SO of homeschool outcast thread, frustration

[melmichigan]

Just today I am :banghead: I posted on another board on the ND curriculum side with some questions about curriculum I am planning to use next year. Everyone's comments just remind me of the limits of the internet. I should know better. Other posters just can't understand why I don't slow it down or go back to the easier stuff later. Or the, your DD is only 9 comment. :glare: Let me tell you, if you had met my DD9 you would completely understand in the span of about 15 minutes. At the same time, if you came to my house you would understand that the same DD9 can't figure out how to keep her room clean or remember how to brush her teeth half the time. :001_huh: It's just my reality. Of course I don't say anything about my DD on those boards, I just come here and vent. Thank you for that.

[Elisa]

I know! It's very difficult for people to understand -- even parents of gifted kids sometimes.

[Kfamily]

:grouphug:

 

I agree, it is difficult to talk to anyone about any child that is doing well. It is always viewed as bragging. Honestly, I even hesitate to post here about any of this. I still feel such a weight to choose my words very carefully so that I do not come across as bragging. I'm not even entirely sure she's even gifted (but she is highly motivated and determined to do "big girl work") and so only try to meet her where she is.

 

We tried to join a small homeschool Shakespeare class that was designed for ages 8-12 but the teacher was willing to make exceptions for some ages outside that bracket. (This was meant to be an informal class where the teacher introduced them to Shakepeare and ended the class with a play.) Both my dds enjoy creating and being in plays, drama, etc. This has only been something they did at home together. I thought they would enjoy the class and asked the teacher if she would consider my younger dd. She is 6 1/2 but reads and writes above that. She wrote back and said she was not willing to consider her (this was hard since she did say she would make exceptions in age and I wonder what she means by this) but the hardest part of all was when she said she wouldn't even take my older dd who, although 12, still fit in her bracket. According to her, she felt like this class would not be a good fit for her either. She said that since dd had already written her own play (Her play was not in poetry form and I only shared this to show her how interested dd was in Shakespeare) that she was too advanced for her class. My older dd has always been at grade level so this caught me off guard. She would have loved the opportunity to act in a play. Thankfully, I never mentioned it to the girls as I've learned to wait until things work out before that.

Edited August 27, 2009 by Kfamily

[melmichigan]

The worst part is that I didn't say anything about my DD, just asked about the curriculum. Then I feel the need to defend myself. Ugh, I give up! I think I'll stick to the Davidson and the accelerated learner boards for a while. :001_unsure:

[Desert Rat]

Oh, I know your pain. I try not to mention my difficulties to IRL friends anymore. They don't seem to understand why my ds9 can be so advanced and STILL not be able to tie his shoes. I get a lot of grief over that one. Believe me, I'd love to have him tie his own shoes and I'd love to know the right math curriculum for him as well! LOL

[Mommy22alyns]

:grouphug:

 

I agree, it is difficult to talk to anyone about any child that is doing well. It is always viewed as bragging. Honestly, I even hesitate to post here about any of this. I still feel such a weight to choose my words very carefully so that I do not come across as bragging. I'm not even entirely sure she's even gifted (but she is highly motivated and determined to do "big girl work") and so only try to meet her where she is.

 

.

 

 

:iagree:

[zaichiki]

The worst part is that I didn't say anything about my DD, just asked about the curriculum. Then I feel the need to defend myself. Ugh, I give up! I think I'll stick to the Davidson and the accelerated learner boards for a while. :001_unsure:

 

When it comes to "outside" boards, have you tried posting without mentioning the kids' ages? I do that sometimes. When someone asks their age directly, I'll often dodge the question. Sometimes I just don't want to get into it. I've noticed that I can dodge the age question in public, too. My kids are tall and therefore are often assumed to be older (ds10 looks 12 easily and dd7 has passed for 9).

