Starting to think I can't do this

[m0mmaBuck]

My kids... are driving me... absolutely insane... to the point where now I am now turning into the crazy, yelling sitcom mom.... It used to be that my husband was the short-tempered nut, now we both are....

 

I used to get a break from them. I would sent them to school or daycare and go to work... Some days I even had time to catch lunch with a friend or my husband on occasion without having to referee. I had an occasion thought or idea that I could see through to fruition. I had moments without the noise, noise, noise.... Constant fighting, constant "I need...", constant pulling and tugging and needing and wanting and screaming and fighting and just pure agony for me.

 

I am an introvert, and even when it comes to my own family, I need time to myself to recharge. All this togetherness is killing me. Honestly I'm starting to think I should have never gotten married because it resulted in an instant family and then additions to the family which has put me where I am now... never, ever, ever left alone.

 

I pulled DS out of PS at Christmas b/c he was having issues... He is ahead in math and reading but PS's answer was reading time alone in a corner or more of the same worksheets vs. a challenge so he was causing trouble. He loves Science and History but the school doesn't cover those until 3rd grade. He has trouble in spelling but they don't do spelling in school... it's all homework. So... we thought 1-on-1 focusing on strengths and weaknesses would be best for him... and it is... but it's not working for me. Of course this is only our 2nd month... but how long is this adjustment to constantly being around each other going to take?

 

I run our business (answer phones, run the errands, do the books), run our home (all meals, errands, bills, cooking, laundry, etc.), am the Family Fun Coordinator for our Cub Scout pack of 30 boys, do per diem work in a few friends' clinics, am the Committee Chair for DSS's Venture Crew... I'm trying to help DSS earn his Eagle Scout, complete his senior project, graduate from HS, and perhaps come up with an obtainable future goal... And then there is homeschooling.... 24/7 I am at the whim of a group of people who don't ever think I do enough for them.

 

And then the fighting starts... and the screaming... and the whining... (from the 3 and 8 yo) and the "I hate you" (from the 3 yo)... and the constant criticism of how I don't do enough or don't do it right or quickly enough (from the 3 yo).... Then the 8 yo starts pouting and crying ...

 

And then I get mad, yell at them, and send them to their rooms crying. Which is where they are now. And it's a sunny Saturday and I don't want to leave the house because I have to take them with me and I know they are going to embarrass me somehow so it's easier to stay home.

 

And the thought of another week of being stuck home alone with them is making me sick to my stomach.

 

So if you made it this far... what do I do? Do I just suck it up and keep trying hs'ing thinking that it has to get easier at some point... or do I give up and send him back to PS and her back to daycare and me back to work?

[PollyOR]

:grouphug: I take a night off every week.

[kewb]

I read that and thought "Wow. You have a lot on your plate." Is there any way your spouse can take over for the day or the weekend to give you a chance to recharge?

 

I am also an introvert and need that down time for me. When I am really going insane I call quiet time. Everyone has to go to their own rooms and engage in quiet activities. Reading, puzzles, drawing, as long as it is quiet.

[Jean in Newcastle]

You do have a lot on your plate.

 

What struck me was what you wrote about the behavior and speech of your youngest two children. I could not homeschool if I did not have consistent discipline and routines for my children. And I could not do it if I felt out of control as the adult. I'm not talking about setting up harsh discipline, but I do think that the behavior has to be addressed first. (I realize that this is a sensitive subject for many and that I don't have all the facts, etc.)

[Halcyon]

Wow, I was just going to post something like this. I am an introvert too. I just need time to myself, and I don't get enough of it.

 

To me, it sounds like you're doing too much. What has been helping me (although I am still struggling) is to eliminate 'extra' stuff. I do help my DH in his office 2-3 times a week, and the boys come with me, so I don't get any real focused time there. But we get out of the house, the boys enjoy playing in DH's office, so it feels like a bit of a break in some way.

 

 

 

1. I have committed to working out 3 times a week, and DH watches the kids while I go to yoga or the gym. He takes the boys out on Saturday for a few hours--essential to my sanity, and he enjoys it.
   
2. I am trying to meditate every day. Right now it's more like 3 times a week.
   
3. I have eliminated some of the boys activities, I have left a part-time work-from-home job that was more stress than it was worth, I say no to people when it comes to going out, get-togethers, etc.
   
