Church, who in your family decided?

[SonshineLearner]

I'm wondering..."Who in your family decided which church to regularly attend? Why did that person get to "decide"? Do both of you like it now? Do your children like it?

 

Thanks!

Carrie:-)

[Amy in Orlando]

Carrie, for us it was/is/and ever will be a joint decision. I can't imagine how it would work otherwise. We attend because we both like it (because we both chose it). Our kids go back and forth, depending on what's going on, but that's ok, they're kids.

[Laura K (NC)]

he's more level-headed than I am and I respect his decision, and think it was/is for the best. I'm grateful he has an strong opinion about it.

[FlockOfSillies]

Carrie, for us it was/is/and ever will be a joint decision. I can't imagine how it would work otherwise. We attend because we both like it (because we both chose it).

 

:iagree: Dh and I make all these big decisions as a team. I don't see how either of us would say, "You can worship there, but I won't." If either of us had a major problem with a church before joining it, we'd have to resolve the problem somehow or find another church body.

[Reya]

I'm wondering..."Who in your family decided which church to regularly attend? Why did that person get to "decide"? Do both of you like it now? Do your children like it?

 

Thanks!

Carrie:-)

 

DH chose from my shortlist.

 

I got the short list because I had a better church background, and he didn't. He got to choose which one made the most sense.

[mamaof2andtwins]

My husband and I decided after I visit several different churches. If I thought a church was a possibility, we would attend together. He did veto one church. I was very disappointed, but 2 months later that church split. So, he actually saved me from a lot of pain.

 

We very much love the people in our church. The children have good friends there. It was not that way in our former church. We have been in this church almost 5 years.

 

Jennie

[Soph the vet]

When we got married we began attending the church dh had been at and stayed there for nine years. When the vision of the church started to go off a little we decided jointly to return to my home church where the teaching is solid. The kids have friends at both churches.

[KarenNC]

It took us a long time to find a spiritual community where we could be together as a family. It was a joint decision.

[Andie]

he's more level-headed than I am and I respect his decision, and think it was/is for the best. I'm grateful he has an strong opinion about it.

 

 

Laura, I hope you don't mind a question. Do you mean your dh picked a particular *church*, or that he picked a particular denomination?

[Pamela H in Texas]

COMPLETELY different opinion.

 

Think of yourself as a Hebrewess in 31 C.E. You just heard this wonderful teacher, the best ever. He knows the scriptures and tradition better than anyone you've ever known or even heard of. He meets the prophesies of the the One coming. According to him, there are a few things one must do to have everlasting life. First, one must know him and his Father well and then they must love him and his Father (and you learn that love means to obey).

 

This One is killed and you continue following his people til your death. You learn along the way how important your personal salvation is and that you are responsible for you and your children (until your children are of the ability to decide for themselves). Would you forfeit life for you and your children to follow some man, even your hubby? Or would you do whatever it took to do right by the Creator of all things and hope your hubby jumped on board at some time though he's showing himself a devout Jew?

 

Anyway, ideally, this would not be an issue. Ideally, everyone would follow the only true God and his son. Ideally, families wouldn't be torn. But in the end, before God, you are individually responsible for you and your young children. Your hubby is also, of course. But just as you wouldn't jump off a bridge after hubby, you cannot go against your conscience in this matter either.

 

Anyway, obviously, this is an extreme situation when you are of different belief systems somewhat or totally. If you both believe the exact same otherwise, I think it wise to follow his lead. For example, do I go to the congregation meetings 15 minutes this way or 17 minutes that way? In our case, we're "zoned" for the one and we're fine with that, but other people may need to make a different choice. If it were between hubby and me on that, I'd just follow hubby. But if it were about different teachings, a conscience issue, etc? I would remember my accountability to God as primary.

[TXMomof4]

I chose, simply because DH didn't really care one way or another. Even when we up and moved 45 minutes away, I insisted on staying at our church. He grumbled and griped, but it has been the best decision ever for our family and he will admit that now. When we met, he hadn't attended church in several years and didn't have any real committment to attending any particular church. I did, so I got the final say.

[fivetails]

Dh doesn't go to church with us, so it's something that I choose with the kids. :)

[OnTheBrink]

After several negative experiences with Baptist churches, I implored EX to please consider something other than Baptist. He agreed and we tried two non-denom churches. One was just basically a social club--lots of fluff and extra-Biblical stuff, and the other one we stayed with. Well, until he was disfellowshipped, but I stayed on, as well as the dc.

[Chris in VA]

Dh. He's a priest. I'm not there this morning...but don't read too much into that.

One son kinda likes it. One son is an atheist. Dd likes it.

[Laura K (NC)]

In two separate periods.

 

We are Catholic, and I wanted out at one point. I went shopping for other denominations, and he kept going to our Catholic church with the kids. He refused to move. I would have chosen that the whole family switch to Orthodoxy if my husband had been more complacent. That was about 10 years ago.

 

At another point in our lives, fairly recently, in fact, our parish went through some changes that were maddening. We contemplated moving to a different parish. We talked about it and at first my husband was the one who wanted to go, and I would have followed him. After a few more weeks we decided to wait it out, but I was following his lead. I occasionally go to a different (Catholic) parish on a Sunday or for a holy day, especially if there is an ancient rite available, but I go with my family first to our regular parish.

[EarleneW]

We moved almost 2 years ago and have spent the last 2 years going through this. We visited many churches as a family. There were 2 that it came down too and we liked both alot. They both had great youth ministries and it just came down to a decision. We jointly deceided on the one we now call "our church". IT has been a long road. But I guess the answer is we deceided together.

[*Inna*]

My husband. It was the first church that he actually wanted to attend again.

Now he is very involved in worship team and had made lots of friends.

 

I am happy with this church because of their children program and that slowly most of our family and friends came from different churches to this one.

[Cheryl in NM]

Dh doesn't believe in organized religion. His family is not religious but he went to a Baptist church for a few years as a teen. I was raised Lutheran and was in church every Sunday whether I had to be dragged kicking and screaming or not. So Dh was a great excuse for me to not go to church. When Ds was born I had him baptized and forgot about church for another year. Then Ds and I went to a non-denominational for a year, but I couldn't beg or guilt Dh to go so I quit. Fast forward 10 years, I felt a great need to be in church and to raise ds in a church family. I started researching religions, visited different churches. Ds and I attended a non-denom. church for about a year. Then we moved back to NM and I had to find a new church. Ds and I began attending a non-denom. church with our neighbors, but sometimes the pastor would say things that I felt were wrong and not biblically based. It was at this point that I realized I was trying to find a church that Dh would be willing to attend if and when he decided to go again. At that point I visited a Lutheran church that I had visited before and ruled out. I've never felt more at home. So Ds and I go to a very traditional Lutheran Church and we both love it. I've decided I might not attend there until I'm an old lady and if Dh decides to attend church but doesn't want Lutheran I'll look in to going where he goes.

 

So there's a very long answer to your very short question. I decide for now. I will follow Dh if I feel that is what God wants when the time comes. So I guess, the shortest answer is: I go where God leads me.

[dirty ethel rackham]

It was somewhat of a joint decision, but DH strongly influenced it. I was a fallen-away Catholic when I met him and started going to church with him. While we were engaged and he was living in the house we had bought, we visited the nearest Catholic church to that house. I thought it was OK (but I grew up in a terrible parish so I didn't have many good examples), but he hated it and insisted we go to the church across town where he knew the pastor. It was the best decision we ever made. It is our home. Several years later, we moved closer to this church.

[Parrothead]

Dd and I are Catholic, Dh is Methodist, but when he goes to church he goes with us to the Catholic church. Since I'm the one that goes most often, I pick the church. Most of the places we've lived there has only been one parish so the choice is easy.

[ekarl2]

When my dh and I were dating he was a Catholic who didn't attend church and I was a believer, raised in the congregational church (unitarian) who didn't go to church. Before we got engaged we discussed it. What was important to me was that our family attended church together. He loved the Catholic church and I'd always been a little fascinated by it. We were married in a Congregational church/ceremony. After that I went through RCIA (classes for Catholic conversion) and on our first wedding anniversary we renewed our vows in a Catholic ceremony.

When we moved to NC, we lived in Cary, about 30 minutes from where we live now. We LOVE our parish there. We still attend, even though it's a drive. We have a parish about 5 minutes from us, but we really don't care for it. It's there in a pinch, though, if we have a Holy Day and we can't make it to Cary.

 

It was a great decision for me and I don't regret it a bit.

[Murphy101]

I converted from nothing to Catholicism and brought the children into the faith with me. dh did not convert and I've never pressured him to do so, but he attends with us because he is part of this family and is okay with raising them in the faith (most of the time anyways).

 

So I decided what faith and I'm open to whatever parish he is most comfortable with attending. Right now he'd rather not attend any (not an option in my mind) and we're having a bit of a bumpy debate on the issue. If he pushes me on it, I'll insist we go to the nearest one for the sake of convienience. But I'd prefer to have him be more okay with it.

[Peek a Boo]

mostly me.

 

{{and I agree w/ Pamela H}}

 

I usually follow dh's opinions on where to start, but since I do more researching and talking than he does he usually ends up deferring to me on specifics.

 

We attended his family's Lutheran church after we got married, but there were too many issues I kept bringing to his attention that the pastor/elders couldn't answer to our satisfaction.

 

Around that same time we moved to NY, so we started attending a MS lutheran church. That seemed ok for a couple years, but a few things kept really bugging me and I ended up leaving. DH followed suit the next weekend.

 

That's when we found My Favorite Church --a CMA in LaFayette, just south of Syracuse. not perfect, but it had a GREAT foundation. We were there till we moved back to TX.

 

Upon moving to the DFW area, we tried a couple more Lutheran churches, but we kept coming back to some foundational issues, and finally --at the last church-- some irreconcilable personal issues.

 

I do let dh know that if he feels led as spiritual leader to attend even w/o me, I am VERY supportive of that. And that if he feels led as spiritual leader to request STRONGLY that i attend, then i will, but he has been comfortable so far w/ our system of church attendance.

 

There's a little fire-n-brimstone baptist church just around the corner that i like to attend w/ the kids when dh is out on a trip, but we haven't been in months, and I'm not interested in seeking membership at this time.

 

I'm still on the lookout for a church that fits a great model of teaching, preaching, worship, and service. For now we're taking a break from church shopping tho ;)

[Guest janainaz]

We decided together not to go after trying to find a good fit. My dh went to seminary, was part of Calvary for many years (since he was 10 years old), and had a lot of issues with the church system/institution. We now attend a small group for Bible study and fellowship, our kids attend Awana, but we consider our "church" the group of people that is in our lives. If my dh wanted to go somewhere, I'd definitely go. At one time he was going to a few different churches for different things including an African refugee church. We had one church in southern CA we attended and loved called Newsong and if we still lived there, that is where we'd be. We were part of a small group there and everyone was deeply involved in each other's lives. Our group was called Ohana - which means "family". It was primarily an Asian church, although the longer we went the more integrated it became. They were the most incredible group of people I've ever met. But, really, the truth is that you find God in the hearts of people - that is where He is - so it does not really matter where you go other than the fact that most institutions keep insisting that you NEED the institution - that's our issue.

[Hillary in KS]

We've moved quite a bit, so this is an issue that we've had to talk through.

 

We visit churches together. (We try to attend each church 2-3 weeks to get an accurate feel.) Dh and I pray and talk extensively about the church, the pastor, the church's doctrinal statement, etc. The boys are old enough that we discuss it with them and ask for their opinion.

 

However, as the spiritual head of the home the final decision rests with dh.

 

:001_smile:

[Paz]

We have had a really difficult time finding a church that was a good fit for all of us since we moved here 5 years ago. We initially found one that we all loved but it fell apart so we have been looking ever since. We have recently found one that is a good fit for dh, ds and me. Dd is attending church with my mom and it is a good fit for her. It is challenging for her to be in church because of her sound sensitivities. The music seems to be cranked up pretty loud in most churches here. She now goes with my mom to a traditional service and sits in the back away from the speakers.

[JoyfulMama]

My DH is and always feels he will be a Lutheran. I have learned by joining a Lutheran church with him that I am not a good Lutheran fit.

 

Although I would like for us to attend church together, we both want the other to feel comfortable whereever we go. So for now we attend separately - or rather, I attend, and he worships at home - where we are currently most comfortable.