amy g. Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 I have never been a high energy person. In college, I would push, push, push to get through finals, and then end up sick during every single break. I always have my whole family here for holidays, and I can't tell you how many Christmases I've spent sick because I over exerted myself trying to make things perfect for everyone. Now, I'm 43 and pregnant in the hot, Houston summer, and feeling very selfish. I have been doing a good job taking it easy. If I do too much and end up having complications and being on bed rest, my whole family will suffer. I feel guilty because I just don't want to be around people who make me tired. I have a finite amount of energy, and I want to spend it with my own family and my closest friends. That is fine, except I have other friends who are in crisis, and really want time from me, but I feel like giving any more will put me over the edge. I'm a happy person. I like my life. I'm sorry my friends have had bad things happen, but I don't really feel like being around complaining and negativity. What kind of a hateful, selfish person feels that way about friends? I'm competent, and people often think that what I do does not cost anything, so they don't think I'll mind doing for them as well, while I'm at it. I have other wonderful friends who give back as much as they take who refresh me when I'm around them. I want to build a cocoon with just my family and those closest friends, and tell everyone else to solve their own problems. YIKES! What is wrong with me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 YIKES! What is wrong with me? Pregnancy! Hormones! Your body is working hard to nurture that baby until he/she is ready to be born. Take it easy without guilt. You're not crazy, you're fine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
secular_mom Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 It's not selfish to want to conserve your energy for YOUR needs. I completely understand wanting to limit your contact with 'takers' during this time. Do not let yourself feel guilty for doing so. You did not cause their problems, and it's not your job to solve them. You're doing them a bigger favor by letting them figure it out for themselves IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted August 23, 2009 Author Share Posted August 23, 2009 That is a helpful way to look at it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 :iagree: You are pregnant. You must take care of yourself and your baby. No one else can take care of your baby right now. Having spent 5 months on bed-rest while pregnant I will happily remind you to take it easy. Let me know when you need your next pep talk :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted August 23, 2009 Author Share Posted August 23, 2009 Thanks, guys. I'm feeling better already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in Austin Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 IMHO, you would be very selfish indeed if you put anyone else's needs above that of your unborn baby. Everyone else on this earth can find someone besides you to meet their needs. Your sweet baby can turn to no one else if you don't meet his/her needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Can your dh be an advocate for you? I'm in the same region as Houston and it seems to have been overly hot/humid this year. I'm 42 and NOT pregnant and my energy is zapped. So honey you deserve all the cocooning you need. Will your dh screen your calls? Or do you have a blog or facebook where you can leave little updates for people wondering how you are? I wouldn't feel bad at all about setting some boundaries for yourself and get those you love to help enforce them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 You don't sound at all selfish to me. It sounds to me as though you're tired of being used by people who just take. That sounds healthy to me. You're setting boundries so you don't get trampled by others selfish demands...again, totally healthy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brooketopia Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 :iagree: You're allowed to be happy without feeling guilty! Unborn baby is sharing the #1 spot with you...be kind to yourself. You can always imitate a headless chicken when you're not pregnant, if it makes you feel better... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Pregnancy is a whole other ballgame. You NEED to take care of yourself. I give you permission to spend time with the people who nurture you and support you. Have your hubby run interference and let the energy vampires know that you are maxed out and unavailable right now. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Others have already said it, but I will reiterate. You are NOT being selfish. Not at all. You must take care of yourself. Setting boundaries sometimes feels selfish, but they are healthy. If others cannot respect your boundaries right now, then they will just have to deal with and own their own feelings. KWIM? You are pregnant, in the hot summer, hormonal and wiped out. Right now...you are the one who needs the extra help...not others. Does that makes sense? Praying for you...I know what it is like to be preg. in the hot summer...with no A/C might I add! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OHGrandma Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Follow the directions on the air mask on a plane, put the mask on yourself before helping others. If you pass out due to a lack of oxygen(or energy in your case) then you can not help others at all and even become a huge burden! Take care of yourself, do what you can for others within your power. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 You're in your fifth month right? I totally lost my tolerance for certain people in my fifth month in every single pregnancy. Hang in there, take care of yourself. You are NOT selfish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirtroad Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 (edited) I am in the same boat. I do not think it is being selfish to be more selective or even absent from things, I think it is taking care of myself for my family... and taking care of my unborn child. I am over 40 and this is the hardest pregnancy ever! I am not going to as many family events... I am not listening to friends complaints about how awful life is for them... and I am not booking many "Play dates" for young or old folks to gather. I can't manage it. It takes more energy and I just can't do it or give it. I may feel pretty good, but I do get tired very quickly. It is only for a brief period... but I think most will understand that you just can't do it all. Being pregnant at 43 is WAY DIFFERENT than at 23. I have even been working with my 8 & 10 year old in preparing for baby & my need for their help. Goodness, I can't even pick up things I drop very well & can't turn over in bed without great effort. They are wonderful & have been helping with more chores... even laundry & bigger jobs than are their normal area. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF & THE BABY! Let the friends & duties slide unless absolutely necessary!;) Tell your friends that you love them & are doing good... but you are trying to take it easy as possible and prepare for this new life.... you will be back in the swing of things soon & appreciate their compassion!!! Edited August 23, 2009 by Dirtroad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth in OH Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 What kind of a hateful, selfish person feels that way about friends? YIKES! What is wrong with me? You are not hateful or selfish, nor is there anything wrong with you--pregnant, or not. Read one of the Boundaries books by Cloud and Townsend (Christian). It will validate you as an emotionally healthy person! Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted August 23, 2009 Author Share Posted August 23, 2009 Apparently, I'm raising emotionally healthy children, as well. Miss Good keeps telling me, "Just say no to the crazy people, Mom." The takers and crazy people don't make me feel as bad as my real friends who are just going through a hard time due to health problems or a death in the family. I keep telling myself, "I sure hope YOU never need anyone's compassion." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 The takers and crazy people don't make me feel as bad as my real friends who are just going through a hard time due to health problems or a death in the family. I keep telling myself, "I sure hope YOU never need anyone's compassion." Actually, you do need other people's compassion. You are pregnant! Health problems and deaths in families class as hard times, yes, but so do pregnancies. Your friends are probably at home feeling bad that they aren't able to take care of you! Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfarm Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 I'm competent, and people often think that what I do does not cost anything, so they don't think I'll mind doing for them as well, while I'm at it. I can so relate to this statement! Just because I have forced myself to learn how to be good at a variety of things, particularly administrative ones, I have often had people comment that since it comes so easily for me, would I do their work also. They don't comprehend that it is just as hard for me as for them and I hate it as much as they do, I have merely made myself learn how to do it well and quickly. Grrrr... Regarding the requests for your time these days, just tell them that you are busy helping someone grow a set of lungs today and will get back to them when you have some free time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.