4. I have an instituted quiet time EVERY DAY for at least an hour, sometimes two--I go to my room and read, snooze or flip through a magazine. This is essential. My boys can do anything as long as it's quiet, doesn't make a mess, doesn't involve the television, and doesn't bother me. So basically this means they listen to audio books (a life saver for me!!) read in bed, or draw.
   
5. Chores--I have created a chore chart for each child, and they must do 3 chores every day, their choice. I can't tell you how much this helps with the every day, seemingly never-ending tasks that need to get done around here, whether it's wiping down the sinks in the bathrooms, to putting away folded clothes, to vacuuming the bedrooms. One of the benefits of homeschooling is that you can make the time for kids to help out around the house, learn that it is NOT all Mom's responsibility, and everyone works as a team.
   

 

 

I have by no means figured this out. I often stay up way later than I should to get 'alone time' but then I am exhausted the next day, and that doesn't help. Good luck to you and PM me if you want to chat. :)

Edited February 20, 2010 by Halcyon

[Jayne J]

While I can't really give you better advice than you've already gotten, I just want to post to re-state the idea of imposing quiet time after lunch. I have three, ages 6, 4 and 1.5 and I would absolutely flip if I didn't get my hour and a half break after lunch. It IS too much to be constantly on call, especially for us introverts. Each kid is in a seperate room with quiet toys or books and they must stay there until I come for them. If there is any way at alll you could implement this, I really urge you to do it.:grouphug:

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

There is a lot of good advice about how to reduce bickering in this thread, coincidently titled "The Bickering is Going to Kill Me."

 

It sound like you need about 3 clones to do all that! Maybe a mother's helper a few days a week and dropping a few commitments would be a start towards reducing the number of clones you need.

Edited February 20, 2010 by ElizabethB

[m0mmaBuck]

Thank you for the suggestions.

 

My typical school day goes as follows: I go to the gym from 5:30-7:30 getting home in time to see DSS off to PS and wake DH for work. Showers, breakfast, free play until 9:00 when we start school. We typically do school from 9 a.m. -2 p.m. with 1/2 hr break for lunch and some 10-15 min breaks as needed for DS to work his wiggles out between subjects. During that time I am also answering the phone and doing household tasks as able... but honestly DS doesn't get much done if I'm not literally sitting on him so not much household stuff gets done. By 2:00 we are usually done and jump in the car to run errands as needed (business and home) or head to the library, the children's museum, a park, etc.... or I do book work for home or business while the kids play. 5:00 is dinner time. At least 3 nights/week we have Scout obligations (Tuesday is Boy Scouts for DSS, Thurs is Ventures, and Friday is Cubs) and Wednesday is AWANAS for DS and DD. Even if I don't go to BSA or Ventures, DH goes with DSS so I'm still stuck... alone... with the kids... again...

 

Last week was a really rough week and today DH and DSS have Den Chief training (DH is teaching and DSS is taking the class). That's a fairly typical weekend occurance (DH and DSS will have an obligation that leaves me with the kids yet another day).

 

So the quiet time sounds wonderful but I'm not sure how I would get it. And discipline with DD... yes, it is an issue and I just haven't found what works with her. DS wears his heart on his sleeve and this is one of the reasons he pouts, bursts into tears, and such... and one of the reasons we pulled him from PS.

 

Anyway, I am taking in your advice and trying to figure what I can do to make this work without making me insane.

[Desert Rat]

I don't know if this will help, but I changed the way I looked at things a while back and it made all the difference. Instead of thinking of all the responsibilities thrust upon me, I began to think of them as things I chose to do. I chose to have children, be married, homeschool, take on certain roles. If I'm not happy then it's not those other things, the problem is with me. It's taken some time but I'm a lot happier.

With that said, I think you need to scale back on some of the demands on your life. Your ss should be helping with a lot of the chores in the home.

With the littles, I definitely recommend a one hour rest time in the afternoon. In their room, quietly napping or playing/reading. This saved me when my kids were younger. If we're having a bad day, we still have ceiling watch time. During this hour, you should NOT catch up on dishes or laundry. It's not a time to pay bills or worry about dinner. Take this time and play on the computer or read a book or rest yourself.