 

I have to admit that I have had my moments... I have been absolutely SICK of comments from strangers. The worst comments, though, are from parents of kids in classes with my kids (music, co-op, swimming, whatever). I haven't snapped back yet. :)

Edited August 27, 2009 by zaichiki
when/if... whatever

[OHGrandma]

Just today I am :banghead: I posted on another board on the ND curriculum side with some questions about curriculum I am planning to use next year. Everyone's comments just remind me of the limits of the internet. I should know better. Other posters just can't understand why I don't slow it down or go back to the easier stuff later. Or the, your DD is only 9 comment. :glare: Let me tell you, if you had met my DD9 you would completely understand in the span of about 15 minutes. At the same time, if you came to my house you would understand that the same DD9 can't figure out how to keep her room clean or remember how to brush her teeth half the time. :001_huh: It's just my reality. Of course I don't say anything about my DD on those boards, I just come here and vent. Thank you for that.

 

Mel, that bolded part really made me laugh! I just had an incident with GS10 that is similar. Last month I had to ask him what he was using to wash his hair because it was icky. He showed me the bottle of conditioner! I explained what that was for and told him to use the shampoo/conditioner '2 in 1'. So, I thought I had personal hygiene covered. Then last week I noticed he was getting a bit of body odor, well, he is 10 and works on the farm; but when the body odor showed up shortly after the shower I asked him what he was using to wash his body. He showed me the shampoo/conditioner '2 in 1'! He said it was '2 in 1' meaning it was for hair & body!

Evidently his high level of reading does not include instructions on shampoo bottles! Maybe I need to make him watch TV more so he sees more commercials on hygiene products? :lol:

[melmichigan]

OhGrandma,

Did you see suave just came out with a 3 in 1. :lol: I couldn't help laughing when I saw it in the store, a nice unisex watermelon scent...

 

I took your advice and removed my DC's ages off my signature on that board, hopefully the same won't happen on WTM when I post here, otherwise I guess I'm just remove them here too.

Edited August 27, 2009 by melmichigan

[Irene Lynn]

I know! It's very difficult for people to understand -- even parents of gifted kids sometimes.

 

I agree. Even gifted kids learn differently from each other, somtimes in dramatically different ways. Some need to conquer their material and stand on the mountain top, so to speak. Others need to swim upstream at a constant state, neither completely conquering the current material nor drowning in it. Still others love to be thrown into the middle of a very deep and swirling pool and fight their way through it, so they can pop out on the side to day dream for a while. All those kids will need different materials and will use them in different ways. It doesn't make one way superior to another way as a rule.

 

I didn't have an issue with materials that others chose, so I expected the same respect for my choices. Live and learn.

[RanchGirl]

it's so funny how very different kids are -- from each other and sometimes from day to day! It's one of the main advantages of homeschooling, you can try to meet your kids' individual needs... and yet even other homeschoolers can be intimidated by, unaccepting, or somehow just plain uncomfortable with the levels of variation other kids have.

 

Not mentioning your dd's age sounds like a good idea, it will remove the distraction and maybe you can get answers to your question that way.... sheesh!!

[Blessedfamily]

The worst part is that I didn't say anything about my DD, just asked about the curriculum. Then I feel the need to defend myself. Ugh, I give up! I think I'll stick to the Davidson and the accelerated learner boards for a while. :001_unsure:

 

You know what Mel?????, I had just joined what seemed like a nice board and the same thing happened to me. I asked about a book, and all I got was lectures about how I shouldn't be trying to use it with a child so young.

 

I left that group faster than lightning! Maybe that's not the way to handle it, but I was fed up with that attitude.

[BillieBoy]

Let me tell you, if you had met my DD9 you would completely understand in the span of about 15 minutes. At the same time, if you came to my house you would understand that the same DD9 can't figure out how to keep her room clean or remember how to brush her teeth half the time. :001_huh: It's just my reality.

 

:lol::grouphug: I've got one of those. When I found a moldy bathing suit under her bed she grabbed it with no shame and inspected it under a microscope. :confused:

[SunshineMom]

:lol::grouphug: I've got one of those. When I found a moldy bathing suit under her bed she grabbed it with no shame and inspected it under a microscope. :confused:

This is so funny....reminds me of my 6dd who after being stung by a bee removed the stinger and looked at it under a microscope!

[melmichigan]

:lol::grouphug: I've got one of those. When I found a moldy bathing suit under her bed she grabbed it with no shame and inspected it under a microscope. :confused:

 

This is sooo my child!

