Perry Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 (edited) My dd just came home from a birthday party and is embarrassed because the other kids got the birthday girls more expensive and elaborate gifts. There were 2 birthday girls, and we got one a gift set from Bath and Body Works, and the other a dance shirt that my dd knew she wanted. Each gift was ~$25. Other kids gave multiple gifts, such as Aeropostale pjs with a makeup kit and jewelry; Aeropostale sweatpants with an iTunes gift card and bubble bath; you get the idea. Is this a new trend or am I really out of it? I think we'll skip future birthdays if it's going to be a competition on who gives the most presents. ETA: I'm talking about LARGE makeup kits and $25 gift cards- several small gifts would be different but these kids were giving 3 or 4 presents, each worth $20-$30.. Edited February 14, 2009 by Perry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akmommy Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 WOW! I haven't seen this, but you're right that is out of control. My opinion is birthdays parties are supposed to be about celebrating with family and friends, not gifts. I think a $25 gift was very generous and your daughter has nothing to be embaressed for. The others should be embaressed conerning their shameless display of materialism. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomOfOneFunOne Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 (edited) My opinion is birthdays parties are supposed to be about celebrating with family and friends, not gifts. I think a $25 gift was very generous and your daughter has nothing to be embaressed for. The others should be embaressed conerning their shameless display of materialism. Hear! Hear! I agree! I truly hope that my daughter would be embarrassed by such lavishness. I can hope, of course, but she probably wouldn't be. ;) She wants gifts and what kid woulnd't but a huge outlay is absurd! My daughter can spend $20 on a gift but can spend it as she likes: one gift, several smaller gifts, et c. If she wanted to spend more she'd have to spend her allowance but I would discourage her from doing it. One of these days it will all come out of her allowance. My daughter and I went to a party once at which we brought our regularly priced gifts plus a couple of homemade things. Two of the other girls there brought multiple and costly gifts. I confess that I was a tiny bit embarrassed but in the end, the gift the girl really fawned over was one of the homemade things. And, years later, we're still dear friends of theirs and I never see those other two girls around at their birthdays or anything. In the end, it isn't about the gift and we knew that all along,right? Well, I want to rephrase that. It is about the gift: the true gift. The gift of genuine friendship is the gift that is MOST important and will stand the test of time. This gift doesn't get fogotten at the bottom of the closet. Edited February 14, 2009 by MomOfOneFunOne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keptwoman Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 My limit on birthday gifts is $15. At DDs party she got gifts worth much more than that and it's just crazy IMHO! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Dd16 was invited to a bday party for a friend, and the girls (including the bday girl) were talking about it. Dd, surprisingly, spoke up and said she'd love to go but didn't have money for a gift. One of the other girls piped up and said to dd, "B__, why don't you make her a nice box of brownies?" (B_ is known for her brownies.) The bday girl seemed to love the idea, so that's what B_ did. I wouldn't have thought that it would go down like that, but it did and I'm glad it worked out. They're a great bunch of gals, and that's propbably what was the key to this working out so well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 I will contribute $15-20 to a friend's bd. I've stopped worrying about what other's spend. I'm only go up to 20 when dh shops with us and says we have to spend more. It's ridiculous. Now, I haven't encountered the embarassed because my present wasn't good enough experience. However, my dd is older now. She's started making quite a bit of money pet sitting. It may soon be all on her to buy her friends' presents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 I haven't seen this either, but my kids are still pretty young. The maximum we spend is $15 for a friend's birthday gift. I can see spending more as they get older if they have one special friend, but we definitely wouldn't do this on a regular basis. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 I have noticed that kids seem to be giving and receiving fairly expensive gifts (50.00+ video games, specifically). Maybe they got the items on sale at a very good price? When shopping for a bday gift for a friend recently my ds ran across a 60.00 set of Magnetix that was marked down to 15.00 so that's what he gave. We also know some families that are very well off and for them spending fifty bucks is like me spending twenty...idk...unless someone said something rude about our less expensive gift I would not care. I went to a "used book" birthday party once. The mother had requested on the invitations that we not spend money on new gifts but that we select a book or two from our childrens' bookshelves to pass along to her ds. This was such a hit! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 I usually spend $25 on a gift for a party. I try to buy things that would be appropriate for a b-day when I find them at a really good price, so I have a really nice gift for the $25. I wouldn't worry about your gift not being "enough." That's not what birthdays are supposed to be about. There is an interesting trend going around here among my 9th grader's friends. They have a BIG party with lots of people and specify "no gifts." He has lots of friends and goes to b-day parties a lot, so I like this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jumping In Puddles Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 There is an interesting trend going around here among my 9th grader's friends. They have a BIG party with lots of people and specify "no gifts." He has lots of friends and goes to b-day parties a lot, so I like this! Now that's a trend I could get behind! How do you think that would go over for a 6 year olds party? My son will get about 8 gifts from us, grandparents, cousins! What if I sent out invites to the friends and said "please no gifts!" Would that be ok? Would someone take offense to that? (my son would NOT care in the least, he just wants the party and he already will get so many gifts.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyWImom Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 I think it has gotten totally out of hand! Whenever it's one of my dc birthdays and the other parents ask me what they want, I am pretty specific that the items be small $ amounts. I will usually tell them books, paper dolls, etc... Or things that I know are not much more than $10. And most of the parties we go to, it is the same. But, we have been to others in the past, where the kids are bringing the kind of gifts that I, as a parent would get my own dc. We just don't do it. And, now that they are getting older and can make things, we are going to do some homemade stuff also. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 I think your presents were lovely and generous. I would let her go to the parties and continue to give fun and interesting gifts within your price range. I'm sure they are appreciated. Now that my dd is babysitting she buys her own presents for friends. She shops sales now. lol :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Now that's a trend I could get behind! How do you think that would go over for a 6 year olds party? My son will get about 8 gifts from us, grandparents, cousins! What if I sent out invites to the friends and said "please no gifts!" Would that be ok? Would someone take offense to that? (my son would NOT care in the least, he just wants the party and he already will get so many gifts.) We like to have donation parties. No presents, just donations. In the past, we've collected toys and money and saved them for the Christmas charities. Everyone likes it, including our kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 (edited) for the birthday kid. Dh & I usually spend only $10-$20 on birthday gifts for our own dc! I certainly don't think it would be right to go all-out for someone else when I don't do it for my own kids. Birthdays at our house are usually low-key affairs. The birthday person gets to choose the menu for his birthday dinner (just the immediate family of 4, and sometimes my mom), and I cook whatever he chooses. They usually choose grilled salmon or ribs or roast beef plus the trimmings & a dessert. This is a major splurge for us because our normal fare is usually ground beef/ground venison, chicken, canned tuna, canned salmon, or pork chops/pork loin along with simple-to-prepare sides (vegetables, fruits, pasta, rice). Edited February 14, 2009 by ereks mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hihoboneo Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 WOW, those are expensive gifts, We usually budget $15 or under for friends birthdays and we don't try to go to them all. I think this is a good teaching time that friendship is not about buying expensive things for each other. It's about caring for the other person and showing them you love them. Bonnie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
latinteach Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 My child was invited a party recently and the invitation specified no gifts. In lieu of presents the guests were asked to bring a donation for the Humane Society. We plan to borrow this idea and for our next birthday celebration request that guests bring donations for the food bank. Think of all the food we could collect for even half the amount spent on toys that we find don't always get played with! This is a trend I hope catches on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa B Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Nearly every party we have gone to around here is specifically "no gifts." Any time we have a party ourselves we specify no gifts. One friend of my dd collected new socks and blankets for a homeless shelter. Usually, at parties that do expect gifts we try and re-gift :tongue_smilie: or else spend in the $15-$20 range. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 My dd just came home from a birthday party and is embarrassed because the other kids got the birthday girls more expensive and elaborate gifts. There were 2 birthday girls, and we got one a gift set from Bath and Body Works, and the other a dance shirt that my dd knew she wanted. Each gift was ~$25. Other kids gave multiple gifts, such as Aeropostale pjs with a makeup kit and jewelry; Aeropostale sweatpants with an iTunes gift card and bubble bath; you get the idea. Is this a new trend or am I really out of it? I think we'll skip future birthdays if it's going to be a competition on who gives the most presents. ETA: I'm talking about LARGE makeup kits and $25 gift cards- several small gifts would be different but these kids were giving 3 or 4 presents, each worth $20-$30.. I realized recently that my $10 limit was really cheap for when ds had his 8th b day party he was given 2 or 3 webkins in a nice gift bag with those musical cards totaling $30+. I was shocked to say the least. I guess I am increasing birthday spending to $20 to keep up....sort of, I guess. I have also heard someone talking about how her dd was invited to a birthday party and the child, the CHILD was registered at an exclusive toy store where pretty much nothing is under $20. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 My kids are younger, so it's not quite the same, but I cringe whenever I throw a birthday party for my sons. My sons love having parties and look forward to them for months, but I always feel like I'm hitting my friends up for gifts, simply by inviting them to the party. At this age, I tell people (who ask what ds's would like) to get them cartoon underwear or markers or something small and useful. I've also gone to parties and brought only a book and felt like we didn't give enough, even for 5 year olds. I imagine it just gets worse as they get older and the things they like get more expensive (and the kids themselves start to realize what's cheap and what isn't!) I love this board. I've learned so much about gift giving here, the good and bad! (for instance, NEVER ever register a kid at a toy store! After reading the posts in the past about this, that's a big no-no! And never ask for cash for a wedding. I didn't realize how much people hate that. Thank goodness I'm already married and don't have to worry about weddings anymore!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennifersLost Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Other people definitely spend more than I do, but I refuse to follow yet another spending trend in our society. I spend $10 - $15 on gifts for my children's friends. I stop having birthday parties when my kids reach about 10 or 11 years old. If they want to attend other kids parties after that they generally spend their own money on gifts. I just assume that every family has made a budget and is spending within it. If others want to spend more than me, I assume they enjoy the process of spending money. I refuse to take on any guilt for making good decisions for my family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elise1mds Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 I'm cheap, too. Gifts can get waaaay out of hand. I'm part of a mom's group and sometimes moms like to have parties where they send out a blanket invitation to the entire group to come. I don't bother attending those. My close friends know this and agree with me. We have smaller events for close friends, and even then I have about a $15 limit, and I don't feel bad about that. I also don't have a party every year. This last year I let my son invite his best friends (a set of twins) over for dinner. This year I think I'll do the same for my daughter and let her invite two friends over for the afternoon/dinner. I've done the "no gifts" thing, too. When my son turned 5 and wanted to invite all his classmates, I just wrote on the invitation "your gift is bringing a friend to play because good friends are better than toys." I had one woman who insisted on bringing a present because she didn't think I really meant it, but everyone else loved the idea. I also have yet to have a party anywhere else but in my own home. I'm really truly cheap, I guess, but I just can't bring myself to spend $50+ on a location or to rent a Jupiter Jump when my back yard is big enough for tons of kids! I know my kids only turn 4 (5, 6, 7...) once, but I'd rather them think of their birthday as a time to get together with friends in a casual way rather than a time to blow money on everything. However... I think sleepovers are around the corner. I'm not sure I'm ready for that!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 I usually cap at $20 for friends, $30 for cousins. If my dc want to get something more expensive, they have to make up the difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
datmama4 Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 We also spend very little on birthday gifts for kids, and I don't feel bad about it at all. Our boys are 13 and 15, and their friends appreciate the gifts they get, no matter what, because they know there was thought behind the choosing. Once, they each contributed $5 (that's all) toward a cash gift because they knew the friend was saving $$ for a wii. The friend loved it because it helped him towards his goal, and he knew they put in their own money and didn't just get it from me and dh. I loved the brownie idea mentioned somewhere in the previous posts -- one year, our oldest son got a really yummy loaf of bread and homemade raspberry-chocolate fudge from his best friend, because she is a great cook! My daughter is 8, and she also tries to give gifts using her own money. Sometimes it's a gift card worth only $5 but her little friends think it's so cool to have a gift card. I guess I run around with a cheap crowd, LOL. Our family only throws "kid" parties when the children turn 13. And we'll probably let them do something with one friend when they turn 16 (oldest ds will be turning 16 this summer, so we'll see). Kid parties can get so out of hand, with planning activities and games and favors (which we don't bother to do)...what ever happened to just playing and having fun, stopping to eat cake, and going back to playing until it's time to go home? I don't think I'd even let my child go to a party where the bday kid has the nerve to register for gifts at a store somewhere. For goodness' sake! That would make me want to give him an empty box. *laughing while grimacing at the mere idea* Lynda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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