Can the chronically disorganized ever change?

[Elohcin]

I have always thought of myself as a free spirit, a winger, a do the next thing kinda gal. This has for the most part in the past sufficed. I know people for whom this is a great life, a well-lived life.

 

But not me, at least not anymore.

 

I am a mom to 5, with three in school and I am drowning-housework, activities, homeschool, relationships, personal growth, life, everything.

 

I read a quote the other day "Failure to plan is a plan to fail". I am starting to see this in my life. Areas that I thought I had it all together are now slowly falling away and I can not gather all the pieces fast enough.

 

So, here is my question. Is is possible for those who have always been chronically disorganized (but in my case called it something else), for someone who has pretty much always winged everything, is it possible for me to become organized?

 

If so, how? Is there a twelve step class, a book, or is there no hope?

 

I am thinking the baby step approach, eating an elephant one bite at a time-that sort of stuff. But where to start. Do I tackle menus? Homeschool planning? Housework? Hmmm.....

 

Would love anyones thoughts. Anyone? Especially from anyone who is a formerly disorganized person.

[Lovedtodeath]

:lurk5: Though in my case, it is called depressed or lazy, or both, depending on who you talk to. I have ADD also, that doesn't help. Hoping someone has turned it around. I sometimes have one good organized week or two in a row. I can plan all day, but I never seem to be able to implement it.

[jacqui in mo]

I'm beginning to think not, in my case. I can get cleaned up and seem temporarily organized but then it gradually (or quickly) falls apart. Even when I try to keep certain small areas organized, for instance, a drawer, or a shelf it cannot stay that way, especially if I have to share it with any other person in this house.

 

I was just reading a book on ADD (Delivered from Distraction) that talked about organization for people so afflicted. The chapter basically concluded that you have to settle for "good enough" in the cleaness/organization area, and instead put your energy into being just organized enough to work on your dreams/goals, things you love.

 

I'm not sure I'm ready to give up on a somewhat clean house yet, but I so easily get off track, especially during PMS week that I do feel discouraged when I try. Jacqui

[springmama]

I focus on homeschooling and feeding my family....everything else just gets by. I don't know if I have ADD but my daughter does so if she does, I probably do to.

[katemary63]

:lurk5: I have ADD also, that doesn't help. Hoping someone has turned it around. I sometimes have one good organized week or two in a row. I can plan all day, but I never seem to be able to implement it.

 

Oh My Goodness - that's me! I too, have ADD. My girlfriend calls me an organized wanna-be. She sees all my charts, calendars and planning and then sees that none of it ever gets implemented and laughs. (She loves me though!)

 

I was once asked to find a different kid's dentist because I NEVER made an appointment on the first try - EVEN WHEN THEY CALLED ME THAT DAY! I simply don't remember until about a half hour after the appointment was supposed to be. I begged forgiveness and talked them into keeping us on. :confused: And anyway, all 3 older dc EVENTUALLY got their braces off! :lol:

 

My husband thinks that missing appointments must actually be a disorder in it's own right in my case! No lie, I sent him to a hair appointment. Gave him the day and time. He shows up and there is no appointment for him! I THEN remember that on the day I called, I couldn't decide which time slot to take and told them I would call back. DH told me when he could make it, I put the date/ time on the calender, but never called back! Poor guy! He should have known better then to take my work for it! I mean, this was just this past year. He'd been married to me for 24 years by then! :lol:

 

Anyway, I'm 45, I'm doing a little better but not much. I don't think I will ever figure out this brain of mine. But I try so hard, that what I actually do get done for the family/ kids, turns out to be just about enough. I'll never stop thinking I am just a ditz...but I'm learning to accect myself this way and laugh about it. And my family loves me inspite of it all!

[Jackie in NE]

:lurk5: You should see my desk, my car, my barn, my house...... But my kids are clean and happy :tongue_smilie:! Does that count?

 

Seriously, though, I wish I could be more organized. I blame it on having 6 busy people in the house. I actually dream of the day that I can have everything where I want it, then turn around and leave the room, and have everything still be in the same place when I come back. :001_smile:

 

And yes it actually did work that way when I was a young, single, professional. My black, T-top camaro was clean and polished, and my house was clean too......

 

But it sure was quiet there all by myself.

 

I remember that growing up, my mom was constantly picking up, wiping up, etc. We were not all at home all day as my kids are.... but sometimes I wonder if my lack of organization is going to rub off on my dc. Looking over at my dd's desk right now, I would say yes, it's totally rubbing off on her. :001_huh:

 

I'll be watching for info. and tips here.

[Ellie]

Yes, it can be done, according to the authors of The Sidetracked Home Executives, the Messies Manual, and File--Don't Pile. S.H.E. and File--Don't Pile! were my favorites.

 

I have no words of commiseration and a testimony of overcoming, as I am generally orderly and tidy, but you do have my sympathy.

