Tenaj Posted June 2 Author Share Posted June 2 5 hours ago, KungFuPanda said: Wait, so it’s wear black, stand in a field (no chairs?) AND they’re not feeding you after hours of driving???? What’s the rain plan? They have reserved their church so there is a rain plan in place (that was on the invite). You guys are cracking me up. Luckily no bears in their area 🙂 I feel better about accommodating the dress code but still feel that it is silly. I have a red dress I love and when I googled cocktail dresses in black a very similar (maybe exactly the same ?) dress came up in black so I feeling better about it - not very expensive. I will not get buying heels though - my flats will have to do. If my teens go the guys can use black pants for church and I think I may have at least one black dress shirt already for one of them . My dd will need so thing new but my dh does own a black suit that I had forgotten about. The cost has come down from my original thoughts. We will go unless something happens. RSVPs aren't due for quite a while. . . 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 If it helps in the future, I try to keep something in my closet that’s suitable for a baby/bridal shower, a funeral, and a wedding. If you collect these pieces before you ever need them it makes things much less stressful. Picking something that works for most seasons and you can just add a wrap makes it more versatile. Now that I’m 50+ I’m embracing the Wrap Dress. However, even IF you’re prepared, this whole black wedding thing would throw you. Who sees THAT coming? I’ll bet this sweet bride thought that everyone owns black clothes and it would be easy. I tend to go to these things even if it’s inconvenient because I have a giant chaotic family. I learned to go with it early on and, with the exception of one particularly redneck baby shower, I haven’t regretted it. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 11 hours ago, goldberry said: The dress color dictating is definitely not my thing, but I would have no problem accommodating if I was able. Who does it hurt? BUT, the impracticalities of it all... I'm not sure I would have a suitable dress that I would be willing to get muddy and possibly ruined. It may hurt someone who may wish to go, but feels that they can't because they can't manage the dress code. But beyond an individual level, it continues to perpetuate the notion that the wedding is "the bride's day" and she can and should cater to any and all whims regardless of how they affect her guests. You could ask the same question "who does it hurt?" of the bride - "why can't people just wear clothing that they have and that is comfortable? Who does it hurt if everyone does not adhere to your desired dress color requirement?" 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 14 hours ago, Tenaj said: They have reserved their church so there is a rain plan in place (that was on the invite). You guys are cracking me up. Luckily no bears in their area 🙂 I feel better about accommodating the dress code but still feel that it is silly. I have a red dress I love and when I googled cocktail dresses in black a very similar (maybe exactly the same ?) dress came up in black so I feeling better about it - not very expensive. I will not get buying heels though - my flats will have to do. If my teens go the guys can use black pants for church and I think I may have at least one black dress shirt already for one of them . My dd will need so thing new but my dh does own a black suit that I had forgotten about. The cost has come down from my original thoughts. We will go unless something happens. RSVPs aren't due for quite a while. . . My inclination would be to have a pedicure with nice colorful toenail polish, and wear waterproof sandals that are on the dressy side. That could be simple black Tevas, which I already have and which are technically water sandals, but don’t look dressy at all (but the nail polish would help with that, and I’d consider adding an ankle bracelet on one side.). But I would also go to the local Nordstrom Rack and check whether they have sandals that look a little nicer than that but still could be hosed off for cleaning—Fit Flops have sandals like that in some years, and I’d get more use out of them down the road. I would not want to ruin a nice pair of flats with mud or muck. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 I still can't get over the "leave within thirty minutes" dictate, and " you aren't invited to the dinner or festivities afterward " attitude. It is nothing more than a gift grab. They want their perfect day and all the money and gifts that go with it but do not actually care about sharing the experience or seeing family and friends. Even if it was an anxiety issue over having a large crowd, then you don't invite more than the people you can handle being around, and then treat those guests decently. Tenaj, you are nicer than I. I would absolutely refuse to attend something like this. Of course maybe my feelings are raw. My brother brought my niece's wedding gown to me back in August and asked me to take it in, shorten it, and create a bustle since it wasn't initially made to bustle. Niece had four fittings with me. These alterations were priced at $800 at the bridal store. I did them for free. When she picked up her dress when it was done, she told me I would not be invited to the wedding. She didn't even say thank you. My brother had the nerve to text me after the event to say she was offended we didn't send a gift. $800 in free alterations but "you didn't give me a gift." This is not a relationship I will be investing in going forward. Meanwhile our 3 bonus daughters who got married in the last year were absolutely delightful, and we had so much fun helping them pull off their events. 1 20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 (edited) 48 minutes ago, Faith-manor said: I still can't get over the "leave within thirty minutes" dictate, and " you aren't invited to the dinner or festivities afterward " attitude. It is nothing more than a gift grab. They want their perfect day and all the money and gifts that go with it but do not actually care about sharing the experience or seeing family and friends. Even if it was an anxiety issue over having a large crowd, then you don't invite more than the people you can handle being around, and then treat those guests decently. Tenaj, you are nicer than I. I would absolutely refuse to attend something like this. Of course maybe my feelings are raw. My brother brought my niece's wedding gown to me back in August and asked me to take it in, shorten it, and create a bustle since it wasn't initially made to bustle. Niece had four fittings with me. These alterations were priced at $800 at the bridal store. I did them for free. When she picked up her dress when it was done, she told me I would not be invited to the wedding. She didn't even say thank you. My brother had the nerve to text me after the event to say she was offended we didn't send a gift. $800 in free alterations but "you didn't give me a gift." This is not a relationship I will be investing in going forward. Meanwhile our 3 bonus daughters who got married in the last year were absolutely delightful, and we had so much fun helping them pull off their events. Wow! That is incredibly rude. No wonder you are still raw. Unbelievable what people will do to their own family members - and very close family at that. So sorry you were treated this way, @Faith-manor. I can completely see why these are relationships not worth investing in, though with a sibling sometimes that can be very challenging. Sometimes, like with the illness or death of a parent, we are forced to deal with family members we know can act very self-centeredly. 😌 Edited June 2 by wintermom 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 4 hours ago, Carol in Cal. said: My inclination would be to have a pedicure with nice colorful toenail polish, and wear waterproof sandals that are on the dressy side. That could be simple black Tevas, which I already have and which are technically water sandals, but don’t look dressy at all (but the nail polish would help with that, and I’d consider adding an ankle bracelet on one side.). But I would also go to the local Nordstrom Rack and check whether they have sandals that look a little nicer than that but still could be hosed off for cleaning—Fit Flops have sandals like that in some years, and I’d get more use out of them down the road. I would not want to ruin a nice pair of flats with mud or muck. I’d wonder if they are going to be using gators/golf carts to ferry people down to the creek. Getting married in the wilderness is culturally fairly normal here (I live in a land of waterfalls, magical mountain vistas, and where cliffs crumble into the sea)—but either the wedding party and guests are all into hiking and only the bride and groom change at the wedding site, or the hike is minimal and relatively flat, or people have a transport plan for their guests (ski lift and/or gators). Cocktail dress + unmanaged creek site (ie—sounds like no boardwalk or gravel path or chairs) sounds ill planned. If I were truly hiking into a weedy, muddy and buggy site, I’d be picking a <$50 dark colored elegant flowy cocktail dress from amazon (as cocktail is knee length or longer), and I’d be in boots…cowboy ones or sleek black leather depending on the vibe…minimalist jewelry, dark sunglasses. The dark sunglasses allow you to roll your eyes privately under the guise of sun protection. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 20 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said: The dark sunglasses allow you to roll your eyes privately under the guise of sun protection. 😂 I was thinking if I were going, I'd be low budget, potentially casual in good walking shoes with this set up. The dark neutrals request is pretty easy and could be worse, just not everyone has everything. Heck, I might throw my rain boots in the car if conditions were damp. There is no way I'd be investing in a pedi unless it was part of my regular routine or special sandles to look nice with something I was going to wear by a creek for an hour. OPs original thoughts about what to wear are just fine (pants, long sleeve, boots for bug protection). All dark just looks dressy and tends to photograph well anyway. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 FWIW, here's a link of cocktail dresses + boots: https://www.fsjshoes.com/blog/how-to-style-a-cocktail-dress-with-boots I've done a similar look to the one posted under the title "cocktail dress with ankle boots". 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 3 hours ago, wintermom said: Wow! That is incredibly rude. No wonder you are still raw. Unbelievable what people will do to their own family members - and very close family at that. So sorry you were treated this way, @Faith-manor. I can completely see why these are relationships not worth investing in, though with a sibling sometimes that can be very challenging. Sometimes, like with the illness or death of a parent, we are forced to deal with family members we know can act very self-centeredly. 😌 My brother and his are not good people, and apparently my niece is an apple that didn't fall far from the tree. I manage. He and I have a text relationship, and once a year I spend 20-30 minutes with him in some easy to control venue with mom. He doesn't come around mom really because he is scared he might be asked to act like a responsible son. (He lives one block from us and 2 blocks from mom.) So I don't have to deal with him in that sense. He goes along with whatever my sister and I want just so he can't be fingered for any decisions or actions. It gets old having it all on my shoulders physically since sis is in France. On the other hand, my brother in law is just the best human, and they have mom with them for three months every winter. Every single time, bil plans very special things to do with her. 2023/24 was Milan. 