I'm the same type of personality. How I cope is by adhering to a strict bedtime so I have an hour or two in the evening that is only mine. My dh has even been giving me space for an hour or so at this time so I can breathe.

I hope nothing I've said has offended you. I hope you get some sage advise on this board to help you cope. Everyone's adjustment time is different to new situations, so try not to be hard on yourself.

Take care,

[ElizabethB]

So the quiet time sounds wonderful but I'm not sure how I would get it.

 

You could do the quiet time 1 hour before their bedtimes. You could then spend 1/2 of it alone with hubby and 1/2 of it truly alone.

 

Also, instead of the gym you could walk or run or do something more efficient in or around your home and then have an hour in the morning before everyone is up.

[Lady Q]

While I can't really give you better advice than you've already gotten, I just want to post to re-state the idea of imposing quiet time after lunch. I have three, ages 6, 4 and 1.5 and I would absolutely flip if I didn't get my hour and a half break after lunch. It IS too much to be constantly on call, especially for us introverts. Each kid is in a seperate room with quiet toys or books and they must stay there until I come for them. If there is any way at alll you could implement this, I really urge you to do it.:grouphug:

 

Add me to the list of Quiet Time advocates. My three are 5, 3 and 1, and the daily hour and a half of rest is a sanity saver. The youngest naps and the older two play Legos, draw, look at books. They've had Quiet Time all their lives and are used to it. My 3 yo will often put herself in Quiet Time if I'm not moving fast enough after lunchtime.

 

Good luck in finding a solution! You have a very full plate! Any way you can drop some things off of it?

[rookie]

I do not think that you can make your current situation work. Even by adding quiet time and asking DH for some time to yourself.

 

You have too many activities/responsibilities rather than having priorities.

 

What are your true priorities?

 

List the three true priorities that must happen in your life in order for you to be successful and then realize that the rest is NOT and you can get rid of it.

 

You do not HAVE TO do Scouts. You do not HAVE to take the kids to an activity every evening. You do not HAVE to make dinner time at 5:00PM. You do not HAVE to homeschool. You do not HAVE to do all of the chores. You do not HAVE to allow children to scream and say mean things to each other. ETC.......

 

Regarding work, do you really HAVE to work? Maybe you do and then THAT is a priority that may knock something else off the list.

 

See, we all create a long list of MUST-DOS that are really just CHOOSE TOOs and then commit to a life of insanity.

 

As long as you are trying to do all of those things (which really are not necessary) you are going to be stretched too thin, you are going to be on adrenaline highs/lows, your dc are going to pick-up on your nervous energy, you are not going to have appropriate/consistent responses to their behaviors, and the list goes on.

 

So, I do not think it is about figuring out HOW you are going to do it all well, but, rather, how you are going to focus on the 2-3 things that truly matter in your life and drop the rest.

 

I have BTDT and know if what I speak.

 

My best to you. :)

[swellmomma]

Okay it is a sunny Saturday, take them to a park, or if is snowy where you are go sledding. Bring some fun and burn some energy all at once. Tell your dh that you are taking the night off and go for a walk, or a pedicure, or a movie or something. Also let him know you need help on the home front to take some pressure off you. Start saying NO. You have umpteen responsibilities on your plate, you are feeling stressed because of it, time to say NO. No one forced you to take on those roles, you volunteered and now are feeling the pressure. Do yourself and your family a favor and delegate some responsibilities to others in those groups, or step down completely. I had to do this 2 weeks ago. I was supposed to be running the science fair in our homeschool group this year. WHile I really really wanted to do this, AND was excited to, I had to accept that I simply had too much on my plate and passed it on to 2 other women in the group. I felt guilty for about 30 seconds while stepping down then I just felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders.

 

I also took the advice of many people here and instituted quiet time. WHile the 2 yr old naps, everyone else goes to separate rooms for 30-60 minutes depending on the day and the house is to remain completely silent. This helps me recharge, gives the kids a break from each other, and no one is waking the baby so she is happy. It has made all of us much more peaceful than before.

