Quizzing the kids... slight rant and advice wanted

[elise1mds]

Does it annoy anyone else when folks (relatives, especially, given the time of year) feel the need to quiz your kid(s) on what they've been learning recently? Even the ones who are supportive seem to feel this urge, and I don't remember this happening last year when DS was in private school. I'd like to think it's because this is our first year to homeschool, but my gut says otherwise.

 

My MIL is a wonderful person. She came by tonight with my youngest BIL, and DS was excited to show off what he's been doing in math since he's nearly done with MUS Alpha. My MIL and BIL then started asking him random math questions, some of them going way beyond his ability. My MIL decided to ask him what 4x4 is, for example. He's only about halfway through his subtraction facts! My son wound up feeling very frustrated when he couldn't answer the questions even though I was sitting there trying to get them to stop and trying to rescue him.

 

Is there a tactful way to nip this in the bud (especially with strangers like the cashier at the grocery store) or at least steer the questions to ones he knows (with family and close friends)? I know DS enjoys showing off what he *does* know, but with the holidays starting this week, I need tips quickly. Thanks!

[SonshineLearner]

Oh...oops... I forgot to tell you... I promised Ralphie no quizzes today.. Just fun.

Carrie:-)

[Stacy in NJ]

Does it annoy anyone else when folks (relatives, especially, given the time of year) feel the need to quiz your kid(s) on what they've been learning recently? Even the ones who are supportive seem to feel this urge, and I don't remember this happening last year when DS was in private school. I'd like to think it's because this is our first year to homeschool, but my gut says otherwise.

 

My MIL is a wonderful person. She came by tonight with my youngest BIL, and DS was excited to show off what he's been doing in math since he's nearly done with MUS Alpha. My MIL and BIL then started asking him random math questions, some of them going way beyond his ability. My MIL decided to ask him what 4x4 is, for example. He's only about halfway through his subtraction facts! My son wound up feeling very frustrated when he couldn't answer the questions even though I was sitting there trying to get them to stop and trying to rescue him.

 

Is there a tactful way to nip this in the bud (especially with strangers like the cashier at the grocery store) or at least steer the questions to ones he knows (with family and close friends)? I know DS enjoys showing off what he *does* know, but with the holidays starting this week, I need tips quickly. Thanks!

 

Yell out the answer yourself, if you know it. :D

 

Really, nothing takes the wind out of Grandma's sails faster.

[happi duck]

Pop quizzes are very, very annoying! It's especially sad when a child is happily sharing and instead gets the third degree...."sure, you can add but can you find the area of a trapezoid? can you? can you?"

 

If family is understanding, maybe just asking that they let your child share his accomplishments without quizzing would be enough.

 

With strangers, I agree with pp who said something to the effect of "no quizzes today"

[Hen]

I agree with the no pop quizzes today reply, or a variation such as "only the teacher gives the students pop quizzes, it's only fair." or you could shout out your own question to the questioner, such as "what's the square of 13? and watch them skirm...or a WTM favorite, what are the continents and oceans? that would make an adult feel silly if they can't answer that one...then you could gently apologize for putting them on the spot and comment that no one likes to be unexpectedly quizzed on material they have not studied yet or in a long time...maybe they would 'get' it.

[Kirch]

Yell out the answer yourself, if you know it. :D

 

Really, nothing takes the wind out of Grandma's sails faster.

 

:lol:

[gardening momma]

or you could shout out your own question to the questioner, such as "what's the square of 13? and watch them skirm...or a WTM favorite, what are the continents and oceans?

"Quick quiz! Which oceans border the Southern Ocean?" :lol:

[AuntieM]

I haven't done this but have been tempted to "program" my kids to treat it like a game. For example, they answer the first question asked, then reply with, "Now here's one for you!" followed by some ridiculously difficult question I've had them memorize.

 

Hehehe...we'll just see how long granny thinks *that* game show is fun...