2022/23 was Florence. 2021/22 was Rome and Monaco. She is thinking of being home this year for Christmas and going later in the winter in order to experience spring there (Nice`). I suspect he will take her to Spain or Portugal. All that to say. Ya. Some folks are just awful to their relatives. I like the idea of sunglasses so you can roll your eyes. Might I also suggest a quick run to Harbor Freight for those battery operated electric tennis racket bug zappers. Get a bunch and hand them out. The bride and groom can have the lovely visual of guests zapping flies during the ceremony! 😁😉 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted June 4 Share Posted June 4 On 6/2/2024 at 5:12 AM, marbel said: It may hurt someone who may wish to go, but feels that they can't because they can't manage the dress code. But beyond an individual level, it continues to perpetuate the notion that the wedding is "the bride's day" and she can and should cater to any and all whims regardless of how they affect her guests. You could ask the same question "who does it hurt?" of the bride - "why can't people just wear clothing that they have and that is comfortable? Who does it hurt if everyone does not adhere to your desired dress color requirement?" Well, that's why I said if I was able. If I'm not able then I wouldn't go, and would figure it was not important enough to the person that everyone be able to be there. I was referring mostly to the request to wear certain colors. As far as the cultural implications... If the person is not my daughter, then it's not up to me to try to change their cultural position and I would likely not have any success anyway. Do I think it's selfish and silly? Yes. With my own daughter I would say something. But otherwise if I wanted to go and I had a dress that color or could get one thrifted cheaply, I would go. And Just make the best of the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenaj Posted August 31 Author Share Posted August 31 The wedding was yesterday. The temperature outside when we pulled into the parking area was 95. It was hot! Much wiping of sweat by the groom and his guys who were in full suits with vests. Hilarious moment when a small gartner snake decided to weave his way very close to the guest chairs during the processional. I think the photographer got a picture of it. My brother put a ton of work into getting the creek bottom prepared from consistent mowing of a huge area which is usually wild to spraying poison ivy and mosquitos. The backdrop for the wedding was a 100 plus year old oak tree. It really was beautiful. Almost all guests followed the dress code. The grandmother of the groom and I had the same dress - oops; she didn't seem too bothered. I wasn't in any official pictures so it won't be obvious. They stuck to the timeline. We were there about an hour and a half. Thankfully my brother invited us over to have pizza after so we ended up having a great time. I didn't get to spend any time with my dad as he was invited to the private dinner and was involved in the pictures. One really cool thing they did was that the attendants for the groom were his four younger brothers and the attendants for the bride were her sister, her brother and her brother-in-law (her sister's dh). My dd and I bought new dresses. My dh wore his black suit and I bought a dark gray dress shirt for my 16yods and he wore black pants he already had. I think it ended up costing around $100 to outfit us all so not too bad. 23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeAgain Posted August 31 Share Posted August 31 I had wondered how this turned out! Thanks for the update! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 31 Share Posted August 31 14 minutes ago, Tenaj said: The wedding was yesterday. The temperature outside when we pulled into the parking area was 95. It was hot! Much wiping of sweat by the groom and his guys who were in full suits with vests. Hilarious moment when a small gartner snake decided to weave his way very close to the guest chairs during the processional. I think the photographer got a picture of it. My brother put a ton of work into getting the creek bottom prepared from consistent mowing of a huge area which is usually wild to spraying poison ivy and mosquitos. The backdrop for the wedding was a 100 plus year old oak tree. It really was beautiful. Almost all guests followed the dress code. The grandmother of the groom and I had the same dress - oops; she didn't seem too bothered. I wasn't in any official pictures so it won't be obvious. They stuck to the timeline. We were there about an hour and a half. Thankfully my brother invited us over to have pizza after so we ended up having a great time. I didn't get to spend any time with my dad as he was invited to the private dinner and was involved in the pictures. One really cool thing they did was that the attendants for the groom were his four younger brothers and the attendants for the bride were her sister, her brother and her brother-in-law (her sister's dh). My dd and I bought new dresses. My dh wore his black suit and I bought a dark gray dress shirt for my 16yods and he wore black pants he already had. I think it ended up costing around $100 to outfit us all so not too bad. That sounds lovely. ❤️❤️❤️ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted August 31 Share Posted August 31 That sounds really lovely! An outdoor, short wedding with limited guests sounds amazing to me. It was really nice you had an opportunity to visit longer with your brother. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 1 Share Posted September 1 Thanks for the update! I'm glad everything went so well. It sounds like your brother went above and beyond to make it a great day for everyone! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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