 

Often when kids are bickering and fighting it's because they are getting too bored with little direction. Try structuring your day more. I don't mean crack the whip and make them sit at the table all day. BUt instead of complete free play have a structure to it. For example, have a group activity that gets the 8 yr old helping the 3 yr old, so maybe a craft or baking or something that you are part of but helps build thebond between siblings. Then maybe it is time for a walk/outdoor play, then everyone comes together for a sensory play activity(floam, playdough, moon sand, bubber, slime etc). Yes definitely have free play, but if you reduce the length of time, they will stay more focused in their game in that time and less likely to be bickering etc.

 

By far I find the best thing to help is when the kids are getting squirrely and fighting constantly I take them sledding or to a park etc, that I can park the car at and still see them. I try to aim for during nap time. Baby falls asleep in her carseat, I send the others out to where I can see them and make sure they are safe and then I sit in the car and listen to soft music, or read or anything to help me recharge while they burn off some steam. Usually by the time they leave everyone is feeling much better and I am not ready to rip someone's head off.

[cdrumm4448]

Five hours seems like a lot of time to spend homeschooling at that age. My ds(8) has it down to about 2.25 hours a day. That includes a few 5 minutes breaks. We have been homeschooling for 6 months and I can tell you that it seemed almost impossible in the beginning. I don't know if my expectations changed, the children's behavior changed, or both, but it is much easier now. There is always tweaking to be done, but realize that it will get better. You're just a little shocked now.

 

Previous posters have given stellar advice, but what stood out to me was that you have too much going on. Realign your priorities. Managers of Their Homes really helped me to do that. Focus on your end result, then figure out what you need to do to get there.

 

My kids fought a lot when we first started homeschooling since they weren't used to being together so much. Now, they are usually best friends. There are still challenging days, but they are MUCH less frequent now. My son is aware of the expectations placed upon him and that he will finish schoolwork, whether he whines and complains or whether he's happy about it. Did I read this quote here? "Bad attitude equals dismal future."

[justamouse]

Thank you for the suggestions.

 

 

So the quiet time sounds wonderful but I'm not sure how I would get it. And discipline with DD... yes, it is an issue and I just haven't found what works with her. DS wears his heart on his sleeve and this is one of the reasons he pouts, bursts into tears, and such... and one of the reasons we pulled him from PS.

 

Anyway, I am taking in your advice and trying to figure what I can do to make this work without making me insane.

 

 

First, hugs. :grouphug: Just like any new thing, there is a time when the shine wears off the penny and the rubber hits the road. Sounds like that's where you're at.

 

Cadam said some really excellent stuff, and I'm going to expound on one aspect that I have personally found to be the most important.

 

Take a break. For two weeks, three weeks a month. Until the kids start to decompress. That time is different for every kid. My son is just like yours, and my girlfriend's is, too. That time off when she pulled him out of school (for the same reasons as you) was the balm to his troubled soul. He's still sensitive, but he's not having meltdowns every day.

 

Quiet time every day helps with that, but that first break is like the first shot of penicillin-before you start the pills, you know? PS is stressful and depending on how much it it affected him is how much you should just take the time and relearn eachother. Being together like that is hard, especially for us introverts. Learning HOW to be around eachother-what each person needs takes time. So, relax. Go enjoy them, take a bath, read a book together-whatever. You're not going to destroy thier education by taking that time, you'll be able to work more efficently later, anyway.

 

For the three year old-watch Super Nanny. Those time out chairs worked wonders for us and for the most part (they Do act like kids!) my kids are very well behaved.

[Kim in SouthGa]

I think you have to decide why you are homeschooling in the first place. Are those reasons still valid? If so, then you have to start cutting back elsewhere. Cub Scouts would be the first to go for me. A huge amount of time when your son is still so young. What will be of most benefit to him? A less stressed mom or the badges? Also, I find that the less I have out of the house obligations, the less stressed I am. Trying to get everybody ready and out the door with all their gear...well, it better be for an important reason! Also, when my toddler goes down for a nap, I take about an 30-45 minutes and hide in my bedroom :D The big kids work on stuff they can do themselves, and I am a much more pleasant person when I come out. My dh travels a lot, so I don't get a lot of time to myself. I get up early and stay up late. I keep telling myself I can sleep when I'm dead-an hour of peace and quiet does me much more good than an extra hour of sleep.

You also might want to look into some good vitamins. Sometimes vitamin deficiancy can cause stress.

