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Everything posted by LostSurprise

  1. I listen to many types of music, but I doubt that my Top 10 covers more than 2 genres. Unless you ask my brother, he thinks I only listen to "Folk" music. :huh: I think he defines that as 'you can understand the words.' He likes Classical, Swedish Death Metal, and Tibetian throat singing. We're an interesting bunch.
  2. Blue Hat, Green Hat is our ultimate favorite because everyone loves to yell Oops! with the crazy turkey Doggies The Big Dog and Little Dog series (Dav Pilkey) Buenes Noches, Gorila (for some reason my kids thought Good Night, Gorilla was hilarious in Spanish) No No Yes Yes (Leslie Patricelli) Ollie the Stomper (Olivier Dunrea)
  3. Slim Goodbody. I was 7. It was a nightmare. Flesh-eating ravens were involved. When I woke up I was too scared to go downstairs to use the bathroom. I'm still not certain which was more frightening...Slim Goodbody or flesh-eating ravens.
  4. To add to the music suggestions...if she likes to sing, I notice that fluency is easier with music. Perhaps a community or church choir would give her a sense of accomplishment and connection. The words just come out easier and memory binds them together in a special way. If there are organizations in the area for her first language, it might be easier for her to connect with that. Sometimes it helps to be involved in a volunteer organization where she can help people physically without the need for speech. Generally the feeling of acceptance among the volunteers and focusing on others can build feelings of accomplishment and connection. My MIL underwent a similar procedure when dh was in middle and high school. There isn't necessarily a standard therapy for recovery. With that kind of diagnosis you are considered lucky to be alive and having affected speech, motor, memory is expected. There is enough physical debilitation that therapy is rarely prescribed (which is frustrating for people with lesser impairment who may or may not get something out of it...but what do I know :glare: ). I didn't know MIL before the situation, but from what I've seen with her it's important that the person have a positive connection to their community and to be able to contribute in their own way to the people around them. It's easy to fall into isolation and then depression. MIL walked all over their small town and volunteered at church. She made friends with people who had their own struggles and was a great listener. We would roll our eyes at the people she brought home sometimes. I miss those days. Now she's going through some mental deterioration and can't walk or talk much. Her frustration is so evident. I would say, stay connected and do your best to help your friend to connect to others. Accepting limitations is important but having goals and positive work/impact with the people around her is also important. I'm sorry I can't help you more.
  5. Yes. Sometimes things get better, but they're not the same. They can never be the same. Experience--life--grows and changes us. It's not really grief (IMO). It's an understanding of how fragile our lives are. Most parents have a deep need to care for their child. An intense experience where you can't care for them, you have no control over the things that hurt them, strikes you to the heart. You look for the early warning signs, slight as they are, that allow you to control things. Experience has taught you not to take the smallest things for granted.
  6. I'm pretty far north. We planted a sour cherry tree :hurray: this spring and the currants, golden and red raspberries are growing fabulously. I moved the strawberries last fall and added some new roots this spring so I'm not expecting much this year. Something ate the basil. The tomatoes are slow. The dog trampled all the perennials by the back door, including the (I thought) impossible to kill oregano. None have come back so far. I have a friend who does (light allowing) row covers for all her brassica because of bugs. The trick is to get them on before the bugs arrive or you have to pick them all off before you cover (and there's always a chance you miss one and leave him under for the brassica buffet).
  7. People and cultures vary, sometimes even within a couple. My mother loves to visit and doesn't mind spending the night. My father, even when he was healthy, hates visiting and hates my mother leaving him at home. He just doesn't like being out of his comfort zone. After a decade or so they came to a point where my mother would come up herself, for one night, for a special occasion and he realized he was okay visiting and staying in a hotel once or twice a year. We spend more time at the hotel pool than he spends in our home. His mother is one of the 'you must visit me, I'm the grandmother' type. I love her dearly but it's hard to get her to leave her home and be driven across town for occasions like Christmas. She doesn't feel comfortable. DH's parents visited often before his mother became ill. They liked to drive and were very spur of the moment (but always calling to ask permission first). Both sets of parents live 2.5-3 hours away and we visit them far more (every 1-2 months) then they visit us.
  8. The elementary school is 2 blocks away. The middle/high school is 2-2.5 blocks in the other direction. The district has programs where the older students mentor the younger ones in some activities. You sign a permission slip at the beginning of the year so students can walk between the schools.
