I've lost the joy of my twins.

[Sahamamama]

:crying: I really have. I know they are beautiful, I know they are smart, I know they are funny. I know they are mine, I know I love them both, I know all of this... and yet, I just can't stand them these days.

 

It really has nothing to do with homeschooling. The oldest (5 yo) is only in K, and she is doing well. We have very short "seatwork" time, and the rest is fun stuff, activities, play time, read alouds, music, and outings. She is a fast learner, a good worker, a sweet girl. She is patient, too, when I have to bounce over to her sisters, which is every 30 seconds or so.....

 

It's these other two -- :willy_nilly::willy_nilly: -- that are sucking the fun and enjoyment and peace out of every day. They are so loud, and we can't seem to moderate their volume. They compete for attention, they argue with each other all the time, they come whining to me with every little complaint about the other, and they are draining me dry. I really can't stand them.

 

I mean that. I just can NOT stand them. Any suggestions? (Be nice to me, please).

[The Girls' Mom]

:grouphug:

 

Do you get a break?

 

I've been there, done that...have the t-shirt and scars to prove it. It goes in cycles and when my girls were little it was so HARD. I did not like them all the time. I never quit loving them...but there were days that I just simply didn't want to be in the same house with them any more. Twins can make you crazy..and I don't see how moms of more than twins do it.

 

But, there IS light at the end of the tunnel. My girls are almost 10, and it is so much easier now. (at least when they get whiney I can send them away! lol)

 

Seriously though...you really, really need a break.

[amyco]

No suggestions, just hugs. My SIL has twins, and it's a very interesting dynamic, like you described. She has tons of trying days too. Also there are 3 sets of twins in my Sunday school class. Hang in there! Hope you can find some peace soon. Is there any way you can take a little break, someone to help you at all during the day?

[Haiku]

My kids are artificial twins (kids who are not biologically related but are practically the same age) and they display a lot of the same behaviors as twins. The thing about my kids that drives me most nuts is how they get so wrapped up in each other that they shut out everything else. That makes discipline challenging.

 

My best suggestion is to enforce a rest time every day where the twins must be separated from each other and play alone. My kids rest for between 1 1/2 and 2 hours a day. They need the break from each other or they start to bicker and drive each other (and everyone else) nuts.

 

My son is very loud. He's just loud. He lived in an orphanage and had hearing problems, so he probably learned to be loud to get attention. I have found nothing to help him not be so loud. I feel you there. When the kids play together they get very very loud. Buy some earmuffs or earplugs. I'm serious. I use my iPod to screen out the kids during loud times. When I can't take it anymore, I put them on silence for 1/2 an hour. They can do whatever they want to do, but I am not to hear them.

 

My biggest challenge in homeschooling is having the kids have separate aspects of themselves. They want to do everything together, but they also get jealous of each other.

 

Tara

[olan719]

I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to offer :grouphug:. I haven't lost the joy of my twins, but I do get really tired of the competition, the fighting, and all the other struggles that just come with the territory of twin parenting. They want to be together, but they don't want to be together. ;) Sometimes you can't win for losing. Most of the time, I just walk away from the squabbling...lest I lose my mind. :tongue_smilie:

[lionfamily1999]

I have one three-year-old and there are days when ..... well .....

 

We've started quiet time (yet again, great idea while it lasts, but it always seems to disappear). He goes in his room and is ordered to play quietly. Older ds goes to his room and reads. I go to my room and do whatever for about an hour (two hours on good days). We have to have some time apart, or else my patience wears out and when it's out, it's out.

 

:grouphug:

 

Three is one of the hardest ages, imo. (Ime, it goes by threes, 3/6/9/12/15/18, none, ime, are ages that make for great together, iykwIm).

[Cera]

Just keep reminding yourself they won't be three forever. I only have one 3 year old and she quite often isn't a particularly pleasant creature. I find myself looking back on my older daughter's third year and remembering that she was also quite difficult to live with but has turned into a relatively calm and pleasant 5 year old.

 

Can you get outside? An hour or two at the playground (or even in a field) where I can sit and watch the kids play (and they can wear themselves out so they take a nap) makes a world of difference on a day to day basis.

 

And if you can, go spend the weekend in a hotel. Even if it is only 5 miles away (and don't tell your dh how close you are). There is nothing like time away to make you appreciate the craziness that is young children.

[Sahamamama]

:grouphug:

 

Do you get a break?

 

I've been there, done that...have the t-shirt and scars to prove it. It goes in cycles and when my girls were little it was so HARD. I did not like them all the time. I never quit loving them...but there were days that I just simply didn't want to be in the same house with them any more. Twins can make you crazy..and I don't see how moms of more than twins do it.