Above all, give it time. Your in a new situation, and a lot of it will work itself out with time. :grouphug:

[susancollins]

I have three children and this is my first year homeschooling my daughter Carrington is 6, my son Jackson is five and Carson is two. I was going crazy and I felt like I am going to pull my hair out. They would ask when school was done and wiggle around. When I got the Workbox system by Sue Patrick it changed everything for me. My children know when they finish their boxes they are done with school. I also mix some fun things in to motivate them to get the boxes done. I hope this helps. Just know you are not alone. I will be praying for you.

[Jenny Piaaree]

Would you consider a four-day school week? It works for us: I scheduled our lessons such that we will finish our curriculum in 36 weeks, yet still have a free day which can be used for all major housecleaning and errands. My dd9 works best if I am with her, so I have very little time during our school day (7:30 read-aloud; 8:00 breakfast; 8:30 start school in earnest till around 2:30 to 3:00) to get chores done.

 

Even if not, it may help to have one day designated for errands. Let your dh know ahead of time that if he has any errands for you, he must let you know by such-and-such a day, or it will have to wait a week. You could reduce your trips to the park and museum to once or twice a week (or let dh take all the kids to the park on the weekend sometimes), and free up some afternoons for yourself.

 

It's better to do fewer things effectively than to try to do so many you burn out on all of them. The advice from others to prioritize, recognize and set your limits, and delegate are words of wisdom.

 

Best wishes to you!

 

Jennifer

[Denisemomof4]

Well I *WAS* going to tell you that it took me over a year to get settled in, but then I read all you're doing BESIDES schooling and running the home. :svengo: Is there ANYTHING you can give up? Really, I don't know how you can do all of that, and I'm a person who gets told all the time, "I could NEVER do all that you do!!!"

 

And I also agree with Jean in Newcastle. Trust me - get the behaviors under control now because the 3 year old telling you you don't do things right will be a teen before you know it.

:grouphug:

 

I dont' know what to say, other than I think it's going to be next for impossible for a first time homeschool mom to get "into her groove" with all the extras you also do.

 

About needing quiet time, my oldest was 11 before I thought to send him to his room. If I find I need quiet time, the kids ALL go to their rooms for quiet time. If you have kids that share rooms, have some of them go outside. Set the ground rules for your quiet time - they are NOT to disturb you, cause noise, etc. It will take some getting used to but eventually they'll be ok with it. Perhaps send everyone to their rooms for reading time/quiet play for an hour each afternoon???

 

again.... :grouphug:

[MOM24WONDERS]

You do have a lot on your plate.

 

What struck me was what you wrote about the behavior and speech of your youngest two children. I could not homeschool if I did not have consistent discipline and routines for my children. And I could not do it if I felt out of control as the adult. I'm not talking about setting up harsh discipline, but I do think that the behavior has to be addressed first. (I realize that this is a sensitive subject for many and that I don't have all the facts, etc.)

 

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

I haven't read this whole thread, but this struck me as the best advice yet. I can't imagine not having the control in my own home to feel peaceful. I don't think sending them to school/daycare is the answer because it's obvious they didn't learn some great behavior patterns there. I would stop everything and work on discipline. At your son's age, he is still trainable - and that's what I'd work on with both of them. You can always take 6 weeks and just do discipline/behavior training and then pick back up for school.

 

I do agree that your plate seems to full. It doesn't seem to full to homeschool or too full or for a mom or too full for a wife. I think it's too full for a PERSON. lol

 

My advice would be to seriously look at the things you are doing and choose those with the greatest priorities - the things that involve your children and drop the rest.

 

Also, bedtimes are a MUST. An 8 yo should be asleep no later than 8pm and a 3 yo should be in bed by 7 or 7:30. Then you can have the evenings free to read or take a bath or just breathe. Personally, when our oldest children go to bed at 9 pm (yes, our oldest who is 15.5 goes to bed at 9 pm - teens need more sleep than toddlers :) ) I take that time to spend with dh, cuddling, talking, whatever. I read, do my Bible study, etc. It refuels and recharges me for the next day.

