Downside to any pillows is they get misshapen over time (true for fabric and leather both). I prefer tightback sofas for that reason. The downside with Chesterfields is the buttons do come off eventually. So pick your poison!

I don't see any red flags with new bf's response. It's just something to file away while considering if you are compatible. He's wondering if she's the type of gf who expects money to be spent on such things, and time will tell. She's wondering if he's going to be controlling and jealous, and time will tell. It all sounds like very normal early relationship stuff.

We got an Ethan Allen aniline top grain leather Chesterfield sofa when we got married thirty years ago. Some buttons have popped off over the years, but the leather is still amazing. Soft and lovely. At one point I had it in direct sun and it is bleached there, so be careful of that. I'm getting ready to buy a kit to redye it and replace the buttons. We've had cats and dogs but the dog didn't get on it and the cats left it alone. Top quality leather will last decades and won't peel or crack.

If it were me, I would not wear it anyplace ex is likely to see it. Wearing it most everyday gives out false hope or at least kind of rubs his nose in it and seems mean towards the ex. I can understand new bf feeling uncomfortable with it too, but also think he shouldn't insist on anything. It's still her call. I would put it away until such time as I wasn't around ex and relationship with new bf is done. If new bf is the one, I'd cross that bridge later. ETA, neither boy has a right to insist on anything here. I'm just saying what I'd do, trying to take into account everyone's feelings. I wouldn't get rid of it for sure.

I would suggest some small ball types of arborvitae for evergreen color in a tough shrub. I have a Korean lilac that was supposed to be 4x4 and because it likes where it's at, it's well over 6 ft, even with pruning. It's tough though - I watered it the first few months and then haven't in years. Caryopteris are pretty and do well in tough, dry places. Bees love them, too. Nine Bark is a good tough one with pretty foliage. Those last two aren't evergreen. Hydrangeas are lovely year round even after they drop their leaves, but they like a lot of water, so if your soil is sandy, they might suffer. ETA, lavender might work. Editing again to say instead of lavender, catmint might be even better. Six Hills Giant is a good cultivar for foundations because it's big (for catmint anyway).

This is what I do now. I like having a cat to snuggle, but don't want the bills or responsibility when we travel or major heartache. Our shelter provides the food and litter as well, but I find it easier to just buy it myself. You can pick how tough of a case to take on, and there are lots of cats who have no issues other than needing a couple of weeks at a home before adoption just to free up space in the shelter. If you choose the short term ones, there's not enough time to build a real bond and become a foster failure, but you still get the pleasure of seeing them warm up to you.

Yep, covid ruined both of my kids' college experience in many ways. I feel very sorry for them, and for us that we paid the same amount of money for worse than mediocre classes. They could have chosen to drop out, and youngest ended up with very limited credit hours, but they already had friends and didn't want to come home. I just tell myself it could have been worse, but it really, really sucked.

From a news report I read before they were all rescued, it sounded like they were going to medicate them to move them, maybe like they did the kids in the cave rescue. I could have misunderstood, though.

I mostly use cast iron, but have a 12" stainless steel all-clad for when I'm doing things with lots of tomato. I worry about acidic things and cast iron because I don't want the flavor changed, though I've never had it happen so far. Then again, I've rarely tested it.

I would if I liked the house otherwise. If I found myself thinking about it, I'd focus on feeling sorry for the house and making the space peaceful again which I could do myself with my presence and my decorating choices. I don't believe in ghosts or anything like that so that wouldn't bother me, and while how I feel in a space is important to me, that is shaped more by lighting and color and order rather than past vibes. Once I made the space my own, I wouldn't worry about any residual ick. Resale value would be a consideration, but 25% below market value would take care of that. I would pause though, if I had to disclose a past murder even years out in that state.

As I recall, the very first scene of one episode (maybe the first?) is a graphic scene of Day and his robot/advisor/nanny. Might not be the first scene. Anyway, there is definitely a graphic sex scene with them, but I don't recall any others. ETA that turns into the scene where Day fights naked - spoiler alert!

Dh will be retiring in two years at age 60. He'll be covered by his state pension. Used to be I would too, but they changed the health care benefits (health care was an added perk they can mess with while pension payouts themselves are a binding contract from the state). We aren't sure what I'm going to do for coverage. I don't really want to get a job because we plan on doing a lot of traveling while we are both healthy and reasonably energetic. We'll probably have to get mine on the exchange until I qualify for Medicare. I was hoping for Medicare expansion down to lower ages, but that isn't looking likely. Another issue is covering our youngest. She will be two years graduated from college and hopefully in a job that has good insurance, but we've kept our oldest on ours even though he is covered at his job. Our insurance is just better plus cheaper, and it would be nice to be able to cover youngest until 26 too.

This would protect Baby Jesus from any cats like my late cat who loved nothing more than to snatch Baby Jesus right out of the manger of our nativity scene and run through the house with him clenched in his jaws. He was obsessed.