 

But, there IS light at the end of the tunnel. My girls are almost 10, and it is so much easier now. (at least when they get whiney I can send them away! lol)

 

Seriously though...you really, really need a break.

 

Thanks, Apryl! It's good to know that, if they live to be 9 :glare:, it gets easier. :D You're right, I do love them, I just would love to push their pause buttons for longer than their nap. Only they don't have pause buttons. KWIM?

 

No, I don't get breaks. My mom takes my oldest for a few hours on Thursday, and I think this is ESSENTIAL for my oldest. I figure that if the twins are stressful for me, and I'm the adult here :001_huh:, then I can't imagine what it's like to be newly five and deal with them all day, every day. All three of them are in the same room, too. We're in a two-bedroom house. It's small, and the weather here has been cold, so we're climbing on top of each other these days. We're basically in one room all day, every day. It's getting to everyone, I think.

 

You're right, I need a break. I do. I am about to come a bit unglued.... Hopefully, my husband can handle the girls for a bit this weekend, and I can stay in the bedroom and read a book, or something. I can't get out then, we're supposed to get a BLIZZARD! :eek: Thanks for the encouragement!

[RoughCollie]

I suggest a book called 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12.

 

http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Children/dp/1889140163/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265307895&sr=1-1

 

I read tons of parenting books and this one helped the most.

[The Girls' Mom]

Can your mom take the twins so that you and your oldest can have a girls day? It would be better than nothing at all. Wish I were closer...I'd lend a hand!

[Sahamamama]

No suggestions, just hugs. My SIL has twins, and it's a very interesting dynamic, like you described. She has tons of trying days too. Also there are 3 sets of twins in my Sunday school class. Hang in there! Hope you can find some peace soon. Is there any way you can take a little break, someone to help you at all during the day?

 

 

It is. Oh, it's so good to hear this from someone besides myself! :lol: I just look at them and think, "Was I ever that naughty when I was three?" My mother and father shake their heads and say, "No." My husband claims he was a gem when he was three, and his parents agree. Where does it COME from, we wonder? I just would never even think that a child could do and be the things that these girls come up with, but my mother's theory is that they get confidence (and ideas) from each other.

 

As in, "Hey, Twin! Let's take EVERY book off this shelf while Mommy is in the basement doing laundry." :blink:

 

Or, "Hey, Twin! Let's poopy in the potty and then play with the little brown boats while Mommy is in the basement doing laundry." :ack2:

 

Or, "Hey, Twin! Let's get the little scissors out of our pencil boxes and cut all the hair ribbons into bits while Mommy is in the basement doing laundry." :smash:

 

Hmmm, I am sensing a theme. But seriously, there is a dynamic to it that I never would have imagined prior to the experience. Some experience!

 

Well, I gotta go. They are screaming at each other in their room, where they've been confined for ten minutes. That's maxing out, I think. Thanks, ladies!

[The Girls' Mom]

AND, your oldest will be fine if she misses a day by herself once a month or so, if your mom is willing to take all three. It would be better for everyone in the long run if you just get that day to recharge.

[LibraryLover]

You need a break, and so do they.

 

What about a hsing pre or young teen who wants a job as a mother's helper a couple of morning or afternoons a week? Maybe a nice schooler from a La Leche League family could come by your house a couple of times a week after school.

 

Is there a MMO program you trust?

 

We are not meant to do this alone. I don't care what some super 'i never leave my kids for a minute, ever" moms say. It's not natural to be in one house in one cul de sac with our kids alone all day long.

[Haiku]

my mother's theory is that they get confidence (and ideas) from each other.

 

 

Well yeah! Everything's better when you have a partner in crime!

 

Tara

[LibraryLover]

Seriously, preschool is not an evil thing. Two or three mornings a week in some cheerful place full of playdough and art projects you don't have to clean up might be just the thing.:grouphug:

 

:iagree: This notion that anything but home all day is evil for children is for the birds. It's a load of dung, in fact.

[Sahamamama]

The thing about my kids that drives me most nuts is how they get so wrapped up in each other that they shut out everything else. That makes discipline challenging.

 

My son is very loud. He's just loud. He lived in an orphanage and had hearing problems, so he probably learned to be loud to get attention. I have found nothing to help him not be so loud.

 

Tara

 

Thanks, Tara. That sounds like my two. With my oldest, when I say something, she hears it and usually responds. With the twins, it's like talking to a wall. They tune us out, and it drives my husband nuts. Do they ignore us because they're wrapped up in each other, or have they learned that it's a way to wear us out?

