Colleges with a campus life

[Janeway]

Is campus life mediocre anymore? My son went to a university based on the scholarships rather than where he wanted to go originally. But there is no campus life really. He is in the honors college but nothing is going on. I have even looked online and at things going on around campus. Not even the residence hall had anything. The RA planned nothing. 
 

He is in summer school and was literally crying over how lonely he is. I mean, not a huge carrying on thing, just quietly crying, trying to look out the window while I drove him home. 
 

He is a straight A student in college. He would rather not go far away for college.  My husband is saying this is just how college is these days. I am wondering if this is true or if he should be looking elsewhere. He has such good grades that I suspect he could go elsewhere if he found a place that would be better. I am just wondering if other places would be better.

[Kassia]

Each university is so different. Are there any clubs or intramural sports your ds can try?

[Kassia]

Oh, I just saw that it's summer school.  I think summer semester is a lot different and quieter than the regular academic year (fall/spring).  

[mlktwins]

I’m so sorry. Mine are incoming freshman, but one of mine chose a school just like that on purpose. His twin, my social one, chose a school that has a lot going on all the time. They don’t all have the no campus life thing going on.

[Janeway]

1 hour ago, Kassia said:

Oh, I just saw that it's summer school.  I think summer semester is a lot different and quieter than the regular academic year (fall/spring).  

School routine. He has a suite room in the honors hall. His RA was his roommate this past year and was terrible. The guy was a YouTuber and kept telling my son not to come home for three or four hours at a time so the guy could make his YouTube videos. There was nothing social going on even in the honors college. What students do seem to be around that seem like they might be nice people seem to go home every weekend. And they have a shortage of housing so they warned everyone that if they weren’t freshman there’s a good chance they would not have housing this next year. Fortunately, I stayed on it and in the end he did get housing for next year but there’s just not a lot of upperclassman in housing. Seems like everyone I know who goes to the school. Their kids have moved back home after freshman year, if they didn’t already live there.

[Frances]

What does he like to do in his free time? Can he connect with a campus or community group to do it together? Maybe start a club in his area of interest? He could try using the Meet Up app to find people with similar interests. Does he work? Sometimes people become friends with coworkers and hang out together? Is he part of any study groups for his classes? If so, maybe he can suggest they doing something social together after studying.

Maybe he could starting with something as simple as trying to eat lunch with someone every day. I’m guessing that many of the students that go home on weekends or live at home still eat lunch on campus. Then hopefully one or more friendships would develop from there.

Are there at least cultural or sporting events  on campus? Music majors having concerts? Art students having art shows? Theatre students putting on plays? Any sports teams at all to go and watch? He could try asking someone to attend with him or go alone and try to meet others that seem to be alone.

I think campuses can vary widely in the amount of activities. It sounds like your son is at a commuter school, which is usually going to fall on the low end of campus life. On the other extreme are colleges that require students to live on campus all four years and always have lots happening. But the grass is not always greener. A student is still going to have to put themselves out there and work at making friends and finding their tribe, so there’s no guarantee that going some place with an active campus life will mean a student will have an active social life. The odds may be better, but there’s no guarantee.

Finding ways now to connect with others will likely help him when he graduates from college. Many people struggle with making social connections when there is not a built in mechanism like through work or church. So maybe brainstorm with him ways to find and make those connections.

Edited May 29, 2023 by Frances

[catz]

Well, that definitely hasn't been my kid's experiences.  Even my kid that dual enrolled and went to campus 2-3 days a week found clubs and engaged with other students on a very large campus. 

I will say though, on the parents board for all the colleges we've been involved with the past few years there are always students that struggle and flounder socially, make similar complaints and they are much more likely to make a change.  Transitioning to college goes better if you put yourself out there and just try, try, try again.  Has he introduced himself to people at meals, in classes, etc?  It's hard to believe there aren't some clubs or groups doing stuff on campus.  Board games in the lounge in the dorm?  Do other students in the dorm leave their doors open?  Could he be anxious or depressed?  Could he live at home or commute somewhere closer to home?  I'm not saying don't transfer.  I'm just saying as someone who has worked with a lot of teens, I think sometimes this can be grass is greener syndrome and a new setting doesn't necessarily fix the problem.   Or can also just be a kid who maybe would have been better served by a college very close to home and that much change at once is too much.  

