GYST thread

[73349]

For anybody else who needs to make/update stuff like a will, living will, trust, insurance, household binder, emergency plan, contact list, etc., feel free to use this space for encouragement and/or accountability.

I'm working on this stuff this week. I recently read Chanel Reynolds' book What Matters Most, and I guess it was the prompt I needed. I am dragging DH along with me. Reynolds refers to this process as Get Your S*** Together, and her book is about how to do that and what a disaster it was in her life when she and her DH had not done all of it--and he was hit by a truck while out for a bike ride.

What are you working on, or what would you like to be working on?

Edited September 20, 2022 by 73349

[73349]

What I've done recently:

• Made a document to print for an emergency binder, including medical information, household routines, contacts, etc.

What I'm doing today:

• Picking up a big red binder at an office supply store.
• Time permitting, swinging by the safe deposit box to take home insurance documents to review.

What I'm doing tomorrow:

• 30-minute free initial conversation with an attorney (by phone) and DH.

Edited September 20, 2022 by 73349

[Tiberia]

We have an appointment with an attorney to update our wills next month. The old will is fine, but we're changing our personal representative and a few other small things. We also discovered that we don't have POA's, except for medical, so we're getting POA's done also. I'm working on a finder list called "When We Die" to help the kids navigate/find our finances, investment, insurance, paperwork, car titles, etc. 

I was personal representative for my dad when he died in 2020, so I have recent firsthand knowledge of the work and trauma involved when someone close dies.  We want to do our best to minimize this for our kids. 

I'm going to look into "What Matters Most." Sounds good. Thanks for starting this thread. It's very timely for me. 

 

[Spryte]

What a good thread. Timely, here.

I have an on-going list, and could use encouragement and inspiration to plow through it. 

Probably obvious to everyone else here, so I’m behind the curve, but the item weighing most heavily is to better record upcoming school plans for DD. Recent events have made me realize that when I am unavailable due to illness, or if the worst should happen, DH needs to understand what we were doing, where we are heading. To that end, I have made our day to day lesson plans more visible, so he can take over if need be, using my lesson planner. I am also writing out our upcoming plans, and plans for future years — though she could easily head to a brick and mortar school. Prior to this, these plans were not as concrete, nor as accessible to DH.

Next up is updating financial stuff.

[73349]

BTW if anybody wants Reynolds' checklist, it's at https://getyourshittogether.org/checklist/

Edited September 20, 2022 by 73349
typo

[cintinative]

This is a good reminder for me as well. We got some of this done years ago but we still need to meet with the bank to update the beneficiaries.  I also need to make a "this is where stuff is" list. 

Edited September 20, 2022 by cintinative

[Katy]

Thank you for this. We just moved and need to update everything. 

[Beth S]

I ended up creating a "Financial Info" document, with all house, insurance, medical, passwords, bank info, etc.
It's stored in a safe location, where all our family knows, & it will become a checklist for survivors.
The key is that the information is constantly changing, so I update it at least annually.
It's NOT a "once and done" type project.
It indirectly helped me prepare for retirement, too.

[73349]

I found a good advance care planning link for those of us in the US: https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/advance-care-planning-health-care-directives

[Midwest Momma]

Thanks. I ordered the book from the library. We have done at least some things already. 

[Midwest Momma]

One thing we did - that is available in our county, at least, is "transfer on death" for our home. We submitted a document to the county that will transfer the title of our home to our chosen heir upon our death. No need for a will (for this item) and no probate. We did something similar for our bank accounts and our cars. Our kids won't have to wait for those assets.

[73349]

We had our phone consultation with the estate planning lawyer today, will discuss it, and she'll call us back Monday to see if we want to have a meeting to nail down exactly what we want and have her start it.

I'm sure this varies by region, etc., but for her that initial meeting (in person or virtual) is $500 and that counts toward a total cost of $3500 to about $6000, depending on exactly what we want. One point she made is that a will provides for guardianship after and only after you die--if you're in a hospital or even missing, the will is not in effect, and a judge will designate a temporary guardian, so she advises also having a separate document for temporary guardianship in an emergency. Because we will probably want a separate financial custodian, that would have to be done through a trust, so we would have a cost on the higher end of the range she quoted.

[Faith-manor]

We need to do some changes. We bought the second house, we will be inheriting his mom's house when she dies, and since we will sell his mom's house, we have to get that money into the trust. We want dd and hubby to inherit the mountain home which they currently live in, and spread the cash among our sons, however, we would also like to have a college savings fund for our grandsons and need to get that going. I need to stop being so busy and call the lawyer.

[ShepCarlin]

Thank you for starting this thread! I'm going up to my parent's house this weekend to go over this kind of stuff with my dad. They are about to go on a trip in Europe and he wants me to know where "everything" is before they leave. I'm named executor of their will but don't even know where it is, nor who their lawyer is. I had never heard of GYST but will be picking it up at the library before I head up to their house Sunday. 

I need to update all our "stuff" also. I love your idea of a red binder, easy, yet incredibly helpful.

[Arcadia]

2 hours ago, ShepCarlin said:

I'm named executor of their will but don't even know where it is, nor who their lawyer is. 

