One kid ruining it for the rest

[SquirrellyMama]

We were going to the pool today but one of my kids got into trouble this morning. I didn't feel that this child should be allowed the fun of the swimming pool. The other kids were obviously disappointed. How do other people deal with this in their family. I usually go ahead with plans because of the other kids but today I decided not to. At first anyway. I decided to go ahead and let all the kids go to the pool since the child in trouble was punished and thought maybe I had over punished. Well, the same child got in trouble again! Different offense this time.

 

So, once again the pool is off. I feel terrible. I know I should have just stayed with my first punishment of no pool and not disappointed the kids who aren't in trouble AGAIN.

 

How do you deal with the child who isn't in trouble? Do you find an alternate activity for them? Buy them something? Just consider it a learning experience because we'll always encounter people who will screw things up for us?

 

The guilty party (acutally two were guilty in the second offense) is taking a nap this afternoon and the other child is off playing with friends.

 

Kelly

[TeenagerMom]

In that situation, I would take all the kids to the pool but the one that was in trouble wouldn't participate in the play. They would be sitting in the shade somewhere reading a book.

[stacim]

Could you still go to the pool and have the guilty party sit out, either for the whole time or just part of the time? That may not work if you need to be in the pool with the other kids, but just a thought.

 

Unfortunately, sometimes all have to miss out because of one when you have multiple children. It can be hard, but sometimes it can provide opportunities for the kids to encourage each other toward "right" behavior.

 

~Staci

[Supertechmom]

I've made mine go and sit on the sidelines. Sometimes this is the only option. IF they get really whiny about sitting, I make them take some kind of insane boring copy work and do that while sitting on the sidelines. I don't really have a good back up given that I have 3 from 12-3 and it really gets dicey when one decides to blow it. And it depends on the offense and the child. Some things aren't worth changing plans (delay punishment perhaps) while others are.:grouphug:

[gingersmom]

I would take everyone to the pool and make the one child sit by the side of the pool. I did it with my son once and it made quite an impression.

[MamaT]

In that situation, I would take all the kids to the pool but the one that was in trouble wouldn't participate in the play. They would be sitting in the shade somewhere reading a book.

 

:iagree: That is what I would do as well.

[johnandtinagilbert]

I agree with the other posters.

 

Option 1:

(s) sits out while the rest enjoy the pool..no books, no nothing

 

Option 2:

Sometimes accountability b/t siblings is a great way to improve behavior. Only if they're close and they care that their sibs are upset.

 

Option 3:

Shorten that nap..napping is pleasurable, not something to do when being punished. Unless you know they need the sleep and perhaps this is why the behavior issue occurred.

[SquirrellyMama]

Option 3:

Shorten that nap..napping is pleasurable, not something to do when being punished. Unless you know they need the sleep and perhaps this is why the behavior issue occurred.

 

 

He doesn't get enough sleep. He is put into bed around 7:30-8pm but doesn't fall asleep until 9-9:30pm. He wakes up between 6-6:30am. He is grouchy as soon as he wakes up and is like this all day. He has been like this since he was a baby.

 

Kelly

[Julie in Austin]

In that situation, I would take all the kids to the pool but the one that was in trouble wouldn't participate in the play. They would be sitting in the shade somewhere reading a book.

 

:iagree:

[Denisemomof4]

In that situation, I would take all the kids to the pool but the one that was in trouble wouldn't participate in the play. They would be sitting in the shade somewhere reading a book.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Because I'm such a mean mom, I usually will even take that further. The child is allowed to eat a healthy meal but wouldn't be allowed any treats if we were bringing any. Punishment is usually a removal of privileges, which includes goodies here. One child shouldn't have been allowed to ruin it for the rest, so maybe you can tell them of your new rule. :001_smile: that is, if it's something you agree with. ;)

[SquirrellyMama]

In that situation, I would take all the kids to the pool but the one that was in trouble wouldn't participate in the play. They would be sitting in the shade somewhere reading a book.

 

 

I hadn't even thought of this option. Maybe I'll give it a try. I'm not sure how this child would handle it. I have to be in the pool so it makes me a little uneasy. I'll give it a try though. Our next pool day is tomorrow if it doesn't rain and Wednesday.

