Do you spank your children?

[Impish]

Well, of course, but there's a VERY broad spectrum of options between that and spanking.

 

That story makes me want to puke though. Your DH held it together so well in that situation. He must have thought his head was going to explode.

Just about. What really made us choke was when Diva told us he was homeschooled :svengo:

[Satori]

Never. I just came from an attachment parenting babywearing board (member there for 4 years) and its almost 100,000 members overwhelmingly would never dream of spanking. I didn't know people spanked these days!

 

I brought her up AP-style, and have never had an issue with crying, tantrums, and her being purposely bad. I've never felt the urge to spank.

[HRAAB]

:iagree:

 

We spank. My dc are not bound for counseling for low self-esteem. They know they are loved and do not fear me. They also know boundaries and the consequences for crossing those boundaries. I choose spanking over other "effective" parenting techniques like counting to 3 ("One, two...Joey you know what happens when I say 3 (absolutely nothing happens, btw)...three...Joey come here NOW!!! DO YOU HEAR ME??? (Yes, he hears you as does the entire playground and he knows as well as we all do that you are going to do nothing about his disobedience)".), threatening abandonment ("Mama is leaving...goodbye...I'm leaving now!"), bribery ("If you get your shoes on now and come with Mama we can go get some ice cream."), dragging/grabbing by the arms (love it when I see parents yanking their kid by one arm), shouting/yelling/screaming, or the always lovely technique of allowing my dc to scream and throw things (or kick holes in walls) alone in their room (my friend's version of a time-out). If there is a behavior I want stopped immediately, never to happen again I spank/swat because I have witnessed a 3yo pulling a TV down onto his private area and will never get the sound of the screams out of my head. His mother didn't spank/swat him because she didn't want to hurt him. :001_huh: Another friend who also didn't want to hurt her child watched as he got my front door open and ran into a busy street, narrowly missed being hit by a truck (she used a child latch on her front door instead of training him which worked really well (sarcastic) when she left her house for a house that didn't have a latch).

 

Born in the South, raised in the West, set in my ways however backward they may be.

 

So you're saying if the mother had spanked, her 3 year old son wouldn't have pulled the TV down? The only children that run into a busy street are ones that haven't been spanked? That's quite an assumption.

 

Janet

[Debbie in OR]

The OP didn't offend me, although we do spank here, because, honestly, I probably have the same judgments when I hear about people who don't spank. The argument that spanking teaches our children it's ok to hit is just not valid. I, along with hundreds of thousands (millions?) of children were spanked and we grew up to be -- wait for it -- not serial killers or child abusers, but caring, nurturing, productive, contributing members of society. It just doesn't translate. There is a difference between spanking responsibly and beating. They are not.the.same.thing. My kids, who were occasionally spanked for direct defiance (it doesn't take much when done correctly), are very loving, compassionate children who hate it when other kids hit other kids, etc...They absolutely see and know the difference. And, I am ok with my kids defending themselves, as well. They see and know the difference there, too.

 

We have friends who were vehemently against corporal punishment, and with their first child, they never had to use any. Their second child, however...well, let's just say they changed their minds about it :lol:. It's not always needed; there are some kids who are just easy from the moment they come out. Others, not so much. You just have to use your judgment as the parent to do what is best for the training of your kids.

 

ETA: Now that our kids are 8 and 10, we are done with spanking. It took a few well-thought-through spankings ( I can count on one hand how many times) and they are very responsible, happy, obedient kids. Now when there's an issue, we use privilege restrictions. Works great.

Edited July 2, 2009 by Debbie in OR

[amy g.]

I do think that screaming is as bad as spanking, and is sometimes much worse.

 

I struggle with it, and give up yelling at the kids for Lent every year. I usually have a hard time, and tell the kids, "Just you wait until Easter morning!" They think that is funny.

 

This year, I wasn't even tempted to yell. Of course, sometimes I had to go to bed at 7:00 and leave the kids up to take care of themselves. I was going to come back and post that we are all just yelling because we need more sleep.

 

Instead, it turns out that I was pregnant, so I wasn't having hormonal swings. It makes me think that if I can get my hormones regulated even when I'm not pregnant, I might be able to say good-bye to screaming forever.