Sometimes a student job is a good way to make some social connections.  Or volunteering.

My kid had a youtuber roomie his freshman year as well lol.  He was awful.  I am pretty sure he ended up dropping out.  But my kid did make some other decent social connections that year.  Lots of students don't connect with their first roommate, which is fine.

That said, I think covid threw off a lot.  I suspect some commuter based campuses may have been slower to come back with their regular array of clubs and activities.  And maybe that vibe has more students heading home on the weekends.   I feel like lots of us are learning how to be social again.

[Shoeless]

Summer sessions are different.  I spent a few summers on campus and clubs were not in session at all.  I did get to know some students during summer, via my job and volunteering to pick up shifts at the campus radio station.  But summer is a different vibe all together. 

Was he lonely this past year, too? This school may not be a good fit for him.  He should absolutely try and put himself out there: get a campus job; he'll meet other student workers.  I had a couple of friends that worked maintenance on campus over the summer. I also worked at the campus concert hall, setting up music stands and selling concessions during intermission.  Look around for where the students hang out: is the trend that the campus empties out every day at 5pm? Or does a crowd of people end up at the dining hall/student union/soccer field/coffee shop? If people tend to congregate in one place, he needs to go there are introduce himself. Just keep showing up; say hi, make small talk. 

All that being said, I've also lived in places where it's simply a bad fit and I needed to go find my people somewhere else.  If he can honestly say that he's putting himself out there and not getting any where, then there's no harm on looking at other options. Encourage him to think carefully about what he wants so he's moving toward a good experience, rather than running from a bad situation. 

Edited May 30, 2023 by Shoeless

[Dmmetler]

Is there a campus update email? I get the one for L's school daily, and when L first started, I'd message and suggest events that might be of interest. Most campuses have a lot going on, but getting connected if you're not a joiner, or if you're a joiner but a "hide in the back and don't talk-er" can be tough.

[kirstenhill]

In talking with my DD and reading posts from parents in the parent facebook group for her university, I think dorm life may be somewhat less social "generally" than it was years ago.   More buildings are suite style or air conditioned and don't lend themselves toward doors propped open.  In her dorm, it was discouraged to prop doors open because it messed up the HVAC balance in the building if too many doors were propped.  Old school buildings with no-AC still have more doors propped open and tended to be more social.  I think if she had been relying on her dorm floor as a means of making friends, she would have been pretty lonely! 

I feel like compared to when I went to school, less socializing is based on people just hanging out and randomly finding each other, and more is based on joining clubs or organizations or meeting people in other ways, like a job.   My DD made friends at work (working food service with lots of student workers), and even more through a campus Christian organization.   If he is at all interested in trying out something faith-based, lots of churches or para-church groups have campus organizations, so I would think at most schools there are at least a few different denominational or non-denominational options.  My DD has found really great community this way (not just to do Bible studies - there is a lot of just hanging out together...but it is not something anyone would "see" in terms of observing campus life.  They have a chat group and are planning lots of informal movie nights, game nights, etc that take place in people's dorm rooms or off campus apartments.  But it ends up feeling like a very fulfilling social life - more than DD had in high school for sure!

[madteaparty]

My son’s friend at a LAC that’s in rural MA had a hard time first year. It’s also a personality thing. This kid is also on a sports team and even so he couldn’t wait to come home. Granted he was raised in NYC.

my son’s roomate went home to NYC or somewhere off campus almost every weekend.

then there’s my son, who went and organized a music festival from scratch. As in, got funding from his school, flew artists in, booked contracts and hotels… he’s in an almost (not quite) as rural a location as his friend. In the winter they go skiing after classes etc. Having a car did help so we accelerated that plan by a semester. 

[Janeway]

I suspect his campus is largely a commuter campus. The campus is dead on the weekends. I have even searched through their FB pages and other social pages and there is just nothing. I think this is an issue of this being a commuter campus with very few people living on campus beyond freshman year.  There is not even really a parent page like I have seen with other colleges. The few pages I do find related to this school have very little activity on it. 

