Agonizing over public special ed preschool vs. keeping him home

[Cake and Pi]

So my youngest is ageing out of home-based EI services.  He's had his eval with the school system and has his initial IEP meeting next week.  

 

On the one hand, I would really, really, really like a break from him.  It's hard to teach my older boys because he spends so much of every day crying, yelling, moaning, hitting, biting, pinching, etc.  I also have a feeling being around some typically developing age-mates would be good for him since he tends to copy people.  He went down the slide at the park on his own for the first time ever this week after following around a little boy about a year younger than him and seeing this boy do it.  It makes me think being around other little kids might help him.  He'll also be able to continue therapy at school (though how much I won't know until the IEP meeting).

 

On the other hand, I've never sent a kid to preschool before!  This year DS#2 asked for full-time charter school, but other than that we have always homeschooled everyone.  I feel bad for treating DS#4 differently.  I worry a little about him separating without anxiety.  I worry about him being unable to communicate to me how his day went.  He'd have no way to tell me if someone was mean to him or hurt him.  His receptive language is so far behind, I don't know what he could possibly get out of preschool academically, and so the only real reason to send him is for social conditioning and therapy.  I keep telling myself we can do a year or two of preschool and then do K at home.

 

Why is this so hard?  I assume most people here are HSing their kids with learning challenges -- did you do special ed preschool?  Why or why not?  If you did, was it a good experience?  What am I missing here?

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

This is a hard decision.  Hang in there.  Keep in mind that if you decided to go ahead and send him it is NOT a permanent decision.  You can change your mind later on.  Even if your child cannot verbally communicate how his day went, he may be able to communicate through other means.  And the teacher will be able to give you feedback.  I think you will be able to tell if things are not working out well.  Just make sure to stay in contact with the teacher.  Work as a team.

 

FWIW, I sent both of my kids to Pre-K.  With DD I didn't know any better.  Everyone kept telling me if I didn't she would be behind and since homeschooling wasn't even on my radar (or widely accepted here) it never occurred to me that not attending a brick and mortar school was an option.  Actually, she probably would have done much better if I had kept her home.  I do wish I had known about homeschooling then.

 

With DS?  He thrived in Pre-K.  And K.  And 1st.  Thrived.  Those were his happiest years.  He did so much better there than he is doing now as a homeschooler.  He NEEDED that environment.  For various reasons putting him back in school is not an option right now but I wish we had never pulled him out. I wish, when he ran into issues with learning challenges and a very NOT understanding and rather emotionally abusive teacher, we had shifted him to a different school instead.

 

Maybe it would help to list all of the reasons you think this might be a good idea  and list the reasons you think it might be a bad idea.(be honest with yourself and list it all)  I find that one size does not fit all.  Some kids do better in a brick and mortar environment.  And sometimes to salvage the relationship it works better for a child and a parent to NOT also be student and teacher.  Nothing wrong with that.   Homeschooling can be great but it is only one way of educating a child.  I don't believe in dying on the alter of homeschooling.  And again, this doesn't have to be a forever thing.  Make that list.  If it looks like pros may outweigh the cons then try it out.  If it isn't working the break may have done you both some good and homeschooling might end up working better after that break.  Or maybe it works really well for this year and you try homeschooling next year.  Or the year after.  Be flexible.  Keep an open mind to possibilities and what works best for this particular child.  Don't try to make him fit into a path that everyone else fits into.  He is his own person, with his own needs.  

 

Hugs and best wishes.

[PeterPan]

If you kept him home, would your insurance kick in with ABA, more speech therapy, etc., to meet his needs and make it work, or are you pretty much really needing the services the school provides?  

 

I think it's ok to be realistic and say what it would take and ask where that can happen.  Our state has a disability scholarship process, and I'm using that to fund services for my ds while we homeschool.  Our situation is a lot like yours (just from what you're describing), and no it's not easy or something that you just tack on like oh kid 4 gets an hour a day.  Ds gets a fair number of hours with me, and then he gets time with his ABA tutor, behaviorist, etc.  I take him to multiple therapies and classes a week.  My dd totally gets jipped.  If I had more kids, I'd need more in-home help to do what it REALLY TAKES to give him what he needs.