  9. Thriftbooks.com Half Price Books clearance in a college town random thrift stores
  10. May, but if I had my preference it would have been October. DH's older sister got engaged at the same time and picked October. We didn't want battling weddings so we rescheduled for April (after October both families become a crazy ride of birthdays, holidays, more birthdays). The venue we chose couldn't get us in until May so we got married in May...and we ended up not even using that venue! After the fact I just wish we'd eloped in October. :P
  11. People just stick their foot in their mouth sometimes. Men particularly can think they're funny and not realize the 'joke' doesn't work. I'm sorry. My male OB remarked right after birth that I still looked like I was pregnant. Come on, the guy had been an OB for YEARS and had a wife and 5 children. Really?? He should have known better. He did know better. People do stupid stuff sometimes, even surgeons.
  12. 14 year old says: Salt to the Sea Wolf by Wolf 16 year old says: Lord of the Rings trilogy Dune I say: The Chosen or My Name is Asher Lev The Count of Monte Cristo The Once and Future King Ender's Game For straight brain candy World War Z and Robopocalypse were fun too (although it's been a few years so I have no memory of curse words).
  13. You might enjoy Tam Lin by Pamela Dean or Sorcery & Cecelia by Patricia Wrede and Caroline Stevermer.
  14. I would say it is a bit of an exaggeration to say they've lost a lot of professors. At this time that's just not true. There is definitely a public university shake up since the conservative governor took advantage of the university system having a large surplus and raising tuition year by year despite that surplus. The conservative governor has used that advantage to renegotiate the relationship between the state and higher education institutions. However, the tuition freeze years are over and funding discussions are starting to go up again. Whether the culture will remain the same is another question. As for the Milwaukee programs possibly being eliminated, all the universities used to be tied together within the same system and part of the above negotiations separated Milwaukee and Madison. This is harder financially on Milwaukee, I think. At least I was skeptical back when I was in grad school there before everything went down and they were negotiating the first changes in the system. As for Wisconsin: *HSing is pretty easy. *SAHMs widely accepted. *Depending on where you're coming from, home prices are on the moderate to low side. *Beautiful country (hills, woods, dells, tons of lakes). Great for camping, winter sports, hunting, etc. *Very mixed politically. People are all over the map. *Midwestern friendliness. That's not as all-out as Southern friendliness but it does mind its own business and expects you to mind yours. *The main cities (Madison, Milwaukee) have very different vibes and are interesting for different reasons. Madison is more like the Twin Cities and Milwaukee is more like Chicago. *It has a strong bar culture. Drinking is very social. If you're not a drinker (I'm not) you can feel a bit left out.
  15. Howl's Moving Castle These Is My Words True Grit Wild Seed (Octavia Butler) The Ocean at the End of the World Annihilation (van der Meer) The Book of Lost Things
  16. Fringe Firefly Whose Line Is It Anyway? IT Crowd Corner Gas Freaks & Geeks BBC Pride & Prejudice Mr. Bean The Twilight Zone Fosters Home for Imaginary Creatures, season 2
  17. Back in the early 2000s I tried this. After making some all-in-ones (with and without covers) and some covers I decided it was far easier (and cheaper) to make some newborn-sized prefolds from flannel and I got lucky and found some used one-size diapers for larger sizes. At the time Bummi and Prowrap sold seconds at a reduced rate (visual imperfection, not use imperfection). I learned this on a Yahoo Group which traded and sold cloth diapers and covers. I got 3 covers per size and that covered everything. Hands down, prefolds and a cover are the cheapest. You can spend a lot of money and time otherwise. You can buy or make a few others for nights or time out of the house or the cuteness factor...but prefolds and covers are the most cost effective. Pro tip: you can buy a yard of microfleece and cut it to fit the business section of the diaper. It keeps wetness away from the babies bottom and it's easy to flip the poop off it into the toilet (no diaper staining). I also used a spray bottle with warm water and a pack of Walmart washcloths instead of wipes. The same washcloth can be folded in half or thirds and bam! it's a soaker for overnight or naps.
  18. If you're thinking about something, don't pace the classroom. DS's teachers in middle school were really nice about this. He would get up and pace the back of the room when he had a thought. Usually they would let him (he's a very polite kid...he didn't interrupt the teacher or go to the front of the room), but if it was an inappropriate time they would silently steer him to his seat. I only heard about it because they were so puzzled by it and wanted to make sure it wasn't anxiety. I would think 7th graders would be mean about this, but apparently no one said anything to him about it and the behavior disappeared before the next year. He can now think while sitting. ;)
  19. I think of shyness as a personal attribute and social anxiety as the world telling you shyness is not okay. I always remember feeling shy (hesitant, careful, reserved, thoughtful, analytical), but I don't remember feeling anxious until my parents, teachers, peers started pushing me to be 'friendly' or commented negatively on my hesitation. It's kind of meta. Your natural feeling of introversion is covered with anxiety that you're not doing the 'right' thing, being extroverted, spontaneous, fun, in-the-moment. That when you try to do the 'right' thing it doesn't come out right because it's not natural to you. Social anxiety is an internalization of the world's disapproval of introversion and shyness. Different people internalize this at different times, but most shy people have some level of social anxiety by the time peer relationships become important (the teen years). Then, if we're healthy, we spend the next 10 years or so finding our niche, accepting ourselves, deprogramming.
