My young boys are exhausting me!

[Nestof3]

It just seems like there is always an issue. I feel like I don't even know how to parent anymore. It's just so much work. I'm almost 37, have raised a son to 19 (started when he was 8) and feel worn out, but I have to do it all over again with the young ones.

 

Can I get a pep talk? Sympathy? Empathy? A kick in the rear?

[kaylk in tx]

now 24 and 22... and have 3 boys, 8, 7, and 7 to go. yes, i walk around in a fog from exhaustion most days. i find it extremely helpful to go look at them while they're asleep and remember how it just seems like yesterday that i was looking at my dds asleep like that. it goes by so quickly. then i start to cry and realize how truly lucky i am.

 

hope that helps!

[Nestof3]

now 24 and 22... and have 3 boys, 8, 7, and 7 to go. yes, i walk around in a fog from exhaustion most days. i find it extremely helpful to go look at them while they're asleep and remember how it just seems like yesterday that i was looking at my dds asleep like that. it goes by so quickly. then i start to cry and realize how truly lucky i am.

 

hope that helps!

 

How odd. I just came out from the boys' room. I went in and just held Nathan for a while whispering to him how much I love him and how much I wish I could figure out how to be a better mom. I am still crying from it.

[Danestress]

How odd. I just came out from the boys' room. I went in and just held Nathan for a while whispering to him how much I love him and how much I wish I could figure out how to be a better mom. I am still crying from it.

 

Is it the emotions or the physical activity? Are they arguing with each other? Are they giving you a hard time with school work?

 

Raising children can be really hard work, and it's hard to tuck them in feeling like you didn't have a good day (((((((Dawn))))))))

[kaylk in tx]

now go to bed and get a good night's sleep. try to have a more relaxed, laid back start to tomorrow. spend some extra time snuggling them (even when they pretend not to like it) and just enjoy them for an hour or so before jumping into the day.

 

and now that i've cried with you, i'll follow my own advice and go to bed!

 

:grouphug:

[Aubrey]

(((Dawn))) You're scaring me.

[Nestof3]

Is it the emotions or the physical activity? Are they arguing with each other? Are they giving you a hard time with school work?

 

Raising children can be really hard work, and it's hard to tuck them in feeling like you didn't have a good day (((((((Dawn))))))))

 

Yes to all except the physical activity. We went out for dinner for Aaron's birthday tonight. Nathan started crying because there were only 5 options for dinners and 3 for drinks on the kids menu. Normally, he is fine with that. I have no idea what had happened to him. Then, my dad said the blessing when our salads came out. Only the adults got salads -- I would have gotten him one, but he doesn't like salad. He started crying because we prayed without him having food to eat. This was after he ate 6 slices of the dinner bread (Italian restaurant).

 

Earlier today, they both whined about the amount of school work which paled in comparison to how much we needed to do today.

 

Yesterday, we brought tadpoles home from church -- the boys had found them in the yard. They died from being left in the tupperware container in direct sun for over an hour. Total meltdown which resulted in him blaming me.

 

They always argue with each other. I am always reminding them to do everything.

[Nestof3]

(((Dawn))) You're scaring me.

 

It's scaring me that I'm scaring you. Do I sound unstable or something? :bigear:

[Danestress]

It's hard when they are emotional, especially in public, especially at family functions honoring innocent parties. I wonder if he was really tired?

 

Get a good night sleep, and I agree with the post about starting the day tomorrow with an extra dose of snuggling and reading. I'm sorry about the tadpoles. (((((Dawn)))))))

[specialmama]

When is the last time you had a break? I'm serious... sometimes a mom just needs to pack up for a weekend and stay at a hotel with a good book and a bag of chocolate chip cookies. That was my Christmas present from dh a few years ago, and it continues to be the one thing I ask for every year: a simple weekend away. How long has it been, Dawn? Burnout is a real thing that can sneak up on us when we least expect it. I have theory about this, that is much like a pot of boiling water... and we can all keep a reasonable level of water boiling rapidly in the pot. Every time you get a break or retreat, then take a teaspoon of water out. The problem is, sometimes the water drips into the pot faster than we can take it out. If you're using a 6qt stock pot, removing a teaspoon out is going to do very little to prevent the water from spilling over. If your water level is that high, you need a BIG break. A bath just isn't going to do it. Take it from someone who almost slipped over the edge, was so burnt out that I couldn't get out of bed, ended up on antidepressants... BUT I will now force myself to take breaks *before* the water level gets too high.... you will be a better mom if you take care of you. Jesus knew when to walk away and be alone... I think many moms should follow His lead and just go for a break. :001_smile:

