Yep. I so hear you on that. Feel free to PM.

Thinking of you and hoping for the best possible outcome.

Has anyone in the discussion been frequently yelled at or shamed for inadvertently using the wrong pronoun? I know in my own experience which involves a fair number (more than five, less than ten) of trans kids who are friends with my NB kid, plus overall interacting in the world, I have never experienced that. I don't run with trans activists, and I know activists of any movement can be intense, but my day to day interactions with trans/NB people isn't like that. I try to get pronouns right, they know I'm trying, I mess up and either catch myself or I don't, and they let it slide when I don't. I mean I'm bound to encounter a jerk eventually, but really, I'm kind of lost as to where all these people are who are lighting into folks who are trying.

I did a road trip last month, and there were parts of the trip when I could only get country music on the radio. I listened for hours and was struck by this exact thing. There was so much nostalgia and romanticizing contrasted with underlying paranoia towards those trying to take it away.

I was struck by the idea that in small towns people that live there don't ever disrespect law enforcement or the law. I'm sure any sheriff could tell stories about those same good old boys who would beat up (or worse) an outsider who have also gotten drunk or high and spit on police or broken the law. It's severe insider/outsider dynamics. When we in the in-group do it, it's good old boys being country, but when you in the out-group do it, it's terrible and worth a beat down because you are scary and we aren't.

I don't worry about catching any infection from sitting on the toilet seat, but I really dislike sitting in the urine spots from all the people who have squatted over the seat! So I've learned to squat too unless the seat looks pristine.

Both my kids started cooking for themselves when they were teens since they generally liked different things and ate at weird times. I've always cooked extra and incorporated leftovers so when the kids left it wasn't much different. The kids still cycle through when they are around, but either eat with us or don't, no biggie. I enjoy cooking and eating, and dh is pretty flexible, so I meal plan and cook what appeals to me. Since Jan, dh and I have moved to an almost total plant-based, less processed diet at home. We were vegetarian before, but it's still a pretty big shift in cooking, and I've enjoyed learning lots of new dishes and ways of cooking. I generally meal plan for the week based on what sounds good to me and what I need to use up. The only regular schedule I follow is soup on Friday night, and lately I've been doing Taco Tuesday about half of the time. Otherwise I look at websites and my cookbooks, plus I keep a notebook of tried and true recipes I turn to in a pinch. I am generally making new things at least half the time though. We have little food waste because I eat leftovers for breakfast and lunch and dh eats them for lunch. If any are left, we have them for dinner, too. I get bored with the same thing easily, so I'm motivated to try new recipes.

I, too, don't know the specifics, but from what I'm seen, well-regulated capitalism seems to work the best. I'm a fan of capitalism, but one that is regulated enough to work best for the middle class with a strong safety net for the poor. I also think regulation can be poorly done and it's a problem to look out for, but that doesn't mean we should throw up our hands and keep shoveling most of the benefits to the super rich.

I was sad to see this. She had a rough life, and losing her son recently had to have been awful.

When I was a teen, my folks had a lab. We'd take him on our boat on the lake where my folks had a vacation cottage. There was a big sand bar there that was about three to five feet deep, and boats would anchor and people would picnic and swim, etc. Our dog would jump off the boat and just swim and swim. One time a lady yelled at us telling us our dog was exhausted and needed to rest or he'd drown. She pulled him up on her boat, glaring at us. He gave her a big lick and then immediately jumped right back in, lol.

My son's best friend also died at 21 from the same thing. Immediate access to excellent care means life or death. I hope he can play again. Learning at that age you are going to have to rethink your entire life is hard, but at least he's alive to think it.

I certainly would warn any family if they lived in a few block radius, and I know my parents would do the same. I doubt your mother was sitting there purposefully deciding to not tell you. She just didn't think about looking out for you or your kids because caring for you in a meaningful, consistent way is beyond her. Just not on her radar because she doesn't get the strokes she needs from that, and she does get it from attention-seeking behavior with strangers.

Way too much. Window shopping enrages me.

I read a book about a mother who went to the beach with her family. She went out for a walk on the beach and just kept walking, not having planned it. It's a good book. I suggested it to my book club made up of moms and they refused. They said it was way too tempting and they didn't want to dwell on it, and while they were laughing, they were dead serious. You are not alone!

I'm finding this thread really interesting because I've written a couple of responses to you in earlier threads that I ended up deleting. They were around anger and how I think it might be helpful for you to explore that in therapy, but it also felt out of the blue since you weren't talking about anger. But hey, now we are! I've sensed that as a theme for you, whether you are interacting on here directly or in your descriptions. I see it as anger related to your feelings of agency and power. It's not that I see you as someone who is angry all the time - just more someone who has struggled with what healthy anger looks like. Women especially are often socialized to stuff their needs and wants in the service of others, and this often creates feelings of anger that are also stuffed, often so deep they aren't even recognized. There are lots of goodies that come with disappearing yourself in the service of others, but there is a toll, too. I see that anger peeking out, often in more subtle ways, but I see it. When I see it, I want to both cheer you on, and also encourage you to figure out how to access it and channel it in ways that make you feel powerful. I think it might be key to understanding how to feel more joy in your life.

I volunteer feeding a feral cat colony and we love opened bags like that. Maybe there is a trap/neuter/release shelter or organization near you that you can donate it to if you aren't going to use it.