  20. There's good research on it working for seizure control. I haven't heard anything about it working for other medical conditions. I'd be surprised if it was being touted as a panacea. It's given as an oil though, and there are a few Ketogenic/modified Atkins/oil supplement which work as special diets for epilepsy as well. The combination of the two seems to bode well.
  21. If it isn't important to them--they don't learn it. We shield our children from a lot of things. Other things matter to us (clean rooms, non-surly attitudes) and not them (at least right now). If our sons are similar in personality, changing does happen, but it happens over years and years. (Yeah, I know, not necessarily what you want to hear. There are no easy answers here.) Are we talking about someone who has no respect for any rules, or are we talking about someone who is generally good with rules but questions his parents and their procedural/scheduling/livingtogether rules? There is a difference. From earlier in the thread I'm seeing a young man more like my own. Good with societal and school rules ('the big rules') and terrible with house rules and procedures ('the little rules'). They may even be a bit rigid about 'big' rules (always pointing out the rules to siblings, known to be a 'good' kid) but constantly question the 'little' rules and their parents. They just don't understand what the big deal is. It's not important to them personally so they may fight it tooth and nail as little plots to keep them in-line. I think part of this is the EF problems. A lot of the procedural rules are not natural to them. It's much harder work than it is for us. As they hit adolescence you also get a mix of shame (can't admit to themselves the flaws or it overwhelms them so they stuff it down even when faced by logic) and independence (they can't tell me what to do). Like I said, there is a difference. I can only speak to the second situation, not to someone with an Oppositional Disorder. BTW, if you're working on specific behaviors it usually helps to use a behavioral psych. That would mean you would be attending together. Standard counselors can help these kids with dealing with their emotions but that's not always the main problem. If their frustrations stem from a physical component, they have to deal with that or nothing changes. That may be why you didn't see any improvement.
  22. My oldest (18) is very much like this. What works best for us is to always keep everything very calm. Don't take it personally. To always have very clear consequences for actions. There's no fight, the consequence is just enacted. Consequences are as natural as possible. (If you're late, if his being late takes time away from you, he has to give that time to you later. Ditto for siblings. If you have to do extra work because he fails in his responsibility, he owes you work equal in either time or work missed. Ditto for siblings. If he is cranky because he stayed up all night, then he needs to spend some time alone/nap/read/exercise...this extends to any non-vital outside meetings or groups.) Discussion can happen, but you have to recognize when they are not making anything work. I stop discussions when they start to get cyclical and I tell my son I'm stopping because the conversation is not growing or changing either of us. We don't need to repeat ourselves. He can talk more only if he has something new to say. This son has always had the greatest belief in himself. He learns things from his own experience. He doesn't accept teaching. Because of this I try to allow reasonable negotiation whenever possible. Encourage thinking about the issue beforehand and making a proposal. Be open to some changes. Be honest about your apprehensions and ask him for solutions. Ask him for appropriate consequences when an agreement is broken. Best of luck with the Executive Function issues. My son has that as well. I've tried many things and at this point all I can do is give him information and hope when he has the right experience or motivation he'll know where to access the information I give him now.
  23. INFJ here married to an ENFP/ENTP (he's borderline for both). One thing I've noticed lately is that when overwhelmed I hide (in a book, in knitting, at home, by myself). This is good as a short term solution to help me balance, but it's hard to shake myself up and re-connect to people when I'm exhausted and overwhelmed...and sometimes I just really need that deep connection but it's so hard when you're tired.
  24. There's a Boardgame group on here, but I think the posting has become more sporadic. I should work on it a bit this year. My guys are older. I have one that will always play, anything. One who used to refuse to play any games but now can be coaxed with the right kind of themes (cthulu, zombie). One who will play one game and then wander off. And one who is an agent of chaos. Today is supposed to be a boardgame day. Cthulu Birthday boy called it. We have several new ones from Christmas that I would love to play (Aquaspheres, Dungeon Pets, Jorvik), but I'm guessing we'll play Pandemic Legacy (seriously we are only half way through this one) or something with zombies or cthulu (Elder Signs?). I would love to play more but the agent of chaos makes it difficult. I'm usually tired by the time he's busy elsewhere or sleeping.
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