 

Honestly, I have only had this happen to my kids once or twice, and I think I interceded with something like, "Oh, such-n-such is a FOURTH grade skill, Jonny will learn that next (week, month, year)." This answer seemed to address the adult, but also let my child know that he wasn't expected to know the answer yet anyway.

[IsabelC]

I'd be sorely tempted to teach them to answer something like "Sheesh grandma, you should know that yourself by your age!" but maybe that wouldn't be altogether consistent with teaching them respect for their elders :lol:

[Trixie]

I'd be sorely tempted to teach them to answer something like "Sheesh grandma, you should know that yourself by your age!" but maybe that wouldn't be altogether consistent with teaching them respect for their elders :lol:

 

Ha, I like this one. :laugh:

 

We have family members who regularly ask ds to "perform" in one way or another, either to "show him off" to someone else (as grandparents tend to do) or to quiz him (read: quiz me) for their own sakes. I always want to say something about the trained seal show being over for the day. But for the sake of household peace, I usually just say, "Oh, let's not waste our time on quizzes; let's [fill in the blank] instead!" and get out a game or something.

[unsinkable]

Ha, I like this one. :laugh:

 

We have family members who regularly ask ds to "perform" in one way or another, either to "show him off" to someone else (as grandparents tend to do) or to quiz him (read: quiz me) for their own sakes. I always want to say something about the trained seal show being over for the day. But for the sake of household peace, I usually just say, "Oh, let's not waste our time on quizzes; let's [fill in the blank] instead!" and get out a game or something.

 

Last night, at a hockey game, I had a mom CALL to me from a distance of about 15 feet across & 6 feet up (she was on the floor & I was in the stands), "Mrs. J, how do I find the mass of a marble?!?!"

 

Insert various smilies here :001_huh::tongue_smilie: :confused::glare:

 

My DH said it was a compliment. I think it was a test. Ask your husband who is a public high school teacher.

[Aubrey]

My family used to do this to me when I was a kid, & I was in ps. It was their way of making conversation w/ a kid.

 

Now dh's family does it to my kids, & they always go beyond what the kids know. Partly, they have fun seeing what the kids *do* know--it almost always amazes them. And partly, they have a *lot* of fun teaching the kids what they don't know. It's as if they're looking for a conversation starter.

 

One year it was Columbus, since we do history chronologically, fil was surprised & excited to talk about him. For several years, it was the Am Revolution. Every 4th, he'd go into the whole deal when ds said he didn't know about it. This yr, we were in the throws of the whole thing, which made ds even more excited to talk about it, but instead of history, fil started giving ds the plot line of The Patriot w/ Mel Gibson. :confused: :lol:

 

At our house, though, the quizzes have always been very friendly, & they start far before hs'ing does. One uncle quizzes the 2yo, seeking funny 2yo answers. :D

[unsinkable]

My family used to do this to me when I was a kid, & I was in ps. It was their way of making conversation w/ a kid.

 

Now dh's family does it to my kids, & they always go beyond what the kids know. Partly, they have fun seeing what the kids *do* know--it almost always amazes them. And partly, they have a *lot* of fun teaching the kids what they don't know. It's as if they're looking for a conversation starter.

 

One year it was Columbus, since we do history chronologically, fil was surprised & excited to talk about him. For several years, it was the Am Revolution. Every 4th, he'd go into the whole deal when ds said he didn't know about it. This yr, we were in the throws of the whole thing, which made ds even more excited to talk about it, but instead of history, fil started giving ds the plot line of The Patriot w/ Mel Gibson. :confused: :lol:

 

At our house, though, the quizzes have always been very friendly, & they start far before hs'ing does. One uncle quizzes the 2yo, seeking funny 2yo answers. :D

 

I agree that part of this is a standard "what-can-I-say-to-this-kid?" topic. (as are, IMO, the "what?-no-school? questions)

 

But sometimes it goes beyond. As a mom, I think you can sense the difference after a while.