[ElizabethB]

We don't have a microscope yet, but my daughter wants me to e-mail the herps of arkansas website and tell them that they're wrong, the lizards are not too fast for children to catch! She's been able to catch them since just before she turned 6. (She was sad when I told her there probably wouldn't be lizards here in our townhouse in the LA area...but we were all pleasantly surprised to find that we had gone from Eastern fence lizards to Western fence lizards, we feel right at home here, lizard-wise, they look a lot alike. We also have a ton of hummingbirds as a bonus.)

 

When people get defensive, I tell them that I've been tutoring for a long time and have figured out how to teach very efficiently, that calms them down.

[mchel210]

I agree. I dont comment when other people share about their kids now. I have given up. I always get nasty looks. From the time my dd was 3 months she has been crawling and it hasnt ended since!!

 

Now..my super smart 7 yo cant figure out how to add money. It is one of her worst subjects. She can do singapore math 5th grade...no problem...do her brothers 8th grade homework...but ask her to figure out how much change she gets...and she falls apart. How much 3 quarters...4 dimes, 3 pennies. Forget it. Both my girls are that way.

[Irene Lynn]

Now..my super smart 7 yo cant figure out how to add money. It is one of her worst subjects. She can do singapore math 5th grade...no problem...do her brothers 8th grade homework...but ask her to figure out how much change she gets...and she falls apart. How much 3 quarters...4 dimes, 3 pennies. Forget it. Both my girls are that way.

 

That is funny. When my dd couldn't understand some basic math, all I had to do was say, "Pretend it is money." She could always think in money for some reason. At 16 she still likes economics and can still figure out money problems better than other maths. It must be processed in a different area of the brain for both of our children.

[LittleIzumi]

Yay, I found home :lol:. I was reading on another HSing board about how you shouldn't even try to teach your kid letters until they're around 5, and only if they're interested, and to just let them be kids. Sorry that my 3-year-old already learned to read with just us reading books to her and letting her play on Starfall. I am getting an Accelerated K reading program for her because she LOVES learning to read (will literally beg to work on Starfall, will do a letters workbook rather than go outside, went to bed tonight with an Aliki book on dinosaur bones and a mini light to read by, etc). But I feel embarrassed telling people what she's doing because she is 3, and I can just imagine the looks they're giving the computer screen :glare:. I got an "easier" K core program to use around the phonics, to try and not push her. But she loves to learn, and is so much happier when we're doing educational stuff actively. If she wants to play, great. But if she wants to "do my math workbook" instead, why not? (However, this same girl can't keep clothes on for the life of her. Social graces are not her strong suit :lol:--like, don't get naked when company is over, flush, don't sing made-up songs about "boobs" when company is over :o, etc). And I understand why some people get offended by "bragging" about their children--her little sister has SPD and is speech delayed--but I shouldn't feel bad encouraging my child in what she loves and is gifted at.

[LittleIzumi]

I agree. I dont comment when other people share about their kids now. I have given up. I always get nasty looks. From the time my dd was 3 months she has been crawling and it hasnt ended since!!

 

Now..my super smart 7 yo cant figure out how to add money. It is one of her worst subjects. She can do singapore math 5th grade...no problem...do her brothers 8th grade homework...but ask her to figure out how much change she gets...and she falls apart. How much 3 quarters...4 dimes, 3 pennies. Forget it. Both my girls are that way.

 

I'm "gifted" myself and I can NOT get my left & right correct. I'm wrong almost half of the time. I've had to just point for most of my life because my brain just does not work with directions. I can only get N/S/W/E if I orient from the highway, too :lol:

[rowan25]

You know what Mel?????, I had just joined what seemed like a nice board and the same thing happened to me. I asked about a book, and all I got was lectures about how I shouldn't be trying to use it with a child so young.

 

I left that group faster than lightning! Maybe that's not the way to handle it, but I was fed up with that attitude.

 

Yes, it is hard. I know my daughter is 5. She wants "real schoolwork." What's a mom to do when she is more than able to handle the work?!

[jlovebaker]

It's so embarrassing ... Intellectually, I can read a map but it real life that picture doesn't make it to my head. And forget right and left - people who know me usually do the opposite of what I say (I have another problem - I always think and sound like I know where I'm going:001_smile:).

