Youth Group - Is it a good thing?

[JenniferB]

What are your thoughts on youth group? Does your church facilitate a youth group? Does it seem like a positive influence and a good method for discipling children in the ways of the Lord? If not, does your church do something else, and what does that look like in your church?

[ciyates]

Our church has an outreach ministry for youth. Its goal is to bring non churched kids into the church to learn about God. I think it does a pretty good job of it. What does it look like? Well to be honest it is very messy. These kids are from broken homes, are hurting and are in desperate need of love. These are the undesirables in the community. They try and shock you with their language and their attitudes. They are exactly who we are to be reaching out to! Our current YM has a real love and ability to connect with these kids and to be honest it isn't easy. Very few of the so called good church kids come to our outreach group. I think their parents are protecting them from this influence. I completely understand that and support them. I however use this time to teach my ds how to show compassion and love to them. Also I use it as a teaching tool to show how their destructive behavior is hurting them. I can't really answer your other questions because I don't know. What I do know is that this is where God is calling us to serve and we can't go wrong as long as we are faithful. :001_smile:

[Dayle in Guatemala]

but it can also be negative.

 

Let me preface my comments by saying that my dh and I were youth ministers for over 10 years and are actually looking in to starting a group here in Antigua. So maybe I'm a little biased?;)

 

I have experienced a positive youth group experience. We were there to facilitate and make services a safe place for EVERYONE who attended to feel that they could be real. They could be honest about what they struggled with and what they were feeling. There were times when bullying (teasing, cliques, etc) happened, but, we came down hard on it. There was even a time when I told a certain group of girls that if they were having a hard time accepting some of the kids in the group, I understood and would help them to find a different group where they could feel more comfortable, but, they were not allowed to treat others the way they were treating them.

 

We helped the kids to find their passion and turn it into something they could use to glorify God. My dh didn't preach down to them--he expected them to understand the deeper things of God. We discipled them. We didn't play games with them (although we did have fun things we did from time to time).

 

Anyway, the flip side is the youth group a friend of my dd's attends. She is bullied everytime she goes. Noone stands up for her. She's not the only one, there are a lot of kids who are teased mercilessly by the so-called "popular" kids in the group who are favorites with the youth pastor. My dd's friend is struggling. The group is basically a social club and there is precious little spiritual stuff going on. I guess I don't understand why anyone would waste their dc's time with something like that!

[teraberry]

Voddie Bacham spoke about this at one of his speeches this weekend at the Arizona Homeschool Convention. I was really surprised at the hard line he took on this. At his church they do not have any youth groups and he thinks it is not biblical. Instead, at their church, they try to support and encourage parents to be the ones who are discipling their own children.

 

I agree with him that parents should be the primary spiritual leaders of their children. No doubt about that! However, I do not think it is wrong to have youth groups. My children attend our church's Wednesday night church group. It is split up into boys and girls and by age... 1st and 2nd grade girls are together and so on. The curriculum that they have is so solid and it is a good time for my kids to see other examples of godly leaders, as well as spending time with their friends from church.

 

Now our church also has a Jr. High / Sr. High group that we have chosen not to use. Everyone is together in that group and I see it as being reflective of a typical teen atmosphere, of which we aren't all that crazy. For us, we want a more quiet, reflective atmosphere especially for our preteen (turns 13 this winter). So instead of using the teen group at church, we and a few friends will host a Bible study for our kids, basically our own small youth group in a home. We still want to make it exciting and do some trips, have good food and such, but they will have more responsibility and accountability with Bible study and their actions.

[mom2a&z]

I have been asking myself that same question. My dd is 11 and is supposed to start going to youth in the fall. They combine middle and high school kids, and I think she is too young. The youth in our church do everything together... Sunday School, sit together during worship, and Wednesday evening activities.

 

I feel like I would be sending her off with her peer group for discipleship. I won't have the control over that aspect of her upbringing and that makes me uncomfortable. One reason I homeschool her is to keep her away from some of the things that go on in ps, and the vast majority of the youth go to ps. There are good kids in youth, but sometimes I think they are more interested in the party aspect and hanging out with the opposite sex than with actually learning about Christ.

 

Having said that, our youth minister is well respected and does have a passion for what he does. That is why I'm conflicted. Pretty much all of her friends are at church and if I keep her out of the youth group, will I be isolating her even more?

 

I would love to hear from parents that attend church regularly, but keep their dc out of the youth group :bigear:

[Desert Rat]

Growing up, our youth group was a wonderful and suportive group, Christ oriented and full of grace. My mom and dad were active adults in the group and later my dad became a Youth Pastor and led the same group. I received my best influences there and felt that it was a great place to grow up.

BUT...we had awesome leaders who made sure we stayed on track. Some groups are all about fun. And we did have lots of fun. However, we had planning sessions in January for our new year. Us kids had a say in what we wanted to discuss and what we wanted to do for fun, always contigent upon approval and in a 3:1 ratio, meaning every month we had 3 lessons to one fun activity (pizza, movie night, mini golf, etc.) Summers were just fun because so many kids had vacations, etc.

My dad started a stepping stones program for 6th graders which introduced them to the group in smaller increments. 7th grade began full membership and the grades were divided into Jr. and Sr. high with fun activities being together.

It was an extremely positive experience for me. I'm not Christian as an adult and don't raise my children in the Christian faith but I would still allow them to go to youth group with my dad. I feel that kids need to be around their peers and youth group is a great way to monitor this in a safe setting.

Again, it depends on the youth group and more importantly, the leadership and parent involvement.

HTH

[LoriM]

Youth group has been nothing but a positive experience for my girls. Friendship with other humans is messy. :)

[FO4UR]

It depends on the church and the leadership.

[Harriet Vane]

The real question is which one?

 

I was involved with three different youth groups on high school. One was from a medium-sized church. The Bible lesson was mediocre at best, and socially it was very, very difficult to break into. I tried many times but didn't expect to have such difficulties. I had grown up in that church but stopped attending Sunday services, then went back into the youth group. I was the only one there who attended a private school, and was left out of everything. It was like church babysitting--mediocre Bible instruction, negative peer interaction, NO discipleship or outreach AT ALL.

 

Another youth group was through a large church. It was a large group. Peers were not an issue as I went there with friends. The teaching was mediocre, though they did require the teens to be in small groups wherein more hands-on discipleship took place. Those small groups were the strength of the group. The group had tons and tons of social events, and one major missions trip each year. The missions trip was a good experience. In many ways I appreciated the social events because it was a clean place to have fun. As an adult looking back on it, though, I think there was far too little Christian education and discipleship.

 

In retrospect, based on these two youth groups, I would answer your question saying that I don't think youth group is the best idea when the teaching and discipleship are mediocre, haphazard, and the group operates more as a Christian social club.

 

My third youth group was by far the best, and an experience I pray my daughter can find and benefit from as well. It was a small group with a small church. We met once a week for Bible study--and it was actually an in-depth study. The group leaders poured themselves into us and really knew us as individuals. There were social events, but they took second place to the Bible instruction, prayer, and discipleship. Those youth group leaders sacrificed for me personally many, many times and continue to be two of my dearest friends in the world. Those youth pastors were totally focused on high expectations for biblical instruction and personal discipleship. Is this type of youth group a good thing? Definitely. But my experience both as a teen and now as an adult has shown that this type of youth group is rare.

[teraberry]

One note to those debating whether to do a church youth group or not. I don't think this is a black and white issue, but rather and issue of conscious. If you do not have a clear conscious about it, then I wouldn't get my child involved in it.

 

There are different parts of the body of Christ. We don't need all our children in the same group situation. God may be preparing your child to be a certain part of the body and another child for another job. Your child may be an arm and another may be a leg. I think parents need to look at their own child's strengths and weaknesses, their desires and gifts, and then make a decision based on what will best prepare their child to be used in God's kingdom.

 

I would also talk to your child about it. If they are preteens or teens, then they should start to gain more repsonsibility and have more input in these sorts of decisions. If you aren't crazy about the youth group, you can always form something else that may minister to other youth as well.

[creekland]

A youth group is as good as their leader(s). There have been some I wouldn't want my kids going to and others I happily send them to. A good leader makes all the difference - not really the kids that are in it.

 

None are perfect (just as nothing in this world is). We make it a routine to talk with our boys about what is going on and discussing pros and cons. It's a good way for them to pick up discernment. It's also good for socialization - as long as one has checked out the group (see my first statement).

[Shelly in the Country]

I have pondered a lot of this myself. I haven't had to address this with my kids yet. However, I was in a youth group in a relatively large church (though not a mega church) when I was a teen. The spiritual aspect of the experience was all very, very negative. The fruit of that organization was terrible. Lots of kids leaving the faith as adults, etc. I went in pretty grounded myself, so I was not affected too terribly by the spiritual confusion there. So for me it served as a nice chaperoned social club. I got to volunteer in the community, hang out with friends, go to Christian conerts and amusement parks as a group. I had a lot of fun there.

 

I learned NOTHING about the Bible. The sermons were a whole lot of law with very little Gospel. Legalism was a real problem there. The leadership was flawed to say the least. There also appeared to be very little connection/accountability to the senior pastor of the church. It was like they were there doing their own thing. By the grace of God, I stayed in the faith and left the youth group once I got fed up enough with the leadership. But I had a safe, fun and chaperoned adolescent experience. I was there when the doors were open. My teen social life revolved around that youth group. My parents knew where I was and who I was with.

[Erica in PA]

What are your thoughts on youth group? Does your church facilitate a youth group? Does it seem like a positive influence and a good method for discipling children in the ways of the Lord? If not, does your church do something else, and what does that look like in your church?

 

My husband and I help lead the youth at our church. I think it's a great thing. In our group, we are careful not to overstep the parent's primary responsibility to disciple their own child. However, it's a great opportunity to get together with their peers and learn more together. My 13 year old son has been in the youth group for a year, and he has learned A LOT in the past year. Before that he was in AWANA for four years, and I would say that, though he enjoyed that, youth group has been much more spiritually beneficial. We are teaching through the Sermon on the Mount, and the combination of teaching and small group discussion has really helped him internalize the information.

 

Once a month we have a boys night and a girls night, where we get together and do something fun. Tonight the girls are coming over and swimming at our pool, then coming back to our apartment to spend some time in prayer, followed by games and chocolate fondue. Maybe every other month or so we have a larger activity that the whole group participates in, and every few months we have a family game night to include the whole family. Doing fun things like this help form strong friendships between the kids, as well as with the leaders, which can help produce more fruitful conversations at youth group. We are careful not to overschedule though, because we view this as just one small part of the kids' spiritual development. We want to help supplement what parents are doing, not replace it.

 

If you have any more questions, I'd be happy to answer them.

[BlsdMama]

Not if you're really conservative.

 

If you are particular about the beliefs you want to instill in your children it is just plain silly to take impressionable young people and stick them with a bunch of peers that will have been exposed to many opposing views to your conservative-ism. If, on the other hand, you are not at all conservative, then expect to find essentially more like your own.

 

It will depend on what your home is like, and what you're hoping to gain..... But if you are hoping to gain godliness and challenge your children to be strong in the faith and independent of their peers, it is the rare youth group or leaders that will encourage this........

[BlsdMama]

One reason I homeschool her is to keep her away from some of the things that go on in ps, and the vast majority of the youth go to ps.

 

I think they are more interested in the party aspect and hanging out with the opposite sex than with actually learning about Christ.

 

if I keep her out of the youth group, will I be isolating her even more?

 

 

 

If by isolating you mean keeping her from the influences you listed above, isn't that actually the goal? And so knowing these things I wouldn't for one moment think of exposing her. Re-phrase the question:

 

If I knew she could/would be exposed to the same things I avoid in the p.s. setting - an interest in partying, the opposite sex would I purposefully put her in that situation, especially without my parental influence?

 

Sometimes we ask the wrong question and it muddies the water. Sometimes the re-phrase makes it much more obvious......

[Jean in Newcastle]

I prefer a different approach for the teens.

 

* The men in our group have invited ds12 to their monthly men's night. He attends and participates in their potluck, Bible study and watches a (clean) movie with them afterwards. He has developed wonderful relationships with the men in our church as well as the younger people.

 

* As a family we participated in a praise night that a young couple in our group hosts every month or so. The music is contemporary Christian - much of it the popular hits on the Christian radio station. It was a wonderful mix of people that went from 7 to 60+ years old. But the majority of the group is teens/young adults.

 

* The night before, we had a book group that is discussing Francis Schaeffer's "The God Who is There". Ds12 was participating as he was able. It was wonderful for him to see the older young adults really grappling with ideas and their Christianity.

 

As you can see, I prefer activities that are not segregated. Many of these (like the praise night and philosophy book group) appeal esp. to teens/young adults but I love that older (hopefully) more mature Christians are there too. We learn so much from each other. I also like that since it is a non-segregated group, the teens don't engage in behavior and talk that might lead them astray.

[6packofun]

It's a good thing if it's a good youth group and opinions on what makes "good" are so varied that it's a very individual decision. Some parents don't want any social and fun time ever emphasized and prefer youth group to be a small discipleship type group or Bible study only. Some people expect more outreach and service. Some are more relaxed in their expectations and some love it as a way for their kids to get out of the house and be with other good kids.

 

Wide spectrum there. :) The hard part is finding what your needs and desires for your teens are and then discovering what church offers that. And many times it's not one's own church! lol

[TravelingChris]

I normally use youth groups as social activities, not for Bible teaching. Rarely have either I or my children found the Bible teaching to be as substantial as we want it to be. Usually too ,many of the other teens are not too familiar with the Bible but that does depend on the church. My teens are always ready for adult Sunday school classes by the time they are around 14. They just need the higher intellectual level provided in these classes. That said, if they are doing fun things and having fellowship time and service opportunities, I think they are a good thing. My kids have their own set beliefs and don't get swayed by silliness whether in youth groups, swim teams, soccer teams, or wherever. In terms of family togetherness, we have plenty of that. We don't need to be together 24/7. Taking a few hours here and there to be apart from me is really okay and a necessary part of growing into independent adults. Each of my kids had different social issues that needed addressing. For my middle, it is to become more comfortable with others and keeping her at home is not the way to do that. For my youngest, I am always on the lookout to make sure she is discerning about her acqaintances and who she makes as friends. I think I am getting more comfortable with her choices because she is always making good ones. In certain aspects of her behavior, mainly her extroversion and a few other things, she reminds me of my sister who made lots of wrong decisions. On the other hand, she is also a very logical, analytical child which my sister never was and that seems to be the key to her making better choices.

[Erica in PA]

This is a tricky question, and one that some parents at our church wrestle with, but these are some ways that we as youth leaders counsel them (if asked, of course! ;)): What is it that you are truly concerned about? Do you think that your child will begin to act in inappropriate ways, from being exposed in small amounts to some unsaved kids, even when under the guidance of youth leaders that you trust and respect? Is that what leads young people into sin? Does it ultimately come from being around sinners, or from one's own sinful heart? If it's the latter (and I think it is), then the attempt to keep a child completely away from the possibility of encountering any inappropriate behavior in a Christian, supervised setting may not be the best choice. At that point, it can become more and fear and control, rather than disciplining a child. Ultimately a child needs to begin owning his/her own faith, resist temptation, and become able to interact with people while staying true to what they know is right-- and with the right leadership, youth group is a good, safe way for parents to begin that process.

 

Also, I have to admit that I have been shocked by the amount of legalism and Pharisaical behavior that I have observed in the homeschooled kids at youth group!! It's been very discouraging, actually, and surprising, because I know these kids' parents-- they're my friends! But what starts out as family guidelines for modesty, or proper entertainment, etc., can become grounds for judging and rejecting other teens who aren't living up to those standards, especially when the kids have never encountered anyone who didn't do things exactly the way they'd been raised was correct. There's very little empathy for the unsaved, or understanding of kids who have not enjoyed all the benefits of being in a Christian home, or even Christian kids whose families just do things differently. The idea of being a light to the world hasn't computed for many of these teens, at least not in terms of them being light to typical teens in our society. I am glad that we are able to address these issues in youth group, because it really exposes these attitudes in a way that might not be revealed as clearly if the student didn't interact with different sorts of people regularly.

 

There is a lot more to it, and my kids are desperate for me to fix their lunch so I need to go, but that's a start to think about. Personally, my advice would be that if you trust and respect the youth leaders, at some point it would be beneficial for teens to take part in the youth program. Maybe not necessarily at 11 or 12 or 13 years old, but at some point.

Edited July 20, 2009 by Erica in PA

[Erica in PA]

Not if you're really conservative.

 

If you are particular about the beliefs you want to instill in your children it is just plain silly to take impressionable young people and stick them with a bunch of peers that will have been exposed to many opposing views to your conservative-ism. If, on the other hand, you are not at all conservative, then expect to find essentially more like your own.

 

It will depend on what your home is like, and what you're hoping to gain..... But if you are hoping to gain godliness and challenge your children to be strong in the faith and independent of their peers, it is the rare youth group or leaders that will encourage this........

 

I expressed my views on this in more detail above, but I just wanted to mention that my husband and I are extremely "particular" about the beliefs I want to instill in my children, and biblically we're what most people would consider very "conservative," but I strongly disagree that it's silly to allow one's children to take part in a Christian youth group. For us, it is an important part of what we are doing to help raise them to be strong spiritually. I elaborated above, but I just wanted to point out that not everyone who is a strong, committed Christian reaches the conclusions that you have.

[AndyJoy]

I personally have very strong feelings about youth group and will be very discerning when it comes to which youth groups I will let my future teens attend. I don't think youth group in general is a bad or good thing. I think it wholly depends on the level of supervision, purpose, attitude, makeup of the group, maturity of the leaders, etc.

 

Currently, my husband and I are the youth leaders for a small Reformed Baptist church. Parents are welcomed and encouraged to attend any youth meetings. Here is what our youth activities look like.

 

Sunday morning: Youth Sunday school for grades 7-12 is taught on a rotating basis by 2 of the dads. This is generally the "heaviest" material. Youth are welcome to attend adult Sunday school with their parents instead, which some do.

 

Sunday afternoon: Youth Growth Group--this is our outreach/"social club" meeting for grades 6-12. It is held every other week. We meet at a local park where we a) play games for 1 hour, b) have a snack, pray, sing praise & worship, and an "accessible" lesson--spiritually sound, but not super deep for 45 min., and c) wrap up with 15 more minutes of play time. This "social club" fills a request from both kids and parents in our church. 95% of the youth in our church are homeschooled, and they and their parents requested a time where they could have supervised "hang out" time with other teens. The parents think their kids are gettin enough deep biblical teaching at home and on Sunday mornings, but want their kids to have time to just play with other teens. Though my husband and I are young (25 & 27, respectively) and well-liked by the teens, we are not wishy-washy fun immature youth leaders. In fact, we have higher standards for the teens than many of their parents do. We do everything as a group, and there are no opportunities for anyone to wander off or have a conversation that can't be heard by us.

 

Wednesday: My husband and I are facilitating "The Truth Project" video series every week. We pray, watch the video for 30 min., talk for 15 min., then play a game for 15 min. We started this before Sunday afternoons, but then requests came pouring in for a longer, more activity centered youth time. My husband and I are not willing to abandon this, though, as we feel it stretches them intellectually in a way nothing else does. Attendence on Wednesdays has actually gone from 4 to 10 since we added the Sunday afternoon fun time!

 

We do a variety of service projects throughout the year as well. In 2 weeks we are helping at a car wash for the local pregnancy care center.

 

I don't have a problem with youth group "social club" meetings as long as they are well-supervised. Adults enjoy hanging out with their peers in social settings. So do teens. As long as there are mature adults around to quash bullying, inappropriate conversations, etc. I don't see the big deal.

[melis108]

I have mixed feelings about youth groups. Our son just started going to the jr. high group and it has really been a good thing for him. I'm hoping it continues to be a good thing for him.

[Dobela]

It depends on the church and the leadership.

:iagree:Our church has a fantastic youth program now. The leader is energetic, loves the youth, takes his role seriously, and most of all wants to lead the youth to a closer relationship with God. However, our last youth leader was very unmotivated and didn't do much with the youth beyond drive them to summer camps.

 

I believe that the parents are ultimately going to be held responsible for the upbringing of the children. I believe it is my job as the parent to teachmy children about God and lead them to their own faith. I would be concerned about any group that doesn't allow parents to participate/supervise, and that has the youth spending so much time away with other youth that little family time is left over.

[KayT]

Not in our experience. My older child got involved in sex and drugs from the kids in youth group at the age of 16. Youth group was even lead by someone in law enforcement, and over half of these kids were homeschooled. She didn't run around or date. MOST of this happened at church or church functions. That child is now grown almost 30 yrs old still reaping what was sown.

[Rebecca VA]

I was in a wonderful Young Life group in my high school in Memphis back in the 1970s. It was a very positive experience. The social leaders (cool kids) from the school participated, so it was highly respected. We met once a week for Bible study and conversation about walking the Christian faith. We went to camp in Colorado one year, and we went on a couple of day trips.

 

Looking back, I'm very glad to have had this opportunity for social interaction. I was shy and needed to get out more, and this structured activity gave me a chance to meet with other nice kids in a safe environment. It kept all of us focused on the things of God and held us accountable to each other.

[kmacnchs]

It depends on the church and the leadership.

 

:iagree:

 

When I was growing up, my youth group was run by some football coaches from our highschool. They were strong Christian men but unfortunately they are not the ones who influenced the youth group...all the nonChristian football players who came were. My youth group was where all the popular people went. The only people I knew in highschool that were drinking, partying, and having sex were in my youth group...because of that experience, I am a bit turned off with the whole thing.

 

Our youth leader (from my current church) always said that there would be no need for youth leaders if fathers would do their job and pastor their families...

[elizam]

Our church has an outreach ministry for youth. Its goal is to bring non churched kids into the church to learn about God. I think it does a pretty good job of it. What does it look like? Well to be honest it is very messy. These kids are from broken homes, are hurting and are in desperate need of love. These are the undesirables in the community. They try and shock you with their language and their attitudes. They are exactly who we are to be reaching out to! Our current YM has a real love and ability to connect with these kids and to be honest it isn't easy. Very few of the so called good church kids come to our outreach group. I think their parents are protecting them from this influence. I completely understand that and support them. I however use this time to teach my ds how to show compassion and love to them. Also I use it as a teaching tool to show how their destructive behavior is hurting them. I can't really answer your other questions because I don't know. What I do know is that this is where God is calling us to serve and we can't go wrong as long as we are faithful. :001_smile:

 

 

Wow, I like your youth group philosophy, as well as your own personal philosophy. :) Few of our "good kids" even come to youth group, homeschooled and nonhomeschooled alike. They are all too "busy" and disinterested. The faithful few that come are really great kids. But I'd like to see the outreach happening.