[Arcadia]

On 5/28/2023 at 8:51 PM, catz said:

That said, I think covid threw off a lot.  I suspect some commuter based campuses may have been slower to come back with their regular array of clubs and activities.  And maybe that vibe has more students heading home on the weekends. 

My nearest state university is a commuter campus. It has always been a dead town on weekends from when we relocated here in 2005. My second nearest state university is also a dead town on weekends though it is not technically a commuter campus because student housing is extremely limited. Also, some students there would commute more than an hour home every weekend to get laundry, doctor’s/dental appointments, grocery run done. 
As for clubs and activities, that would depend on personality. My husband is happy being alone and didn’t join any clubs or activities during college days. I am the kind that needs crowds and all the crowd lovers in my dorm would hang out at my dorm’s TV lounge to watch TV (sports, MTV awards) and/or chit chat. Drinking age was 18 where I am from so pub crawling on weekends with fellow dorm mates were a thing. 
My guess is that OP’s son doesn’t like being alone and isn’t a party animal so he felt lonely which is made even harder by a commuter campus. It’s probably easier to form weekend study groups when more people are on campus in the weekends. When I wanted to study instead of “party” on weekends during my undergrad days, I could go to my dorm’s study hall and there would be people who don’t like to study alone there. So even if we were studying for different subjects, there was companionship. 

[Roadrunner]

I hope not. I was told at least where my kid is going is supposed to be super social. 

[Dmmetler]

I will say that it also depends on what your definition of "Social" is. 

 

I'd say that L's school is pretty social, but it's things like "the Latino student organization invites everyone to come and decorate sugar cookies and have an Encanto Sing-along", or playing board games in the library or in the dorm common room, or making t-shirts in the campus makerspace. There are tons of events, tons of stuff to do, and a lot of casual socializing-and all the first years are housed together to encourage them to connect with each other, kids are housed with others in their major so they'll have the same people in class, and you have the same LDR group starting at orientation. So there's lots of socializing-but pretty much no parties that aren't held on the campus green or in the dining hall and involve a punchbowl and desserts, and sports is very minimal-you might go to a softball or volleyball game if one of your friends is playing, but it's definitely not the focus of the school.

 

In comparison, a similar age relative goes to a school which has a big Greek life and, as far as I can tell, social life on his campus is sports and beer.  He doesn't seem to ever do anything in the dorm, and was thrilled to move into the fraternity house once he was a sophomore.

 

Guessing that both kids would find the other's lacking in campus life-At a larger school, which doesn't spend as much time pulling students in to activities the first couple of months, L would likely get lost-and would findthe dorms and greek life and parties somewhere between distasteful and terrifying. The other kid would likely be bored by sugar cookies and making t-shirts and playing board games and book clubs. 

[Clemsondana]

When I was in school 30 years ago there weren't activities planned by RAs in the dorms.  We kept our doors open or sat in the halls or lounge areas or outside on benches so that people spoke (which didn't necessarily lead anywhere, but sometimes they chatted, which sometimes led to getting to know each other better).  Even if he doesn't make a friend, are there things that would occupy his time - going to the gym/rec center/pool, for instance, would take an hour or more and if he sees the same people day after day he might get to know them.  Or could he get a job?  It would fill some time and he'd have coworkers to get to know.  Even a job like dishwasher in a lab would put him around people. 

I spent 2 summers working at camps on my undergrad campus, and summer was definitely calmer...which is fine once you know people.  Even with that, both summers were times when I spent an hour solo walking for exercise - I explored nearby neighborhoods and took different routes just for something to do.  And the most lonely stretch of time I ever spent was the summer that I had an internship at UVA.  A friend from high school who went there (but wasn't there over the summer) said that, unlike my alma mater, it was a place where people didn't really talk unles they were introduced.  So, I worked but was mostly alone nights and weekends.  It wasn't fun, but it also had an end, as will summer school.  But, at my undergrad school, people were very friendly and the school still has that reputation.  But, even then, I met people in part because I made an effort to do things - I ate and worked out with coworkers when I worked at camp, went to dollar movies that I didn't care about with hallmates, asked neighbors or classmates if they were going to the ball game, etc.  