 

And there are ways to do that, but it's more what gives.  Would you want to put your other kids in school so #4 can stay home and get more services from you?  Or bring in help?  Or send him out?  

 

I can't afford what it would take to get my ds everything he needs, so that's actually part of the equation for us.  It's cheaper for me to pay to bring in the ABA workers than it is to send him to a private school.  The ps would do everything at the right price, but they don't provide the speech therapy he needs and don't provide the proper intervention for his SLDs, meaning that's out.  If the ps here actually taught OT, etc., it really would be a different discussion.

 

A LOT of behavior stems from communication.  You're getting evals.  Have you had private already?  And we've talked praxis?  Sorry, I just can't remember.  I think at this age you could make a BIG FOCUS on communication and get improvement.  I think if you brought in ABA providers, they could work on behavior and communication.  

 

That's really cool that he was trying things after seeing his peers do them!  Is he very active?  I kind of kicked myself that I never considered the YMCA preschool stuff.  They take the kids swimming I think, or is that just in the summer?  Anyways, it is possible to get some of that peer modeling going without making the full jump to school.  But that takes time to haul him to classes, etc.  I did it very intentionally with my ds.  He wasn't responding to people, etc., so I'd take him in early and prompt and work on the social skills, conversational skills, etc.  It's really a good thing!  But it's stuff that could be you, could be an ABA worker, whatever.  A little, with someone there to aide him in actually extracting something from the situation, will go farther than just mainstreaming and having him be overwhelmed and shut down.  I don't know how he does, but it *is* something to think about.  It's one thing to benefit from an hour at the park.  It's another thing to self-regulate for 4 hours at preschool, kwim?  But, if he goes in there and has those behaviors, then they see and they diagnose maybe.  

 

I don't think you should feel GUILTY about looking at lots of options.  I think it's a very hard hill, a crossroads, when you get really realistic and know sorta what it means.  My ds is crazy fun to work with, but he takes a lot.  I do nothing for my dd anymore.  Nothing.  And I don't have 4 kids, kwim?  I think it's just what you have to do, looking at all the resources and getting really realistic.  I'm really glad I can bring in help.  For the way we were, it was not realistic for me to do it all by myself.  So it's kind of loose to say people are homeschooling.  He has a different timetable, different needs.  Some things just aren't important for him and some are dreadfully.  Just keeping him stable takes SO much work.  The amount of support he gets/needs is ASTONISHING.  And constant and fatiguing.

 

That's really not to my credit that I'm not getting a lot done for dd.  I'm just saying it's reality.  She's DE'ing most of her courses this year.  I try to make time in the evenings to talk with her.  I think it's really the kind of thing that could make a kid bitter.

Edited August 30, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[kathkath]

I would put him in the program in a heartbeat. My kids were all peer models in an early childhood special needs preschool. Where we were involved, about half of each class was made up of typically developing peers. There were usually 4+ adults in the room at any given time--1 teacher, 2 aides, and a specialist or 2. In order to teach early childhood sped the teachers often have masters degrees. It draws a certain type of person and across the board they were such loving amazing people. The teacher student ratio was low and my kids all learned a ton. It gave me the break I needed to give attn to my school aged kids.

[Heathermomster]

If you have looked at all your options and pre-k is the best fit for your son, put him in pre-k. Act in the best interest of your son and family.

[displace]

I think using pre k, especially for therapy services (which socializing with peers may be therapy for your DS) can be helpful. Plus if therapists go to the preK that would be good too. I use preK for crafts and activities and fun time. I'd rather teach reading and writing than clean up glitter and make play dates. It gives me mental room and time to do things to improve: reading and researching about family needs and curriculum, plus giving myself allowance to breathe a little.

 

PreK would be great to do at home for us, but for my family balance, it means I'm outsourcing preK. We all have differences and abilities. Do I feel guilty? A better question is: since becoming a parent, when have I not? That's my personality but I don't suggest it to anyone :). Should you? I think not if it's the best option. And it can be temporary. Maybe try it out for just a few months and reevaluate.

Edited August 30, 2016 by displace

[Alessandra]

I loved our special ed preschool. By law, class size was limited to 12 students. There was a teacher, three or four aides, and various therapists dropping in throughout the day.

 

Don't worry about the communication! Ime, there is a ton of teacher-parent communication in special ed preschools. Not only so that you can find out about how school went, but also so that you can let school know of any issues on a particular day.

