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Can we talk about a toxic family member?


Scarlett
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I think the word is over used……but wow, sometimes it just fits.

My DIL called me yesterday really upset at her mother.  The back story is a young man my DIL liked (maybe dated briefly) before she began dating my son….well, this man lost his wife a few days ago.  They had only been married a year and a half.  DIL’s mother spent about 3 days trying to convince my DIL to ‘go for it’…..as in try to get with this young man.  Obviously the mom does not like my son…..but this is just beyond my comprehension.  
 

Apparently DIL told her mom she never wants to hear another word about other men or leaving my son and if she can’t respect this marriage then stop calling and stay away.

I just cant.  😵‍💫

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2 minutes ago, Ting Tang said:

No disrespect, but is her mother an alcoholic? Have mental illness? Obviously, she chose your son to marry. If she had married the other guy, I bet her mother would’ve disliked him, too. Sorry you had to be privy to any of this! 

Honestly being mentally ill or an alcoholic would be better than the alternative….

I do think she has something going on with her mind.  Extremely unstable.  She apparently has been trying to break them up from early on. My son won’t let her run over them and she does not like it at all.  

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good for your DIL standing up to her mom like that. I had to do similar, but things are better now since then. We do still chuckle & shake our heads when she posts these moving tributes to her amazing SIL on Father's Day and such, as if the past never happened, but otherwise that part of our relationship is much better. 

I hope your DIL's mom is able to change course as well. 

 

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15 minutes ago, TheReader said:

good for your DIL standing up to her mom like that. I had to do similar, but things are better now since then. We do still chuckle & shake our heads when she posts these moving tributes to her amazing SIL on Father's Day and such, as if the past never happened, but otherwise that part of our relationship is much better. 

I hope your DIL's mom is able to change course as well. 

 

She posts stuff like that NOW.  While constantly trying to set her daughter up with other men.  

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1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

Honestly being mentally ill or an alcoholic would be better than the alternative….

I do think she has something going on with her mind.  Extremely unstable.  She apparently has been trying to break them up from early on. My son won’t let her run over them and she does not like it at all.  

I really feel for your son and of course, your DIL.  I wouldn't be shocked if you uncover something more about your son's MIL.  I have a mother like this, and I haven't spoken a word to her since 2011.  It's extreme, but I can see no benefit to having any relationship with her.  

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I'm glad your daughter-in-law was straightforward with her mom.

Can't help wondering if there's mental illness at play.  Not only is it nuts to suggest "go for it" to a married woman, but what a reaction to a very recent and tragic death.  To be politically incorrect ... it's crazy.

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10 minutes ago, Ting Tang said:

I really feel for your son and of course, your DIL.  I wouldn't be shocked if you uncover something more about your son's MIL.  I have a mother like this, and I haven't spoken a word to her since 2011.  It's extreme, but I can see no benefit to having any relationship with her.  

I already know enough to fill a book. 
Badgering them to let her move in with them. Begging for money, getting put on their phone plan then never paying her part. (ds as not happy DIL out her on their plan), asking for my DIL’s pain meds…. The list goes on. 

Because my son helps DIL stand up to her mom, he is vilified. 
 

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1 hour ago, Ann.without.an.e said:

Wow, just wow. Sounds like your DIL has good boundaries with her mom and trusts you. That is the positive here. 

She has learned a lot about standing up to her mom thanks to my son. It isn’t easy for her. 

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2 hours ago, SKL said:

I'm glad your daughter-in-law was straightforward with her mom.

Can't help wondering if there's mental illness at play.  Not only is it nuts to suggest "go for it" to a married woman, but what a reaction to a very recent and tragic death.  To be politically incorrect ... it's crazy.

I know. That part is super weird. DIL told her mom, ‘let him grieve, his wife just died!’. 

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4 hours ago, Scarlett said:

I think the word is over used……but wow, sometimes it just fits.

My DIL called me yesterday really upset at her mother.  The back story is a young man my DIL liked (maybe dated briefly) before she began dating my son….well, this man lost his wife a few days ago.  They had only been married a year and a half.  DIL’s mother spent about 3 days trying to convince my DIL to ‘go for it’…..as in try to get with this young man.  Obviously the mom does not like my son…..but this is just beyond my comprehension.  
 

Apparently DIL told her mom she never wants to hear another word about other men or leaving my son and if she can’t respect this marriage then stop calling and stay away.

I just cant.  😵‍💫

This sounds like my own daughters mil.

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4 hours ago, Faith-manor said:

She is a real piece of work! 😜 The biggest red flag for me besides trying to play Cupid for a married woman is asking for her daughter's pain meds. Big red flag. I wonder if she is an addict.

My thoughts exactly 

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