[Lovedtodeath]

Thanks for the suggestions Ellie.

 

A clean, neat, and nice looking home is the most important thing to my mom. Always has been. She was constantly cleaning and trained us kids to do everything. We had a ton of chores. I even kept up on it all when she was in the hospital for a week and I was about 16. It was easy peasy at her house. I wonder why it has always been so hard for me since I moved out?

[Lucy in Australia]

I wonder why it has always been so hard for me since I moved out?

 

'cause you don't have to, 'cause it's your house & you can do things your way, 'cause I'm not going to get all obsessed about housework like my mother-in-law - oh, no wait, that's me, not you :rolleyes:

 

I'm disorganised and I don't even have any excuse: no ADD, only 2 kids, and yet...

 

What helped me was when I made daily checklists for my kids a few years back. They knew what they had to do and when. It occurred to me that's what I needed. So I sat down and thought about what areas of my life needed the most urgent attention. I dedicated a certain amount of time each day to these tasks and made sure I stuck to them. As things started to fall into place, I added more tasks. So, for me, a daily timetable/checklist/to-do list works, mainly because it forced me to organise my thoughts and gives me "the next thing to do", instead of piddling around, started 89 things and finishing none. Good luck!

[Needleroozer]

Man, I sure hope so. I am working so very hard on this right now. I am hoping with consistency, faith, and lots of support, that it will "stick".

It is a long slow road, but I am hopeful that I can be organized in most aspects of my life very soon.

LB

[kellycbr]

Have you checked out Flylady.com? I cried the first time I went to her site. Its very inspiring. However, I'm a flitter, not a flyer, yet. I think my disorganization is a reaction to my childhood:lol:. Well, sort of, maybe its just an excuse. Our house was so clean, my mother never let me chose anything for my own room, it was her design, and I could never hang anything on the walls. I never cleaned well enough, she would just go behind and do it over again. So why bother? She didn't even want me touching the laundry! I went to college and didn't know how to do anything!!! Its painful. I love having a clean, organized house, but there's a little voice in my head saying I'm not doing it right. It drives me crazy. So I've enjoyed being 'relaxed' in my ways, yet it never really does me any good, the house still looks messy, not relaxed.:confused:

[Peela]

Yes, I am testiment to the fact that the chronically disorganised can change. I lived in overwhelm and chaos for years both before and after I had children- and my dh was born organised so he could not relate and it was the cause of many an argument. So eventually I really wanted to change. A cousin told me about Flylady (flylady.net) and I never looked back. It has taken years. I am not perfect. But I am mostly fairly on top of things, I know where my stuff is, I am fairly organised and I like it this way- its truthfully a much nicer way to live. Not super control freaky organised and neat, just basically organised.

I think it takes a basic desire to change, then you will find the tools you need. Babysteps. Flylady was the ticket for me, and the most useful part for me was learning to prioritise and form some basic routines, so that I wasnt spending hours on the bathroom grout when there was no food on the table.

[Trivium Academy]

I suggest tackling something small and manageable, like one of your dresser drawers. Organize it and reap the benefits, then move on to your other drawers- one at a time.

 

Small successes will inspire you to do more and feel GOOD. You can't turn into a label-maven with neat wicker baskets overnight (I'm not even that good).

 

Read 1 organizational book, only one b/c you'll overwhelm yourself. Emilie Barnes is a great author.

[Sweetpeach]

Hi Nichole,

 

I'm in the process of becoming increasingly organized.

 

I thought perhaps I had organizational AADD . . . my house was generally cluttered and well . . . disgusting. I could never find anything. Meals were scattered. Clothing everywhere. No real cleaning routine to speak of . . . I was a gongshow in the domestic engineering department.

 

Three years ago, I figured out why I was this messy.

 

I grew up with a super-controlling, neat-crazy mother who yelled constantly about my unmade bed, my unfolded pj's, crumbs on the countertop . . .

 

As an adult attempting to raise up a harmonious family, I understand now that my behaviour made her crazy. Then, I only felt like a bad-girl failure and I couldn't understand the big hairy deal about an unmade bed. Truthfully, I went to school in tears many days over unfolded pj's. It hurt something deep in me. I wish she could have helped me become internally motivated to be tidy; her yelling grew up domestic rebellion in me like I can't even begin to describe.

 

I made a vow that I would never yell at my kids for their natural messiness and disorder. So we lived like slobs in our family -- I did the best I could to manage our messiness and then grew in resentment and anger that I couldn't stay on top of the wave. I found our messiness has turned me into that same yelling mother I'd vowed not to become.

 

What I found, as a hs'ing mom, is that we couldn't accomplish what we needed to do in the midst of the insanity. We had no space to learn. Our brains were cluttered and crazy.

 

So, I had to bring in outside help. It wasn't an outside cleaning company. I had a dear friend who helped set me free from my domestic engineering crazy. She loved me in my mess and showed me, step by step, how to manage my home so that we'd all be happier.