 

Ours are also loud. And we are not loud people, except that we've had to become loud, just to be heard over them, so it escalates, if you KWIM? They are loud, then we get loud, and they get louder. We took one of our twins to an ENT because her voice was so hoarse, and he said she has vocal abuse. He told us we have to train her to use her voice softly and less "explosively," but I really don't know how to do that! I am trying.

 

Thanks for the feedback. I feel more normal now! :D

[The Girls' Mom]

It is. Oh, it's so good to hear this from someone besides myself! :lol: I just look at them and think, "Was I ever that naughty when I was three?" My mother and father shake their heads and say, "No." My husband claims he was a gem when he was three, and his parents agree. Where does it COME from, we wonder? I just would never even think that a child could do and be the things that these girls come up with, but my mother's theory is that they get confidence (and ideas) from each other.

 

As in, "Hey, Twin! Let's take EVERY book off this shelf while Mommy is in the basement doing laundry." :blink:

 

Or, "Hey, Twin! Let's poopy in the potty and then play with the little brown boats while Mommy is in the basement doing laundry." :ack2:

 

Or, "Hey, Twin! Let's get the little scissors out of our pencil boxes and cut all the hair ribbons into bits while Mommy is in the basement doing laundry." :smash:

 

Hmmm, I am sensing a theme. But seriously, there is a dynamic to it that I never would have imagined prior to the experience. Some experience!

 

Well, I gotta go. They are screaming at each other in their room, where they've been confined for ten minutes. That's maxing out, I think. Thanks, ladies!

 

 

:lol:

 

Just to make you feel better (or not)

 

Mine have cut hair (and tried to glue it back on)

Drank from a NOT clean toilet.

Drawn on walls

Emptied their closets

Beat up their older sister (they STILL gang up on her)

Slammed fingers in doors...repeatedly.

"painted" each other with ground up sidewalk chalk.

wake each other up in the middle of the night (they still do this)

Learned to bite and smack each other before they could walk. (I actually have them on video at 5 months old having a screaming, biting fight)

 

I'm sure there's more, but I'm having a mommy brain moment.

[Jan in SC]

:grouphug:

 

I don't have twins, but I do have 3 boys each 13 mo. apart. If it weren't for a sweet preschool around the corner, I would have pulled out my hair!!

 

More :grouphug:!!

[Sahamamama]

Seriously, preschool is not an evil thing. Two or three mornings a week in some cheerful place full of playdough and art projects you don't have to clean up might be just the thing.:grouphug:

 

Thanks, Christina. If we could afford this, I would definitely do this for this year.

[Mrs Mungo]

Seriously, preschool is not an evil thing. Two or three mornings a week in some cheerful place full of playdough and art projects you don't have to clean up might be just the thing.:grouphug:

 

I agree. 3 year old children are sort of like puppies-they need lots of exercise and mental stimulation. Preschool might help. A playgroup, story time at the library, take them for a walk every day. Try to find a few short activities per week that are more geared toward the littles.

[Melinda in VT]

A couple of thoughts:

1. For me, three is a hard age. It just is. The good thing is, they eventually get older.
   
2. Child-proofing is your friend. It's not foolproof (mine stripped wall-paper) but it reduces the head-banging. Yours, not theirs.
   
3. Three is the age where I reduced my involvement in their sibling struggles. Yes, they'll squabble. They'll eventually figure it out.
   

 

Good luck! Just as every child is unique, every twinship is unique. None of us are parenting your twins, so only you know which advice makes sense.

 

:grouphug:

[Perry]

I suggest a book called 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12.

 

http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Children/dp/1889140163/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265307895&sr=1-1

 

I read tons of parenting books and this one helped the most.

:iagree::iagree:

 

Loved this book.

[Melinda in VT]

:lol:

 

Just to make you feel better (or not)

 

Mine have cut hair (and tried to glue it back on)

Drank from a NOT clean toilet.

Drawn on walls

Emptied their closets

Beat up their older sister (they STILL gang up on her)

Slammed fingers in doors...repeatedly.

"painted" each other with ground up sidewalk chalk.

wake each other up in the middle of the night (they still do this)

Learned to bite and smack each other before they could walk. (I actually have them on video at 5 months old having a screaming, biting fight)

 

I'm sure there's more, but I'm having a mommy brain moment.

 

:lol:

 

I'm convinced mine learned to roll over primarily so they could reach the other twin's ears. Those things are fun to pull!

