Pre-college/ After High School "Fun"

[laughing lioness]

I'm actually Laughing Lioness' 19 y.o. dd. After asking her to post this question on TWTMF she encouraged me to post it myself... :)

 

I'm a graduate from high school, still looking at higher-ed. options, and have one small group of sort 'a-like-minded kids I hang out with once a week. However, a couple of the girls who I really click with have the same problem I do, "what do good girls do after high school and before college?"

 

Us three don't hang out, except in church settings because "good Christian girls" are the equivalent to "boring life style.":confused: I have been told I lead a boring life, and heartily agree! I think Tim Allen sums it up in the Santa Claus I movie, "ate a couple bowls of sugar, slugged back some beers, field dressed a wild cat, looked for women," and then follows with, "I read him 'The Night Before Christmas!"

Seriously, this really does sum it all up - the majority of young adults that I know of who weren't (or aren't) Christian's have fun by drinking and using drugs :glare: - this is how they socialize and hang out and "have fun..."

 

It's a running joke in our family that my older sister "rebelled" by going on an overseas, long term missions trip, and the only way I am capable of rebelling (without having a personal moral crisis) is by not attending my dad's Bible study group... that's how pitiful this situation is!

 

Is this a common problem amongst young Christian adults? How can this be avoided? Does anyone have any ideas of what young adults can do to actually, really, truly have fun and still hold their moral standards? Is it possible? :001_huh:

[gingersmom]

the majority of young adults that I know of who weren't (or aren't) Christian's have fun by drinking and using drugs :glare: - this is how they socialize and hang out and "have fun..."

 

 

You must live a very sheltered life.

 

The majority of children I know who are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Atheist, etc. do not have fun by drinking and using drugs.

 

Maybe its time to leave your neck of the woods and seek out a better environment to begin your adulthood.

[laughing lioness]

So what are young adults in your area doing? Do they all automatically go to college? Are there a lot of job oppotunities for non-college grads where you are from?

[Colleen in NS]

"what do good girls do after high school and before college?"

 

Us three don't hang out, except in church settings because "good Christian girls" are the equivalent to "boring life style.":confused:

 

Get thee to some exciting opportunities in short term missions work while you figure out your higher-ed options!!

 

Seriously. I still remember that feeling after I graduated from high school, of not really knowing what I wanted to do. I was a "good girl," a Christian, attending a church that had other college age students and "singles" (I hate that term). But I was soooooooooooo bored. I feel it's a good age to actively explore and pour your energies into something really meaningful.

 

I joined a two month mission to Mexico, right after graduation. It lit a fire under me to get involved with missions through more training and joining a volunteer organization full time (which I did for six years!). Between that two month mission and my being able to go full-time, I worked hard at a couple of jobs and saved up my money. Having the goal helped me to stay focused, and meanwhile, I'd occasionally go visit some friends I had made on my Mexico trip. And sometimes hang out with the church "singles." But I really needed to know that my life was counting more for than just being a good Christian girl leading a boring life. My missions work was anything but boring, and it was a VERY fun period of my life.

[Remudamom]

You must live a very sheltered life.

 

The majority of children I know who are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Atheist, etc. do not have fun by drinking and using drugs.

 

Maybe its time to leave your neck of the woods and seek out a better environment to begin your adulthood.

 

Whoa, better environment? Very sheltered? I don't think so. The majority of the high school kids around here party and drink. Or get pregnant. ETA- and these are the "Christian kids". Some of them have facebooks that would make a sailor blush.

 

I've only got one out of the nest, he went straight to college, worked the summer before.

 

Missions? Volunteer work? Travel?

Edited January 19, 2010 by Remudamom

[Jen500]

I guess it depends on what you consider fun....

 

volunteer at a hospital or animal shelter

hiking club

biking club

skiing club

take classes part time

travel to a new city or national park

[Wyndie]

I remember getting in trouble from boredom when I was in your circumstance!

 

Game night - invite your usual friends plus a new person or two from church. Invite them to your house so you're in control of the drink situation.

 

Find a special needs family or elderly person in your church who can use day-to-day or weekly help such as grocery shopping, running errands. People are usually glad for the help and are good company as you get to know them.

 

Bowling (I think it's fun anyway) ;)

 

See what ministries the church needs help in. You may find several small things needing help or just one or two that can take up some of your time while you serve.

[missmoe]

I second the service ideas mentioned. As a group of young women is there anywhere you can volunteer on a regular basis. Having fun doesn't have to equate to being entertained!