[dangermom]

I'm "gifted" myself and I can NOT get my left & right correct. I'm wrong almost half of the time. I've had to just point for most of my life because my brain just does not work with directions. I can only get N/S/W/E if I orient from the highway, too :lol:

 

Oh, me too me too! I have to think about left and right every single time, and I get it wrong anyway.

[Renai]

Oh, me too me too! I have to think about left and right every single time, and I get it wrong anyway.

 

The only way I finally could get it consistently right (as an adult), was when I told myself, "I write with my right." Every. Time. :D

[Truscifi]

I look at my hands to see which one is the L. Still. And sometimes I can't remember which way the L is supposed to point! :glare:

 

And I am SO glad I'm not the only one with a dc who doesn't understand the importance of clothing! We had to make it a rule to wear clothes at the dinner table, and any time we have company. Or are in public. :tongue_smilie:

[LittleIzumi]

The only way I finally could get it consistently right (as an adult), was when I told myself, "I write with my right." Every. Time. :D

 

That's brilliant! I need to try that. I am SO glad I'm not the only one who has trouble with that.

 

I look at my hands to see which one is the L. Still. And sometimes I can't remember which way the L is supposed to point! :glare:

 

And I am SO glad I'm not the only one with a dc who doesn't understand the importance of clothing! We had to make it a rule to wear clothes at the dinner table, and any time we have company. Or are in public. :tongue_smilie:

 

We decided to make it a rule to always wear at least undies even inside once she's five. This year we're working on always being dressed when people are over, and to hit the bathroom first, THEN strip, not strip in the living room and run :001_rolleyes:. During your turning-4 birthday party. Yesterday. It's a long process.

On the plus side, she sounded out bumble bee today, on her own. Woohoo! That language side is working overtime with all the time her brain is NOT spending on social graces :o

[dangermom]

The only way I finally could get it consistently right (as an adult), was when I told myself, "I write with my right." Every. Time. :D

Yep, I do that too, but then I have to stop and think about which hand I write with! It's kind of unbelievable that I have to think about that, but most of the time I do. :willy_nilly:

[Cammie]

I look at my hands to see which one is the L. Still. And sometimes I can't remember which way the L is supposed to point! :glare:

 

Me too, although I try to do it so no one notices!:blush:

[bluemongoose]

I am new here, but reading this post has been so good for me! I am going through all of this and it is so frustrating!

 

I have a 4yo DD and she has always been ahead. I am just an average kinda person, but DH is gifted, so I was not shocked when she started doing things very early. I have not had her tested or anything, and I don't know that I ever will, but I am having a hard time with finding others who get what it is like.

 

DD started reading simple CVC words at 2.5 and now at 4 is reading most advanced beginner type readers. At 2.5 she asked for a workbook and we went through a PreK one. Now at 4 she is doing mostly all 1st grade curriculum and some 2nd. I am tired of never being able to share without it being called bragging. I am tired of the looks I get and the other parents who tell me I am pushing too hard or that kids shouldn't need curriculum until they are older. My DD LOVES school the more workbookey the better in her opinion.

 

What a breath of fresh air to find people who relate!:)

[Nan in Mass]

I can't tell which hand I write with. I can't tell which way the L points. My husband is constantly telling me, "No, your other left." LOL We get some very strange looks. Only my wedding ring helps, if I remember to look at my hands. Once, my parents were trying to give my youngest directions to get something. In the process, they realized he didn't know his left from his right. (I hadn't bothered even to try to teach him, since I don't understand how anyone consistently knows this.) They tried various things like which-hand-do-you-write-with, and then my father, who also has trouble, said, "Well, do you know which is your left foot?" My mother and I laughed and thought about 101 Dalmations, but to our surprise, my son said of course. It took Dad a few more explanations to get him to understand that his left hand was lined up with his left foot (more shades of Perdita LOL), but he got it fine. It turned out not to be something he has trouble with. He knew his left foot because he happens to be left-footed (although right-handed now), something they talk about at gymnastics. I guess there, handedness isn't important.

 

This is why I like the accelerated board... so much sounds familiar.

 

-Nan

[Renai]

Ok, I think I've figured out the solution for us: let's tatoo a fancy shmancy L and R on the respective thumbs! (hopefully the artist will know the difference :tongue_smilie:)

[Classically Minded]

I am new here, but reading this post has been so good for me! I am going through all of this and it is so frustrating!