[Firefly]

:iagree:

 

We spank. My dc are not bound for counseling for low self-esteem.

 

Just to clarify, I knew very well my parents loved me... I was spanked in a loving manner. I did not fear my parents. It still effected MY self esteem but as already noted, different children respond to spanking differently. I'm glad yours are okay with it.

 

It has already been established that spanking is not a guarantee against a child disobeying. Are people not reading all the responses? :confused: Seems like the same things keep being said over and over.... Or have I just not had enough caffeine this morning? :lol:

[Karen sn]

Not of fan of it here, but I can see where in small doses it can come in handy.

Personally, I am more of a swatter. I can't see having my kid over my lap and hitting her butt.

But in a real moment of my being pissed off and her being a snot - I have slapped her arm to get her attention and let her know I mean business. Even mother bears will swat their cubs. More of a "Listen!" than a disciplinary action of "This is your punishment."

 

But the whole act of "organized spanking" is kind of creepy to me.

The only time I want to touch my kid's there is when I am changing a diaper or feeling the soft skin of a baby's butt. It's an erotic zone and I do not want my kids associating it with pain and discipline. I just can't imagine spanking their cute little butts!!

[JudoMom]

But if there's another way (or ways, many), why would you resort to physical violence to teach a lesson? Don't we teach our children that people's bodies are their own? We don't hit? We don't bite? We don't pull hair? We don't pinch? Keep your hands to yourself? Hitting is not how you solve problems? Unless you're a parent, and then it is? I don't understand how we could consider our children lesser in that regard.

 

I don't hit my children out of anger or frustration, which is what children often do when their is hitting, pinching, etc. involved.

 

That's the difference between your examples and spanking. I give them well-calculated swats on the bottom when there is blatant, intentional disobedience. I also have happy, well-behaved children with self-control. I can take them anywhere and they will behave, and it is out of the norm for us to not receive compliments on their behavior. Spanking is not the only form of discipline I use, but it is in the toolbox and has served my family well. Contrary to my SIL's belief, my children weren't born behaving well.

 

I don't think it's a coincidence that as spanking has been on the decline, labeling of children and disorders are on the rise. I do believe some children truly have these disorders, but I also know for a fact that parents are using medication to control their children or using their alphabet of labels to excuse their behavior instead of disciplining them with consistency. I have a perfect example in my own extended family.

 

Before anyone says I don't understand what it is like to parent a difficult child-I've got one who is a pistol and I could get him labeled and medicated in a heartbeat. I also have a child who has rarely been spanked. I use what works.

[melissel]

I have no problem with you voicing your opinion, or trying to change minds, but you should be able to do that without resorting to offensiveness. ;)

 

Actually, I'm not really sure where I wrote something that was meant to be offensive. I stated my opinions, and what I believe about spanking. I do feel very strongly about it. But I never called anyone names or said that anyone's children will be in therapy or anything like that (at least, I don't think I did).

[lionfamily1999]

Are people not reading all the responses? :confused: Seems like the same things keep being said over and over.... Or have I just not had enough caffeine this morning? :lol:

It's gotten to be a lengthy thread, I would guess they aren't reading everything, lol.

I do think that screaming is as bad as spanking, and is sometimes much worse.

 

:iagree: I struggle to maintain a calm demeaner when dealing with the kids and their hijinks. That was one of those things my parents did, and for me, it goes with punishing in public, things that cross MY line.

[HRAAB]

I do think that screaming is as bad as spanking, and is sometimes much worse.

 

I struggle with it, and give up yelling at the kids for Lent every year. I usually have a hard time, and tell the kids, "Just you wait until Easter morning!" They think that is funny.

 

This year, I wasn't even tempted to yell. Of course, sometimes I had to go to bed at 7:00 and leave the kids up to take care of themselves. I was going to come back and post that we are all just yelling because we need more sleep.

 

Instead, it turns out that I was pregnant, so I wasn't having hormonal swings. It makes me think that if I can get my hormones regulated even when I'm not pregnant, I might be able to say good-bye to screaming forever.