 

To be honest, my children are a joy. All the garbage I've been told about how awful the teen years are is just that - garbage. I love being with my kids. They aren't perfect, but neither am I ;) However, they were trained at a young age to be respectful and obedient...and it has made even the teen years be a precious time. I have loved and will love every stage of my childrens' lives (and hopefully those to come!)

 

I'm not sure what you can drop or if you can drop anything, but I do think the secret is getting your household under control.

 

Also, I don't know if you're kids have chores, but at their age, they both should be taking care of a good deal of things. Even the 3 yo can make his/her own bed, pick up their laundry and put it in the wash room, clean up their mess from meals and put in dishwasher, clean up their own toys, etc. The 8 yo can do much more - clean bathrooms, take out garbage, mop. I would get a good routine going and stick to it.

 

I'm sorry and sad to hear that someone is feeling like you are. It makes me wish that someone would just give you a big hug and give you a day off!! :grouphug: That's the best *I* can do, but I will say a prayer for you and I hope things get better.

 

I didn't say this before, but make sure to share with your husband how you are feeling. He needs to know and help you in making these changes - and possibly make some changes himself. You will definitely need his help in the child training aspect.

 

Just remember, nothing ever gets better by pushing it away (school/daycare/job), the problem just gets bigger and causes more trouble. You are doing something so wonderful for your children, what they deserve and you are to be commended for that.

[Impish]

:iagree:

 

I haven't read this whole thread, but this struck me as the best advice yet. I can't imagine not having the control in my own home to feel peaceful. I don't think sending them to school/daycare is the answer because it's obvious they didn't learn some great behavior patterns there. I would stop everything and work on discipline. At your son's age, he is still trainable - and that's what I'd work on with both of them. You can always take 6 weeks and just do discipline/behavior training and then pick back up for school.

 

I do agree that your plate seems to full. It doesn't seem to full to homeschool or too full or for a mom or too full for a wife. I think it's too full for a PERSON. lol

 

My advice would be to seriously look at the things you are doing and choose those with the greatest priorities - the things that involve your children and drop the rest.

 

Also, bedtimes are a MUST. An 8 yo should be asleep no later than 8pm and a 3 yo should be in bed by 7 or 7:30. Then you can have the evenings free to read or take a bath or just breathe. Personally, when our oldest children go to bed at 9 pm (yes, our oldest who is 15.5 goes to bed at 9 pm - teens need more sleep than toddlers :) ) I take that time to spend with dh, cuddling, talking, whatever. I read, do my Bible study, etc. It refuels and recharges me for the next day.

 

To be honest, my children are a joy. All the garbage I've been told about how awful the teen years are is just that - garbage. I love being with my kids. They aren't perfect, but neither am I ;) However, they were trained at a young age to be respectful and obedient...and it has made even the teen years be a precious time. I have loved and will love every stage of my childrens' lives (and hopefully those to come!)

 

I'm not sure what you can drop or if you can drop anything, but I do think the secret is getting your household under control.

 

Also, I don't know if you're kids have chores, but at their age, they both should be taking care of a good deal of things. Even the 3 yo can make his/her own bed, pick up their laundry and put it in the wash room, clean up their mess from meals and put in dishwasher, clean up their own toys, etc. The 8 yo can do much more - clean bathrooms, take out garbage, mop. I would get a good routine going and stick to it.

 

I'm sorry and sad to hear that someone is feeling like you are. It makes me wish that someone would just give you a big hug and give you a day off!! :grouphug: That's the best *I* can do, but I will say a prayer for you and I hope things get better.

 

I didn't say this before, but make sure to share with your husband how you are feeling. He needs to know and help you in making these changes - and possibly make some changes himself. You will definitely need his help in the child training aspect.

 

Just remember, nothing ever gets better by pushing it away (school/daycare/job), the problem just gets bigger and causes more trouble. You are doing something so wonderful for your children, what they deserve and you are to be commended for that.

:iagree:Too much on your plate, and sounds like your kiddos need some time to work on behaviours. Putting them back in school/daycare is not going to resolve that, only parenting can.

 

At 7, he doesn't need 6 hrs of school. He should really be able to get what he needs done in a morning. Perhaps he's over scheduled too?

 

And at 7, most kids do need Mom by their side to get things done. That's just the way they're wired, because they are still so young.