 

They also tried to push each other down the stairs and one tried to seal the other in a big Rubbermaid container. You know, the ones with the stickers that show a kid in the container with a big red X?

[LauraGB]

Seriously, preschool is not an evil thing. Two or three mornings a week in some cheerful place full of playdough and art projects you don't have to clean up might be just the thing.:grouphug:

 

:iagree: This is what I did. I did it for a number of reasons, not the least of which was that I really wanted not to lose my marbles. I chose carefully where they would go, they only went a few hours in the afternoons and they learned a lot about working with others, learned some academic stuff, too, and I got the laundry done, the shopping done, the cleaning done, and sometimes I even took a nap.

 

A break is really, really important. It is not a cop out. It is a necessity - for everyone involved, so it is not really just *your* break, it's theirs and your older dd's, too.

 

Editing to add, we have a local chain grocery store that has something called the TotSpot - it looks a lot like a daycare room with a person to watch the kids in the front of the store where you drop your kids off so you can shop alone. There are televisions throughout the whole store so you can always see what your kids are doing. They thought it was "school" so it was very cool for them, I thought it was heaven and would spend an hour just going to pick up a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread!

Edited February 4, 2010 by LauraGB

[AuntieM]

Awwwww, first of all, :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

What you are feeling is completely understandable and your experience is not unique, so don't beat yourself up over it. I am buzzing out to class in 5 minutes so i may repeat what others have already said, haven't read all replies yet. Just want to offer some quick empathy and a few BTDT tips. My oldest was 2.4 when Thing 1 and Thing 2 joined our family (hey, I say that with AFFECTION!).

 

They need time apart. Give them individual, safe play areas for a designated time of quiet play each day. I started with them gated into 2 different bedrooms where they could not see each other, about 20 minutes at a time. We worked up to 1 hour a day each. I think that twins are not often given that kind of separate time. It's hard on all at first, but if you can make this happen, that really helped around here.

 

Second, they need individual time with you, perhaps you are already doing this. Have 2 different read-alouds, one for each, and spend individual reading time with each daily, even just 15 minutes each.

 

Also build into your schedule for the older to have individual play time with each twin - easy to do when you are reading to one twin at a time.

 

One other thing, I had an 11yo mother's helper who came and played with my oldest 2 afternoons each week while I spent time with the twins together. Okay, half the time the three of us were napping, but it was a good break all the way around.

 

As for the noise, we always followed the "keep a quiet home" model (I later read somewhere that was a Scandinavian thing???). Anyway, no unnecessary media, no outrageously loud noise-making toys. Rugs and carpets and drapes - fabric, basically - to help absorb sound waves. That helped us all establish a baseline of what level of sound was acceptable, and easy to identify what was too loud. That may be a matter of training for your little ones.

 

That's all I have time for now. But give yourself a hug! You are in the most physically demanding years of having that age range of kids, plus you are moving into increased responsibilities for schooling. It's a hard place to be! But you will live through it!

[AuntieM]

I agree. 3 year old children are sort of like puppies-they need lots of exercise and mental stimulation. Preschool might help. A playgroup, story time at the library, take them for a walk every day. Try to find a few short activities per week that are more geared toward the littles.

 

 

Oh my, how could I have forgotten this, getting outside (or the playplace at a local McD's if the weather is foul) is a lifesaver! Makes a HUGE difference in how well they behave indoors.

 

You could set up an obstacle course and let 'em have at it while you do some table work with the older.

[Sahamamama]

I agree. 3 year old children are sort of like puppies-they need lots of exercise and mental stimulation. Preschool might help. A playgroup, story time at the library, take them for a walk every day. Try to find a few short activities per week that are more geared toward the littles.

 

Good advice. We are going out now, to get some fresh air, cold or not. :D

[Caribbean Queen]

I think they need discipline. I mean you need to teach them how to behave. Unless your children have certain special needs, they can learn to behave themselves. You just need to figure out how to teach them.

 

I find thinking like, "How am I going to teach my children how to behave?" is more helpful than thinking, "How can I get away from this annoying behavor? Where can I drop them off? How can I tolerate this? They will grow out of this stage, right?" Don't just survive as mother. Take charge and thrive.

[MamaSheep]

When I read the thread title I thought, "I bet they're three." Dh and I have decided that whoever coined the term "terrible twos" had just not yet had a three year-old. I have no advice other than what others have said, but thought I'd add some hugs :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: and say hang in there, they WILL grow out of it.