 

I couldn't tell from your post if you are considering a special Ed preschool, a regular class, or a mixed class.

 

ETA

I notice that you said your child was 'biting.' If he is biting people, that is a concern. Do discuss it at the IEP meeting. It may be that the behavior is more controllable in a school setting. Your ds may need a one on one aide or other accommodations.

Edited August 30, 2016 by Alessandra

[Ottakee]

I used special needs preschool for 2 of mine and it was a great decision. They had therapy and then it carried over to the classroom where things were set up in a therapeutic way.

 

Don't underestimate the value of giving yourself and your other kids a break either. Often the siblings suffer and just need that break from a special needs sibling matter how much they love them.

[City Mouse]

Most sped preschool programs are only 1/2 day until the student is kinder age, so he wouldn't really be gone that long. That would give you those three hours each day to really focus on school work (or whatever) with the holder kids.

Also, in that kind of setting the therapy is going on all the time. The specialists may only come in once or twice per week, but the teachers and staff support and work with the specialist to practice skills all the time.

Most people don't have the money to privately pay for that level of therapy and support.

 

So, don't feel guilty that he will be going off to school while the others stay home. Instead, focus on the wonderful opportunities for therapy and support that he will get that you would not be able to provide otherwise.

[wapiti]

I think it's best to compare options.  If you don't do the SN preschool, what happens with speech and OT (I'm assuming those are the services in question, by your signature)?  It would seem that some therapy is better than none.  Or would you get private therapies?  Or will the district offer the therapies without preschool?  What are the special needs in question?

 

When my ds13s were 3, they had IEPs for speech and the district offered speech only through the SN preschool.  They would attend the preschool two or three days per week though the speech therapist was only there one day.  The speech was small group.  One of them got OT during preschool but we didn't stay enough to see any benefit.  One of my boys was "severely developmentally delayed" at that time; the other ended up taking off with speech.  The SN preschool was mixed with neurotypical kids, though it looked to me like most were SN.  There was an excellent adult/student ratio.  Lots of care.  The problem was something that was hard to put my finger on; my kids were bored out of their minds.  I ended up pulling them out of the SN preschool and their IEPs.  I put them in a public charter montessori (which we had to pay for, as the district, at least at that time, did not offer charter options for preschool IEP, though I think that has since changed) and we did private speech and OT.  The montessori environment - which was originally designed for SN - was a good fit for them.  The more delayed one is especially 2e-ish and ds could develop his strengths separately from his weaknesses.  I'm not sure our private speech therapist was effective at all (probably should have gone a PROMPT route, but this was a long time ago).  We did a short, intensive round of private OT through a nationally-known center and that seemed helpful.  (Later, in K and up at the same charter, ds was able to get IEP services for OT handwriting and for speech, so at that point we weren't spending.)

 

In your shoes, I wouldn't hesitate to give the SN preschool a try.  You can always pull him out if it doesn't go well, though I'd hang in there more than two weeks, as it can take a little bit of getting used to, warming up, getting the school year going, etc.  Have a plan for alternative routes to therapy if you don't do the preschool.  It just all depends on whether the particular preschool classroom and therapists are a fit for the particular child's needs.

[Crimson Wife]

 

On the one hand, I would really, really, really like a break from him.  It's hard to teach my older boys because he spends so much of every day crying, yelling, moaning, hitting, biting, pinching, etc.  I also have a feeling being around some typically developing age-mates would be good for him since he tends to copy people.  He went down the slide at the park on his own for the first time ever this week after following around a little boy about a year younger than him and seeing this boy do it.  It makes me think being around other little kids might help him.  He'll also be able to continue therapy at school (though how much I won't know until the IEP meeting).

 

You already know the right answer, and it's why my SN child began attending EI preschool at 2 1/4 and has never been HSed. I have to look at what is best for our family as a whole, and that's HSing my older 2 while having my youngest in a classroom.

 

[Princess Ariel]

My dd, now 15, didn't go to special needs preschool but did receive services from the Early Childhood special needs person/team at the ps. They visited her at the school. They also worked with the teachers at that school (private preschool) and stayed in touch.  I think it was good for her and I would do it again.  It did give me a much needed break to work with my older kids at home.  It also gave me an outside  perspective on how to meet her needs. Preschool is pretty gentle and her teachers were all great and had her best interests in mind.  I'd encourage you to go ahead and give it a try. You can always change your mind after you see how it all works.