[Laura Corin]

How much physical activity do they get? I find that life with Hobbes (Calvin is a piece of cake) is very much easier if he has at least an hour of good physical exercise a day. Currently, both boys run for half an hour a day, in addition to (in Hobbes' case) cub scouts - very physical - Karate and horse riding.

 

Laura

[Amber in AUS]

No advice but :grouphug:

 

I know how trying it can be with littles I shudder to think how much worse it might be when they are bigger!

[Snickerdoodle]

How much physical activity do they get?

 

 

Well, I run mine like a pack of wolves and there is no end to their energy. I remember laughing with a friend when they were even younger about spending the day trying to run them ragged only to get home and have them swinging from the chandeliers.

 

Dawn we are in a similar situation so I know of what you speak.

[Jenny in Florida]

Oh, Dawn, I can imagine what you're going through. I have just one, and he's 11, and there are still days . . .

 

My son is just so intense. I always, always hold my breath when he goes somewhere, just hoping that he'll get through without some emotional crisis.

 

Just this weekend, he was outside playing with the boy next door and a couple of other kids in the neighborhood, and he came inside in tears. It took us a while to get out of him what happened, but apparently he got his feeling hurt by something the other boy said. It took a couple of hours for him to get his act together.

 

He's highly academically capable, but it's like pulling teeth sometimes to get his schoolwork done.

 

And on top of that, the never-ending energy . . .

 

And you've got two of them.

 

No wonder you're exhausted.

 

What gets me through sometimes is just remembering how quickly it all goes, how soon he'll be too grown up to hug me in public, how soon he'll stop being my little guy. Most of the time, that helps me pull it together and focus on enjoying him right now.

 

But sometimes, a night out by myself helps, too.

 

Hang in there, Dawn. It'll get better.

[lynn]

It just seems like there is always an issue. I feel like I don't even know how to parent anymore. It's just so much work. I'm almost 37, have raised a son to 19 (started when he was 8) and feel worn out, but I have to do it all over again with the young ones.

 

Can I get a pep talk? Sympathy? Empathy? A kick in the rear?

 

 

Keep at it it will be over with tomorrow....atleast these years will seem to be gone that fast. My baby boy who I thought I'd never survive is 16 and I am still around;). Take one day at a time and keep a good sense of humor to make it through.

[Chris in VA]

Nine seems to be a difficult age. I need to pull out my Louise Ames books about each age (the title of the 3yo one always cracked me up--"Your Three Year Old: Your Friend, Your Enemy" or something like that! :D). Dd seems more grumpy, more intense, more unpleasant. Not all the time, but just enough that it's sometimes uncomfortable to be around her. Just this morning, I went to her room to wake her for the day, and she got up, making a little Gordon Ramsey-esque "get out" wave of her hands. Not even a good morning, Mom!

 

I agree with taking a break, but just getting away isn't always the answer. Try not to beat yourself up, Dawn. You are the mom God chose for your boys, you know. Once, a dear friend and mentor helped me handle the irritation I was feeling with my eldest son. She said, "Draw a bigger circle." She meant, we all have this personal, invisible boundary around us. When encroached upon, that's it--bad feelings result. For me, the feeling was irritation, which could lead to anger and frustration with my child. That, in turn, led to guilt on my part, because I acted inappropriately. By catching and dealing with those feelings quickly, and helping my child stop the behaviors that led to those feelings before they got out of hand, I felt more capable and dealt with things in a more relaxed way.

 

You don't sound like you are irritated, just a little frustrated and down on yourself. Maybe there are little behaviors you can help your son tweak--a bigger circle for him, and for you. There are lots of strategies to cut down on fighting, there are lots of ideas to help siblings get along--start small. Also, I found myself accepting disrespect sometimes because it was easier to let it slide than to be made uncomfortable by my son's (the other son's) reactions. Check yourself for that.

 

Mostly, tho, I'll pray for ya--You've done such a lovely job with Aaron, according to what I've read. Children are all different, but you are capable, loving, strong, and Godly. You can do it, this parenting!

[Nestof3]

Thanks ladies. I am pondering each post. :)

 

This morning, I awoke to a little performance. The boys had made a big sign that said, "Best Mom," and cut out large hearts and little fruits and made them sing, "We are the fruits of the world." They had strung a string of hearts across the hallway as well. It was very cute.

[KatieJ]

Dawn,

 

Ihave been where you are. I was potty training my youngest while doing Driver's training with out oldest. Our oldest graduated the year I started homeschooling our youngest.

I don't have a ton of advice. Getting up and starting the day with quiet time for myself and praying for them were the best days. I went thru The Praying Mom by Stormie Omartin several times when they were in HIgh school. It really helped focus on them and what they were going thru too. I wish I had read it earlier in their lives.

I remember thinking I would never be alone in this house with my own thoughts. Well, I am now. All the time. And I am enjoying it. I say I am retired. I enjoy my kids when I am with them, but I don't wish those hectic busy days of thier youth back either.

 

We only have one left at home and he is in college and planning a wedding for next summer.

You don't sound unstable..your life sounds wonderfully normal to me.

Since I have sleep apnea, getting enough sleep seems to be a key thing for me. Figure out what you need..more sleep, more alone time, and try to get it.

 

Blessings and :grouphug:

Katie

[Avila]

:grouphug: Some days it is hard, but this too shall pass. From what I read, you are doing a great job. Let yourself have a bad day once in awhile, then move forward again. I think you are being too rough on yourself. :grouphug:

[Remudamom]

When mine were going through the exhausting stage I put a darling picture of them out where I could see it at all times. Believe it or not, it helped.

[KidsHappen]

It the age and better times are just around the corner. I have six kids and they were all rough around this age. The oldest two are grown and gone, the teens have reached a fairly easy point but I still have the 9 yr. old and 12 yr. old. I can see the 12 yr. old trying to make the transition and I know it would be so much easier if she didn't have the 9 yr. old making it so difficult for her. And well, the 9 yr. old has at least 3 more years but I am already looking forward to that time because it seems so close in comparision with the 26 yr. I have already made it through.

 

It just sounds like you need to try and spend sometime rejuvinating yourself. I know that it is hard to carve out this time but a little goes a long way. Maybe since you have two boys you can encourage a little more father/son bonding and activty time which would give you a little down time. And then do whatever relaxes and refreshes you. You can't take care of your family if you don't take care of yourself and finally, there is a saying in the south, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. :grouphug:

[Karen in CO]

It just seems like there is always an issue. I feel like I don't even know how to parent anymore. It's just so much work. I'm almost 37, have raised a son to 19 (started when he was 8) and feel worn out, but I have to do it all over again with the young ones.

 

Can I get a pep talk? Sympathy? Empathy? A kick in the rear?

 

:grouphug:

Dawn, I also have a recently graduated son and a whole 'nother set to raise. I'm 40 not a youthful 37 like you, and I have a pair of girls instead of boys. But I feel you. I agree with the ones that advice you have been given to get the boys outside and in the fresh air. When I was raising my oldest, I had lots of energy and youth. For the girls, I have um maybe lots more patience, but it doesn't compete with the energy that the young kids have.

 

We have been spending lots of time lately trying to figure out a new rhythm here since my oldest left for college. Sometimes, I just don't feel like I can take my pre-K child all the way from learning phonics through writing college application essays. Its a long journey that I have already completed.

 

I have added more outdoor time to our days, more art, longer bedtime stories, more chores, and more responsibilities and maybe more things with natural consequences. We also started taking the day off on Mondays I work weekends, and Mondays started to be hard for us to get anything accomplshed. The kids would act up, and they never turned out well for us. It turns out that free and relaxed time with me at the park or working out in the yard on Mondays have made the rest of our week much better.

 

When my oldest was still home, I was the parent of a teen with two littles. Now that he is gone, I am an older parent with two young kids, but this time I am "experienced."

 

Part of me even feels guilty rebuilding our family with this new dynamic. I don't really want to embrace any change, but I know we have to continue change as we grow.

 

And now, I am rambling. I'm not sure I am qualified to offer anything except empathy, but I do have that. :grouphug:

 

And make sure you peek at them when they are sleeping.

[melissel]

Dawn, I'm both sending :grouphug: and :lurk5: More often than not these days, I'm wondering how I came to be so far from the mama I started out as, and that I long to be. I'm worn out too, and I'm not handling the day-to-day that well. It sounds like this day is starting out better though, and I hope it keeps going that way.

[AuntieM]

Ditto on the recommendation that they get more physical activity. I think boys sometimes just need to be plumb. worn. out! Tae Kwon Do did that for mine.

 

Also, if they started picking at each other, it was laps around the house. I could watch them from the window and keep count of how many times they circled. Send 'em in opposite directions. Sometimes, when they were younger, my dh would just make up busy work for them... dig a whole here....move that stack of whatever from over there to over here.... pick up all the rocks you can find in the yard, don't stop until you fill this bucket.... Now they are older and actually able to handle the yardwork for our family, an older aunt & uncle and even some neighbors. Boys need to work. There's even a book titled Created for Work (dh has read it, I have not).

 

Another idea, when they fuss at each other, place two chairs facing each other, about 10 feet apart. The boys must sit in the chairs and face each other. They are not allowed to speak, and whatever they do, no laughing! This eventually ends in a pile of giggles and the Bible tells us that a merry heart doeth good, right?

 

I am also thinking about what you said when the tadpoles died, that they blamed you. It's time to nip that in the bud. Unfortunately, we live in a culture of irresponsibility, but it is NOT OKAY to pass off blame to others, and certainly not to develop a habit of doing so. My dh has worked with our sons on this, and they have had it drilled into them that real men (and future men!) take responsibility for their own actions, or lack thereof. Do not allow them to place blame on you, it will add to your burden of guilty feelings and will teach them it is okay to pass the buck. Also, it is important to recognize that some things just happen, they can be accidental or purely no one's fault. Finger-pointing is a disrespectful habit. Sorry to go on and on, that's just a real sticking point in our family. Absolutely not allowed. And when someone is truly wrong, they learn to admit it. That can be painful, but it's a rare and valuable commodity.

 

One more thing. Dobson - though I don't go in for all of his theories - has some interesting observations on how young males approaching adolescence just naturally resisit taking orders from a female, even their mothers. (My intentions in saying this are not to open a can of worms over political correctness, but just to give a nod to what I have experienced and observed in my own life!) DH and I have handled this by making the boys responsible to me for their academics and for any incidental "fetching" I need them to do for me (like carrying something heavy), but for all other things they report to and ask questions of Dad. He will call them during the day, but this also often means they have to wait until he gets home, so be it. This arrangement has freed me to be more of a loving mother and gives me time to deal with my daughters (who are waaaaaaayyyyy more emotionally challenging than the boys!). I am just thinking that your boys are perhaps approaching this age where they have a (some say) natural bent to resist the authority of a woman. Perhaps you experienced this with your older son? I know you have done an excellent job with your oldest, but the dynamics are different now, if merely for the sake that your little guys outnumber you, and have an established comraderie between themselves. You don't want that to grow into "us against Mom." Dad needs to jump in and make sure they are "on a team to love, honor and help Mom."

 

Okay, I have gone on too long and have probably stopped making sense. I just hope some of this helps. You probably do need a break, a little alone time. Try to figure out a way to get it. At 9 & 7, your boys should be able to amuse themselves safely for at least an hour each afternoon while you relax in your favorite room to read, pray, study, watch tv, soak in the tub.... you get the picture.

 

And always remember what David Quine (Cornerstone Curriculum Project) once said: "The days are long, but the years are short!"