 

 

What a breath of fresh air to find people who relate!:)

 

Ditto! :iagree:

[Truscifi]

Ok, I think I've figured out the solution for us: let's tatoo a fancy shmancy L and R on the respective thumbs! (hopefully the artist will know the difference :tongue_smilie:)

 

:lol: Sounds like a good plan to me!

[Lizzie in Ma]

You know what Mel?????, I had just joined what seemed like a nice board and the same thing happened to me. I asked about a book, and all I got was lectures about how I shouldn't be trying to use it with a child so young.

 

I left that group faster than lightning! Maybe that's not the way to handle it, but I was fed up with that attitude.

 

I got slammed like that on my first post on another message board, I was floored by the vitriol and never went back.

[Aurelia]

Yes, it is hard. I know my daughter is 5. She wants "real schoolwork." What's a mom to do when she is more than able to handle the work?!

 

Don't mention said child is 5. ;) I've come to notice that it's okay to ask about slightly advanced stuff if the child is at least 6; any younger and you're "robbing her of her childhood." :001_huh: Of course, if you are just asking a question like "My daughter just finished Singapore 6B, where do we go from here?" with no indication of the child's age (including your signature), you are much more likely to get the information you need without all the unnecessary scolding.

[rowan25]

Don't mention said child is 5. ;) I've come to notice that it's okay to ask about slightly advanced stuff if the child is at least 6; any younger and you're "robbing her of her childhood." :001_huh: Of course, if you are just asking a question like "My daughter just finished Singapore 6B, where do we go from here?" with no indication of the child's age (including your signature), you are much more likely to get the information you need without all the unnecessary scolding.

Good advice!! Thank you. :001_smile: I have discovered that about the "robbing her of her childhood" and not much sends me right over the roof like that does!!! :glare:

[Desert Rat]

Just chimin' in to let you know that I've been there too. With these type of kids that need challenges and advanced levels, people either feel like you're too pushy or they feel inferior or intimidated. There's really nothing you can do except come here! :o

[Blessedfamily]

Don't mention said child is 5. ;) I've come to notice that it's okay to ask about slightly advanced stuff if the child is at least 6; any younger and you're "robbing her of her childhood." :001_huh: Of course, if you are just asking a question like "My daughter just finished Singapore 6B, where do we go from here?" with no indication of the child's age (including your signature), you are much more likely to get the information you need without all the unnecessary scolding.

 

 

Aurelia,

 

This post is so accurate, I feel like printing it out and pasting to my monitor. Even on a gifted board, you better not mention academic subjects with a child 5 or younger, even if the child's begging for it, or, more likely, doing it on their own anyway.

 

I've always had to ask questions without mentioning age- ALWAYS. I'm thinking that when she turns 6, I won't have to be so careful. I don't know though. As you say, if it's something more than a little advanced for a 6yo, people still sometimes get the "you're robbing them of their childhood" speech. This IS her childhood. She plays and runs and jumps off furniture. Then she reads physics books laying across the school table. That's her.

 

The question could be asked why anyone need mention age anyway, but it makes a big difference. There are many science books that my dd devours, some dealing with issues she hasn't been exposed to yet, since they're meant for much older kids. I have to watch that.

 

In the pre-algebra thread, Karin mentioned that a very young child might be ready for algebraic thinking, but not able to sit through long algebra problems(paraphrasing). And Momof7 mentioned other routes to take. I agreed with them both, and there was not a stitch of the judgmental "you're robbing her" attitude in either post.

 

Sorry to go on a rant, but you hit a nerve here. To be frank, I think people perceive it as bragging when you mention a young age and advanced work. Well, some of us are just trying to get help finding material that fits our kid, just like every other homeschooler does. Don't they?

Edited September 22, 2009 by Blessedfamily

[melmichigan]

The only place I have found to discuss younger children is the Davidson Forum. I'm getting more comfortable here but that is the one place where I don't have to watch my tongue. There are a few 1 in a million kids on that board. ;) And their are plenty of kids using middle school materials with 5-7 year olds. So I can ask just about anything. Anyone might find it helpful if they are uncomfortable some place else, ask there. :lol: