Jean in Newcastle Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Will I get different answers depending on whether you are a Christian or not? Is self control "stuffing" your anger (or whatever) but not letting anyone know that you're really dying to deck someone?!:boxing_smiley: I feel like God is trying to work with me on self control with regard to my emotions, my eating and exercising habits, the use of my time. . . But I'm not really sure what He wants out of me. What are your thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 When I think of self-control, I think of a Lutheran pastor I once knew. His son was having trouble in my class, and he came in to discuss it with me. He spoke calmly and patiently with me. He was very angry, actually, but I didn't realize it until I noticed that his hands were shaking and his face was a little red. I don't even remember what we worked out, but I do remember how he handled his anger with incredilbe self-control. It was impressive. How to get there? I think lots and lots of prayer, practicing what you will do in calm moments so it's easier in angry ones, etc. As for self-control in the other areas, again, lots of prayer and mental practice. Give yourself something else to do that's good instead of whatever you want to do that isn't :grouphug: I know it isn't easy. I'm still working on it, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Doing what you don't want to do b/c you know it's the right thing to do- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Self-control is. . . . . only checking 3 threads, when you promised that's what you'd do, and NOT getting sucked in all night! :D not like I'd know. But, seriously, Jean. This is a BIG BIG issue in our house. BIG. Mostly with me. As in, I don't have much. AND - now that dh is gone M-F, it is really showing up in the kids, esp. my two who tend to be impulsive to begin with. Here is what it would "look" like to me: . . . getting up when the alarm clock goes off, and not making excuses . . . exercising when scheduled, regardless of my feelings . . . eating salad with my lunch, when I really want a PBJ . . . sticking with my curriculum choices, instead of researching for the next best thing . . . actually planning school work for the next week, instead of being online I'm not much help, but I"m a fellow pilgrim on the journey. I'm starting to read Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges - I'm thinking I'll have something more to say in a few days! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muffinmom Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I think self-control is willingly choosing to forego your "right" to do whatever it is your flesh wants to do. I don't think it's really self-control when you feel like someone is forcing you to do it. You have to make a willing, grown-up choice to restrict yourself for the good of others and yourself--for the greater good--and in obedience to God. And I think attitude is key here. In terms of anger...it's not stuffing (all the while cursing under your breath that you didn't get to say your piece, etc.). It's taking a breath, acknowledging your anger, but keeping your mouth shut until the anger blows over...and perhaps after that, too. It helps to wait until you're in a place where wisdom can direct you, not the emotion of the moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I think in terms of anger, self control is not sinning in your anger. It is biblical to be angry. Even Jesus got angry (remember the upsetting of the tables in the temple?). But, the Bible warns us to not sin in our anger (don't pummel your son when he drives a golf ball through your window...ask me how I know about that kind of self-control :glare:...don't curse the driver in the car that just cut you off...again...ask me how I know :glare:). I always tell my kids to acknowlege the anger, tell the person who wronged you that you are angry with them and why, but don't go off and scream and yell and punch them. Punch the punching bag, run around the house, scream into your pillow...all appropriate ways to vent the anger. And, of course, the key...forgiveness. Forgive the person who wronged you. Easier said than done, though. I guess self-control could be summed up as "moderation". Like in eating...everything in moderation. You won't become obese by having one small bowl of ice cream once a week. But, eat a super-huge bowl of ice cream every day, several times a day and you are likely to become very large, very fast. KWIM? That's my take on self control. Self control is toughest for me in regards to my tongue. I'm constantly having to bite my tongue so I won't say something I'll regret. Best to stay silent. Anyway...long answer. Sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Like in eating...everything in moderation. You won't become obese by having one small bowl of ice cream once a week. But, eat a super-huge bowl of ice cream every day, several times a day and you are likely to become very large, very fast. KWIM? That's my take on self control. Hey, just what are you saying here? Are you, like, implying I lacked self-control by eating the entire pint of Mallard Coconut Chocolate Chunk Almond ice cream? That's totally normal! A pint IS a serving and anything less is just...just...a lie put forth by a bunch of @(*&$@$#!!!! Oh. Ahem. Pardon me. Lost control there for a minute... ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tutor Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I think of self-control as taking the time to know, as best you can, the true nature of a situation and its participants and then acting acting to meet the the true needs of the situation (true needs meaning glorifying God and meeting the real needs of those involved) despite your own gut reaction or need to sacrifice, if necessary. In short, not going off half-cocked or ignorant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 Hey, just what are you saying here? Are you, like, implying I lacked self-control by eating the entire pint of Mallard Coconut Chocolate Chunk Almond ice cream? That's totally normal! A pint IS a serving and anything less is just...just...a lie put forth by a bunch of @(*&$@$#!!!! Oh. Ahem. Pardon me. Lost control there for a minute... ;) :smilielol5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wide eyes & laughter Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 my understanding of it, along with scriptures that help me: "....He who abides in Me and I in Him, He bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing". (John 15:5) ...With God all things are possible.(Matthew 19:26) Think of when Peter walked on the water - when his eyes were on Christ, not on the 'situation', he was able. Just trying to give my opinion and thoughts - not saying I've got it locked down. Thanks be to God, I have grown in patience and self-control but fall short quite a bit, too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 my understanding of it, along with scriptures that help me: "....He who abides in Me and I in Him, He bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing". (John 15:5) ...With God all things are possible.(Matthew 19:26) Think of when Peter walked on the water - when his eyes were on Christ, not on the 'situation', he was able. Just trying to give my opinion and thoughts - not saying I've got it locked down. Thanks be to God, I have grown in patience and self-control but fall short quite a bit, too! If you don't mind my musing out loud here. . . I know that it is the fruit of the Spirit and that as such it needs to come through dependence on God. But I guess I get tripped up by the word "self" in 'self control'! Is it letting Him control my self? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 We all know the best way to deal with toddlers is to avoid as many situations as possible where they might be required to use that self control they don't have yet. I think we're much the same. If you can't help sticking that toffee ice cream in your shopping trolley, you're better off sending hubby to do the shopping while you stay home and clean the fridge. Self control can also be not decking someone you really want to thump, or at least not decking them quite as thoroughly as you want to! It is possibly to verbally thump someone very politely. I expect I'll get better at that with practise... :) Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I think self control is maturity. And it's not so much about control, as just getting strong enough not to follow all those impulses. When I think "control", I think "effort", and where there is effort, there will at some time need to be a relaxation from that effort. The effort cannot be sustained indefinitely. Hence the failure of most methods of self control, most diets, etc. The pendulum will swing, that's the way it works- you cant go against nature for very long. But I look at it differently nowadays. For example, I havn't eaten sugar since last September, but it is not an effort. Rather, if ever the urge comes up- which isnt often, but it did yesterday- I relax, breathe, and distract myself. In this case, I made myself a berry and kefir smoothie- not sweet enough to trigger cravings but sweet enough to satisfy the craving already there. So I guess I distracted myself, in a way. I didnt "force" myself not to eat sugar when the thought popped into my head that I wanted something sweet. I think "self control" is often a means of self flaggelation. Then succumbing to the temptation ends up being a form of reward- as people often reward themselves with things that are not actually good for them, like sweets. But in a perverted way, it is being kind to oneself to stop the torturing of oneself in the name of self control. Self control needs to come from a space of self love and self respect, then it will be of overall benefit, and upliftment, not just another swing of the pendulum that will inevitably swing back to self indulgence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 Self control needs to come from a space of self love and self respect, then it will be of overall benefit, and upliftment, not just another swing of the pendulum that will inevitably swing back to self indulgence. Ooh. I like that. I'm well aware of the pendulum swings! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 There is also staying away from temptation! This no longer applies, because I'm allergic to all convenience foods now, but when I could eat them, I would eat sugary convenience foods if they were in my house, but was able to not buy them. Pringles were the only non-sugary snack that I was like that with. When my husband asked where the Pringles were, I went through the whole explanation, but he was still confused. I asked him, "Do you want me to keep Pringles in the house and have me be 10 pounds heavier or would you like a Pringle free house, those are your choices." (He opted for the Pringle free house!) Also, when I baked chocolate chip cookies, I would save 4 or 5 for myself and give the rest away very soon so I would not eat them all. I like Catherine Marshall on this subject, I can't remember specific books, however. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Some scriptures that help define self control: Gen 43:31; Es 5:10; Ps 119:101; Pr 10:19; Jer 14:10 ; Ac 24:25 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muffinmom Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 If you don't mind my musing out loud here. . . I know that it is the fruit of the Spirit and that as such it needs to come through dependence on God. But I guess I get tripped up by the word "self" in 'self control'! Is it letting Him control my self? I think there is both...on your end, a willing submission to something other than yourself and your own desires. That act in itself makes room for the direction of the Holy Spirit. If we insisting on following through on our own desires then we have left no room for any other way. (BTW, preaching to myself loudly right now!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcjlkplus3 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 FWIW - as we try and teach it to our children - self-control is being in control of yourself and not letting your emotions control you - anger, especially. If that means you go up to your room until you have control, then that is wht you do - It is not okay to stand there and yell and cry at whoever upset you. As far as food or exercise or whatever goes, you are in control (what you decided) and not the desires of the moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 To me it is when I have to repeat the mantra - Do not engage - and I actually succeed. So very hard during manic phases especially when dealing with bi-polar dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I really like some of these responses. Very helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Will I get different answers depending on whether you are a Christian or not? Is self control "stuffing" your anger (or whatever) but not letting anyone know that you're really dying to deck someone?!:boxing_smiley: I feel like God is trying to work with me on self control with regard to my emotions, my eating and exercising habits, the use of my time. . . But I'm not really sure what He wants out of me. What are your thoughts? I think self control is doing things purposefully, stopping to reflect on how you want to express your anger, reminding yourself what healthy food is, prodding yourself to get up and exercise when you don't feel like it. It's reflection then action. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 I think self control is doing things purposefully, stopping to reflect on how you want to express your anger, reminding yourself what healthy food is, prodding yourself to get up and exercise when you don't feel like it. It's reflection then action. O.K. You expressed this in a way that I can really wrap my mind around! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Self-control is having your desk sit five feet from the freezer. The freezer that contains chocolate ice cream, your favorite. The freezer door that you do not open. The freezer door that you are avoiding look at RIGHT NOW! The freezer door that you might have to duct tape shut because the heart is willing but the flesh is weak. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Self-control is having your desk sit five feet from the freezer. The freezer that contains chocolate ice cream, your favorite. The freezer door that you do not open. The freezer door that you are avoiding look at RIGHT NOW! The freezer door that you might have to duct tape shut because the heart is willing but the flesh is weak. :tongue_smilie: Preach it, sister! Self-control is putting the 4-year old in her room when she's irrational, closing the door, and saying to yourself, "I don't need to eat right now. I don't need to eat right now." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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