 

I also agree with this. And before I get too high and mighty I spent quite a few years fighting my inclination to yell, and indirectly shame my children. I'm afraid to say I've conquered it altogether, but it's been years since I have resorted to yelling and demeaning behavior with my children. Yes, yelling and screaming is harmful to a child.

[Firefly]

It's gotten to be a lengthy thread, I would guess they aren't reading everything, lol.

 

Ah, I see. I think I'll still have take that extra shot of caffeine though!

[phathui5]

I don't spank, and have four well-mannered children who get compliments on their behavior every time we leave the house. I am very firm, and we have rules, but I enforce those rules without hurting them.

[melissel]

I don't spank. I don't scream though either. I think screaming at kids is poor parenting and very damaging.

 

Actually, it's pretty rare that I *scream.* I really tend to speak more sharply than I like, which comes in a direct line from my dad (hard to break those old habits). I did raise my voice quite loudly at them last night though, because the bickering had reached a fever pitch while DH and I were trying to make long-delayed decision about a new refrigerator (which turned out to be moot anyway, stupid OLD house). I do completely agree with you about tone of voice though. When I'm not careful with my sleep and supplements and I'm sliding into a depression, I have less control over my voice. It's my biggest struggle as a parent, and the thing that I'm least proud of :(

[Firefly]

Actually, it's pretty rare that I *scream.* I really tend to speak more sharply than I like, which comes in a direct line from my dad (hard to break those old habits). I did raise my voice quite loudly at them last night though, because the bickering had reached a fever pitch while DH and I were trying to make long-delayed decision about a new refrigerator (which turned out to be moot anyway, stupid OLD house). I do completely agree with you about tone of voice though. When I'm not careful with my sleep and supplements and I'm sliding into a depression, I have less control over my voice. It's my biggest struggle as a parent, and the thing that I'm least proud of :(

 

:grouphug: There's no such thing as a perfect parent!

[melissel]

:grouphug: There's no such thing as a perfect parent!

 

Thanks :grouphug: I carry a lot of guilt over it. It's amazing how much kinder I am to the world around me when I'm not working. Man, I hate that job *sigh*

[Elizabeth Conley]

So, you actually think that people that chose not to spank are doing so because they are trying to be "PC"?

 

 

Nope, they're not "trying". They're "being".

 

It's effortless as far as I can tell, rather like a polemicist's ill-conceived, overconfident mockery, only far more charming.

[Melissa in CA]

Ha! Serial screamer. I like that! It might have been me. Sure, I go through phases where I'm unhappy with how I talk to my kids. Don't we all?

 

Nope! I do not scream at my kids. I never had to scream because they knew that if I had to tell them to stop doing something more than once...they were in trouble big time. Were they afraid of me? No, but they respected me and knew that I would do what I said I would do. Yelling, in my opinion, is a useless endeavor. It's easier to yell, than to act. I think we as parents need to learn to act first, yell...never. ;) :lol:

 

I'm overextended and exhausted. Which part of that would spanking solve?

 

I think many stay at home mothers/homeschoolers can claim overextension and exhaustion from time to time. I'm sorry you're dealing with such a heavy load. I personally think spanking (bottom swatting before you get angry) would keep you from getting into such a lather emotionally that you resort to yelling. If your children knew that there would be corporal punishment if they did not behave the first time you told them to stop something with a kind mommy voice, perhaps they would learn to behave themselves?

 

It worked for me, but of course, YMMV depending on the personality of your child/ren. :001_smile:

[Melissa in CA]

:grouphug: There's no such thing as a perfect parent!

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Ruby]

 

Striking a person's body to cause pain and make an impact is hitting. I don't see how you could consider it not to be hitting? :confused:

 

This is my opinion...not spoken with anything but kindness.

I would venture to classify hitting as intentionally causing pain for no good reason. I am mad at you...........I'm not getting my way........to embarass someone in front of others etc. It is purely self serving. It makes one feel better to release those feelings. (I am speaking of immature children) But as an adult we learn that there are ways to solve problems or deal with feelings without resorting to physical contact. But to say that a spank is the same as a hit is in my opinion incorrect. While a hit is full of negative feelings and emotions, proper spanking is done with love. It is best used as a last resort after other methods have been employed. If there is still willful disobedience and defiance I agree that a spanking can be used to break the will of a child..NOT his spirit. There is a power struggle when it comes to parenting. Teaching my child to make 98% of the decisions for himself is what I want and strive for. Some will have natural negative consequences which will in themselves teach him not to do something again. But ultimately he needs to know that he is to obey his parents. If a spanking is necessary to turn his heart to me and so he understands that he does not have the ultimate authority in my home I will use it. A swat or 2 on the behind is usually enough for him to look up at me and realize that he just cannot do whatever he wants whenever he wants. That somethings are not okay and all out defiance is not okay. After a spank, his behavior is clearly discussed. It is his actions that I disapprove of not him. He is reassured with hugs and kisses that I love him and a reassurance that I do not want to give him spankings but I will if needed. We spank very rarely around here. The spank is sometimes the only way to turn his focus off of his own willfulness. I do not go around shoving my kids with the attempt to bully them of make them feel inferior, I don't not thump them upside the head or slap them or call them names to cause bodily or emotional harm just so I can feel superior. Spanking is an unpleasant consequence that in our home, done properly and consistently, actually results in very few spankings needed in the future. I haven't spanked my older daughters in years and years. They have learned that even though they are growing and are responsible for their actions, thoughts etc. they do not have me as the authority, they have God. He is their ultimate authority who has laid loving guidelines for living that will help guide them through life.

[lionfamily1999]

Ah, I see. I think I'll still have take that extra shot of caffeine though!

I'm with you there (slurp) ;)

[Firefly]

Nope, they're not "trying". They're "being".

 

It's effortless as far as I can tell, rather like a polemicist's ill-conceived, overconfident mockery, only far more charming.

 

Most people here are trying to do what's right for their children and could give a hoot whether or not what they're doing deserves the PC label or not. To bring that into the discussion seems pointless. **shrug**

[Ruby]

wow this thread moves fast. Or I think and type slowly. the whole topic changed while I was moving like a snail. Anyway. It has been interesting reading and learning what others think. Learning how to expect the best from peoples comments and assuming that things are spoken kindly...even if they are speaking an opposing view. Ruby

[melissel]

Nope! I do not scream at my kids. I never had to scream because they knew that if I had to tell them to stop doing something more than once...they were in trouble big time. Were they afraid of me? No, but they respected me and knew that I would do what I said I would do. Yelling, in my opinion, is a useless endeavor. It's easier to yell, than to act. I think we as parents need to learn to act first, yell...never. ;) :lol:

 

I completely agree with you. I don't want to ever scream or even speak harshly at my kids. When I find myself doing it and look hard at why, it's because I'm relying on them to do too much for themselves while I'm trying to do other things (mop, or finish reading a report, or whatever), and they've reached their limits. The need, for all of us, is for me to actually be present, mentally and emotionally, not just physically, with them. I'm working on it.

 

I think many stay at home mothers/homeschoolers can claim overextension and exhaustion from time to time. I'm sorry you're dealing with such a heavy load. I personally think spanking (bottom swatting before you get angry) would keep you from getting into such a lather emotionally that you resort to yelling.

 

I started to write this whole long response that started to sound like a whine that no one needs to hear, so instead, I'll just say thanks for your thoughts. I'm hoping to quit my job in January (very long shot), and if that doesn't work, then I'll be using a big chunk of my salary to pay for lots of household help. Hopefully that will ease some of the load. My yelling usually has nothing to do with anything that others might consider a spankable offense; that's the real problem. Fortunately, things have been better for awhile now, and I'm working hard on how I speak to them. I grew up with a dad who snapped at me for as little as interrupting a thought he was having or not understanding immediately what he was referring to. I love my dad dearly, but I've picked up that very bad habit. I'm aware of it, at least, so I'm trying to fight it!

 

Thank you for the advice and good thoughts, though.

[Desert Rat]

Only when I, as the parent, have lost control of my emotions. It has never worked for our family, but I'm not against spanking in certain situations. In our house, I just feel like it is a lack of my self-control.

[PollyOR]

This thread has brought back a really fond memory - spanking parties! No kidding. My siblings and I laugh about them now. I guess it was some sort of bonding experience for us :001_rolleyes:.

 

My dad was/is wonderful! Especially considering what he went through as a child (his dad threw chairs at him and actually shot at him once). Daddy was making a business phone call once and repeatedly asked us to be quiet. When he got off the phone he announced that we were going to have a whipping party. He had us line up and come around more than once for a few pops on the behind. He kept saying, "Isn't this fun?" OMG, I have laughter tears because the memory is so funny. My parents weren't perfect and we've turned that imperfection into memories to joke about. I love, love, love my dad and have more respect for him now that I'm a parent.

[6packofun]

Oh man, you totally just named my fantasy football team for this year. LOL!!!!

[Tenaj]

:iagree:

 

This is my opinion...not spoken with anything but kindness.

I would venture to classify hitting as intentionally causing pain for no good reason. I am mad at you...........I'm not getting my way........to embarass someone in front of others etc. It is purely self serving. It makes one feel better to release those feelings. (I am speaking of immature children) But as an adult we learn that there are ways to solve problems or deal with feelings without resorting to physical contact. But to say that a spank is the same as a hit is in my opinion incorrect. While a hit is full of negative feelings and emotions, proper spanking is done with love. It is best used as a last resort after other methods have been employed. If there is still willful disobedience and defiance I agree that a spanking can be used to break the will of a child..NOT his spirit. There is a power struggle when it comes to parenting. Teaching my child to make 98% of the decisions for himself is what I want and strive for. Some will have natural negative consequences which will in themselves teach him not to do something again. But ultimately he needs to know that he is to obey his parents. If a spanking is necessary to turn his heart to me and so he understands that he does not have the ultimate authority in my home I will use it. A swat or 2 on the behind is usually enough for him to look up at me and realize that he just cannot do whatever he wants whenever he wants. That somethings are not okay and all out defiance is not okay. After a spank, his behavior is clearly discussed. It is his actions that I disapprove of not him. He is reassured with hugs and kisses that I love him and a reassurance that I do not want to give him spankings but I will if needed. We spank very rarely around here. The spank is sometimes the only way to turn his focus off of his own willfulness. I do not go around shoving my kids with the attempt to bully them of make them feel inferior, I don't not thump them upside the head or slap them or call them names to cause bodily or emotional harm just so I can feel superior. Spanking is an unpleasant consequence that in our home, done properly and consistently, actually results in very few spankings needed in the future. I haven't spanked my older daughters in years and years. They have learned that even though they are growing and are responsible for their actions, thoughts etc. they do not have me as the authority, they have God. He is their ultimate authority who has laid loving guidelines for living that will help guide them through life.

 

:iagree: I was trying to formulate this answer in my mind but you said it very well!

[Jorsay]

I think it is disingenuous to say hitting and spanking are the same thing. Clearly hitting and spanking have different conotations. Spanking may be hitting, but hitting is not necessarily spanking. Spanking is a form of punishment, striking on the bottom without causing permanent physical damage. Hitting includes striking with malice anywhere on the body possibly resulting in unconsciousness, blood, broken bones, etc... I don't think anyone here would advocate corporal punishment beyond spanking.

 

Some kids require spanking. If you have never spanked your child and your child is well behaved, then you are lucky.

 

A smart child will often weigh out the rewards of the crime versus the the possibility of getting caught and the punishment. If the punishment has no physical pain, some children are comfortable taking the risk. However, physical pain is more difficult to calculate into the equation. The same child that takes the risk when unaccompanied by spanking can be dissuaded by fear if he/she knows the punishment may include this immeasurable factor known as pain.

 

Some kids are too young to reason with, or the reason may be too complicated to be easily understood. In such a case, spanking may be appropriate.

 

Additionally, some parents are willing to tolerate a certain amount of bad behavior that others will not. Unfortunately for the rest of us, some of those same parents seem to think that the general public should tolerate their kids bad behavior as well.

 

Some kids require spanking. If you have never spanked your child and your child is well behaved, then you are lucky. I have eight kids, some require spanking and some do not.

 

Of course in the backwaters of the south they beat their kids just to pass the time of day.:boxing_smiley:

[Debbie in OR]

I don't spank, and have four well-mannered children who get compliments on their behavior every time we leave the house.

 

I think this is key: when people who don't spank have kids who are out-of-control, rude, disrespectful and absolutely no joy to be around, I think, "Hmmm...perhaps you need to change your training tactics". I have also been around kids who are spanked indiscriminately....reflexively, for every infraction. It produces kids who are out-of-control, rude, disrespectful and no joy to be around. I think, "Hmmm...perhaps you need to change your training tactics". :001_smile:

 

Some kids respond well to discipline/training other than spanking. Great. If you are able to train your kids to be respectful and obedient, and you have done that without spanking, mission accomplished. There are some kids who respond best to spanking (already established as not beating, done thoughtfully, carefully, not in anger). It can vary family to family, and kid to kid within each family.

[Ruby]

Of course in the backwaters of the south they beat their kids just to pass the time of day.:boxing_smiley:

 

 

I think that is why so many people live in the foothills of our far northern california. ( Way up here near Redding) When they are not growing "medical marijuana" that is.:lol:

[Nestof3]

I personally have moved away from it. I have found it ineffective in children at an age of being able to reason and feel remorse. I do think there is an effectiveness in toddler/young child age in that I think some swatting/hand swatting helps with boundaries. I do not think people should constantly remove things from the presence of toddlers. But, I think when the children get older, the amount of pain required to "teach them a lesson" is something I am not comfortable with.

 

After raising a boy from 8 to 19, I think the most important things we have done that have molded his character have been:

 

home educating him

guiding him spiritually

protecting him from influences

talking through everything

withholding privileges

loving him

 

I don't think the spanking did anything buy cause anger and resentment.

[Ruby]

I must say that the bottom line of this thread is that we all agree that a disobedient child is no fun for himself, the family, or the general public. Thank God there are those of us here who love our children enough to teach and train them in the way they should go (whichever way that is for you) Go mommas! :grouphug:

[Dirtroad]

So does that mean I can tell my kids that as long as they hit kids at the park in only one specific way, and with love, that it's OK? I.

 

You are confusing spanking with "hitting". Spanking as a form or tool of discipline is a controlled behavior in a controlled environment and regarding a SPECIFIC defiant behavior. It is not a violent lashing out or swat in frustration.... because someone ticked you off. It is also modified and adjusted to fit the character, attitude, and age of the child. HUGE difference.

[MOM24WONDERS]

Our older children are past this point, but our youngers are not.

 

However, I must correct the posters who've said that hitting/spanking are even remotely the same thing. I was spanked as a child, as was my husband. Neither of us was EVER hit.

 

I think the key is not to get angry. Don't spank your children out of frustration or anger, but out of a desire for Godly training. I believe the Bible when it says to spare the rod and spoil the child. I also believe that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from them.

 

Now, this doesn't mean to beat your children with a rod, but it doesn't mean the swack of an open hand, either. THAT is hitting to me. I would never use my hand on my child. However, I would use the rod of correction in a controlled, training manner.

 

FWIW, I'm from the South, too...call me backwards if you like. They called Jesus that, too :) Personally, I like being a little weird, it's what we're called to in this world.

[HRAAB]

 

Some kids require spanking. If you have never spanked your child and your child is well behaved, then you are lucky.

 

 

There's really no point in debating spanking, because it's fruitless. However, I disagree that luck has anything to do with it. I have 5 children, they are well behaved/obedient, and have never been spanked. If 5 children isn't enough to make a call on it being luck, my very good friend has 9 children. They are not spankers and their children are very well behaved. No, luck does not enter into it.

 

Parenting (hard work) is the key issue here; not spanking vs. non-spanking.

 

Janet

[jplain]

I think it is disingenuous to say hitting and spanking are the same thing. Clearly hitting and spanking have different conotations.

As an adult who was spanked as a child, I can tell you that connotation meant nothing to me.

I was being hit. Period.

[PollyOR]

I must say that the bottom line of this thread is that we all agree that a disobedient child is no fun for himself, the family, or the general public. Thank God there are those of us here who love our children enough to teach and train them in the way they should go (whichever way that is for you) Go mommas! :grouphug:

 

:iagree:

[Angel]

 

:iagree:

 

I find this true about so many aspects of our lives today, not just spanking. What worked for centuries has all of a sudden been thrown away in the last 50 years for something "better." Hundreds of years versus about fifty years...all of a sudden our "modern" culture knows better. I'm not sure this is a good thing.

 

We do spank. Well, I should say we did. We seem to be past that point. Now a look or the phrase "Excuse Me!?" is enough. I'm pretty biased because my dh's family does not spank or discipline. They use the "re-direct" method and their kids are terrors with very little respect for their parents or others. :confused: They are my biggest reference for that method. Where my dd's are polite, listen to the word "no," don't touch other people's belongings , or hit others, theirs are wild, whiny, and nasty to their parents and each other. This does NOT have everything to do with spanking, but everything to do to actual discipline. This is just my experience.

 

If discipline other than spanking is your thing...great...just don't judge those of us who do as horrible people. They just do not equal the same thing. ;)

 

By the way, dh and I were both spanked as children. Dh more frequently than myself. Dh's sister feels they were abused, hence her "re-direct" parenting. Dh says that they were rotten kids and they deserved what they got. :D

 

Angel (who is wondering why I even read this whole thread knowing it would get me worked up:tongue_smilie: and hates being around those parents who keep telling little Johnny not to touch something or do something but won't do anything about little Johnny:glare:)

[LizzyBee]

Some kids require spanking.

 

I have one like that. I don't like spanking my kids. I just want to love and hug on my kids and I want them to love and respect me enough to obey. (Isn't that what we all want?! :001_smile:) My oldest was so strong-willed. She would back-talk and throw tantrums, and we'd reason with her and put her in time-out, and she'd continue screaming and yelling, and the whole situation would escalate for several hours until we finally spanked her, and then the whole thing was over. Within five minutes, she was sweet and loving again. We finally caught on that we could dispense with time-outs and other "creative" methods because if we gave R a spanking as soon as she began misbehaving, we could move on and have a pleasant day. She was happier and our household was more peaceful. I've told this story before, and someone pointed out that kids need boundaries, and it was the boundaries, not the spankings, that worked. But my point is that we did set boundaries and impose consequences, but they did not work until we began spanking.

 

My other 2 kids were rarely spanked. At their ages now, we are beyond spanking.

Edited July 2, 2009 by LizzyBee

[jplain]

I posted a poll version of this question HERE, and the results so far are interesting to me. At the moment the results are evenly split, while the national rate is thought to be much higher than 50%. I hope others will answer so that we can get a better representation of WTM forum participants.

 

This article suggests that parents with homes rich in intellectual stimulation are less likely to spank their children. I'm not sure I agree with the possible conclusion/interpretation suggested by one of the study authors: he thinks that children in more intellectually stimulating homes work out behavior issues more readily. However, the results are interesting in light of the fact that homeschooling homes are nothing if not intellectually stimulating!

[melissel]

You are confusing spanking with "hitting". Spanking as a form or tool of discipline is a controlled behavior in a controlled environment and regarding a SPECIFIC defiant behavior. It is not a violent lashing out or swat in frustration.... because someone ticked you off. It is also modified and adjusted to fit the character, attitude, and age of the child. HUGE difference.

 

Frankly, I see no difference. A child is still being hit. Sorry.

[6packofun]

I brought her up AP-style, and have never had an issue with crying, tantrums, and her being purposely bad. I've never felt the urge to spank.

 

I don't think most parents feel that crying is a discipline issue so that puzzles me. But congrats on having a young child who never does anything bad on purpose. Must be awesome--maybe you should write a book! Well, maybe wait until she's older than the little thing I see in the picture. :)

 

I think your shock that people "still spank" must equal my shock at a child who is never naughty. LOL

[FlockOfSillies]

This is absolutely the first time that anyone has ever asked that question on this board! We talk about a lot of things, but spanking just never seems to come up. :glare:

 

Seriously, you're kinda new here, so here's a tip. If you really wanted to know about the varied discipline philosophies of the people who post here, you could just do a search. (The skinny, dark blue bar near the top of the page, third link from the right.) Reading the other 141 threads that include the word "spank" could take up an entire evening, and you could spare us the condescension. (Look for the ones with the "locked" icon. Those are real potboilers.)

 

If, after reading some of those threads, you really felt like you could contribute something new to the discussion of the topic, then posting a new thread would be a swell idea. Anyone who really wanted to be groundbreaking on the spanking topic would say that they never spank, never yell, but they do have incorrigible hellions for children.

 

Other topics you could search before posting new threads:

-- Why there are so many evangelical Christians on this board (You're from the North; no one up there admits to being a right-wing fanatic, right? :001_rolleyes:)

-- Is there anyone here who doesn't recycle? Who doesn't eat organic?

-- Is there anyone here who doesn't breastfeed? Who doesn't do attachment parenting? Who gives birth in a hospital -- with drugs?

-- Is there anyone here who doesn't have a college degree?

 

I guarantee, your eyes would be opened to the rich diversity of opinions on this board. It's amazing how much backwardness continues to thrive out here in Flat-Earthland.

[Ruby]

I am newer here and did not know you could search for a topic. Thank! Ruby

[TxMama]

And, I do know people that use spanking in a sensitive and caring manner as part of a well-thought out disciplining process, and I have no problem with that. I have also seen people use horrible, violent words and other behaviors with their kids who thought that spanking was barbaric. I don't think it is a litmus test for good parenting.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

 

I do not spank.....BUT.....

 

Parents who spank their children do not bother me in the least.

 

 

Parents who are non-spankers and have horrible, undisciplined kids do irk me. Parents who count to 3, repeatedly say "we don't do that", or just plain ol' ignore their children's misbehavior irk me. These parents make me want to give them a "this is how you spank your kids so they actually will obey you" lesson.:lol:

 

My oldest son used to asked to get a spanking. His friends from spanking families had suffered the punishment of whatever infraction they were all involved in and he was still suffering from the punishment that I imposed. :tongue_smilie:

[Tree House Academy]

No, we do not.

 

I can not wrap my head around how it makes any sense. How hitting a child can teach obedience boggles my mind. I also don't buy the whole, "..it works for some kids but not others."

 

I also do not believe spanking is Biblical. My loving Father God does not cause me physical pain to help me learn obedience. I read something the other day from a friend of mine that is so absolutely true, "If God's kindness leads His children to repentance, why do people think the opposite will work on their own children?"

 

 

No, your loving Father God caused his own son excruciating pain and agony to take away OUR sins...not those of his only son. If you believe, for one second, that there is no pain for our sins, then you are severely mistaken. It may not be physical pain...but often times, I would rather it be! God does punish for wrongs. He gave humans the ability to know right from wrong, to feel guilt, pleasure, and pain. You bet we feel pain and are punished when we sin. I would much rather God smack me on the bottom than teach me something like patience through example, to be honest...

[Old Dominion Heather]

Brenda... I love you. That is all.

[Tree House Academy]

So does that mean I can tell my kids that as long as they hit kids at the park in only one specific way, and with love, that it's OK?

 

Oh, of course...because kids were given the authority to parent other kids. Sure.

 

NO. The relationship is NOT the same between two KIDS and a parent/child. I don't punish my husband because he is an adult. God gave my children to me to discipline and love. My job is to make sure they grow up to be decent, Godly adults. If that involves spanking them as children to help teach them right from wrong, then so be it. I would much rather spank my child (on the rare occasion that I do spank them) than know that I allowed destructive behavior to continue, lost control of my kids as they aged, and they ended up in jail or dead before their lives really even began. No thanks.

[Satori]

I think your shock that people "still spank" must equal my shock at a child who is never naughty. LOL

 

My husband and I are both gentle and patient (me more than him). So maybe she inherited those genes from us? I believe that if we are good role-models for our children, they will emulate us. So I never hit or scream when I am disappointed or upset. I can't think of a time when she was purposely naughty, and that is a big difference. I try to treat her with respect like I would with my husband or a friend.

 

I don't need to write a book, there are plenty great books out there that helped me be the parent I am.