 

Cloud & Townsend wrote this great book called How People Grow . . . they say it's ludicrous to try to fix our problems via "self-control" or "self-discipline" or "self-motivation." If we had those characteristics, then we wouldn't be a mess. We grow by watching, allowing people to speak into our lives, physically help by de-cluttering and making a cleaning schedule. We grow by being accountable to someone we trust who only wants the best for us.

 

I used to need the external motivation for a clean home. Now, I've kinda started liking things tidy; the kids are more able to manage their rooms, I give the bathroom a deep clean once a week and a quickie once a week. The countertops are mostly clean. I have our school well-organized. I can manage my 1/4 time job.

 

I write all this to say: YES you can overcome major domestic engineering challenges. It's doable. It also is a long journey that doesn't happen in a weekend. My friend spent two afternoons a week for two months to help get me settled and sorted. It was embarassing, discouraging, I had to let go of hoarding, of needing to see everything, of the dream of a project that's never going to get done.

 

I had to love myself, despite my weaknesses. I had to confess to God that I'd made a vow to never be like my mother. I had to explain to my children (over and over and over again in a calm voice) that a tidy home makes us all happier.

 

I hope this small essay encourages you. I hashed out some of my challenges on this board and I deeply appreciated the women who said YES, I've struggled in that area and I'm finding my way. Some sent me cleaning schedules, menu planning ideas, recipes . . . but most importantly, they validated in me this desire for more freedom in my home. They kindly spoke great encouragement into me. I hope these words do the same for you.

 

Warmly, Tricia

[melissel]

Great thread, and great advice here. I'm struggling too, and I only have two kids (though I work from home also). I really think that a large part of becoming organized is adjusting your expectations. Niki, you have five small kids, and they're home with you all day, every day. It's a near Herculean task to be fully responsible for six people (seven depending on your DH) and all their schooling as well, and be neat as a pin at the same time. I think a certain level of disorganization is going to be a standard in your house for awhile, and there's nothing wrong with that!

 

I do think we can change, but I think the changes are incremental, and you probably won't notice them in the midst of all the current chaos. I have never been organized or neat--ever. No one ever taught me how to be. I recently went on a business trip to Cambridge, and I was amazed at how organized I was about the whole thing, how smoothly the trip went, how I was on time to the office every morning, and wondered why I couldn't be this organized at home. Then I realized it was because I was only managing myself! But even before I had kids, I wasn't that organized, so I can see that I have actually made progress over the years--it just hasn't been at the same rate as the chaos has increased!

 

Set realistic standards for yourself. Really realistic! Decide what can slide--for example, as much as I like how made beds look, we rarely do it here, and I was amazed recently to find that many people actually fold their pajamas and put them under their pillows. I consider it a good day when the PJs and dirty underwear are not left on the floor! I like a clean, mopped kitchen floor--my mom spot-cleans hers. In your house, what can you put on the back burner? Do the kids need baths every day, or can you alternate? Do you have some extra money to invest in a few effort-saving devices, like a Roomba (love that thing!)? Can you give a few chores to the kids? My DD6 loves cleaning the bathroom sink and mirrors, and we clean with all-natural products, so I don't worry about chemicals.

 

Anyway, my point is that it's a journey. It's ongoing, no matter how hard you'll try to make it immediate. Just accept that you'll always be working on this aspect of yourself and that you are making progress, it's just difficult to see!

 

I can't keep up with the Flylady site, but I loved her book and got a lot out of it. I also LOVE the Confessions of an Organized Homemaker and Confessions of a Happily Organized Family books. You might also check out the Motivated Moms Web site and product, and get yourself a planner if you don't already have one. Keep working at it. Basically, improving this side of myself has become a hobby for me, and I'm always working to make tiny adjustments and improvements. Don't give up, and be kind and patient with yourself. You already have a lot on your plate!

[Lovedtodeath]

Is it possible to have a Roomba if toys and dirty laundry are all over the floor? :D

[melissel]

Is it possible to have a Roomba if toys and dirty laundry are all over the floor? :D

 

Well, you can HAVE a Roomba, you just can't use it much :lol: Seriously, I always find that I have enough time for either picking up the floors OR vacuuming them, but not both, so that's my solution!

 

ETA: Well, also, I'm a little nutsy about the kitchen floor because I like to be barefoot, so that's where the thing gets the most use.

[Lovedtodeath]

Oh. Well, I could use it in the kitchen, and maybe pick up one room a day so it can run at night. I didn't really think of possibilities before. Thanks!

 

I really need one of those mop/vacuum combo deals I think. We have laminate floors.

[melissel]

Oh. Well, I could use it in the kitchen, and maybe pick up one room a day so it can run at night. I didn't really think of possibilities before. Thanks!

 

I really need one of those mop/vacuum combo deals I think. We have laminate floors.