 

I'm not good at delaying punishment which is why I went ahead and cancelled the pool day.

 

Thanks! Kelly

[BeachGirl]

In that situation, I would take all the kids to the pool but the one that was in trouble wouldn't participate in the play. They would be sitting in the shade somewhere reading a book.

 

:iagree:

[PollyOR]

He doesn't get enough sleep. He is put into bed around 7:30-8pm but doesn't fall asleep until 9-9:30pm. He wakes up between 6-6:30am. He is grouchy as soon as he wakes up and is like this all day. He has been like this since he was a baby.

 

Kelly

 

Does he snore? Maybe he isn't getting good sleep?

[SquirrellyMama]

Does he snore? Maybe he isn't getting good sleep?

 

No, I don't think he snores. His older sister does sometimes. Maybe she's waking him up at night. Hopefully in the next month or two we'll be seperating their rooms. I'll see if he still has trouble sleeping.

[JennC]

I guess I am in the minority here. Not that I think anyone else is wrong and I actually like the idea of making one sit on the sidelines 'for a while'.

However, I have learned that for my boys, depending on the 'crime' it usually works better for the child to make amends, rather than lose something unrelated. For instance, if the boy would not do chores that were required before we could leave, his punishment/consequence might be to help the others with their chores next time around in addition to his own.

If the 'crime' was unsafe behavior at the pool, then no swimming makes sense to them.

This is very hard for me to do, since I tend to think that consequence must be immediate and firm. I have come to believe that it is more important for consequence to be related, so that a correlation can be made.

Another benefit of not canceling the fun thing is this: when children have an idea of what they are missing by dawdling, arguing or whatever delays the trips, they are more likely to improve over time. IOW - Since the KNOW how fun a day/picnic at the pond is, they are more likely to pitch in and get ready to go - even if Daniel has to do Thomas' chore in order to get to go. Naturally, Daniel will take this out of Thomas' "hide" in his own time :glare:

For meanness, I love to make my boy write a short selection about why he should not behave that way or why he should show love to his brother. Then they have to kiss and make up - I literally make him give his brother a kiss on the cheek and a hug. This finishes up the punishment and usually has them returned to a healthy alliance against weird mom.

How about making them do this type of "assignment" at the pool and do it to your satisfaction and then they can get in the water. For one too young to write, maybe the nap IS a great solution. Maybe they still NEED a nap.

"you can have a short rest on your towel, while your siblings swim and then after you apologize, you may swim."

[SquirrellyMama]

I guess I am in the minority here. Not that I think anyone else is wrong and I actually like the idea of making one sit on the sidelines 'for a while'.

However, I have learned that for my boys, depending on the 'crime' it usually works better for the child to make amends, rather than lose something unrelated. For instance, if the boy would not do chores that were required before we could leave, his punishment/consequence might be to help the others with their chores next time around in addition to his own.

 

 

The first crime was stealing money from me. In the past he has stolen money from his sister. The first time I made him pay her back. The second time I made him pay her back plus give her 25 cents or $1 extra. The third time he had to pay her back and give her all of his money he had on hand. He just ate her jelly beans the other day so he had to wash trash cans to buy her new jelly beans. Today he took money from me and I know he has no money. I guess I needed to make him wash trash cans again but like I said before I am bad about delayed punishment. If I don't do it now I forget or it just doesn't seem as important. I know that is my problem and I need to work on it.

 

I've thought about taking him to the police station so the police could have a nice chat with him about stealing. Do you think it would be overkill or would that be appropriate? Would the police want to take time to talk with a 6 year old boy about stealing money from his mom and sister?

 

I'll look into both possibilities next time. I do like making the punishment fit the crime but I think sitting on the sidelines of the pool might work well too.

 

Thanks! Kelly

[Tabrett]

By punishing the whole group, the offender is not missing anything fun. Nothing fun is happening. By sitting at the pool and watching the other kids play, the offender is missing a lot.

 

I could really see group punishment backfiring. The dc who are behaving start to realize that they aren't going to be able to do the fun activity even if they behave, so they might as well misbehave. What's the purpose of behaving correctly if your just going to be punished anyway?