[Kim in Appalachia]

It sounds like they were just trying to have fun with him. Maybe your BIL forgot what is covered and when for kids. You just say that you're still working on subtraction and haven't covered multiplication yet.

 

I've had that happen with family, and their intent was never to be mean or to grill the kids to see if they were learning enough. It was only a was to talk and play with the kids. I would always just laugh and say we haven't done that, and then ask my child to tell about the last book he/she has read or talk about their last swim meet. A few times my kids have pulled out their violins to show off what they have learned.

[mirth]

I would just tell my kid to say "I don't know" if they don't know the answer. How interesting can it be to keep asking whimsical questions of someone when the answer is I Don't Know over and over?

[6packofun]

I'd respond with something like, "Ohh, you get an F for not reviewing the appropriate curriculum for that grade. Multiplication facts are covered in __ grade." And then make an annoying "you're wrong!", buzzer type sound or something.

 

It's a shame that I don't come across more people like this so that I can use my repertoire of responses, really.

[Mrs Mungo]

I say let the kids create their *own* quiz to give the adults. Then you can say "oh! are we playing pop quiz? The answer to you question is X, ds you get to ask the next question!" :tongue_smilie:

[Joanne]

Is there a tactful way to nip this in the bud (especially with strangers like the cashier at the grocery store) or at least steer the questions to ones he knows (with family and close friends)? I know DS enjoys showing off what he *does* know, but with the holidays starting this week, I need tips quickly. Thanks!

 

What's wrong with "Please stop the quizzing."?

 

"Let's move on in conversation, Jeremy would love to talk about Tae Kwon Do (turtles, star wars, etc).

 

Or "Stop, ok?"

 

Or, in the case of persistent boundary challenged people "Knock it off, dude."

[JillZ]

My family used to do this to me when I was a kid, & I was in ps. It was their way of making conversation w/ a kid.

 

 

Same here. I was in ps and remember my grandma quizzing me in math. She even taught me how to do long division before we ever had it in school.

 

I also had an uncle who quizzed me and was impressed when I said I didn't remember an answer but I knew where to find it in my binder because I kept good notes. :D

 

From my point of view as a child, these quizzes really made an impression on me. I realized that my family valued education, and I was always eager to please them. I grew up loving school and learning, and I know part of the reason is that my family showed an interest in what I was learning.

[littlebug42]

My MIL does this on occasion and at first it used to bother me, but I realized that she really doesn't mean anything by it. She has been so incredibly supportive of my homeschooling. If she asks something really difficult, my oldest will just tell her that she is only in second grade. Their knowledge is pretty mind-boggling sometimes and I think she just enjoys what they know.

[Trixie]

I agree that part of this is a standard "what-can-I-say-to-this-kid?" topic. (as are, IMO, the "what?-no-school? questions)

 

But sometimes it goes beyond. As a mom, I think you can sense the difference after a while.

 

Yup. We have familiy members in both camps. The latter is irksome, but surmountable. ;)

[rafiki]

.

[Ginevra]

For a while, my MIL was actually giving my kids worksheets that she brought from volunteering at the local PS. But I think it was more to prove to herself how little they were teaching at the school vs. what my kids were learning, moreso than the other way 'round.

[homeschoolally]

A few years ago I'd jokingly told my son before a family dinner (with guests who were BIG offenders w/ high-pressure quizzing) to answer any question by telling them he was translating the Vulgate from Latin to English and that it was way more interesting than 'insert quiz question,' and ask them if they'd like to hear it.

 

He surprised me by actually saying it, in a sweet way=), and he hasn't been quizzed by these folks again.

[Ester Maria]

Some of my DH's family members regularly do that to our daughters, but to tell you frankly, it never bothered me that much. As long as it's not an obvious provocation and as long as they're not turning their time with the child in "school time", I think it can be only healthy for the girls to talk to other people about what they study, to receive extra information about that and solidify what they know - or even learn new things, why not.