[JVA]

The thing that helped me the most when our twins were little as well as with the three younger boys is that we maintained a 'nap' time until they were 5 or 6. The twins or two of the boys usually shared a room, so somebody usually used my bed. They didn't have to sleep, but they had to be quiet/silent. They were only allowed to leave the room to use the bathroom. They were not to speak to me unless they were bleeding! I needed the break. It would last anywhere from 1 -2 hours. I sometimes put a timer in the hallway or the bathroom (out of reach) to alert them when it was over. They were used to a real nap and then I just used the time for it for quiet time. If they're not used to it, then training to be quiet and considerate of other people will take time. I used to take privileges away if they couldn't be quiet or snuck out of the bedroom. We had a star system on a poster board and they earned a gold star for complying with the naptime expectations. Reward for stars were given on Friday night- family night. Three year olds can be trained (although it takes awhile) to control their volume, complaining and behaviour. This is where I started them memorizing Phillipians 4:8-10 and 2:14. They could do it enough to repeat it to me when they were caught ...... it took time. The reward system did really help.

Another thing that I had to force myself to do was to really try to get outside everyday....not easy when we lived in Seattle when they were all very young. We invested in raincoats and boots and just walked around on our little cul de sac in the drizzle sometimes. Splashing in puddles, running and yelling was just fine outside and they needed to burn off steam. I needed a change of scenery as well.

Playing quiet, serence music sometimes helped set the mood also.

We set up a pattern of ME getting out every Sat. morning- even if it was just to walk around the mall, go to the library or Borders or go garage-sale-ing.... I could count on that and it helped me. My dh loved having them to himself, cooking a big breakfast, doing baths, reading stories, wrestling or whatever... Even now, 20 some years later, Sat. morning is still time that I will sleep in a little bit.

I hope this might be helpful. It will get better and I hope you can look back on these young years with affection, even though, it's hard sometimes.

Blessings on you.

[tricia]

Take it from a mom to twins. This too shall pass. My twins were my 8th and 9th of 12 kids and now they are 12 years old. When they were born I had 9 young children and homeschooling. You will get past all this. Feel fortunate you only have the 5 year old you are schooling right now!!!:lol::lol:

 

Because when twins are born in the midst of an already large family things can get tricky!!! Truly, enjoy those little ones while they are little.

[LibraryLover]

Good advice. We are going out now, to get some fresh air, cold or not. :D

 

 

And why can't we crate them, hmmmm? They would probably like it. :D

[blessed2fosteradopt]

Well, they say misery loves company and I am right there with you. I have two three year old that are just like twins (they are only 18 days apart) and adopted. I have had them pretty much since birth.

 

My son goes to preschool but is having lots of problems there and they are the same problems he has at home. He is extremely, and I mean, extremely hyperactive and disobedient. He turns this whole house upside down. It has gotten so bad that we have a behavioral therapist coming in. He fights incessantly with his sister. They fight about everything. Yesterday, they were fighting about a shadow coming in from the window (who could step on it or not). I don't care what anyone says about preschool - he needs and I need him to be there. There is just no other way right now. We have tried every book, method, timeouts, individual time, praise for good behavior, etc.) Nothing works. I am sure there is something deeper going on and hope to find out soon.

 

It has gotten so bad for me that I had to seek medical help for myself as I spiraled into a deep depression. I am doing better now but it is SO hard. I just went to a seminar and the lady who gave it (who was incredible by the way - Catherine Hickem - Raising Your Kids With no Regrets ) said that raising her son was so painful it was like giving birth to broken glass. That is how I feel. I love both of them, I really do but I know exactly how you feel. My knees are bruised because I have been on them so much lately in prayer.

 

I will keep you in my prayers as well. I hope things get better for you soon. :grouphug::grouphug:

[LibraryLover]

I really can't get on board with this "Where can I drop them off' attitude. Sometimes kids really love getting out and being with people who are not mommy. This notion that children should never be with anyone but mommy is ridiculous. It's not normal, it's not even healthy. Burnout is big in such mothers. It might take a decade or two to finally lose it, but it does happen.

 

Some of us would also rather give our children some respect and space, rather than more restriction and consequences. Sometimes age 3 is simply age 3.

 

You can do it your way, but be careful about throwing around pharses like 'drop them off somehwere' like we're talking about the weekly trash.

 

 

I think they need discipline. I mean you need to teach them how to behave. Unless your children have certain special needs, they can learn to behave themselves. You just need to figure out how to teach them.

 

I find thinking like, "How am I going to teach my children how to behave?" is more helpful than thinking, "How can I get away from this annoying behavor? Where can I drop them off? How can I tolerate this? They will grow out of this stage, right?" Don't just survive as mother. Take charge and thrive.

[Danestress]

and it is! but it sounds like you need breaks too. And honestly, I think your twins need breaks from each other. If they are competing for attention, arguing, and tattling, you have to address those things as opportunities for character training, of course. I think they need to cope with siblings, not have separate lives.

 

But everyone needs a break sometimes - even little children. Don't neglect to make sure that your younger children have the same opportunity that your oldest has - a chance to NOT be with her sisters once in a while. I hated when people told me my kids needed time alone with parents. I always felt like I had so much on my plate already and that this was just adding one more "you should" to the mix. But given the way you are describing thing, I think I would make the effort to have each girl a couple of hours with a parent alone on the occasional weekend.

 

I also agree with the advice about getting outside. Unless it was absolutely pouring rain, we went out side for at least and hour or so every day. I would let them jump in rain puddles - anything. I found it improved their moods enough that it was worth a load of laundry or a pile of wet shoes.

 

I think three was the hardest age with my twin boys. I have been a very happy mother and really enjoyed my children at every age, but I think three sort of tested me - they really are just so active, and with two, they are very interactive. They can't really do "activities," though, the way a 5 year old can. This will pass!

Edited February 4, 2010 by Danestress

[the4Rs]

hmmmm I don't have twins but the "three year old" theme certainly rings true in my house. My little guy is about to drive me crazy. I never put my eldest in preschool- I just taught her at home, but I am not wondering after reading all of this advice, if I should send him in the fall so I can focus more on my dd and the other kids I babysit. Definitely food for thought.

 

It is so nice to know we are not alone.

[EKS]

My suggestion, which probably won't be popular on a homeschooling board, would be to put them in preschool 5 mornings/week. This way you get uninterrupted time with your older child and some peace and they can have fun somewhere else.

[LauraGB]

I really can't get on board with this "Where can I drop them off' attitude. Sometimes kids really love getting out and being with people who are not mommy. This notion that children should never be with anyone but mommy is ridiculous. It's not normal, it's not even healthy. Burnout is big in such mothers. It might take a decade or two to finally lose it, but it does happen.

 

Some of us would also rather give our children some respect and space, rather than more restriction and consequences. Sometimes age 3 is simply age 3.

 

You can do it your way, but be careful about throwing around pharses like 'drop them off somehwere' like we're talking about the weekly trash.

 

:iagree: I actually felt tremendously guilty for sending my kids somewhere for a few hours each day...for a little while :D.

 

Also, I'd like to point out that twins are a very different situation than just 2 kids close in age. Two or more kids close in age is tough enough, but multiples have an uncanny connection, one that makes it difficult for anyone on the outside (meaning aside from those two) to penetrate it sometimes. So allowing them to spend time away from mom or dad, especially in a "classroom" or "group" setting is really helpful to them to begin to define individuality, which is necessary for them to grow and learn.

 

Better moms than I can probably swing it without any help. I was going to lose my mind and that third year was about to blow my sanity completely apart. My hormones finally started to settle down by the time they reached two, but I had not time to recollect myself at that point. Having some help was definitely needed. So, op, don't feel guilty for not feeling like you can do it all yourself - I really don't think we are supposed to.

[blessed2fosteradopt]

My suggestion, which probably won't be popular on a homeschooling board, would be to put them in preschool 5 mornings/week. This way you get uninterrupted time with your older child and some peace and they can have fun somewhere else.

 

 

Thank you for the support. There is absolutely NO way I could homeschool my 11yo with my son home. Just NO way. He loves preschool and I hope he can stay. I simply could not handle him all day and that does not mean I don't love him. I love him with every breath in my body but having him in preschool is what is best for both of us.

[beth in md]

Thanks, Christina. If we could afford this, I would definitely do this for this year.

 

Try checking our your local public schools..many of them have free public preschool if you meet certain income guidelines. Also, Headstart has wonderful pre-k programs..my twin daughters attended Headstart for 2 years and it was a fabulous program for kids (and free). We did not meet the income guidelines, but the girls qualified based on their language delays.

They also provide a free family style lunch for the kids, eaten with the adult staff to encourage conversation and turn taking skills, and lots of parental support.

 

Beth in MD

[Caribbean Queen]

I really can't get on board with this "Where can I drop them off' attitude. Sometimes kids really love getting out and being with people who are not mommy. This notion that children should never be with anyone but mommy is ridiculous. It's not normal, it's not even healthy. Burnout is big in such mothers. It might take a decade or two to finally lose it, but it does happen.

 

Some of us would also rather give our children some respect and space, rather than more restriction and consequences. Sometimes age 3 is simply age 3.

 

You can do it your way, but be careful about throwing around pharses like 'drop them off somehwere' like we're talking about the weekly trash.

 

I said that if you can't stand your children, do something about it. Use discipline (I don't use "discipline to equal the word spank. I mean teach them to behave.) It is our duty as parents to make our children behave, and when do, we will be able to enjoy our children so much more. The children will be much better off.

 

I have worked in day care and preschool and I have known parents that are so happy to drop off their kids, because they can't stand their own children. That is a shame. Notice I did not say preschool is a shame. I said dropping them off because you can't stand them is a shame.

 

This isn't about whether children should go to preschool, but rather what should the OP do about her twins, and how she feels about them. Just as I would not tell someone with marital problems that the answer is to spend less time with their spouse, I don't see how preschool is the answer to the original post.

 

The phrase "drop them off somewhere" was meant to refer to dropping the children off at preschool/babysitter/Grandma. Do people say, "drop them off somewhere" when talking of garbage? I don't think so.

[AuntieM]

Also, I'd like to point out that twins are a very different situation than just 2 kids close in age. Two or more kids close in age is tough enough, but multiples have an uncanny connection, one that makes it difficult for anyone on the outside (meaning aside from those two) to penetrate it sometimes.

 

 

This is very true. When it comes to problem solving - and problem creating! - they seem to go way beyond the old "two heads are better than one" adage. It's more like a geometric progression, IYKWIM. Each setup - multiples and kids-close-in-age- has its own challenges, but there is something unique about that twin relationship. I've seen that the approval they receive from one another is often more highly esteemed than that they receive from almost anyone else. Which can be trouble when you're talking about unruly 3 year olds!

[mlktwins]

I'm sorry I didn't read all the response, but I have 4.5 year old twin boys (my only children). All I can say that 3 was a TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH age!!! I didn't think I'd survive the year, but I did and things are getting better. Mine are in preschool 3 days, a week which is a welcome break, but I'll be homeschooling K next year. My in-laws live 2 miles from me and give me breaks and my dad comes over 2 times a week for 6 hours each to keep them busy while I do chores. My husband works long hours, but tries to give me a break when he gets home and we give each other breaks on the weekend.

 

Why not have your mom take the twins one week and your 5 year old the next week. Even though it is good for your 5 year old, you need a break to and it might be easier (or more relaxing) to just hang out with your 5 year old instead of the twins. Or can she take them overnight to give you time to regroup every so often? Can you do a preschool? My boys aren't learning a thing in preschool but they love the teacher and kids and I love my time. I'm always excited to drop them off and even more excited to pick them up :-).

 

I am being totally honest when I say I almost went insane last year. I really wanted children and went through a lot (fertility treatments) to get them. I was so hard on myself because I was not enjoying this time with them when I wanted them so badly. I love them dearly, but they were making me nuts! We still have competition and arguements, times when they don't listen and test me to the limits, but it REALLY IS BETTER at 4!

 

:grouphug: to you. Hang in there and try to get a break anyway you can!!! I'm in VA and we are getting a blizzard too!

 

Mendy

[Sahamamama]

The thing that helped me the most when our twins were little as well as with the three younger boys is that we maintained a 'nap' time until they were 5 or 6. The twins or two of the boys usually shared a room, so somebody usually used my bed. They didn't have to sleep, but they had to be quiet/silent. They were only allowed to leave the room to use the bathroom. They were not to speak to me unless they were bleeding! I needed the break. It would last anywhere from 1 -2 hours. I sometimes put a timer in the hallway or the bathroom (out of reach) to alert them when it was over. They were used to a real nap and then I just used the time for it for quiet time.

 

:iagree:All three girls take a nap every day. That is something I don't plan to give up any time soon! :D In fact, we got back from our picnic/run around the track -- we ran and ran and ran, man. Tickles said, "I think I'm ready to go home, Mommy. My legs are tired!" :lol: And Snuggles was ready, too.

 

They are both sound asleep now. My husband was home when we got back, he helped me wash them up and put them down for nap. Now he's asleep, too!

 

I have about 30 minutes until my oldest comes home, so I'm catching my breath. Thanks, ladies, for your encouragement.

[Sahamamama]

Take it from a mom to twins. This too shall pass. My twins were my 8th and 9th of 12 kids and now they are 12 years old. When they were born I had 9 young children and homeschooling. You will get past all this. Feel fortunate you only have the 5 year old you are schooling right now!!!:lol::lol:

 

Because when twins are born in the midst of an already large family things can get tricky!!! Truly, enjoy those little ones while they are little.

