WWYD - Neighbor Issues

[Guest]

We have a neighbor across the street. Multiple times he has yelled that all we do is talk trash about him and ever since we moved in our street is so noisy. He says he can hear us through his paper thin walls...but he never hears our kids playing outside or dh tinkering in the garage - just us "talking trash".

 

First of all, we are a quiet family of 4. We don't have visitors, parties, etc. Everytime my dh has just told him it's not us. (But this guy is always really angry!)

 

So, today dh comes in and tells me that the guy came over again to talk to him. He said that he always hears us talking trash about him, that the wife (me) stays home all day and never goes anywhere, that he doesn't understand why we are here b/c it's a special needs community (it's not), and that....he's called the association and there are multiple complaints on file that I have harassed the other women on our street. (Um, no.) Also, we are the reason that everyone on our street has moved out.

 

So...obviously he's not all there, right? Should I be concerned? Dh wants to call the association next week and talk to them. This is the kind of person I could see calling my kids truant in a few years. We are in the process of trying to buy this house - part of me says MOVE and part of me says that we can't guarantee our neighbors anywhere we move.

 

Any thoughts or words of wisdom?

[Lovedtodeath]

MOVE!:grouphug:

[Jennifer in MI]

If you decide to stay, I'd definately start a paper trail now. Definately contact the association and get your complaints on file.

[elegantlion]

I would definitely talk to the association. At least so there is some record of your complaints about him. Is he elderly?

 

I would also start a journal of his approaches/comments to you.

[Chris in VA]

Wow. I'd call the association and report him for harassing you. Perhaps he is "special needs" himself, and that's why he thought the neighborhood is. (Of course, if he does have something of that nature going on, having someone else monitor and help may be a good thing, for his own sake as well as yours.) If it doesn't get resolved, I'd move.

[Guest]

I would definitely talk to the association. At least so there is some record of your complaints about him. Is he elderly?

 

I would also start a journal of his approaches/comments to you.

 

Not at all - 40 maybe? He's gone most of the day, I assumed at work. (He drives)

 

We also have a pretty good rapport with multiple neighbors (anyone we talk to we get along with - one family goes to our church, one we've bought couches from, one we swap house-sitting when vacationing, etc.) but with the economy we've got a HUGE turnover on our street. I don't want to count on having a bunch of witnesses who may not be there in the future.

 

I think a paper trial/journal is a good idea, too, should we stay....

[bettyandbob]

Call the association

 

Assess the possibilities of what you can afford elsewhere. Not just house, but neighborhood and recreational opportunities.

 

Can you find out if, the man is an owner or tenant? Does the association have the ability to take action against him.

 

I'd also contact the local police about the issue. Get their advice on how to handle the situation and what level of behavior warrants their involvement.

 

If you decide to move, be sure to inform your landlord. He has a neighbor interfering with his home's value and it would be nice for him to have this info so he can begin to build his paper train.

[Guest]

 

If you decide to move, be sure to inform your landlord. He has a neighbor interfering with his home's value and it would be nice for him to have this info so he can begin to build his paper train.

 

Hmph. He's on his way to foreclosure, that is why we are trying to buy *this* home since we're already living here. I did just email him, though. Thanks for the tips....

[yslek]

I think that if your gut says "move", then you should if at all possible.

[Ria]

I would stop making any attempt to buy the house you are in and start looking for somewhere else to live. This man sounds unbalanced...seriously unbalanced. I mean, think about this: he's basically hearing voices. Just pray that he doesn't become violent.

 

Ria

[katemary63]

Yah, maybe I watch too many movies, but this gives me the creeps. He is probably a paranoid schitzophrenic who is NOT in treatment, not on meds and angry AT YOU! I would be afraid to live next to him. Sorry.

[AnnetteB]

I would stop making any attempt to buy the house you are in and start looking for somewhere else to live. This man sounds unbalanced...seriously unbalanced. I mean, think about this: he's basically hearing voices. Just pray that he doesn't become violent.

 

Ria

Just what I was thinking. I'd start packing.

[Parrothead]

If there is any way you can move, start looking else where. And don't tell the neighbor where you are going.

[Desert Rat]

While I'm usually on the cautious side, I would see what you can get accomplished without moving just yet. Has he made any threats to your safety? To me he sounds unbalanced but are you afraid he will become violent or just annoying? You can't guarantee your neighbors. We moved into our house almost 10 years ago and still love it but our neighbors....not so much. A few houses have changed hands several times and the new occupants have been less than stellar. On the other hand, our new neighbor across the street is wonderful. You take the good with the bad.

I would start a paper trail, ask the police about boundaries, and call the association unless you have a genuine gut feeling that his guy is going to hurt you or your family.

JMHO. I do tend to err on the side of caution but in this case think it might be jumping the gun to move.

[Catwoman]

I have to agree with the advice you've been given so far -- I would move.

 

One other thing -- have you spoken with any of your other neighbors to find out what they think of this guy? Perhaps the association could tell you if there have been prior complaints about him, as well. Also, perhaps the guy who owns your home knows more than he's saying, and everyone who has lived in your house has had trouble with this neighbor.

 

Realistically, though, whatever anyone says, you're living next door to a potential lunatic who is paranoid and hears voices saying mean things about him. This does not bode well for your future happiness in that house. If you already owned it, I'd probably still suggest considering a move, but since you rent, my best advice would be to be glad you found out about this man before you bought the house, and start shopping for another home to buy. Prices are down everywhere, so you can probably find a good deal on a house in the area of your choice.

 

My biggest worry is that this guy could be dangerous. What if his voices tell him you're going to hurt him, or that one of your dc is the spawn of Satan? For all you know, he's got guns in his house, or has an affinity for starting fires. I hate to put scary thoughts in your head, but your neighbor is not normal.

 

Be very careful filing any complaints about this man, too, because he already thinks you're out to get him. You don't want to do anything to push him over the edge. It wouldn't hurt to ask around about him, and even ask your local police if he's ever caused trouble for anyone, but if it were me, my focus would be to get out of that house as soon as possible, with as little interaction with Mr Crazy.

 

Good luck with this - I'm so sorry you have to deal with it, but thank goodness you found out about this nut before you bought the house!

 

Cat

[Mandy]

If it were possible, I would move.

Mandy

[kalanamak]

I would be concerned. Paranoids are the ones who finally pick up a gun and start "defending" themselves. I would talk to your association, but I would also talk to the police. If this is escalating, especially if he owns firearms, I'd move.

 

There are a lot of people out there who hear voices...but it is the paranoid ones that make the evening news.

[LizzyBee]

I would stop making any attempt to buy the house you are in and start looking for somewhere else to live. This man sounds unbalanced...seriously unbalanced. I mean, think about this: he's basically hearing voices. Just pray that he doesn't become violent.

 

Ria

 

That was my impression too - that he has the potential to be dangerous. I'd try to move.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

You are definitely dealing with a mentally unstable person. Move. Far away.

[Anne Rittenhouse]

Could it be "with the economy" and the crazy neighbor "we've got a HUGE turnover on our street"? Perhaps the economy was the final straw or the excuse that people needed to leave. I think you should too, my gut says move, especially since you are a SAHM with kids during the day.

[Guest]

Thank you all for your responses. We are going to pursue a few different things before we pack up.

 

I'm trying not to be too fearful, I trust that God holds our family in His hands.

 

No more psycho responses, please!!!!! :scared:

[HSMom2One]

...So...obviously he's not all there, right? Should I be concerned? Dh wants to call the association next week and talk to them. This is the kind of person I could see calling my kids truant in a few years. We are in the process of trying to buy this house - part of me says MOVE and part of me says that we can't guarantee our neighbors anywhere we move.

 

Any thoughts or words of wisdom?

 

I think dh should check with the NA for sure to learn about this man. Along with this, I'm going to throw out a different perspective that will no doubt cause some people to throw tomatoes at me, but here goes.

 

This neighbor of yours is obviously 1. Suffering from mental issues, 2. Looking for attention and/or displacing anger on others over something you have nothing to do with, and 3. In need of some compassion.

 

I'm sure the world has been hard on him. You have no idea how miserable it is to suffer from mental illness.

 

I would not do anything to cause you (the adult female) to be in the way of misunderstanding or potential danger, but if this man were my neighbor I would sit down with dh and family and pray for the man on a regular basis. I would pray that God would use our family to bring blessings into this man's life. I would ask dh if he would consider mowing the man's yard anonymously, and any other kind and thoughtful thing that could be done either by him or him and the children -- wisely and with caution -- but with love. If it snows, shovel the sidewalk. Leave a potted plant by the front door or a basket full of jams and jellies. Bake him some cookies...Check in on him if he isn't seen in awhile, just to see how he is. (You should never do this alone, just dh or dh with family or kids along.) Wave at him and be friendly -- just the opposite of what you feel like doing and what he expects you to do.

 

This may or may not bring an immediate difference, it may take time. He may be paranoid and suspicious at first, but at some point he may realize that you are really a kind family and no threat to him. Believe me, he is used to people reacting negatively to his behavior, so this will be new and throw him off. But the point is, he is a human being with feelings and is obviously troubled and lonely. You don't have to become best friends, just be a good neighbor. If he responds favorably to your gestures, you will have to be firm with setting boundaries, but at the same time leave room for care and kindness.

 

You may be the family that makes a huge difference in this man's life, and you would send a powerful message to your children about how to express love to the downtrodden and grace to the unworthy.

 

We deal with mental illness in my family and I am a firm believer that love is a powerful thing. I've seen it turn people around many times. There is a reason that Jesus taught to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. It isn't a sign of weakness to show love, but rather a sign of strength, courage and humility.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[kalanamak]

I think dh should check with the NA for sure to learn about this man. Along with this, I'm going to throw out a different perspective that will no doubt cause some people to throw tomatoes at me, but here goes.

 

This neighbor of yours is obviously 1. Suffering from mental issues, 2. Looking for attention and/or displacing anger on others over something you have nothing to do with, and 3. In need of some compassion.

 

I'm sure the world has been hard on him. You have no idea how miserable it is to suffer from mental illness.

 

I would not do anything to cause you (the adult female) to be in the way of misunderstanding or potential danger, but if this man were my neighbor I would sit down with dh and family and pray for the man on a regular basis. I would pray that God would use our family to bring blessings into this man's life. I would ask dh if he would consider mowing the man's yard anonymously, and any other kind and thoughtful thing that could be done either by him or him and the children -- wisely and with caution -- but with love. If it snows, shovel the sidewalk. Leave a potted plant by the front door or a basket full of jams and jellies. Bake him some cookies...Check in on him if he isn't seen in awhile, just to see how he is. (You should never do this alone, just dh or dh with family or kids along.) Wave at him and be friendly -- just the opposite of what you feel like doing and what he expects you to do.

 

 

No tomatoes, but this man is more than paranoid, he is psychotic....hearing things like that. We had a man in valley whose neighbors gave him a little money once...twenty bucks or something. He stewed over it so long and hard, he finally killed them and called the police to confess. He just couldn't let such "superior" people live. It was awful for all. He was driven by voices. He hated to obey them, but did.

 

Getting this man some professional help would be far kinder, in the long run, than upsetting him by setting foot on his property with a lawn mower or cookies he can assume you have poisoned.

[Alicia64]

The cutest cottage in the world wouldn't keep me leaving across the street -- with my children -- from a complete nut case.

 

Personally I wouldn't paper trail this one, I'd get out of Dodge.

 

Alicia

[Alicia64]

And I wholeheartedly agree with Kalanamak.

 

Jams, jellies and potted plants. . . thoughtful gifts. . . would work beautifully on sane people. But psychotic people. . . NO.

 

Alicia

[HSMom2One]

Well, I will say this once and then I'm going to drop out of the conversation out of respect to the OP and because I really don't want to get an argument going.

 

I have many, many years experience with the mentally ill. Two very close relatives, one being my own adult son, suffers from sometimes very severe Bipolar Disorder. I have seen first hand and experienced all kinds of behavior over the years, including paranoid and psychotic, hallucinations and near death situations. I am a veteran, believe me. So when I made my post, I was also coming from that frame of reference.

 

Paranoid and psychotic behaviors most often do not mean danger, violence, murder, etc. I don't mean that people should throw caution to the wind and be stupid. I just happen to know from years of experience that the stigma of mental illness causes more harm in most cases than the actual illness. Our culture suffers many fears and predjudices that cause us to be inhumane, uncompassionate, unloving people at times.

 

I still believe that I would handle the situation with caution, but with love and kindness as I suggested. I know it may be fruitless, but I would still go in that direction.

 

My greatest hope in writing these posts is to help erase stigmas and also to consider the love, compassion and hope that Jesus taught.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[Catwoman]

I'm trying not to be too fearful, I trust that God holds our family in His hands.

 

No more psycho responses, please!!!!! :scared:

 

I hope you won't take this the wrong way, because I honestly mean it very kindly, but have you ever considered the possibility that God is holding your family in His hands by letting you know about this potentially dangerous person before you buy the house? You could have purchased the house and then had trouble with this neighbor, but you were fortunate enough to have experienced it while there was still time to get out of buying the house, and to move out of there.

 

I know you hate to hear the "psycho responses," but even though many of us don't really know you, we're worried about your family's safety. If you were looking at a different house and the people who lived there said they were moving because their neighbor hated them without any just cause, and that he heard voices, would you honestly even consider buying that house? Personally, I wouldn't live there for free.

 

Let's face it, even if this neighbor will never resort to any form of violence, it looks pretty certain that he's never going to stop trying to make your lives miserable -- and who wants to deal with that every day for years to come?

 

I really believe that you have been blessed with the knowledge that this neighbor could be a danger to you, and I truly hope you will heed that warning. There are so many great houses that you can buy, and although moving is a lot of work and can be very stressful, I don't think it compares with the worry you'll feel every time you are afraid to let your dc play out in the yard because your crazy neighbor is home.

 

Sorry to have posted again about this, and I hope I'm completely overreacting, but this guy just sounds so strange to me.

 

Cat

[Peek a Boo]

but have you ever considered the possibility that God is holding your family in His hands by letting you know about this potentially dangerous person before you buy the house? You could have purchased the house and then had trouble with this neighbor, but you were fortunate enough to have experienced it while there was still time to get out of buying the house, and to move out of there.

 

..............

I really believe that you have been blessed with the knowledge that this neighbor could be a danger to you, and I truly hope you will heed that warning.

 

:iagree:

 

what's that old joke about the old lady staying in her house during the flood cuz "God will save her"? she refuses the emergency bus to evacuate, refuses from her second floor the offer to flee in a canoe, refuses from her roof the offer to flee in a helicopter, and when she dies and asks God why He didn't save her, he says "I sent a bus, a canoe, and a helicopter --what else did you want me to do?"

 

:)

[Catwoman]

:iagree:

 

what's that old joke about the old lady staying in her house during the flood cuz "God will save her"? she refuses the emergency bus to evacuate, refuses from her second floor the offer to flee in a canoe, refuses from her roof the offer to flee in a helicopter, and when she dies and asks God why He didn't save her, he says "I sent a bus, a canoe, and a helicopter --what else did you want me to do?"

 

:)

 

:lol: LOL, Peek-a-Boo! :lol:

 

Cat

[Catwoman]

Any updates, Monica?

 

I hope you had a fun weekend with no neighbor troubles! :001_smile:

 

Cat

[Guest]

Thanks, Cat.

 

We were able to talk to two of our neighbors over the weekend. One who has similar encounters and one that said "they're so nice!" :confused: After reading all of your responses the other night, I told dh that the kids and I were going to CA this week and we'd come back when he had moved us. :lol: He said NO way and had to encounter many tears. We've had many long discussions over the weekend and I think he may convinced not to buy the house. I see God doing big things in my dh's heart. Trying to buy a house has been such a roller coaster for us and we really thought this might be the one.

 

I do appreciate the pp, though, that deals with mentally ill people. My heart's desire is to love and see people through the eyes of Christ, albeit with prudence.

 

Thank you all for your input and concern. I think we're trying to get out of here, it's just not as fast as I want - yesterday!

 

ETA: And Peek - I told that story to my dh...an old pastor used to tell that one all the time. He nodded and said, "True, true..."

[Catwoman]

Trying to buy a house has been such a roller coaster for us and we really thought this might be the one.

 

:grouphug:

 

It's so hard to have your heart set on a house, only to have things fall apart. It's exhausting to think about starting the process of looking at houses, researching neighborhoods, worrying about how much to offer, wondering if the home inspector will miss some major problem with the house... can you tell I've been there and done that? ;)

 

Ultimately, though, it will be worth it to be away from this neighbor. I'm glad you and your dh discussed your options, and that it looks like he's becoming convinced not to buy the house.

 

I also think you're right to adopt the attitude of loving and seeing people "through the eyes of Christ, albeit with prudence." You're praying for this neighbor, yet still taking action to keep yourself and your family safe, and I really can't imagine that there's anything more you can do.

 

I wish you the very best of luck with finding a new place to live -- and instead of feeling sad that your current house isn't going to work for you, try to look at this as an exciting new beginning for your family. I'll bet you'll look back on this a few months from now, and think about how lucky you were to have moved into a new house that's nicer than you could have imagined -- and with nice neighbors, too!

 

Cat

[The Governess]

No advice, but :grouphug::grouphug:. I'm sorry you're in this situation.

[Katiebug_1976]

This guy sounds VERY unstable. Even though he has not shown any violent actions, there is always a starting point. I know that this is way, way out there, but even serial killers start out with small things and it escalates from there. For the safety of my family (children especially) I would move if at all possible. Even if he just turns out to be a really annoying neighbor, do you really want to live near this guy for the rest of your life?

[Danestress]

Honestly, a man isn't THAT much safer than a woman, and I would not be signing my husband up for "duty" that required interacting with someone that was too dangerous for me to interact with. And my husband is physically pretty studly. I'm entirely in favor of prayer, financial help, acts of love and mercy and kindness. But if I personally wouldn't go over to his house and mow his lawn, I wouldn't ask my husband to consider doing it. Guns work pretty well on men as well as women, and knife attacks aren't that much better.

 

I would move if I had that option. No question. That doesn't mean I wouldn't care about him and try to help in ways that seemed good. But I think you are nuts to suggest that her husband should put himself at physical risk just because he is a man.