[Trixie]

Some of my DH's family members regularly do that to our daughters, but to tell you frankly, it never bothered me that much. As long as it's not an obvious provocation and as long as they're not turning their time with the child in "school time", I think it can be only healthy for the girls to talk to other people about what they study, to receive extra information about that and solidify what they know - or even learn new things, why not.

 

I think what some of us are bothered by, though, is the quizzing that's done by family members who are either unsupportive or skeptical of homeschooling, who are looking for a "Gotcha!" opportunity. The trouble with that, of course, is that the primary educator (usually mom) is meant to be the target of the "Gotcha!" but the child is the actual victim of it. Most people run into this sort of thing from strangers, but some also have family members who play this little game.

[tricia]

I have the same problem. I quite simply say to no one in particular, schools over for the day so lets talk about something else. Works every time.

[Rhondabee]

I don't remember this happening last year when DS was in private school. I'd like to think it's because this is our first year to homeschool, but my gut says otherwise.

 

Is there a tactful way to nip this in the bud (especially with strangers like the cashier at the grocery store) or at least steer the questions to ones he knows (with family and close friends)? I know DS enjoys showing off what he *does* know, but with the holidays starting this week, I need tips quickly. Thanks!

 

I really think it's just a thing adults do when they really do want to talk to your dc, but they just honestly don't know what to talk about. (My kids were in public school until oldest was in 5th grade, and we still had to deal with this).

 

But, yes, you can quickly change the subject by just addressing your child, and asking him to tell whomever is questioning him about (insert whatever you think is most appropriate). Any abruptness in that approach is usually forgotten in the excitement of the conversation that ensues.

[hsmom3tn]

My father does this to my kids and it makes me crazy. If I butt in and say "they haven't learned about that yet" or ask him to cut it out, he pouts and won't speak to me for the rest of the day.

 

It's very frustrating. :glare:

[sunshine]

I'd be sorely tempted to teach them to answer something like "Sheesh grandma, you should know that yourself by your age!" but maybe that wouldn't be altogether consistent with teaching them respect for their elders :lol:

 

 

Holy Cow! I am gonna use that one!

[thowell]

Ok maybe it's because it's early but you all are soooooooooooo much nicer than me.:glare: I have had this happen a few times when I knew that it was an attempt to see what I was doing wrong. ExMIL...... and I could have used some of your responses then, mine were not so pleasant. If you have a good relationship with the quizzer maybe just speak to them about this in private if no relationship, Good Luck!

[elise1mds]

Thanks so much! Sorry, I've been out of town at my grandmother's house. I know my BIL wasn't being malicious, but my MIL has expressed doubts about my 'abilities' on several occasions, so I'm not sure about her motives. She's never been one to lack things to talk about with her grandkids, so that sure isn't the problem, but it may be that she's proud of him and just wants to hear him go through things. Not sure. I like to be optimistic. I'll definitely be butting in tomorrow and/or coaching my son with a few of these answers (particularly like the one that said, "Gosh, Grandma, don't you know that by now?"), should the need arise. Making light of it seems to be the best option, though if she keeps it up, having a few of the snarkier answers in the wings sure won't be a bad idea!!! :D

[NorthwestMom]

I'm mildly chagrined to admit that I ALWAYS ask our schooled guests what they are learning at school, just to see if they come up with something cool I can steal.

[Kirch]

I'm mildly chagrined to admit that I ALWAYS ask our schooled guests what they are learning at school, just to see if they come up with something cool I can steal.

 

 

Mmmm . . . I think there's a difference between, "Hey, what have you been learning in school?" and "What's 14x17? Can you spell 'citizenship'? How many inches are in a mile?" etc. There's a difference between genuine interest and trying to catch someone out. In fact, the first question would be a great way to get the ball rolling and show that you're really interested in what they're learning rather than looking for ways that they're failing to meet expectations, no matter what the schooling method. :001_smile: