall. Anything else? Shall I dress up like Carmen Miranda? Any ideas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Before moving the this house we had a house with a big tub. I prepared a nice hot bath, had chilled champagne and strawberries for him while he soaked in the tub. I sat in the floor and talked to him and he absolutely loved it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Just seeing that you are more relaxed may very well help. If he comes home to a relaxed and happy wife it will go a long way. Don't do what I once did: Quit my job to be with dc and then constantly worry about the finances! We try to take walks together Plan a project together. e. garden, house stuff, etc. Bake / cook favorite meals for him Plan something new, new recipes, new paint on the wall, regular creative date nights that don't cost that much. Get involved together in a cause near and dear to your heart Sometimes it takes a while to find the new equilibrium. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 (edited) Tried to delete the double post. Edited February 23, 2010 by Liz CA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Anything else? Shall I dress up like Carmen Miranda? Any ideas? A situation like this calls for a babysitter and a weekend away! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobynN Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 My husband works at least 84 hours most weeks. When he is off work, I try to plan a relaxing, romantic home date. Sometimes we go out but we are trying to save money to build a house so we just stay home. If we have a home date, the kids are allowed to watch a movie in their room until bedtime. After kids go to bed - then our date begins. You could even have the kids eat at the normal time and you and your husband eat later after they go to bed. Cook his favorite meal, curl up on the couch with a good movie and some hot cocoa (or wine, etc) and/or have a nice conversation (no talking about the kids or finances) ,Light some candles in the bathroom and bedroom, Take a hot steamy shower or bath together and then give him a head to toe massage (by candle light) using your favorite oil or massage candle (personal favorite) and then.... use your imagination. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 If I want to pamper my dh I make him rhubarb pie and beef stroganoff. Those are two of his favorite foods and two of my least favorites. So he feels extra special when I make them for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 All I have to do for mine is bake him an apple pie and the man is in 7th heaven. He's very easy to please :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 I guess I'm fortunate in that my dh's needs don't take much money. He loves hiking in the foothills, taking walks, dinner alone in the orchard. I make sure on Sundays during football season the girls and I are occupied so he can be alone with his team. Last week I made shrimp scampi, salad, roasted potatoes and a bottle of wine. I sent the girls upstairs with a movie and told them not to come down unless they were bleeding. After dinner we watched a movie alone in our room. Things like that. My youngest are 9 so they are capable of getting ready for bed by themselves. Makes it easier to send them to a different floor in the house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Before moving the this house we had a house with a big tub. I prepared a nice hot bath, had chilled champagne and strawberries for him while he soaked in the tub. I sat in the floor and talked to him and he absolutely loved it. This sounds wonderful except I would join him in the big tub - if I had one big enough. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 What's his love language? My dh's are touch and encouraging words. So the obvious "tea time" is important, but so are massages, hugs, holding hands, etc. He feels connected to me when I am willing to be *touchy* and I'm not usually, so this is work for me! I also try to encourage him and tell him how much it means to us that he's working hard, etc. I also ask about work, but not in a way that sounds like I'm worried about his job or his stress, just interested. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MistyJ Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 I am astonished to learn that there is more than one answer to this question. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 There are a lot of websites with knock off recipes for restaurant meals. My favorite is PF Chang's Mongolian Beef recipe. You can find it a lot of places. It takes more than one hour to make, but since we sit at the table forever to enjoy it it is totally worth it. My dh was not happy about being the sole breadwinner also, but the deal is that the kids are first right now. I do work part time, about 20 hours a month, but that is for my sanity, not really about the money. I make him lunch and he loves this because he eats at his desk and gets work done so he can come home early. Massages are a special treat for my dh, he loves them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Yep. My dh's love language is encouraging words. Imagine my surprise when I sent him an email about how I wanted to work on a certain area of our marriage--where he is the one not doing what he needs to do, no less--and he came up to me later saying how much he appreciated the email, how it gave him hope and even though it was about a touchy subject it made him feel *LOVED* that I chose my words carefully and built him up. ?!?!? I was on pins and needles waiting to hear what he thought, but I guess I did a good job of encouraging him with the words rather than accusing and he felt really loved by it. My dh also loves to hang out with me at the bookstore--I love it, too, of course! That's our favorite date. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsrevmeg Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Cook his favorite meal, give him complete control of the remote, light some candles and make TEA. :001_wub: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 I am astonished to learn that there is more than one answer to this question. ;) :lol::lol::lol: Well, of course, there is THAT, but I already knew that answer! I'm :lurk5:, everyone. Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosy Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Thank him frequently for working so hard for our family. Clean the house...or at least the parts he is most likely to notice. DH is a latte addict so I make him one every morning (we got a home espresso machine for $75--it has probably saves us that much 10x over!). I also make him a blended coffee shake in the evenings sometimes. If you have Netflix, make sure his movies come frequently. Favorite dinners. Once in a *great* while I'll get up early and make breakfast, and we'll all have breakfast together. Any time I do anything for him that involves early morning, he knows it is a major effort and appreciates it. Try and make his homecoming enjoyable--if I've had a bad day, I try to let him come in and get settled before I spring it on him. Emails throughout the day. Planning date nights. And...the obvious, of course. :D I think every DH is different, of course, so what means a lot to one might not mean much to another. But I think your using your newly freed up time and energy to make his life better will mean a lot to him and will go a long way in keeping him happy with the arrangement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hweakland Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 My DH is really into tea so when I remember to (not as much as I would like!) I have a pot of tea waiting for him along with something yummy like his favorite chocolate chip cookies waiting for him when he gets home from work. He really loves this! Also, I do lots of things for him that the wives of the men he works with do not. This makes him proud of me and makes him feel important too. For instance I make his lunch, have the coffee ready to go, get his clothes out for work the night before and call him every lunch hour no matter what I am doing that day. These are all simple things but he appreciates them a lot. Oh, and when he gets home from work I also stop whatever I am doing and go give him a hug. This starts the night off right ;). Also, a few cinnamon rolls or any baked goods also go a long way for my hubby. Blessings, Hope Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 What's his love language? I agree that this is important. Mine is touch but my husband's is not. His are words of affirmation and gifts of service. I leave him notes, text him and talk to him. I make sure he has iced tea when he gets home and 90% of the time make sure there is a hot meal waiting for him. I make him breakfast burritos or egg sandwiches for breakfast so he can eat on the go. There are a lot of little things I do for him. My DH is really into tea so when I remember to (not as much as I would like!) I have a pot of tea waiting for him along with something yummy like his favorite chocolate chip cookies waiting for him when he gets home from work. He really loves this! :lol: It looks like you are new here. I'm going to give you a tiny warning that teatime is a euphemism around here for "couple time." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 :lol: It looks like you are new here. I'm going to give you a tiny warning that teatime is a euphemism around here for "couple time." Hey! "Tea Time" with chocolate chip cookies sounds like a REALLY good idea to me!!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 My DH is really into tea so when I remember to (not as much as I would like!) I have a pot of tea waiting for him along with something yummy like his favorite chocolate chip cookies waiting for him when he gets home from work. :lol: It looks like you are new here. I'm going to give you a tiny warning that teatime is a euphemism around here for "couple time." :lol::lol::lol: However, my DH would certainly appreciate chocolate chip cookies along with his teA, so that still totally applies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 (edited) Oh, and when he gets home from work I also stop whatever I am doing and go give him a hug. This starts the night off right ;). Also, a few cinnamon rolls or any baked goods also go a long way for my hubby. Actually, I think this would mean a lot to him. Usually, when he comes home, I'm in the middle of either dinner craziness or bedtime craziness. This would be a nice punctuation to his arrival. And yes, baked goods always make him happy :D That's one I'm very good at, thankfully! Edited February 23, 2010 by melissel Poor grammar! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 I've been trying to replicate favorites at home, like paella (which turned out to be not so frugal after all, whew!) and buffalo wings (hence the help thread from the other day--they were a HUGE hit, by the way :D). I've also been made a concerted effort to listen to him talk about his work stresses, which is very difficult for me because I tend to internalize them and get incredibly stressed out on his behalf :rolleyes: What other ways do you make your DH feel pampered and appreciated? I'd love some new ideas. TIA! I am so happy for you about quitting your job. Hip Hip Hooray!!! The food is a great start. He also likes it when I give him a massage, spend time with him playing video games, or sex of course! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 :lol::lol::lol: However, my DH would certainly appreciate chocolate chip cookies along with his teA, so that still totally applies! I'm not saying it's a bad idea. I was just warning her before the snickers started. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 I am so happy for you about quitting your job. Hip Hip Hooray!!! The food is a great start. He also likes it when I give him a massage, spend time with him playing video games, or sex of course! Thank you, it's been really wonderful. I'm not saying it's a bad idea. I was just warning her before the snickers started. :lol: Mmmmm...Snickers...he'd like those too... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WiseOwlKnits Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 OK, so I'm going to sound totally 50's here....but I'll share if you promise not to laugh. (Much.) * I make a point of cooking dinner for him and try to have it ready when he gets home every night. He's worked a long day and deserves a hot meal waiting for him. * We do a 10-minute clean-up when he's getting off of work because he loves having the floor *clean* when he walks in the door. * I ask him about his day and (at least pretend) that I'm interested. LOL! * I make a point of dressing to look nice for him. I've gotten in the habit of lounging in yoga pants and an old shirt. I stopped doing that and decided to start wearing dresses and skirts only 3 weeks ago. I do that now, along with a nice shirt, fix my hair a bit, and put on eyeshadow and mascara. * I make a point of telling him something every day that I am thankful for that he's done. Whether it's taking out the trash, giving the kids their bath...I figure there should be SOMETHING that I can show him appreciation for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vettechmomof2 Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 I let him sleep and when he wants to pamper me, he lets me sleep:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 One thing that DH has requested is that we are bathed and have changed our clothes (and not into new pajamas) by the time he gets home. I know that may be automatic for some of you, but it wasn't for me. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 (edited) I let him sleep as long as he wants to throughout the weekend. I think if I did some of the things posted here my dh might drop dead of a heart attack. :lol: (Not talking about the teA, of course.) Did I mention he's the romatic one and I'm NOT?? ;) Edited February 24, 2010 by ksva Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 I found this cookbook recently. It contains recipes of favorite dishes from favorite chain restaurants. Maybe it would help you could create his favorite meals. Here is a link to the book at Amazon. Scroll down to the Comments: someone has listed the table of contents, so you can check to see if his favorites are in there! America's Most Wanted Recipes: Delicious Recipes from Your Family's Favorite Restaurants by Ron Douglas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 Ok, I am going to answer before reading anyone else's posts but unfortunately I can't say much as it's not really fit to post here. Let's just say, things that make him a very happy man. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 I agree that this is important. Mine is touch but my husband's is not. His are words of affirmation and gifts of service. I leave him notes, text him and talk to him. I make sure he has iced tea when he gets home and 90% of the time make sure there is a hot meal waiting for him. I make him breakfast burritos or egg sandwiches for breakfast so he can eat on the go. There are a lot of little things I do for him. Wow, this is exactly me and my hubby only reversed. My hubby always makes sure I have my iced tea, chocolate and whatever my other beverage of choice is at the moment. He frequently feeds me (which honestly if he didn't, I might starve) and he lets me sleep whenever I can. In return, I try to make sure he gets all the touching he can handle. ;) :lol: It looks like you are new here. I'm going to give you a tiny warning that teatime is a euphemism around here for "couple time." :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 Hey! "Tea Time" with chocolate chip cookies sounds like a REALLY good idea to me!!:D I know I have mentioned this before but we once watched an Alex Baldwin movie in which he was an older man and he was giving pointers to his adult son and he told him that s*x was like chinese food, the meal wasn't over until you both got your cookies. So in my house, teA and cookies are the same thing. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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