 

I have a cousin that is single and in her mid-twenties. She has a group of singles from church that she hangs out with. Some are going to college, some work-full time, some are saving for missions, some have come home from missions, some live with roommates, some live at home. Every Tues evening they get together to serve others. They also socialize on the weekends---hang out and listen to music, have a dance at the church for the singles, go bowling, bake something, cook something for an older widow at church, watch movies, scrapbook, ect. The possiblilities are endless really!

[rookie]

Travel

read excellent books and start a book club

apply to college, get accepted, and go

travel

[Mabeline]

Excellent advice. I wish I had used more of my free time learning things that would have helped me later.

Good Luck, you sound like a wonderful young woman. Oh, and don't be afraid of "boring." A lot of people confuse it with nice and smart.

[Carol in Cal.]

One of my goals for homeschooling is to have DD end up able to occupy herself with pleasure without a screen, a drug, loud music, or a cash register.

 

So I limit screen time and leave her bored. She reads, makes things, writes fiction and poetry, draws, and loves wild nature.

 

Now, she is only 13, and I know that she would rather do the other stuff, but at least she has a menu of choices that are not so weird.

 

When I graduated from college, my church had an active young adult group that did a lot of outdoorsy stuff. We hiked, went canoeing, played volleyball, hung out at the lake, went to an apple cider mill, and did service projects. Daquaries (sp) were involved at times, however, but no one ever got drunk.

 

You have a unique opportunity to pick something that you really, really like, and dedicate some significant time to getting good at it or learning about it. You can choose a destination and go on a road trip. You can do short day outings with friends or without. I would love to have a month (or even a week) with nothing that I HAD to do. Please, use this time to make some really good memories; you'll be glad that you did.

[happyhomemaker25]

I love the idea of volunteering or joining a club. Heliping out a homeschooling mom as a tutor or mother's helper would probably be something that would give you good experience and help someone out.

Also the idea of inviting your friends over to fellowship over a game, movie, or craft. That would be fun. You and your friends could go exploring on weekends. Find a trail and hike and take pictures. FUN and good for you. Take some younger (middle school) girls and mentor them. Plan fun activities for them.

So many possibilities.

I spent so much of my young adult like just hanging out. I look back now and wish I'd done something more useful. Something that would have prepared me better to be a wife, mother, homeschooler.

Let us know what you find to do. As a mother of a 12 year old (soon to be 13) girl, I am very interested to hear ideas.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Idle hands are the devil's work? Or as I paraphrase, it's not bad to be too tired to get into trouble.

 

I think that work is a great idea, paid or volunteer. There are a lot of things out there to do. If it happens that paid work is hard to come by, then go for volunteer opportunities. Many non-profits have had their resources hurt by drops in investment value and drops in donations. But there is still work to be done.

 

FWIW, I spent a decade in the navy after graduating with a great degree. And the volunteer library ladies at my church STILL managed to teach me a ton about organization, management and life when I volunteered after getting out of the military. I had another volunteer position working at Colonial Williamsburg and learned a ton about customer relations and research.

 

Another FWIW, when I was in college, there were several young ladies that I knew who were working as nannies for local families. It was generally arranged as an au pair type situation. The girls were saving up money, getting some interesting experience in work and seeing a different part of the country.

[laughing lioness]

Excellent advice. I wish I had used more of my free time learning things that would have helped me later.

Good Luck, you sound like a wonderful young woman. Oh, and don't be afraid of "boring." A lot of people confuse it with nice and smart.

 

:lol: Rotflol. DD and I got a good laugh out of this! Thanks!:lol:

[Anne]

What do you for fun now?

 

My dds (one in college, the other finished):

 

hike, ski, bike, backback, etc.

play musical instruments

volunteer at church - Awana leaders, sunday school teachers, etc.

have coffee with friends

play frisbee

organize a weekly dinner for other singles (christian & non-christian)

volunteer at animal shelter

cook new foods

sew/quilt/knit

learn new languages

babysit for moms who can't afford to pay them

babysit for kids "they've always babysat" "just b/c they love them"

go to concerts

take classes

play frisbee :)

 

I completely second the short term missions idea. Now is the time to expand your interests and develop new skills!!