[Rainbows]

I try not to make my kids miss out on things because only one of themis causing trouble. Id possibly go to the pool and make the one sit out.......but for my one DS, giving him extra chores to do works far better than taking things away (I learned this over time). An added bonus is things get done around the house that otherwise wouldnt lol

[CookieMonster]

The first crime was stealing money from me. In the past he has stolen money from his sister. The first time I made him pay her back. The second time I made him pay her back plus give her 25 cents or $1 extra. The third time he had to pay her back and give her all of his money he had on hand.

 

In my experience, six year olds really don't understand the value of money. They certainly don't think of it the way you and I do. Having to pay the money back certainly makes sense - if the child has an understanding of what he has done by taking it away. I'm guessing that your little guy really doesn't get it. Probably, to him, money is just like a toy truck or a kite or a doll - it's just a toy. Perhaps a better consequence would be the taking away of his toys in addition to giving stolen money back.

 

Remember, too, that just because the child misbehaves again doesn't necessarily mean you disciplined incorrectly. It would be nice if kids instantly dropped a bad behavior after the first correction, but they often don't.

 

Also, about the sleep thing, my son is like that. He's always needed less sleep than the books say he is supposed to need. His grandmothers are the same way; they both have trouble sleeping after 4am. I did several things about this.

 

I tried giving him an digital clock and telling him he was not allowed to get out of bed until a certain time. If he awoke before that time, he was supposed to lay quietly: no talking, no books, no nothing. If he didn't lay quietly, he could not watch his morning 1/2 hour of TV. The alarm clock didn't work because he kept waking up to check it (at 2am) but I carried on the same idea by making it the rule that he was not to get out of bed until I came and got him in the morning. If he talked, got out of bed, made noise, thumped the wall, took more than one trip to the bathroom, or 'checked' to see if his sister was sleeping, he lost his morning TV. It took a couple of weeks, but he did eventually start being quiet when he awoke early. Then, after a couple of weeks of doing that, he started going back to sleep if he awoke early.

 

The other part of that equation was that I had to drag myself out of bed at a consistent time every day. It wasn't fair of me to make him lay in bed extra long just because I didn't feel like getting out of bed.

 

I also try to make sure that he does a lot of physical activity during the day to wear himself out.

Edited July 27, 2009 by CookieMonster

[CookieMonster]

I've thought about taking him to the police station so the police could have a nice chat with him about stealing. Do you think it would be overkill or would that be appropriate? Would the police want to take time to talk with a 6 year old boy about stealing money from his mom and sister?

 

This would be overkill. Big time.

 

You, as the mom, just need to be consistent over time. Continue with appropriate discipline. Continue providing appropriate activites to keep the child from dreaming up trouble. Continue looking for new methods if what you're doing isn't working (we all hit walls in this area). Just keep on keeping on.

[lgm]

 

I've thought about taking him to the police station so the police could have a nice chat with him about stealing. Do you think it would be overkill or would that be appropriate? Would the police want to take time to talk with a 6 year old boy about stealing money from his mom and sister?

 

 

 

It's in the normal zone for sixes not to be too clear on 'yours' vs. 'mine' and when they do understand to push the rule anyway..don't have my child development chart here, but as I remember 9 is really the age when they understand that they are stealing and they begin to associate a value with an item.

[phathui5]

Today he took money from me and I know he has no money. I guess I needed to make him wash trash cans again but like I said before I am bad about delayed punishment.

 

I would keep having him work if off if that happens. You being bad about being consistant isn't a good reason for all the kids to miss something fun.

Edited July 27, 2009 by phathui5

[Willow]

Money (and supermarkets) are tricky for 6 year olds. After all, mum walks up to a machine in the wall, presses a few buttons and gets money, and then gets what she wants. Supermarkets are even more weird. Mum fills a trolley of stuff, goes to the checkout. The lady there scans the stuff, mum chats for a few moments and then you leave with all the stuff.

 

When did money change hands?

 

Even if you do pay cash, you got it from that machine, maybe you pay by cheque, just write a little note and off you go!

 

Kids often really do think money, whilst not growing on trees, does arrive freely from a hole in a wall. Easy come, easy go. What on earth is all the fuss about?

 

Jelly beans, now that is different! He KNOWS they belong to his sister! But i would not punish the whole crew. He would simply do extra chores to earn the cash (helps make that work/cash connection) go shopping with me to buy her some more.

[swellmomma]

I struggle with this often. My oldest is always in trouble and as a result ruins things for everyone. FOr example, we had plans to go have a game night at my neighbor's place last Monday night, ds took off, so Instead I spent hours searching for him and we all had to miss the game night. Today he took off, and by the time I found him we were out of gas which means they all miss swimming lessons for the rest of the week until I get more $$ because lessons are a 30 minute drive away and impossible to walk to.

 

There is other times he is being out right disobient/mean and I want to cancel a fun activity I planned for the family for him, but either have to cancel it for everyone, or take him with us as leaving him on the sidelines isn't an option and I have no one else to watch him.

[JennC]

I struggle with this often. My oldest is always in trouble and as a result ruins things for everyone. FOr example, we had plans to go have a game night at my neighbor's place last Monday night, ds took off, so Instead I spent hours searching for him and we all had to miss the game night. Today he took off, and by the time I found him we were out of gas which means they all miss swimming lessons for the rest of the week until I get more $$ because lessons are a 30 minute drive away and impossible to walk to.

 

There is other times he is being out right disobient/mean and I want to cancel a fun activity I planned for the family for him, but either have to cancel it for everyone, or take him with us as leaving him on the sidelines isn't an option and I have no one else to watch him.

 

 

Another solution for our family is on very few occasions I have found a babysitter - usually a friend who trades with me on short notice - and simply said "OK, you don't go today. Tammy said you can go to her house." They KNOW they are in trouble and they will miss out on family time, but she doesn't punish them, just includes them in whatever they are doing. Seems like they get off easy to me, but they know what they are missing and they do somehow feel badly that it was their fault, not mom's or whoever's, and I have only had to do this a few times in this type of instance (Of course you have to find them first:glare:) Next time all it takes is "anyone who want to go along must _______. If you choose not to, I will get a sitter for you."

[Aubrey]

Dd stole some $ from ds last yr. Dh & I were appalled, having never dealt w/ this, & we asked her, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???"

 

She answered matter-of-factly, "I was thinking to be sneaky." :001_huh: :lol:

 

So we asked her what she wanted the money for. That was the best thing we did. I'd just started selling Usborne books, & she loved them so much, she wanted to start selling them. If she could just save up for a starter kit.

 

But she didn't have the $, she explained, & she didn't ever have an opportunity to get $, & there was big bro's $ just sitting there...

 

She'd been thinking all of this, stealing a dollar or 2 at a time, for...a couple of months, at least. Long enough that she didn't know how much of the $ in her piggy bank was hers & how much was bro's.

 

Once we found out why she was stealing, we were able to a) explain NOT to do that, lol, & b) give her an outlet for her frustrations. We gave her opportunities to earn $ around the house, & pretty soon she moved on to other things. (And she got plenty of books for Christmas that yr!)

 

So I'd say talk to him & see what he's thinking.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Part of the natural consequence of getting in trouble is having other people that are effected being upset with you. I'm okay with that. I also, often, build in the logical consequence of the offender "blessing" the other in order to kinda make up for what the non-offenders lost out on. It kinda depends on age. For a 2yo, an "I saw-ree" is good enough for keeping the other kids from going outside a few minutes as the 2yo was getting in trouble for whatever and held the train up. It would be much bigger for a 10yo keeping everyone from a 3 hour pool trip.

 

But I wouldn't rescue ANYONE from the experience though I think sitting out while the other still get to go is fine. It just depends on the circumstances. But sometimes everyone misses out and it's fine for non-offenders (mom included) to be upset with the offender.

Edited July 27, 2009 by 2J5M9K

[CalicoKat]

I hate this kind of scenario. Ultimately if I "wave the flag" of discipline/consequence one of my dc will(always) takes the bait. Then I feel guilty because that particular dc always wrecks it for all.....if I don't enforce the consequence I threatened then I loose momentum and respect with that child.

 

Soooooo...... we take timeouts on the road. In your particular scenario, which has played out here too, the conseqence is that he/she has to sit in time out for 15-20 minutes after we get to the pool while the others get to play. Occasionally there is a whole-event-timeout threatened.

 

This works well as a reminder for next time. It reinforces that there won't be any fun unless there's cooperation. And it doesn't punish kids for their sibs bad choices. The rule for timeouts in public include, 1. must be quiet and self-controlled 2. if they're not quiet the timeout starts over again. 3. timeout starts when they start #1.

 

It usually only happens once. BUT my daughter with ADHD frequently needs repetition to affirm boundaries and my dedication & love to her. Sigh, still eating a bucket of nails for breakfast and growing a thicker skin.

[NancyNellen]

That's how we would handle it, as well.

[SquirrellyMama]

I will definitly give some of these ideas a try. Thanks!

 

My son is not at all sneaky about his stealing. He comes to me and says "I found this money in my pocket, my bed, my pillow, etc...". He knows I'm going to find out and he confesses after I ask him 2 times. I really don't get it. I'm thankful that he isn't sneaky and usually thank him for letting me know. I'm afraid he'll start getting better at being sneaky before he learns a lesson.

 

Kelly

[lulubelle]

One rule of thumb I was told is be careful what you take away for a punishment. Try to make a habit of not taking away something that is a "family" activity. Aren't there so many other things that can be taken away? Really is it worth punishing everyone else for one kids bad behavior? I know it's an immediate instinct to take away what is coming right up that would be fun, but is it worth taking it away for everyone?

[Barb_]

However, I have learned that for my boys, depending on the 'crime' it usually works better for the child to make amends, rather than lose something unrelated.

 

I agree with Jenn, especially given the age of your son.

 

You, as the mom, just need to be consistent over time. Continue with appropriate discipline. Continue providing appropriate activites to keep the child from dreaming up trouble. Continue looking for new methods if what you're doing isn't working (we all hit walls in this area). Just keep on keeping on.

 

Uh-huh. Just because something doesn't seem to be working doesn't mean it isn't. The frontal lobes of the brain are responsible for higher thinking...things like planning, impulse control, and other civilized behavior. Building up neural connections takes time. The fact that your son take the money and then confesses almost immediately says to me that he isn't thinking to stop himself until it's too late.

 

So we asked her what she wanted the money for. That was the best thing we did. I'd just started selling Usborne books, & she loved them so much, she wanted to start selling them. If she could just save up for a starter kit. ...Once we found out why she was stealing, we were able to a) explain NOT to do that, lol, & b) give her an outlet for her frustrations. We gave her opportunities to earn $ around the house, & pretty soon she moved on to other things. ...So I'd say talk to him & see what he's thinking.

 

So true. Have you asked him why he takes the money? Can you keep the money where he can't get to it? Take away the temptation so to speak? The best way to break a bad habit is to replace it with a better one. Maybe when he has the urge to take money, he should come and tell you about it and you'll give him a small chore to do to earn a quarter or a dollar or whatever. Be sure to praise him for his self-control.

 

My son is not at all sneaky about his stealing. He comes to me and says "I found this money in my pocket, my bed, my pillow, etc...". He knows I'm going to find out and he confesses after I ask him 2 times. I really don't get it.

 

Give him the, "Oh, REALLY!" raised eyebrow and give him one (not two) do over. He seems to be doing it at least in part for your exciting overreaction (unless I'm totally mistaken as I read between the lines). When he confesses, tell him to put the money back then come to you for a chore to pay for what he took. If it is his brother's money, have him do a chore he is usually responsible for. If it is his sister's, then he needs to read her a book or make her bed. Then talk to him about why he wants money, how important it is to learn self-control, and how he can earn money honestly whenever he would like to do extra work around the house.

 

Barb

[SquirrellyMama]

So true. Have you asked him why he takes the money? Can you keep the money where he can't get to it? Take away the temptation so to speak? The best way to break a bad habit is to replace it with a better one. Maybe when he has the urge to take money, he should come and tell you about it and you'll give him a small chore to do to earn a quarter or a dollar or whatever. Be sure to praise him for his self-control.