[Shoeless]

Oh, does his college have a fine arts program? Because theater and musical theater students are pretty outgoing and will adopt just about anyone that will tolerate all the drama, singing, and flouncing around. 😄

Like, I'd just go sit in the "theater kids" section of the student union when I felt lonely, and people would show up and start talking to me, singing at me, trying out improv routines for the captive audience 😄  They weren't my closest friends, but I always had someone to eat lunch with and a party I could attend if I wanted. 

Edited May 31, 2023 by Shoeless

[regentrude]

On 5/29/2023 at 8:49 PM, Janeway said:

I suspect his campus is largely a commuter campus. The campus is dead on the weekends. I have even searched through their FB pages and other social pages and there is just nothing. I think this is an issue of this being a commuter campus with very few people living on campus beyond freshman year.  There is not even really a parent page like I have seen with other colleges. The few pages I do find related to this school have very little activity on it. 

Yes, commuter schools usually have less going on on weekends. 

However, just as a FYI: students don't use Facebook. Most of our student organizations don't have a Facebook page and don't maintain their website well, but use Dischord.

I would be surprised though if there are NO student organizations on that campus. There might be a directory on the college web page. 

Students can make connections through study groups ( my social life in college mainly consisted of that).  Or by volunteering. 

Edited May 31, 2023 by regentrude

[ScoutTN]

Did he not know that it was a commuter school when he chose it? These things are generally pretty obvious, ime. 
 

 

[Farrar]

This is one of the reasons that my kid visited first and one of the reasons that he chose a campus with a tight knit campus culture. It's one of the reasons that I think small, active schools can be great for kids. And one of the reasons that I think it's worth thinking about college as more than academics, but as a way for a young person to launch into adulthood. Some kids don't need a campus experience in order to launch. They're ready (or they're not because they're on a different path). And I think the pushback against paying for a "fun" campus experience is legitimate. I'm not trying to say that anyone should pay more than they can pay. BUT, in the whole push against college costs, I think the social function of college has gotten lost for some families, who then get frustrated that their kids are struggling to launch. I think this can sometimes be a case where paying a little more for a campus with a bit more social structure can help a student find their stride and launch in a more traditional arc, thus saving everyone headaches that come with transferring or taking longer to finish the degree or mental health or just practical social struggles.

[Janeway]

19 hours ago, ScoutTN said:

Did he not know that it was a commuter school when he chose it? These things are generally pretty obvious, ime. 
 

 

The college search was not much of a college search. He was serious about his ballet and was in a pre-pro program and had accepted a spot in a training program (had many offers, with scholarships) when Covid hit. He had to train from home which did not really work well as we did not have the space and he went in to a serious depression. He tried to find a new direction and was accepted in to programs he liked, but since it was an end of the game change of direction, and he was dealing with the depression, which was a serious severe depression, he could not face campus visits and such. Now that he is where he is, he is actually making all A's and is in the honors program but is unhappy. Since he is not too far from home, there is talk of maybe getting involved with something in ballet this fall, but not sure. 

[MagistraKennedy]

On 5/31/2023 at 5:22 PM, ScoutTN said:

Did he not know that it was a commuter school when he chose it? These things are generally pretty obvious, ime. 
 

 

Agreed --- I asked on one tour, but by the time I made it to more colleges, you could 'feel' it. 

[TerezaM]

You know, each educational institution is different, and I think it all depends.
I started my master's degree last year and can say that my campus life is great. There are different extra activities after lectures, meetings, and so on. And students often organize different literature evenings, coffee meetings, and so on if we're talking about informal things.
And what about formal - we have a sports team, theatre, and just in general different clubs and events, and each can find something interesting. But most of it happens because of the student's initiative, of course.
But my previous uni was not that "active". I try to participate in as many things as I can, and now I found a few amazing educational resources which provide me with information and save time on finishing tasks. This page https://papersowl.com/blog/essay-outline I found on accident, but it provided me so useful info on essay outlines, so now writing it takes me less and less time. And I think it's a must to use such helpful resources because they improve skills and save time.

Edited April 28 by TerezaM