 

Anne

[laughing lioness]

I'll definitely try the dinner suggestion at church. That's a great suggestion, and seems to be rather popular (game night/ dinner/ bowling, etc.):)

 

I do see, now that there are areas I have been a slacker in crafts/ artistic expression (sewing, quilting, knitting, etc.) and reading... which is a daily struggle for me personally (does the dictionary count as reading a book, seriously :confused:)

 

So many great ideas! I'll have to write 'em down and make a goal list for daily activities (beyond the chore sheet :tongue_smilie:)

 

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!! More ideas welcome:)

[Rosie_0801]

I think it might be time for a ROAD TRIP!!!

 

:yay: for road tripping! I managed to be a nice girl (despite not being Christian :tongue_smilie:) and entertained myself by road tripping, taking short courses at the adult ed centre and volunteering as a guide leader (our equivalent of Daisy scouts.) If I'd known about the SCA (historical re-enatctmenty stuff) back then, I'd have been doing that too!

 

I was considered boring when I was at tafe (like your cc) and shocked the pants off one of the cool girls. She was lovely, but clearly cooler than I. We were walking together one day, and she started talking about how it sucked that we didn't go out and do stuff. "Uh," I said, "I do!" While she liked going out to see bands, and wasn't for some reason. I, with my boring life, was doing night classes at uni, visiting markets and going on the occasional road trip amongst other things. Finding she was more boring than the resident boring person was such a surprise she started going out to see bands again :) I also hosted a potluck dinner for a few close friends every month.

 

There's plenty of people who entertain themselves without drinking and doing drugs, they are harder to find, being somewhat quieter though. I've met heaps through SCA though :)

 

Rosie

[LittleIzumi]

I am all about game night and movie night in my boring, moral life :lol: (I'm only 25 so I think it counts, lol). And just hanging out and talking. I am also a dork though, so we have lots of D&D and Harry Potter and whatnot going on :p, along with a huge assortment of other games (anything from Apples to Apples to weird war games the guys bring). Also outdoor stuff--hiking, snowboarding, that sort of thing. I used to ride horses. Reading, writing, black light bowling, laser tag, dh played paintball and had LAN parties :tongue_smilie:, etc, etc. Oh, and sewing and knitting and art and trying out random crafts like rug hooking and cross stitching (everything is fun if no one knows how to do it, LOL). And working. Always had work. Still do. Oh, and anime nights. How could I forget anime nights. And Ren Faires. I am SUCH a dork. :lol: Oh, and martial arts too.

[Hedgehogs4]

You must live a very sheltered life.

 

The majority of children I know who are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Atheist, etc. do not have fun by drinking and using drugs.

 

Maybe its time to leave your neck of the woods and seek out a better environment to begin your adulthood.

 

I see this comment as being very disrespectful of your parents. Sorry, but it sounds like your parents have done a wonderful job of protecting you...I wouldn't call it sheltering, and if I would, so what? I have a friend with a daughter in very much the same situation as yours, and I'll admit to you there have been times in which she has really struggled with not being part of "that" crowd. However, she is one of the finest young women I know, and her walk with the Lord is not her parents' walk...she has been raised to love the Lord with her whole heart and serve him joyfully, and she does. Even when the kids around her (even Christian friends in ps) just don't "get her."

 

I, too would recommend the short-term missions idea. It is life-changing (I did the same thing as a young woman, and it actually turned into not-so-short term until I met my husband). With your parents' blessing, and in the right circumstances (i.e. accountability and oversight by RESPONSIBLE, LONG-TERM ADULTS), you could have the most fun you've ever had, and change your whole perspective while you're at it. English Language Institute, China comes to mind. They have fantastic summer programs for students your age.

 

In the more immediate, why not try to get together to do other not-church-related things with your girlfriends. Get involved in a volunteer project where you can meet other folks, etc. Mainly...ask the Lord what he would have you do, then expect to hear his answer. He will answer, but I didn't need to say that, did I?

[Mrs.MacGyver]

I went straight away to college really and truly not knowing what to major in, much less what my long-term goals actually were. I suspect that many, many young adults do the same thing. It was really difficult for me to focus in college because I was constantly being pulled one way or another with all of the different and very interesting options available. So, I ended up switching majors way too much, and at the end of 4 years, I had 120 credits that did not add up to a degree in anything! What a mess!