 

We put all the piggy banks up so he cannot get into those anymore. The money he took today was from the van. It is my parking meter money. I can certainly try having him come to me. I'm not sure if I want to start having paying him each time with a chore though. I think he'll be coming to me every hour :001_smile: I also don't have that many chores that they can be paid for. Only three so far and they are not done everyday. Maybe I can give him some verbal praise and attention instead. That is a good idea though. I'm sure I can give him a chore to do sometimes just not everytime.

 

He seems to be doing it at least in part for your exciting overreaction (unless I'm totally mistaken as I read between the lines).

 

 

 

I'm not sure my reactions are all that exciting. I usually say, "You found the money? Really, where did you get it?" When he says he found it I usually tell him I do not believe him and I ask again and that is usually when he tells the truth. We then go and talk about stealing and trust and he is corrected. I will try to write down some chores he can do when this happens so I'll be prepared with it.

 

Thanks, Kelly

[Barb_]

I'm not sure my reactions are all that exciting. I usually say, "You found the money? Really, where did you get it?" When he says he found it I usually tell him I do not believe him and I ask again and that is usually when he tells the truth. We then go and talk about stealing and trust and he is corrected. I will try to write down some chores he can do when this happens so I'll be prepared with it.

 

LOL :lol: He actually sounds very cute and it sounds as if you're handling things really well. I think consistency coupled with praise will eventually win him over as he matures. I thought your reactions might have been bigger than that because of your pool anxiety this afternoon, but you were probably just caught up in the moment.

 

Another thing you might want to introduce is the concept of self-control and how that is a sign of growing up and something to be proud of. Make a point to notice when your money hasn't gone missing in a few days, acknowledge how hard it is not to give in and take the money when he really, really, really wants it and tell him how happy you are that he's showing self-control. Give him opportunities to exhibit self-control.. For example:

 

"..Can you watch a video? Sure, but turn off the tv after just one. What are you going to do when the video is over? Turn off the TV...that's right." Then watch him closely. If he remembers to turn off the TV, praise him and tell him you are more likely to let him watch a DVD next time because he showed such great self-control. When I want to establish a new character habit, I try to repeatedly label the trait out loud and invent plenty of built in practice.

 

Barb

[SquirrellyMama]

I thought your reactions might have been bigger than that because of your pool anxiety this afternoon, but you were probably just caught up in the moment.

 

 

Usually it doesn't involve all the kids so when it does I feel really bad for the ones that weren't misbehaving. He is a character that is for sure.

 

The first time he took his sister's money he was up on the top bunk screaming about how it wasn't fair that she had more money than him and that she needed to share it with him. I called my dh and told him we had a budding socialist on our hands. So we had a chat about it. The next day he set up a desk and started selling tap water to the family :001_huh: I had to pay for the water a second time after already paying the city. That time I called my dh and told him we now had an over the top capitalist on our hands :lol: He has good intentions for wanting the money. One time he wanted to buy his sister a gift. That is when we started giving some paid for chores. I'll take these suggestions and write them down so I'm more prepared.

 

Thanks everyone!

 

Kelly

[LibraryLover]

It doesn't sound like he's 'stealing' money. He sounds like he wants the adventure of 'finding' it. What would happen if you said easily, "Oh, I know that's the meter money from the car! Wouldn't it be exciting to really find treasure. We need to put this back so we have money when we need to park!" and then took it back, or had him put it back? 'Stealing' needs a more well thought out plan of hiding it in his sock drawer, or something. It doesn't sound to me he has such a plan. :lol:

 

He seems like he's just playing. Crabbiness at not getting enough sleep doesn't mean he's a thief. lol (Not to mention that some people take a bit to get moving in the morning, no matter how much good sleep they get. Hello? That's me. Heh.)

Edited July 28, 2009 by LibraryLover

[Brindee]

Oh on the sleeping thing... My 7 year old isn't much of a sleeper. I now let him go to bed much later than I was and he sleeps until a more sane time (until about 8 am). My only "rule" is that after 8 pm he is on his own. I'm not available to make food, or get this, or do that. That was my only beef about him staying up later, was that I just needed a bit of down time. On the other hand, having him up at 5 in the morning was ridiculous too.

 

Even despite that, he is still sometimes up at the crack of dawn. Sunday morning he was banging on my door at 7 in the morning after he had gone to bed at 10:30 the night before. *sigh*

 

As an infant he didn't sleep either.

My oldest was like that. 7 hours of sleep was a GREAT night for him! He wasn't neccessarily grumpy,during the day either, he just didn't need much sleep! That's tough! I did NOT like getting up at 4 or 5 because he was wide awake!:tongue_smilie:

[SquirrellyMama]

Crabbiness at not getting enough sleep doesn't mean he's a thief. lol (Not to mention that some people take a bit to get moving in the morning, no matter how much good sleep they get. Hello? That's me. Heh.)

 

I'm sory if I implied that it was. I never meant to. I think I just added it in but cannot remember why now. I know it takes a while for some people to get moving. Completely understand but not to the point where he is yelling at people, telling me everything is gross and stupid. Scowling at everyone. That to me is more than just needing extra time to get up in the morning. He's like this throughout the day some days. I think it sounded like he needed more sleep but he's having a hard time getting it.

[Tiff in TX]

In that situation, I would take all the kids to the pool but the one that was in trouble wouldn't participate in the play. They would be sitting in the shade somewhere reading a book.

 

:iagree: as long as the book isn't seen as a form of added punishment.

[LibraryLover]

I'm sory if I implied that it was. I never meant to. I think I just added it in but cannot remember why now. I know it takes a while for some people to get moving. Completely understand but not to the point where he is yelling at people, telling me everything is gross and stupid. Scowling at everyone. That to me is more than just needing extra time to get up in the morning. He's like this throughout the day some days. I think it sounded like he needed more sleep but he's having a hard time getting it.

 

I didn't mean that in snarky way, just that his sleep patterns might not have anything to do with him wanting to find treasure. It just seems to me that a stealing child would be more sneaky. It doesn't sound like he's being sneaky. it very much sounds like preoperational /wishful thinking. Six yr olds are quite good at innocently re-tooling reality. :D

http://psychology.about.com/od/piagetstheory/p/preoperational.htm

Edited July 28, 2009 by LibraryLover

[SquirrellyMama]

I didn't mean that in snarky way, just that his sleep patterns might not have anything to do with him wanting to find treasure. It just seems to me that a stealing child would be more sneaky. It doesn't sound like he's being sneaky. it very much sounds like preoperational /wishful thinking. Six yr olds are quite good at innocently re-tooling reality. :D

http://psychology.about.com/od/piagetstheory/p/preoperational.htm

 

I actually put the sleep thing as a completely different thing. I think. I don't remember it having anything to do with the stealing. I think it was because of the second time he got in trouble with was not stealing related. It is one of those leaps that my dh questions with "when did we cross this bridge". I make some leaps because it is in my head I assume everyone is following my thoughts too.

 

I would think he'd be sneaky too. I have just always assumed his conscience got to him.

 

Kelly

[LibraryLover]

 

I would think he'd be sneaky too. I have just always assumed his conscience got to him.

 

Kelly

 

I have a couple of kids who fight sleep. Not fun.

 

It could be his conscience, but it might also be that he doesn't think he is stealing.

 

Oh, I am not saying to ignore, esp if you are seeing a true theft pattern, just that if he really wanted the money for money's sake, would he approach you and talk about it? Kids see the world in such odd ways. 'Look, money!" ' Oh, that's our parking meter money you 'found'! After you count it up for me, we'll go put it back!' Sometimes making less of something is better. Not always,of course, but sometimes.

 

I don't know. I'm sure you have a handle on it, as you know him best. I am just coming at this from the perspective of a mom w/ older kids (youngest is 10). I've learned that little children are mostly not thinking the bad things we think they are thinking. :D In fact, they often do not think at all! Well, they are smart, just not able to follow through on scheming as well as we think they can. lol

 

Good luck with it. Sometimes the most delightful children are the most challenging.

Edited July 28, 2009 by LibraryLover