Abducting random young women on the side of a busy road for trafficking purposes would be really, really stupid. I could see some serial killer doing it to meet some weird fantasy, but trafficking is a business, and it's terrible business to take such risks when you have no idea if the woman has tons of family or is well connected or all sorts of things that complicate it. There are plenty of teens and young women more easily lured into it that don't carry those risks, sadly. When my kids were going through OWL, we had some people involved in fighting sex trafficking, including a prosecutor, come speak to the parents. They said by far the most common scenario was a marginalized teen/young women getting into it at the invitation of a female friend or acquaintance. Often she is given the option of going out on a date with some guy who "will take really good care of you - knows how to treat you right - and you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, " and it's true at first. Then maybe he suggests she be with a friend of his who's a good guy and it's a fantasy of his to watch and so on. She's gradually sucked in compensated the whole time and violence may not even be necessary.

I have a relative who pretty much did go right there while hardly considering other options. Parent was also "sold on the dream" and expected kid to get more in scholarships. When she didn't, they were both already too invested, so SCAD it was. Relative graduated with 70k in debt, and that was living as simply as she could back in the late 2000s. Relative never did work in that field.

The article isn't very enlightening. It gives a lot of the info others do while saying they have parted ways. Guys like this - the ones who play fast and loose with the truth (lie) while gaining fame and fortune - always seem to end up doing something that brings them down. I'd say scandalous, but they do scandalous things all along because they are more important than rules. They just have to do the particular scandalous thing that offends their market for their almost inevitable fall from grace to happen.

For me, it doesn't have to mock to still be cultural appropriation. I think indifference can count. When you are indifferent to the history of the art you are taking, you are likely to perpetuate the problems of dominate cultures taking things and claiming them as their own while downplaying the role of non-dominate cultures. Then you end up with people still not valuing the non-dominate cultures because what did they ever contribute, anyway? (Among other problems.) I also don't think it has to be sacred, though that might give the clearest examples that religious people can identify with.

And now Ballard is no longer with OUR. Gotta be an interesting story there. https://www.washingtonpost.com/arts-entertainment/2023/07/13/sound-of-freedom-tim-ballard-operation-underground-railroad-trump/

Don't forget Graeter's Ice Cream to finish it off! Get the Black Raspberry Chip which is legendary, though my very favorite ice cream in the world in their Chocolate Chocolate Chip.

Undermount because I can sweep all the mess and crumbs right into the sink with my dishrag. With my overmount, stuff would get caught at the edges.

I can relate to some of what you are saying. I, too, am not employed, and I have an empty nest with a very supportive husband and no financial concerns. My life is really my own to decide how to spend my time. I was a very good student with several advanced degrees, was an excellent employee, and then was a very motivated homeschooler, but now I feel little need to achieve or produce. I'm not depressed - I am just content doing little, lol. I see us differing in how we feel about that. I don't feel guilty if I sit and surf all day. Mostly I don't, but when I do, I'm good with that. I'm proud of my few accomplishments I try and do each day, but if they don't happen, they will tomorrow. I'm retired after working hard for years, and I'm going to do what brings me pleasure for the time I have left. I enjoy gardening but when I don't feel like doing it because it's hot, I don't. I surf the news and enjoy the intellectual stimulation I get from pondering things throughout the day. I have one volunteer activity I do for about two hours once a week and have thought about getting more, but decided I didn't want to. I make a very short to do list, mostly around housework, that I feel good about when I finish and shrug off if I don't. No one cares if the house is dusty for another day until I get to it. Beating yourself up for not being something more doesn't change you in good ways. You are retired after working hard and telling yourself you need to be more for whatever reason isn't true. It sounds like your feelings of self-worth are tied to something apart from just liking yourself for who you are. You need to be different or you feel badly about yourself. Being retired in our positions (financially secure with supportive husbands) means we can decide how to use our time. Yes, I have friends who accomplish way more than I do. I'm happy for them, but I don't want to be them. I'm not them. I enjoy puttering around and doing the few things that bring me pleasure that most people discount (like gardening and hiking and learning vegan cooking and keeping up on current events and reading and surfing the internet). I like having my time free for when my young adults and my elderly but still self-sufficient parents need me. I know I'm lucky, but knowing that doesn't mean I feel a need to be more or produce more or do more etc. I don't owe the universe anything for that luck. I try and be a kind person, but my time I have left here is mine now (after decades of giving it to others) and I am good with that. I have a short window here where my young adults are mostly launched, my dh isn't retired and home with me everyday, and my elderly parents need little from me. Things change in a heartbeat, and I doubt I'll be able to be this selfish with my time forever, so I'll enjoy it while I can. You have worked hard and now you're retired. That's okay. Figuring out why you feel the need to be something different rather than appreciating yourself for who you are now might be worthwhile.

So much this. And then followed by them saying, "Well you never taught me that!" I got a glimpse of the need to lower my expectations when my kids were little. They loved, loved, loved to listen to Story of the World on CD whenever we were driving. For a solid two years or more we listened to those CDs over and over. I was secretly thrilled that they were getting all this great history. One day I asked them about something obvious from the stories and they both looked at me blankly. It's like they made no connection between the lovely soothing voice saying words and actual information!