 

So, with that said, if I had to do it over again, and I had the time to do somethings before I decided on "higher education options," I would have worked in the fields that interested me in order to find what I really was passionate about as well as what kind of job fit my personality. I am guessing that you could find many volunteering/unpaid internship positions or maybe even some paid ones that may give you new insights to what you love. After college, I ended up joining the Navy knowing that I was interested in something medical, but after "interning" with the nursing staff for a week gave me a new respect for the job (and also showed me that it probably was not the job for my particular personality type). I ended up in the lab which suited my interests and my tendency to enjoy working alone quite well! I would not have known that unless I had "tried it out." Plus, it ended up as a great opportunity to meet other "like minded people" --- you never know where you might find them!

 

Good luck!

[dragons in the flower bed]

Is this a common problem amongst young Christian adults? How can this be avoided? Does anyone have any ideas of what young adults can do to actually, really, truly have fun and still hold their moral standards? Is it possible? :001_huh:

 

 

I was not that sort of moral but I didn't want to do drugs or even drink and all of my peers did, at least, all of the peers I could find. So I also had this problem when I was 16-22. Don't do what I did -- got married & had kids. My friends (who I met after I was 23) survived that time by playing board games (and I don't mean Scrabble, but the more interesting, like Settlers of Catan, Ticket to Ride, and of course Dungeons & Dragons), doing live action role playing, getting involved in historical reenactment, going on road trips and other forms of traveling, forming bands, volunteering in local service organizations or forming them, doing performance poetry, establishing a DIY fair that was for the younger generation of kind of punky knitters and crafters (called the Indie Garage Sale).

[6packofun]

I see this comment as being very disrespectful of your parents.

 

The comment you quoted was posted by someone in response TO the young lady, wasn't it? Goodness!

Edited January 19, 2010 by 6packofun
..

[Ginevra]

Is this a common problem amongst young Christian adults? How can this be avoided? Does anyone have any ideas of what young adults can do to actually, really, truly have fun and still hold their moral standards? Is it possible?

 

Can I just say there are some ways that I wish! I could be 19 and have the "problem" of boredom! ;) I fantasize about all that I could do with such an unemcumbered life and no one but myself to attend to.

 

I would go on a lengthy road trip accross the USA. I would drive to the beach and read all day.

 

I did not go to college. If college is not for you, what about a trade school or correspondence school? Learn a skill, learn cosmetology or fitness training or child care. Take up mountain biking, photography, writing. Start a book club with friends. Does your church or a church nearby have a young adults group? Our church has this and they do great things.

 

You could do volunteer work with whatever particular thing pulls at your heart.

 

I would also suggest that fun does not equal alcohol/sex/drugs. I had lots and lots of fun when I was 19 (and since) that didn't involve any of those things. Fun is where you find it. If you are bored, you are boring. Fun people have interests and are interesting. Get outta the house!

[Hedgehogs4]

The comment you quoted was posted by someone in response TO the young lady, wasn't it? Goodness!

 

yes, however in my opnion, it seemed to undermine her parents' choices in her upbringing, in particular the suggestion to leave her neck of the woods and find a better situation. just because a young woman is 19 does not mean she should or is even ready to just leave. i find that parenting is difficult enough without people subverting what people have spent years trying to build by simply telling a child to do whatever they want. it puts both the young person and the parent in a very difficult situation, and my hope here is that we could be supportive of each other, or say nothing at all. i would hope the same respect would be shown to me or my child. i chose to express that opinion TO the young lady, as well.

Edited January 20, 2010 by Hedgehogs4

[Rosie_0801]

yes, however in my opnion, it seemed to undermine her parents' choices in her upbringing. i find that parenting is difficult enough without people subverting what people have spent years trying to build by simply telling a child to do whatever they want. it puts both the young person and the parent in a very difficult situation, and my hope here is that we could be supportive of each other, or say nothing at all. i would hope the same respect would be shown to me or my child. i chose to express that opinion TO the young lady, as well.

 

 

The young lady is using her mother's account, I'm sure if Laughing Lioness had a problem with her daughter, she'd be dealing with it herself. I'm sure she has had enough practice at delivering lectures that she doesn't need us to do it for her. From my reading of this thread, no one has suggested Miss Lioness do anything her parents could be expected to disapprove of. Suppose we continue speaking to the young lady as though she is one of us, rather than as a naughty child to be scolded. That would hardly encourage her to take her place in the world of adult women, would it?

 

Rosie

[hillfarm]

There have been times in my life when I felt bored and restless. It took a while, but eventually I discovered that the thing I was missing was intensity. Sometimes the swaddling of the comfort zone cloth begins to chafe a bit.

