Natalieclare Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Suppose you were feeling pregnant and emotional. Suppose you needed to go out to dinner with friends to plan something you were working on together. Suppose a friend brought up an idea which happened to touch on a hot-button issue for you--an issue you were very defensive about. Suppose you shot off at the mouth and became overbearing and abrasive, unnecessarily. You apologize and retract your statements, when in fact you wish you could just retract your whole evening. Now you want to creep in a hole and never come out. Your friend says everything is fine and would like to just move on. But you can't. How do you recover? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 What was the hot button issue? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jolash Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Lick your wounds, suck it up and move on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Suppose you were feeling pregnant and emotional. Suppose you needed to go out to dinner with friends to plan something you were working on together. Suppose a friend brought up an idea which happened to touch on a hot-button issue for you--an issue you were very defensive about. Suppose you shot off at the mouth and became overbearing and abrasive, unnecessarily. You apologize and retract your statements, when in fact you wish you could just retract your whole evening. Now you want to creep in a hole and never come out. Your friend says everything is fine and would like to just move on. But you can't. How do you recover? Tincture of time and I would have related the whole thing with a humorous twist to my mother. Barring a living and sympathetic mother, I'd jot it down so overdone it becomes funny. You don't have to show your story to anyone. Humor heals many things. And time. A strange, even more personal method I have for getting rid of things I or someone else did I have trouble letting go of, is to run to a mirror and command myself to "let...it...go". If it is even unreachable with that, I start telling myself it is selfish to hold on to it. Then I take on some big task and lose myself in it. Thankfully, these moments become fewer as I get older. :) HTH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natalieclare Posted November 8, 2009 Author Share Posted November 8, 2009 Tincture of time and I would have related the whole thing with a humorous twist to my mother. Barring a living and sympathetic mother, I'd jot it down so overdone it becomes funny. You don't have to show your story to anyone. Humor heals many things. And time. A strange, even more personal method I have for getting rid of things I or someone else did I have trouble letting go of, is to run to a mirror and command myself to "let...it...go". If it is even unreachable with that, I start telling myself it is selfish to hold on to it. Then I take on some big task and lose myself in it. Thankfully, these moments become fewer as I get older. :) HTH. Thanks, K. The bolded part especially resonated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natalieclare Posted November 8, 2009 Author Share Posted November 8, 2009 Lick your wounds, suck it up and move on! But I'm soooo bad at this!!!! :tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie: I'll try. I really will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natalieclare Posted November 8, 2009 Author Share Posted November 8, 2009 What was the hot button issue? You know, I'm pregnant and sleep deprived. Almost anything is a candidate for a hot-button issue right now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmoe Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Yup, just pretend it didn't happen and go on. You've already said sorry. You've already been forgiven. Bringing it up again will only make things worse. Tell yourself that others aren't thinking about it like you are because most likely they are not. If it helps, just recently I made a pretty big faux pas in a class I was teaching. 30 adults were watching me while I repeated what I had said about three times. I was thinking the person I was speaking to didn't hear me. Turns out she did hear me--just didn't quite know how to respond to what I was saying(because it didn't make any sense and because I was calling her by the wrong name). It embarassed me and her. I spoke to her afterwards and told her I was sorry for what I had said. She said she was sorry. That part was embarassing all over again. I didn't want to go back to that class---ever again. But as the teacher, I didn't really have that choice. I spoke to that women this week after class and it seems as if everything is fine. Hope your feeling better about things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 You could tell your oldest dds. Seriously. I had an epidsode where I felt so awful and stupid I didn't want to every show my face near my friend again. I told my dd and she said, "Gosh Mom, you've got problems. Give it a rest - she probably doesn't care any where near as much you do and she sure as heck won't remember it in a few months. Get over yourself." :huh: Disclaimer: Dd is not disrepectful to me. Just honest when I request it from her, which I did when I asked her opinion. We actually have a very good relationship (and I rarely go to her with my own issues). It worked, though. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 You apologize and retract your statements, when in fact you wish you could just retract your whole evening. Now you want to creep in a hole and never come out. Your friend says everything is fine and would like to just move on. But you can't. Do something special for her, something nice and above what you'd normally do in the course of a friendship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennefer@SSA Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 (edited) Just think about how you would respond to a friend of yours if she would have been the pregnant, irrational one. Would you hold it against them or forgive and move on? I am betting that you would long be over it and would feel worse for your sweet pregnant friend than about anything else. Move on and forgive yourself. Ask me how I know?! :blushing::blushing::blushing: Edited November 9, 2009 by Jennefer@SSA typos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Suppose you were feeling pregnant and emotional. Suppose you needed to go out to dinner with friends to plan something you were working on together. Suppose a friend brought up an idea which happened to touch on a hot-button issue for you--an issue you were very defensive about. Suppose you shot off at the mouth and became overbearing and abrasive, unnecessarily. You apologize and retract your statements, when in fact you wish you could just retract your whole evening. Now you want to creep in a hole and never come out. Your friend says everything is fine and would like to just move on. But you can't. How do you recover? I don't know, but when you figure it out teach a co-op class on it. I will drive up for it, 'cause I need the training. :o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertDweller Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 I would probably talk to dh about it for a day or two until I got it out of my system, IYKWIM. He and I tend to do that with things when we've had a bad week or have to deal with issues such as family(relatives, not our kids) or whatever it is. We usually just talk about it and then finally conclude that, "Oh, well. Life happens. Let's move on to something else." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janainaz Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Just force yourself to remember that no one is perfect. I personally love people that shoot off at the mouth. At least they show a little passion and you truly know what they think and how they feel. But, seriously, if it was that bad, I'm sure everyone has grace on an emotional pregnant woman, at least! I would! Everyone has so many of their own life issues, your outburst is probably last on their list to think about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 If you have humbly and sincerely apologized once (after the event) and your friend has laughed and said you are all good. Then let it go. You honor her and your friendship to forgive yourself. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 You have to accept the grace your friend is offering you.... I might send a card (not apologizing again, no need to repeat it if you already did it sincerely) but just a "glad you're my friend" card - or drop by with cookies, just something extra friendly. Or take her to a movie -- find something else to talk about and think about so you're not dwelling on this at all which could really make your friend uncomfortable. If you keep apologizing and/or feeling bad, it will probably make your friend uncomfortable. She has asked to move on so I suggest you honor that request! And know that PG/overtired mamas get extra grace in many people's books, including mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Yes. You honor her more by believing her. If she has forgiven you, and you keep apologizing, you are essentially calling her a liar. You are saying you don't believe her sincerity. I like the idea of a "Thanks for being my friend", or "Thanks for understanding" card or other sentiment. But don't keep beating yourself up. You're not helping yourself, and you're not helping her. Or, you could just stew on it for months, have the baby, get over all the post-partum hormones, and then realize that it really wasn't as big a deal as you now think it is. :) That's what I did when the roles were reversed and I was pregnant and I took something my best friend had said and blew it WAY out of proportion and stewed about it and tried not to blast her over it and wrote an 11 page letter to her, that I didn't send, and finally called her, and she apologized, and I still fretted and only came to my senses when my precious baby was about 2 months old. :D You could do what I did. Or, you could do what I recommend, and treasure your friendship, nurture it, and move forward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Just think about how you would respond to a friend of yours would have been the pregnant, irrational one. Would you hold it against them or forgive and move on? I am betting that you would long be over it and would feel worse for your sweet pregnant friend than about anything else. Move on and forgive yourself. Ask me how I know?! :blushing::blushing::blushing: Exactly what I was going to say..just suck it up and move on. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Suppose you were feeling pregnant and emotional. Suppose you needed to go out to dinner with friends to plan something you were working on together. Suppose a friend brought up an idea which happened to touch on a hot-button issue for you--an issue you were very defensive about. Suppose you shot off at the mouth and became overbearing and abrasive, unnecessarily. You apologize and retract your statements, when in fact you wish you could just retract your whole evening. Now you want to creep in a hole and never come out. Your friend says everything is fine and would like to just move on. But you can't. How do you recover? Okay, that's something I would do. I have trouble holding my opinion on somethings. BTDT. Way to many times. What helps me is seeing the person again and knowing that everything really is fine and we can all move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 If you have humbly and sincerely apologized once (after the event) and your friend has laughed and said you are all good. Then let it go. You honor her and your friendship to forgive yourself. Bill I agree. And to further someone else's thought, the sooner you get back to a normal relationship with this woman the quicker things will heal for YOU. I have a friend who has put it this way before. You have a family/friend outburst. To get 'over' it requires enough normal interactions to cancel out the outburst. The first few interactions after a fight may seem strained...but they will pass and things will go back to normal for all involve. And I agree it is selfish to hold on to our mistakes. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth Conley Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 You need to simply take her at her word. Appreciate her for the true friend she is, and move on. She's lucky you know how to apologize. Really and truly, it's a beautiful quality. Many people can't apologize, and this leaves their victims wary of future abuses. It's reasonable to assume that someone who can't apologize fully intends to act out again and again. Because you can apologize, she can accept your apology and move forward in the relationship. If you couldn't or wouldn't apologize, then the wiser course of action for her would be to avoid you. So you're lucky to have each other. Everyone makes mistakes. Since you cannot avoid fouling up eventually, it's a good thing you know how to come back from error. Please, just put it behind you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtoboys Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 I had to laugh when I read the title. I'm not even pregnant, and i think i made an idiot of myself to someone last week. Ah, well. . .if someone really likes you and they're a true friend, they'll look past it and forgive you (especially when you've apologized!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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