 

Tricia,

I just had to look at your blog. You inspire me! You awe me! Your family is absolutely beautiful! If I hadn't been 38 when my first was born, and 40 when the twins came, with cancer in between, I might have had a few more, too. I'm not sure about 12, though. :D

 

That island house in winter makes me cold just looking at it! How did you keep it warm? Did you carry the groceries back? On a sled? I'm curious now!

[teamturner]

It is. Oh, it's so good to hear this from someone besides myself! :lol: I just look at them and think, "Was I ever that naughty when I was three?" My mother and father shake their heads and say, "No." My husband claims he was a gem when he was three, and his parents agree. Where does it COME from, we wonder? I just would never even think that a child could do and be the things that these girls come up with, but my mother's theory is that they get confidence (and ideas) from each other.

 

As in, "Hey, Twin! Let's take EVERY book off this shelf while Mommy is in the basement doing laundry." :blink:

 

Or, "Hey, Twin! Let's poopy in the potty and then play with the little brown boats while Mommy is in the basement doing laundry." :ack2:

 

Or, "Hey, Twin! Let's get the little scissors out of our pencil boxes and cut all the hair ribbons into bits while Mommy is in the basement doing laundry." :smash:

 

Hmmm, I am sensing a theme. But seriously, there is a dynamic to it that I never would have imagined prior to the experience. Some experience!

 

Well, I gotta go. They are screaming at each other in their room, where they've been confined for ten minutes. That's maxing out, I think. Thanks, ladies!

 

I'm so sorry! I think it's time to have the twins HELP with the laundry. Or at least accompany you down there. My twin boys are now 10 and they survived their 3rd year. I could't believe there's even such a thing as "the terrible 2's." Seriously, 2's was a piece of cake to the 3's. My youngest is 3 right now and although she is difficult when we are trying to do school, I am thankful that she isn't destructive.

 

Perhaps separating them in different rooms during quiet time would help. Also, during quiet room time you could play some storytime CD or soft music. It was when my boys were 3 that I discovered the Word and Song Bible and it was full of stories and songs and they would listening quietly for a long time. Or at least long for a 3 yo!! Jim Weiss CD's are also good.

 

I didn't know I would homeschool when my twins were younger so when they were 3 1/2 I put them in a 2 day a week preschool. Perhaps that's what saved their lives?? Just kidding. :tongue_smilie:

[teamturner]

Thanks, Christina. If we could afford this, I would definitely do this for this year.

 

I shopped around to find preschool for my twins that wasn't too expense. Although I think it still came to about $225 a month for both of them.

 

My city's recreation centers offer preschool classes that are once a week for 2 hours or so and it runs around $45 a month. This is about all we can afford for my 3 yo now. You may see if your city offers anything like that.

 

My twins had one hear of preschool when they were 3.5-4.5 and then their second year of preschool we schooled at home using Five in a Row. Our preschool year at home was a wonderful year and my dd that's about 2 yrs younger than they was able to enjoy it w/us. Your older dd would enjoy it as well I would think. Maybe they would benefit w/some homeschool activity that is centered around them.

[ElizabethB]

Any chance grandma would give them preschool for their birthday?? How about a kid swap with other moms of preschoolers? You can trade off weeks so that you get a kid free morning 2-3 times a month.

:iagree:

 

Or, trade for some tutoring.

 

My husband has twin brothers 18 or 20 months younger than him, I half-jokingly tell people he was raised by the dog when they were little! (They had allergies and some other issues when they were infants.) My MIL and FIL both got pneumonia the year they were around 3, 3, and 5 and in the NY area confined inside during the winter and away from their family and newly moved so no friends to help out.

 

I'll see if my MIL has any helpful suggestions. I do know that she still gets mad when people say "I had my children only 9 months apart so they're just like twins," she says people don't realize how much more work actual twins are and that even 9 months age difference makes a big difference when they're young.

[mycalling]

I have twins who are 4 1/2yo. The key is giving them time apart. It's not just that your older one needs a break from them but they need a break from each other, yet most people treat twins only as a duo.

 

Give all three their own day to shadow you. Everything you do, they do: the laundry, the food prep, the cleaning, getting out. Surprisingly, your 5yo will probably enjoy the sibling who is left with her solo. Twins are completely different away from each other.

[ElizabethB]

I completely forgot, LOTS OF :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

And, maybe you need to follow some deployment tips until they're 4!

 

And, maybe send one to your room and one to their room instead of together when you send them to a room.