:grouphug:

[m0mmaBuck]

OK, so I read through everyone's responses and truly appreciate them all. I am going to try to address everything that was posted but if I miss someone please forgive me. You are probably going to learn more about me and the family than you cared to so I apologize.

 

Like I said before, I do need to make quiet time work, I just have to figure out how. I agree that the behavior issue with DD is a big problem that feeds negativity into the situation and I know we as parents need to figure out a way to nip it in the bud. My son's behavioral issues (primarily playing 'dumb' to try to get out of work and crying when he is frustrated) stem from situations he encountered in PS so sending him back into that environment would only serve to reinforce them.

 

I can have DSS run some of the errands (daily errands for the business like picking up the mail at the POB and making any deposits at the bank). He could take the kids to the park on nice days since he gets home from school at 2 p.m. He does have chores that he often chooses not to do and I end up picking up the slack there (ie vacuuming the living room, cleaning the bathroom, loading dishwasher and doing dishes after dinner to name a few) and sI spoke with my husband and him about how important it is that he does what he is expected to make things work for everyone around here. We also spoke about the fact that I cannot push him through his Eagle, through his senior project, through graduation... I told him that if he does not have the desire to succeed in these areas I cannot help him achieve them. He has frustrated his dad to the point that Dad is no longer willing to help and I am the child's last hope for adult supervision and advice in these areas. However, that is a somewhat separate issue from the original.

 

The now 8 yo has chores such as cleaning his room, taking out the garbage, putting his clothes away, and setting/clearing the table after meals. The 3 yo has to help clean her room and put her clothes away. I can re-evaluate their chores and add more.

 

DH is overscheduled between work, Boy Scouts, Venture Scouts, and Cub Scouts and is not pleasant when asked to give more to the household/family so that is not an option. We are looking forward to May when DSS turns 18 and will no longer be a Boy Scout youth. That means that not only are Tuesday nights free again but also that DH will no longer feel obligated to the Troop and the Council as a trainer for several of the required youth and adult courses.

 

The time we spend in school allows for Math, Reading, Writing, Spelling, Science and History daily. We also throw in music, geography, art, religion, health, PE, and other topics as mandated by the state at least once/wk. Our actual school time in that 9a-2p session is around 4 hrs once you take out breaks and lunch. Even when I try to combine subjects (for example reading of a science-related book followed by copywork/dictation from the same book) it still seems to take the same length of time. I am hopeful that as we continue on we will become more efficient.

 

We hit the library once/wk, the children's museum once/wk, and then various other 'after school' activites that also qualify as school hours for the state. I can't skip the library because the books I request are only held for a week and then reshelved but the children's museum could be once/month... I could send DSS to the park with the kids to get some alone time or to run to the library and store without the kids.

 

The little kids are in bed at 8 pm but the teenager then sees it as his time with us until he goes to bed at 10 pm. Since I get up at 5:15 a.m. to head to the gym, I'm usually only up for another 30-45 minutes and then my husband stays up for another hour to get his alone time. I love going to the gym so that is one thing, my only guaranteed self-serving 'me time,' that I refuse to give up. Dinner is at 5:00 so we can eat as a family and clean up without anyone having to rush out the door for activities.

 

Cub Scouts and AWANAS are the only times the kids are scheduled to be around other children their age. If it weren't for those activities, they would probably go for weeks without ever seeing a child outside of each other.

 

I can drop helping with Venture Crew and Boy Scouts. I could probably quit doing the per diem work although it makes me happy to use my degree, even if it's just for just a few patients each month. I don't plan to be the Family Fun Chair for the Cubs next year but if DH is still the Cubmaster it won't matter, I'll still end up doing/planning things to support him. I've already dropped MOMS Club because leaving the house for scheduled events has become a hassle.

 

As for priorities, I have to help my husband with the business or it will go under and take our lives with it. I have to exercise or I will go crazy. I have to be there for my kids (which includes hs'ing, Cub Scouts, and helping DSS with his life plan). The rest I can push off on someone else if life requires it.

[Carol in Cal.]

...here is one more thing...would it help to think of this as temporary? You don't have to homeschool forever if you don't want to. Just get through the rest of this year, and then reevaluate. Knowing that it's not forever might give you the strength to slog through 4 more months knowing that there is a break after that.