Congrats, and good for you!

I would quibble with this. I think it was developed "by" all sorts of cultures, but "for" WASPs. Other people and cultures contributed quite a bit, but their contributions were coopted and/or erased in the service of WASP majority.

FWIW, I have no real feelings either way if someone wants to socially transition versus being gay/lesbian. I don't see one outcome as preferable to the other. I do think keeping medicalization treatment for those who really need it (and I think there are those who do) and certainly buying time for both minors and adults with that option is preferable because of the risks. Of course, it's not easy to know who really needs it, but right now I think we are offering it too quickly to those who might be fine in the long run without it (though I am against laws forbidding it.)

I think the lack of good research works both ways here. We don't really know what happens to kids who transition socially and if they are more likely to choose medicalization. (FWIW, in my circles, few do, but they aren't the ones being captured in research because they aren't in the system. ) We don't know if kids now would be more likely to become gay/lesbian if not supported for being trans. We don't know much of anything. It's not like the earlier research showing a carefully selected group of minors with gender dysphoria is the gold standard here. We are in a new age and rejecting all the research that supports affirmation and support while accepting the early limited research doesn't seem right to me. The Washington Post did a survey of trans people and while there were, of course, flaws, it was striking to me how so few chose medicalization. The majority of those identifying as trans were nonbinary which might be different for those thinking trans and nonbinary are separate (I know I did.)For this survey, anyway, it captured those nonbinary people who consider themselves trans. It seems to me that if kids were just told, "Look, most trans people (including nonbinary people) don't choose medicalization, but some do, and if you want that in the future, it's there," it would go a long way towards buying time. I think a lot of kids think there is one path to being trans and that is medicalization. It's what you do when you are trans in their minds, and often in the minds of parents as well. https://www.kff.org/other/poll-finding/kff-the-washington-post-trans-survey/ About three-quarters of trans Americans say they have changed their type of clothing (77 percent) or hairstyle or grooming habits (76 percent) to better fit their gender identity. Most also have used a different name than the one on their birth certificate (57 percent). Just 31 percent have used hormone treatments, HRT or puberty-blocking hormones, and 16 percent have undergone gender-affirming surgery or another surgical treatment to change their physical appearance.

Of course you are teary. It must feel awful to feel yourself getting weaker. I hope you can feel our care for you surrounding you in all this.

Yep. I so hear you on that. Feel free to PM.

Thinking of you and hoping for the best possible outcome.

Has anyone in the discussion been frequently yelled at or shamed for inadvertently using the wrong pronoun? I know in my own experience which involves a fair number (more than five, less than ten) of trans kids who are friends with my NB kid, plus overall interacting in the world, I have never experienced that. I don't run with trans activists, and I know activists of any movement can be intense, but my day to day interactions with trans/NB people isn't like that. I try to get pronouns right, they know I'm trying, I mess up and either catch myself or I don't, and they let it slide when I don't. I mean I'm bound to encounter a jerk eventually, but really, I'm kind of lost as to where all these people are who are lighting into folks who are trying.

I did a road trip last month, and there were parts of the trip when I could only get country music on the radio. I listened for hours and was struck by this exact thing. There was so much nostalgia and romanticizing contrasted with underlying paranoia towards those trying to take it away.

I was struck by the idea that in small towns people that live there don't ever disrespect law enforcement or the law. I'm sure any sheriff could tell stories about those same good old boys who would beat up (or worse) an outsider who have also gotten drunk or high and spit on police or broken the law. It's severe insider/outsider dynamics. When we in the in-group do it, it's good old boys being country, but when you in the out-group do it, it's terrible and worth a beat down because you are scary and we aren't.

I don't worry about catching any infection from sitting on the toilet seat, but I really dislike sitting in the urine spots from all the people who have squatted over the seat! So I've learned to squat too unless the seat looks pristine.

Both my kids started cooking for themselves when they were teens since they generally liked different things and ate at weird times. I've always cooked extra and incorporated leftovers so when the kids left it wasn't much different. The kids still cycle through when they are around, but either eat with us or don't, no biggie. I enjoy cooking and eating, and dh is pretty flexible, so I meal plan and cook what appeals to me. Since Jan, dh and I have moved to an almost total plant-based, less processed diet at home. We were vegetarian before, but it's still a pretty big shift in cooking, and I've enjoyed learning lots of new dishes and ways of cooking. I generally meal plan for the week based on what sounds good to me and what I need to use up. The only regular schedule I follow is soup on Friday night, and lately I've been doing Taco Tuesday about half of the time. Otherwise I look at websites and my cookbooks, plus I keep a notebook of tried and true recipes I turn to in a pinch. I am generally making new things at least half the time though. We have little food waste because I eat leftovers for breakfast and lunch and dh eats them for lunch. If any are left, we have them for dinner, too. I get bored with the same thing easily, so I'm motivated to try new recipes.