[Janeway]

My NT child even goes to preschool. We get so much done!!

 

I would visit the school and meet all staff. Everything will depend on that. They are not all created equal and the teacher is 90% of what you child gets?

[Ravin]

Do what is best for that child. It doesn't have to be the same as what you've done with other children.

[maize]

We tried special ed preschool last year, it went OK for the first few months but they kept adding children to the class and eventually I think it just got too overwhelming for ds--he resisted going and I pulled him out around the end of January. This year we tried a Montessori preschool and so far it seems to be a good fit for him.

 

My suggestion would be to give the district preschool a try, you can always pull him out if it is not a good fit.

[Stibalfamily]

We just went through this with my son who had Childhood Apraxia of Speech. He aged out of IE at 3 and the school pushed hard for us to consent to a preschool speech program. I refused for the same reason you  are concerned, he wasn't communicating. His receptive and expressive speech were severely delayed. At the time we also had some other testing done by a Developmental Pediatrician that made us very concerned about his future. I didn't feel that it was appropriate for a non-communicator (They need to follow FAPE). Instead we got speech therapy 3x's a week with the school and in addition  2x's a week through our insurance. He was doing OT and PT as well. After doing that for a year and getting him to communicate better we did put him in the speech preschool and it was really good for him. I still would have refused the preschool if I could do it again for the same reasons. He still is in speech therapy 90 minutes a week but he is doing so good. He is 5 now and soon he won't need speech therapy. 

[samba]

When ds15 aged out of EI at 3 we had to make this same decision. We visited the classroom, talked about what services he'd be getting, etc. In the end, we decided to keep him home and pay privately for speech and PT 2-3 times a week. Ds was tiny compared to the other kids and had only been walking for 6 months. We also were not impressed with the services they were offering. I still wonder if we made the right decision. I suppose we could have given it a try and pulled him if we weren't happy. Ds did not have any of the other behaviors going on that you have described and at the time I was still able to give my dd(2 yrs older) the attention she needed.

 

Fast forward to the teen years. Ds and his academic, social and behavioral needs take all of my time, attention and mental/emotional energy. Dd has essentially been on her own academically for most of high school, especially last year (11th) and this year is mostly dual enrollment. If we had more children, I don't know how we'd manage. As a matter of fact, we have put our home on hold as foster parents because of ds' demands on my attention. Public/private school is not an option for him now (at least not the schools around here) but maybe wouldn't have been so bad back then when he was little.

[PeterPan]

Oh my Samba, are our girls both graduating this year!  I know the whole lots of DE, not as much time as you had dreamed to talk about things, etc.  I find myself going in and stealing little moments with her, like hey real fast I wanted to share this verse with you and talk about this.  The thing that has FINALLY broken some of that tension and given me a little wiggle room is having workers come into the home.  But yeah, she's graduating, making it the end of the road, sigh.  Or maybe just a change to a different road?  Dunno.  

[PeterPan]

We just went through this with my son who had Childhood Apraxia of Speech. He aged out of IE at 3 and the school pushed hard for us to consent to a preschool speech program. I refused for the same reason you  are concerned, he wasn't communicating. His receptive and expressive speech were severely delayed. At the time we also had some other testing done by a Developmental Pediatrician that made us very concerned about his future. I didn't feel that it was appropriate for a non-communicator (They need to follow FAPE). Instead we got speech therapy 3x's a week with the school and in addition  2x's a week through our insurance. He was doing OT and PT as well. After doing that for a year and getting him to communicate better we did put him in the speech preschool and it was really good for him. I still would have refused the preschool if I could do it again for the same reasons. He still is in speech therapy 90 minutes a week but he is doing so good. He is 5 now and soon he won't need speech therapy. 

 

Welcome to the boards!  :)  Your ds sounds like he's doing fabulously.   :hurray:

[samba]

Oh my Samba, are our girls both graduating this year!  I know the whole lots of DE, not as much time as you had dreamed to talk about things, etc.  I find myself going in and stealing little moments with her, like hey real fast I wanted to share this verse with you and talk about this.  The thing that has FINALLY broken some of that tension and given me a little wiggle room is having workers come into the home.  But yeah, she's graduating, making it the end of the road, sigh.  Or maybe just a change to a different road?  Dunno.  

 

Yep, graduating...can't believe how quickly it's gone by. One nice(?) thing is that I have still been driving dd everywhere (she just turned 17 and got her license last week) and we spend all our car rides talking. I've nicely told ds, "Be quiet, this is J's time." lol

 

She was upset about our limited time together a couple of years ago but I guess we haven't alienated her too badly.  She's made the choice to attend our CC next year because she doesn't want to move away from home. It helps that the CC has a great program for her intended major.

 

We've been chatting here since our dd's were in 1st. You've been such a source of wisdom, information and encouragment...and humor(!) over the years. Best wishes to E and the rest of your family!

 

p.s. I'm not going away but I've gradually been here far less.

[happycc]

I opted to homeschool after San Leandro Unified School District couldn't find his 17 page IEP at the start of the year according to several people in the district and the special ed contact person quit over the summer. 

I had many copies of it myself electronically and in print but wrote the special ed director that I wasn't their paid paper pusher and please look into it. She promptly did. I was happy about that. 

 

But after that I had very little faith in this particular school district. Plus had a friend who worked in the school district spec ed dept and she literally begged me regularly to not send him to the programs there.

 

We visited a program there for their SDC preschool communications focus class. It was so pathetically subpar. I had worked at Mills College Children's School and I know what a good preschool is supposed to look like.
That was just childcare in my humble opinion. Besides our special ed lawyer told me to NOT place my son in SDC (Special Day Class). He is way too smart despite having autism and being nonverbal. At the time he was signing many things such as phone died, needs charging and the school district really didn't know any child whose family took the route we took. We immersed him in the deaf world and picked up many things from them and the language such that he was not your typical nonverbal child with autism.

My son learned how to make eye contact, learned how to imitate facial expressions and read facial expressions. He learned to sign his abcs, 123s and he learned to sign lots of vocabulary. He also was extremely social and expressive. So basically they had a nonverbal autistic child in front of them who just acted more deaf than anything else but he wasn't deaf.  Anyways, the lady at the school district basically told me How well he was doing and that I was doing something right. It was her way of saying...just homeschool him because he is getting better everything compared to what they were doing at the school.

 

I just blasted this kid with signing and deaf people...signing videos, signing classes for the whole family, signing babysitter, signing books, pictures, posters for a year and half. He went to a deaf school locally for the weekend twice. I also signed ASL in English grammar and spoke. Not quite deaf etiquette. 

 

We are only getting community speech for 30 mins a week from the school district this year and we will see how he does this year. 

 

So now its trying to find resources and curriculums to homeschool him with severe articulation issues. 

 

 

BUT IN GENERAL FOR EACH FAMILY: 

1) Go with your gut-can you homeschool the other kids with this other child home, or perhaps another child might thrive better in a school environment (however for many families, having everyone at home is so much easier)

 

2) If not, see if your ABA people can help you teach him to play quietly for periods of time while you work with other kids

4)  If not, then go visit programs

5) visit private programs

6) Talk to others who have done 1 or the other

7) Look at your homeschool options ---are you going to go to R4 route or through an independent study charter school

8) Will you get good services at your charter school-most likely need a special ed lawyer to get all the services your child needs (my 7yrs old gets ot, speech, group speech and resource)

9) Try out a spec needs class and always always stick with your gut feelings and your child's feelings and reactions. If things are going bad, you can pull him out. 

10) Do all your research if you are going to homeschool and plan and structure your day. With clear cut pictures and daily schedule and structure. 

11) Start with a few goals and see what happens

12) Remember every homeschool families have really good days and really really bad days and that is the same with all teachers in classrooms. There will be days you want to call it quits and that is the same as many teachers in the classroom. The difference if you stick with your child that child will have to deal with less turnover but a child in school will have so many teachers (within the year and at the new school year), its dizzy. 

Edited November 1, 2016 by happycc

[bttrflyvld]

I could have written this post. You are not alone. I have anxiety about sending my little guy too preschool too. And i feel guilty just thinking about doing that and keeping his sisters home. In so torn. What ever you decide, remember every child is different and need different things.

 

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