 

I am sure that different situations create the desired wake up call for different people. For me, I need to go whitewater rafting, travel to foreign lands, rock climb, volunteer for an archaeology dig, etc. after which I seem to fit in my skin much more pleasantly. These are my steady standbys, the things that always seem to lift me up. However, there are other activities that also give me a boost.

 

A good while back I read an article about brain development that discussed that one can continue to grow additional synapses even in adulthood. What it takes to do that is to do things that are different than anything you have done before. I decided to try it. So when I was non-musical, I became a fiddle player. When I was a little apprehensive about storms, I became a storm chaser and got certified as a NOAA SkyWarn volunteer tornado spotter. Although I don't like greasy fingernails, I took a small engine repair class. I totally enjoyed each of these activities, even the ones I was scared of or thought might be boring before I tried them.

 

So that's my suggestion to you. Shake things up a bit. It's not necessary to cross the line into things like drinking or drugs:glare:, but try stuff that you don't know how to do. If you have been a good, successful student all these years, go try something you have little aptitude for but some interest in and enjoy getting to fail (like the gymnastics class I took--I was awful, I laughed about that, my instructors and classmates laughed about that, and our combined goal was to get me to a place where I could do one thing, a spectacular cartwheel!)

 

So go stretch, reach for odd goals, get out of character. If you're a princess, be a cowgirl for a spell. If you're a cowgirl, be a princess. Have fun with this! Discover unknown facets of your personality!

[OhM]

:iagree: With the road trip ideas! See the world! (Or the US! Or just your neck of the woods!)

 

Do you live in an area with many cultural opportunitites? We're close enough to a mid-sized city to enjoy lots of free/cheap theater productions, and close enough to a music school to see some truly excellent musicians (local and more well-known). Your group of friends could become an informal social club to do things together once a month or even once a week. Even if you just had some movie-viewing nights or game nights it could be a blast!

 

We're fortunate to have made friends with a young couple who is part of a very dynamic group of friends for whom drinking/drugs has never been the focus. (Although now that they are approaching 25 - there is some responsible drinking at get-togethers. In fact, a couple of them are into homebrewing!) The centerpiece of the group is a weekly Bible study, and from that, some very strong relationships have formed.

 

One last recommendation - read Do Hard Things. My girls and I just listened to the audio version. You are at a great place in your life - with energy and time! - to have a great impact on the world around you!

[Ginevra]

 

One last recommendation - read Do Hard Things.

Oh, yes! I loved Do Hard Things. That should be required reading!

[SproutMamaK]

I'm going to fourth (fifth?) the road trip idea. Grab one of your friends - the ones that feel, like you, that they want to DO something, but don't know what. Go explore, and do it was someone who shares the same values as you do. If you live in the prairies, go to the ocean! If you live by the ocean, go see some mountains! Or see ALL of it. Take a month or so this summer and tour the country. And on the weekends - going out with your friends doesn't mean you need to drink or do drugs. Go skating or tubing in the winter. Play sports, hike, bike, or go to a beach in the summer. Do something corny and tourist-y at some of the towns around you, and don't be afraid to drive an hour or two.

[ereks mom]

The young lady is using her mother's account, I'm sure if Laughing Lioness had a problem with her daughter, she'd be dealing with it herself. I'm sure she has had enough practice at delivering lectures that she doesn't need us to do it for her. From my reading of this thread, no one has suggested Miss Lioness do anything her parents could be expected to disapprove of. Suppose we continue speaking to the young lady as though she is one of us, rather than as a naughty child to be scolded. That would hardly encourage her to take her place in the world of adult women, would it?

 

Rosie

 

:iagree:

[laughing lioness]

It's Lisa this time, not my dd:001_smile: Thank-you for all of the replys- lots to think about, and as I pm'd someone, sometimes hearing things from others besides family makes it easier to hear! KB has been really "searching" the past several months, but in the past several weeks has found some opportunites to nanny in Persia, apprentice f.t. to a professional potter, help a friend start a Tea shop, etc. She's also been helping me a lot with homeschooling our younger kids, too and we are getting twice as much done (bonus for me!). She's been reading like a fiend lately, too. I have to thank you all for contributing to her realizing just how many options she has right now. She wrote about it here:

 

http://flowersinthewinter.blogspot.com/2010/01/matter-of-intensity.html

 

Again, thanks!

[happyhomemaker25]

Im so happy to hear that LL! I loved reading all the responses as well. It gave me a lot of options to store away for a few years for now when our oldest is in that place!

She sounds like a wonderful young lady!