 

I think the Roomba's ideal on hard floors. I don't love it on my main LR/DR carpet (too plush, and I feel like it needs a deeper suction) but it works beautifully on the carpets in every other room in the house. After seeing mine in action, my aunt went and bought two for her (big) house, and she still thanks me every time she sees me :lol:

 

And that's kind of how I do it. The kitchen, bathroom, and main landing get cleaned most often; the kids rooms...maybe every other week, alternating (they spend most of their time out here); and the playroom probably once a week. I do use it in the main areas if I'm sprinting to get ready for something, and it does a decent job, but it leaves little rubber-tire tracks :lol: You can also set it to run at a certain time, or you can pick up, set it running and leave the house. If you plug the base in in the living area, it will take itself back there when it's done or needs to recharge. My kids play with it like it's a pet, almost, and stuffed animals often ride on it :)

 

I've heard good things about the Scooba too, but I would only be using it in the kitchen, so I can't justify the cost to myself. I don't know too much personally about the vac/mop things, but I've heard the mop function takes forever to use it has to lay the water down, wipe/scrub, and then squeegee the water back up. I think I'd invest in the Scooba before I stood around waiting for that! The Scooba's only problem is that you have to do corners manually, because the unit is round, but that's still a lot less work than personally mopping the whole shebang.

 

If you search here on "Roomba," you'll see a few threads on it. I highly recommend it--obviously! :D HTH! And I swear, I don't own stock in the company. Maybe I should though, actually!

Edited February 13, 2009 by melissel
Adding thoughts

[Happy]

I think you can definitely make improvements. Ask yourself, what drives you the most crazy? Back when I made major changes, it concerned my business. I learned the hard way that I hated the feelings I got when I mislaid a file. Panic city. I HATED that! So, my new policy was put the files away when I finished...not 'later'. Lots of little things like that have made me much more organized.

 

Most of organization for me is doing things when they need to be done...not 'later.' Waiting for later is when things pile up....dishes, laundry, appointments. Put the garden tools away now or you won't know where they are a week from now. Later is the opposite of my muse. ;)

 

I'm a right-brained, creative soul. I thrive on creativity. Letting a project lure me into it is a fast way for the kitchen to pile up. :D I try to use my creative needs as a reward....put the dishes away and clean the counters and you can have the entire afternoon to quilt or garden.

 

I used to have a gal working in my office who LOVED to organize. She would actually say things like if I get my work done, can I start re-organizing the supply closet? I thought she was mad, I tell ya. But I learned a lot from her. Toss stuff you don't really need anymore. Put like items together. Have a cheerful attitude when you clean out.

 

The easiest thing is to make a to-do list. Anytime you have a moment, ask yourself, what's next? Check your list. That will help you not fritter away an entire day---or year. Reward yourself from time to time. These days, I get a Peach Pleasure Jamba Juice when ever I write ten thousand words on my novel. I love little rewards. Maybe you could reward yourself for doing the right things, too.

[Mommyof4ks]

I am a chronically disorganized person, and that works for me. When I get everything neat and have schedules for everything, then I get stressed out that something may go wrong. I end up sick, the world is disorganized around me again, and I feel peace until I get the notion to organize it all again. Vicious cycle.

 

If you can seriously declutter, get a large calendar for all activities, and come up with a schedule for shopping, field trips, and such then it might work out, but I cannot keep that up.

[Lovedtodeath]

When I get everything neat and have schedules for everything, then I get stressed out that something may go wrong. I end up sick, the world is disorganized around me again, and I feel peace until I get the notion to organize it all again. Vicious cycle.

 

:iagree::iagree:But being chronically disorganized does not work for me either. :(

[Julie in CA]

I hesitate to write this, because actually I'm in the middle of a big, hairy, stressful month, where I'm just about falling apart. At the same time, I'd never make it through if I were still the disorganized mess that I was about 15 years ago.

 

In my younger years, I lost bills, missed apointments, paid taxes late, lost money, let people down, and had an embarassingly messy home. I'm not perfect now, but I do have a rather widespread (for my small town) reputation for "having it all together" and getting more done than the average person.

 

The bad news is that there's no instant fix, and there's no perfect solution. As I said, today has been a really low point as I struggle to solve unsolvable scheduling conflicts, and madly plan and re-plan trying to make it all work out over the next month.

 

The good news is that there are lots of things that will help, and that I'm living proof that reform is possible!

 

Here (in no particular order, lol!) are things that helped me to change:

 

I religiously carry a day-planner(the half-size, so that I can use regular junior-size pads of paper, I make a LOT of lists), and *every single time* something comes up, I mark it in *immediately*, whether it's an appointment, address, or a to-do (which I write on the pad of paper in there). My good friends know that they might even have to wait in the middle of a conversation for me to write something on my calendar. It's ok. They're my friends, and the ones who didn't know me before just view that as part of my super-organized nature, lol!

 

The planner stays with me every moment, and I freak out if I can't put my hands on it within 30 seconds. This is the key. I put my driver's license, credit/debit cards, everything, in my day-planner. If I go in the store, I don't always take my purse, because my day-planner has my money, cards, shopping list, etc. This is where I would start with organization, just practicing keeping the day-planner next to me at all times until it becomes second nature. Even if you're not yet in the habit of using it, build the habit of *carrying* it. Pretty soon it'll seem stupid to carry it and not use it, so you'll get the hang of it eventually. :D The reason I chose the half-size is because the regular pads of paper will fit, and because when I get flyers, etc, or papers from meetings, they fold in half and fit right in the front pouch (I could never find those types of things when I needed them before). This is also where I tuck receipts as I pay at the store, so if I have a return I know where my receipt is.

 

As far as having meals on the table, it's really true that a menu plan will help. Imo, the best way is to start out small and simple. List 5 meals that your family likes(I'd do this in my day-planner), that are easy to make. Think about the ingredients you need to make the meals, and write them down "immediately" on your shopping list (in the planner, of course, so that when you go by the store you already are carrying the planner, and thus have your list with you...how handy! ;) ) If you need to thaw something for each of the meals, write it *now* on the calendar for the day before. So if you've planned spaghetti for Friday, write on Thursday in your calendar, "take out ground beef to thaw". Do it for each of the meals.

 

When I go to bed, my day-planner goes on the nightstand. In the morning, before I go to the bathroom or do anything else, I look at my calendar and my list. I realize that not everyone needs to be this extreme, but truly it's what has made the difference in my life, and going overboard on it may be the best way to pull a truly disorganized person out of a downward slide.

 

Flylady's book is, imo, the best way to begin to get a grip on housework, with the setting up of morning and evening routines the most important part. Guess where the routine lists go? (hint: day-planner) I also posted my morning and bedtime routines on my bathroom mirror for a while, so they'd be the first thing I'd see in the morning.

 

Ok, so we've now dealt with missing appointments, losing papers, getting meals organized a bit, and doing a morning and evening routine.

 

The MOST IMPORTANT THING that I can tell you is to EXPECT to mess up and fall off the organizational band-wagon!! Just because you forget, or fall out of the habit out of doing it for a little while DOESN'T mean that you've failed again, or that you're "not able" to do it. It just means that you don't have it all together *yet*. As soon as you can, jump back into it (again. and again. and again....) It takes a lot of practice, and a lot of mess-ups to learn anything that's really hard. Organization and housekeeping is no different, even if some people come by the skills naturally and make it *look* really easy. :tongue_smilie:

 

Other tips would include purging everything you can. Some of the things I purged in preparation for getting more organized were:

kids toys

clothing (we went to a bare minimum for a while, lol!)

extra pots and pans

extra blankets & bedding

cleaned out the pantry, discarding old food, or stuff that we just wouldn't eat.

I threw out the odds and ends of shampoos, etc, and bought shower dispensers for each bathroom. Now we just go around once a week or so with a big jug and refill soap, shampoo, etc, the same to every dispenser. No more odds & ends bottles hanging out in the showers, tubs, or cabinets.

I purged books

got rid of all extra dishes. Basically down to one place setting per person, so the dishes would never stack up.

I got rid of a lot of cleaning products and (right or wrong) use Windex multi-purpose for almost everything. Sure it doesn't do the *best* job on everything, but it's easy to keep a bottle in each room with some rags or paper towels and be able to have *most* things look better with a quick swipe.

 

For the actual purging, we took time off from almost all activities, and I did indeed call on the help of my sister and a few friends, as in calling freely and saying, "hey Dawn, I'm here cleaning out my closet, and I'm not sure what to do with ___________, what am I supposed to do with something like that?"

It was all good friends, who were glad to hear from me, and who I knew would love me even if I sounded goofy. It really did help to hear about where other people kept their wrapping paper, what sort of a container was best to use for keeping my underwear segregated from my bras, or how often a normal person might actually clean their shoes, lol!

 

I made a list of the places in my home I would be most embarassed if someone looked at, and then I chipped away at the worst of them for 15 minutes at a time (I actually used a timer, so I wouldn't get carried away).

 

One thing about to-do lists...I love making them, but they're usually unrealistic, and I *never* get them all done. Usually I make the list, then go through and cross off everything that could be put off till tomorrow and still be ok. That cuts the list down a bit. Then, if the jobs are things I've been putting off, I try to think about why I haven't done the things. Usually I realize that it's because the job either seems too big to do, or because I just don't know where to start. In that case, I list the smallest step that I could take in starting the job that still seems do-able. For instance, if cleaning out my closet is on my list, I would probably look at that and not even know where to start, the job is just too big and scary. I *know* I'd *never* do it. However, if I put on my list, "find all of my shoes and put them in a box", I might do that much. If that job still stayed on my list for more than a few days, I'd probably think about it, and change the job to, "look in the garage for a box and take it to my room". That sounds like I could really do it in 3 minutes, so I'm really likely to actually do it. The next day I'd write on my list, "put your shoes in the box". Sounds like a simpleton's method, but, well....I guess I'm a simpleton. Just keep making that first step smaller and smaller until it feels non-intimidating, and feels like you can really do it. You'll get to the point where the next step becomes more and more logical. (I hope I explained that in a way that makes sense!)

 

Well, I realize this has been a long and rambling post, but (I hope) maybe there's something in my experience that can help you. I'm considered an extremely well-organized person now, though I still go off the rails now and then. When I do, it's a reminder to cut extras out of my schedule, purge some stuff so that I have less "stuff" to clean up, look after, and worry about, and get back to my routines.

 

Blessings on you as you deal with "overwhelm syndrome".

(I'm right there with you, sister!)

Edited February 14, 2009 by Julie in CA
spelling error

[Elohcin]

Wow, glad that I am not alone. Thanks for the encouragement from all who have overcome or who are naturally organized.

 

I have read many of the books mentioned and tried flylady. While I love those approaches like one of the first posters- I make lots of charts and lots of plans and even start them most of the time.

 

Hmmm......I had an "aha" moment just now. Maybe I don't have an organization problem but a following through problem.

 

I think I just created more problems. Oh well. I am trying.

 

Thanks to all!! I love reading all your comments.

[Sweetpeach]

Julie in CA . . . what a gorgeous post. I wish cyberland would let me jump in, give you a big ole squeeze and then jump back to my real life.

 

I was deeply encouraged reading your words . . . I love the day planner that goes on your bedside table . . . and the 30 second panic part.

 

Many of us are such a work in progress! Many of you have arrived! Great job, Julie! You're an inspiration to the Messies who don't wanna be anymore!!

 

xoxoxoxo

T

[Sharon H in IL]

As an adult attempting to raise up a harmonious family, I understand now that my behaviour made her crazy. Then, I only felt like a bad-girl failure and I couldn't understand the big hairy deal about an unmade bed. Truthfully, I went to school in tears many days over unfolded pj's. It hurt something deep in me. I wish she could have helped me become internally motivated to be tidy; her yelling grew up domestic rebellion in me like I can't even begin to describe.

 

 

Tricia, this is one of the kindest posts I've ever read. You have such a deep compassion not only for Nicole, but also for your mother and yourself. You've done the hard work to figure out where it all came from, forgive, and move on by asking for help. That is hard to do.

 

Good for you. I'd rep you if I could. ;)

[Carol in Cal.]

I have always thought of myself as a free spirit, a winger, a do the next thing kinda gal. This has for the most part in the past sufficed. I know people for whom this is a great life, a well-lived life.

 

But not me, at least not anymore.

 

I am a mom to 5, with three in school and I am drowning-housework, activities, homeschool, relationships, personal growth, life, everything.

 

I read a quote the other day "Failure to plan is a plan to fail". I am starting to see this in my life. Areas that I thought I had it all together are now slowly falling away and I can not gather all the pieces fast enough.

 

So, here is my question. Is is possible for those who have always been chronically disorganized (but in my case called it something else), for someone who has pretty much always winged everything, is it possible for me to become organized?

 

If so, how? Is there a twelve step class, a book, or is there no hope?

 

I am thinking the baby step approach, eating an elephant one bite at a time-that sort of stuff. But where to start. Do I tackle menus? Homeschool planning? Housework? Hmmm.....

 

Would love anyones thoughts. Anyone? Especially from anyone who is a formerly disorganized person.

 

 

I'm not completely there yet, by any means. But I am organized in some areas of life. For me it has come down to "what do I want more than I want this mess?" So, for instance, decluttering (my bugaboo)--Finally I started to make more progress when instead of saying, "Do I really want this?" I started saying, "Do I really want this more than I want this space to be clear for something I love?" Huge shift for me, there.

[Tutor]

Have you checked out Flylady.com? I cried the first time I went to her site. Its very inspiring. However, I'm a flitter, not a flyer, yet. I think my disorganization is a reaction to my childhood:lol:. Well, sort of, maybe its just an excuse. Our house was so clean, my mother never let me chose anything for my own room, it was her design, and I could never hang anything on the walls. I never cleaned well enough, she would just go behind and do it over again. So why bother? She didn't even want me touching the laundry! I went to college and didn't know how to do anything!!! Its painful. I love having a clean, organized house, but there's a little voice in my head saying I'm not doing it right. It drives me crazy. So I've enjoyed being 'relaxed' in my ways, yet it never really does me any good, the house still looks messy, not relaxed.:confused:

 

This is me!!! I have gotten better. We got rid of a lot of stuff. I make lists and find joy in checking things off. (I just have to learn not to keep adding things to my list. :) ) My kids have laminated "daily tasks" lists on the fridge and enjoy checking them off then wiping them clean for the next day. I have found that the more "free time" I have, the worse I am, so I schedule just enough things to provide me with externally-imposed deadlines around which I can schedule my time (I am not very good with self-imposed deadlines - I don't see myself as an authority figure). Also, my dh and I sat down and divided household chores by what we like to do then divided up the rest.

 

Hope this helps some. And you are right, take baby steps and also really sit down and decide what areas really bother you and which don't (i.e. which are important to you to be able to function and which you just think you should follow because others do). Focus on the areas that will improve your own space, mind, etc and let the rest go.

Edited February 14, 2009 by Tutor

[Marylou]

Julie in CA! Your post was so encouraging! I'm so inspired I want to declutter and organize the entire house before bed tonight! Oops, it's already past 9 p.m.! Tomorrow will be here soon enough!

 

Two things that help me the most--1) I don't get the mail until I can DEAL WITH IT! By that I mean I don't get the mail out of the mailbox until I can give every piece of mail a new home--to the trash bin, to the "bills" folder, in the "read later" folder, onto dh's desk, etc. Just by doing this one thing you will feel and BE more organized than you are right now. 2) don't buy anything and bring it into your home unless there is a corresponding something else you are going to get rid of. (Of course I'm not talking about groceries.) This will also surprise you if you do it for a few weeks. Little by little the clutter will disappear.

 

Don't give up!

 

Donna

[yslek]

Organizing for Your Brain Type: Finding Your Own Solution to Managing Time, Paper, and Stuff by Lanna Nakone and Arlene Taylor (here: http://www.amazon.com/Organizing-Your-Brain-Type-Solution/dp/0312339771/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234583768&sr=8-1)

 

Once you know your brain type, you can find solutions that work for you. :) For example, according to the book, I'm an "Innovator", prefering to use the right-front part of my brain. I'm pretty sure that the Side-Tracked Home Executives and Flylady are "Harmonizers"-prefering the right-back part of the brain. This explained for me why certain aspects of SHE and Flylady helped me (probably because we're all right brained) but why some failed miserably. Traditional housekeeping/organization is based on the "Maintainer" (left-back brain) style, and Don Aslett seems to come from a "Prioritizer" POV (left-front brain).

 

Trying to make one way of functioning work for you if you don't function that way is probably not going to work for very long.

 

I plan on implementing some of Lanna Nakone's suggestions for my brain type, and I've also just found an organization book that seems to be written for/by my brain type (yay!). It's called The House That Cleans Itself, by Mandy Starns Clark (here: http://www.amazon.com/House-That-Cleans-Itself-Solutions/dp/0736918809/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234584374&sr=1-1)

 

I hope you find the perfect solution for you!:D:

[snickelfritz]

So maybe that whole "left brain, right brain" stuff has some merit.

 

Flylady was ....too much. It overwhelmed from the beginning. And yet, their first steps didn't get you anywhere. It tooke me days to get past a clean sink and dressed to my shoes, etc... and....my house was still messy. And the emails....AAARRRGGGHHH! I couldn't manage the emails.

 

Motivated Moms is a checklist. From the beginning. Just follow the list. I kind of think that after I use the MM for a bit, I could go back to flylady and get some help on decluttering and such. But, I don't want to mess up what I've got going. We'll see.

[Julie in CA]

Flylady was ....too much. It overwhelmed from the beginning. And yet, their first steps didn't get you anywhere. It tooke me days to get past a clean sink and dressed to my shoes, etc... and....my house was still messy. And the emails....AAARRRGGGHHH! I couldn't manage the emails.

 

I found the emails to be just more clutter in my inbox!

The book, Sink Relections, was really helpful to me though.

I think Motivated Moms looks great too, and is surely helpful with actual housecleaning, though I wished it was more helpful with including organization as well as housecleaning, kwim?

[snickelfritz]

I think Motivated Moms looks great too, and is surely helpful with actual housecleaning, though I wished it was more helpful with including organization as well as housecleaning, kwim?

 

 

I think the way Flylady has you work on cleaning AND organizing from the beginning was too much for me. I needed to start with a quick and dirty way to keep my house clean and my laundry caught up and MM does that for me.

 

I will say that our main living areas were pretty uncluttered. We move the clutter to 1 room, which is a disaster. Once I'm sure that MM is a habit, I think I can use the idea of flylady zones to work on the clutter "hotspots" and deep cleaning chores.

[Lovedtodeath]

Well, I realize this has been a long and rambling post, but (I hope) maybe there's something in my experience that can help you. I'm considered an extremely well-organized person now, though I still go off the rails now and then. When I do, it's a reminder to cut extras out of my schedule, purge some stuff so that I have less "stuff" to clean up, look after, and worry about, and get back to my routines.

 

Blessings on you as you deal with "overwhelm syndrome".

(I'm right there with you, sister!)

 

WOW! I just had a good friend recommend almost the exact same thing. I have ADD and immobilizing depression. She said to make a list and just do it. Don't even think about it. Do I feel like it? etc. NO just do it. So my list starts out as: Take a shower or wash face. Get Dressed. Make a smoothie for breakfast. Read aloud. Yes, I am so low that I need everything written down. I did not assign times, but I did go through and approximate just to make sure that there is enough time in the day for everything that I wrote down. My job is to do the next thing, not to look at the clock. Julie, your tips have added to it. Now to get a day planner.

[Garga]

Only glanced through the other posts, but here's another vote for flylady.com. You can also read her book Sink Reflections by Marla Cilley.

 

The good thing about flylady is that she teaches you how to become organized in tiny little baby steps. For example, about housework, she says something along the lines of: "It didn't get this cluttered in a single day, and it won't get uncluttered in a single day."

 

I was so inspired by her. I truly believed nothing could get me organized, and now I'm doing a great job at it! Not perfect, but much, much better. And it was effortless, if you follow her advice to make each change slowly.

Edited February 14, 2009 by Garga

[Lovedtodeath]

flylady did not work for me either. :( But some of her tips like "every little bit of housework you do blesses your family." and setting a timer and doing for 10-15 minutes, and super-fling boogie help some when implemented.

 

Having the families outfits laid out the night before is going into my evening routine. That is a major source of stress for us.

[Alicia64]

I just wanted to add that I'm also a messy Add-ish type who would much rather read a book than mop.

 

Anyway, I'm motivating myself this way: I think of one really hard thing that I "got on top of". In my case it was losing weight. Over a period of about five years I lost 45 lbs. and am now at a weigh where friends, who didn't know me before, think I'm naturally thin.

 

Cracks me up b/c I still follow Weight Watchers or my old habits will be right there to join me.

 

So I'm trying to think of it like this: if I can turn my weight issues around, I can figure out how to get organized and somewhat tidy.

 

I'll never be OCD (like my parents), but I would like to have an overall proud feeling about my cleaning up work.

 

Good luck (to all of us!)

 

Alicia

[PollyOR]

I'm there with you. :001_huh: I'll be 45 soon, and I'm tired of struggling with disorganization.

 

Getting my kids to take some responsibility really helps. When we use Children's Miracle Music the house is much neater and our lives feel less chaotic.

 

I'm reading The House That Cleans Itself. The first chapter is online if you want to look it over.

[muffinmom]

Definitely do baby steps. It's amazing how you can slowly but surely change old habits by replacing with one small habit at a time.

 

Also, I can't say enough about routine. Not a schedule, but a routine. Routine means you've accounted for the things that need to be done in a day/week, etc. So if you just follow the routine, then you know things will be taken care of. Routine is FREEING.

 

For example...in the a.m. here's

my daily routine:

 

make bed

exercise

shower

get dressed

turn on classical music for kids

make bkfst.

clean up after bkfst.

put in load of laundry

check on ds's chores (that he's doing while I'm doing mine)

start school

 

Your list doesn't have to start out that long. But just make yourself follow it the first few times, then it starts to become automatic, like brushing your teeth.

 

Also, I love Flylady's mantra: "Just jump in where you are." Don't stay paralyzed--just start doing what you can where you are.

 

And I can't live without a timer. It helps me get through days when I feel overwhelmed by the housework. Just set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes for each room (or each task, such as pay bills, make calls, etc.). And when the timer goes off, move to the next task and set it again. It's amazing how much you will get done in a short period of time. The end result? You're getting stuff done, you're staying focused, and you suddenly have hope and energy that you can do more.

[Julie in CA]

Julie, your tips have added to it. Now to get a day planner.

Glad to be of help! :)

I just had to emphasize again that the half-size seems to be the best, because it still fits in my purse, because a regular sheet of paper folded in half fits neatly in the pouch, and because the junior-size legal pads will fit so that you don't have to use the goofy, expensive pads that are sold for use with the planner.

[mom2abcd]

 

I grew up with a super-controlling, neat-crazy mother who yelled constantly about my unmade bed, my unfolded pj's, crumbs on the countertop . . .

 

As an adult attempting to raise up a harmonious family, I understand now that my behaviour made her crazy. Then, I only felt like a bad-girl failure and I couldn't understand the big hairy deal about an unmade bed. Truthfully, I went to school in tears many days over unfolded pj's. It hurt something deep in me. I wish she could have helped me become internally motivated to be tidy; her yelling grew up domestic rebellion in me like I can't even begin to describe.

 

I made a vow that I would never yell at my kids for their natural messiness and disorder. Warmly, Tricia

 

 

SweetPeach, I have much the same story. I hope and pray our kids will be neat when they're grown up, but at least they will know they were loved and won't have memories of the yelling.

 

I'm still working through things myself.... I need a friend like yours.