They would have a copy and the lawyer would have a copy. I have dealt with the lawyer when my mom passed since I am the executor and trustee of her will. I think it is good for the lawyer to have your contact info especially email just in case you change your contact number and home address.  I gave the law firm my cellphone number, email address, home address so that they could easily contact me.
My parents’ lawyer advised my parents to not only name me as the executor but also as the trustee. 
My parents’ lawyer would address me as executrix, the female form of executor. It was interesting when I saw the term for the first time since people generally treat the word executor as gender neutral.

[73349]

I got BFF to update the part of her phone that's accessible without the passcode to include emergency contact numbers, her medications, and allergies; and she's got her hands on a copy of What Matters Most.

[73349]

Okay, we have a meeting with the lawyer in October to get the ball rolling.

Next step: fill out the worksheet she's going to send us.

 

Anybody else? Share your progress (or obstacles).

Edited September 27, 2022 by 73349

[73349]

Welp, it was a good time to get into the file cabinet. The folder labeled "Life Ins." actually had all kinds of insurance information (auto, homeowners', etc.), dated as old as 11 years ago, from... SIX different companies. (It looks like our life insurance policy was sold to another company either two or three times in the past five years.)  :svengo: I pulled for shredding the 75% of it that was clearly no longer valid and paperclipped the current-ish stuff together by company.

Edited September 26, 2022 by 73349

[Toocrazy!!]

DH’s mother did this and when she died surprisingly and suddenly, it was truly a gift to her children. Her wishes were known, her funeral was planned knowing what she wanted, her will was up to date, and she had specified some family treasures as they were to be divided among her children. Unfortunately she wasn’t completely through the process of her house, but what she had accomplished really was a gift to the survivors. 
We have done our will and our attorney is younger and a family friend. He will know to get in touch with DS and DS knows where all the financial and legal info is. He knows our attorney and our insurance agent and they know him. Small town 🙂 
But, we are not religious and haven’t dealt with funeral or memorial plans. We should do that. He wouldn’t have a clue where to start. 
And we have way too much stuff! That would be the real burden at this point.  But I can’t get DH to do anything about that part. 

[Toocrazy!!]

I will say when we did our will a few years ago, it was a relief. To list everything, find the paperwork, get it all to the attorney, get our things in order did make me feel better. I think it’s easier to do when you’re younger and death doesn’t seem so inevitable quite yet.  

[73349]

Progress: We met with the lawyer today. She's recommending a revocable trust for us, along with temporary guardianship documents and powers of attorney. (The guardian we want for DS is out of state and not actually related to us, so I think a paper trail is important. The lawyer asked, basically, what happens if DH and I never come home from a date night, maybe were in a bad wreck on the way home, alive but incapacitated for the time being? And, in effect, there's not a likable answer, with MIL speeding down here overnight and/or a social worker taking custody of DS being likely events.)

DH is cringeing at the price tag. We will decide how to proceed and talk with her Monday.

I was a bit horrified to hear that if we don't do wills at all, the state automatically divides the estate with 1/3 to the surviving spouse (where applicable), 1/3 to the deceased's parents, and 1/3 to children.

[Laura Corin]

Just a thought to add. Mum - 98 - is in a care home. She's lucid from minute to minute but not fully capable of putting together longer thoughts.  The home wants a formalised end-of-life wishes document - she moved to this home fairly recently. She is capable of reading and agreeing or disagreeing to a document but not formulating one.

Luckily,  when she lived with us I suggested she write a living will - these are not legally binding in the UK, but should be taken into account by family, doctors and courts. This weekend I will be copying sections from the living will into the end-of-life care document for her to approve.

It's worth thinking about these things early, if possible. 

[Tiberia]

Progress Report: We met with our lawyer on Tuesday and outlined our new wills. We will get a community property agreement, new wills, and POAs. After we get these completed, we'll have a group meeting with the kids and let them know where we hide/keep the paperwork. The documents will also have our important paperwork, like vehicle titles, bank account information, etc., and asset locator paperwork. It will be good to get this done. 

[73349]

Update: After meeting with an attorney virtually a few times, we have scheduled a meeting to sign the wills/trust/POA/etc. in December.

Anybody else get something done?

[Laura Corin]

Not getting something done myself, but encouraging others.  Mum had written an Advance Decision to Refuse Treatment and it had been properly signed and witnessed.  In the UK, these are not binding but will be taken into account as much as possible.  This helped the paramedics, nurses and doctors to tailor her care to her own wishes.  It also helps to protect those who cared for her from any possible suspicions of neglect (as she died shortly after a fall in a care home).  It is immensely valuable.

[Tiberia]

We got our wills and POAs updated. We got all our paperwork together and met with the kids and their spouses to go over everything. We outlined our wishes for end of life, death, burial, and we let them know where the paperwork is and what the assets are. It was a very sweet meeting and it helped put everyone's mind at ease. It started a lot of great conversations about life and death, values, what means most, etc., and it was a nice time of bonding for the kids who haven't all been together like this for a long time.   

[73349]

We signed this morning... wills, living wills, POA, and initiated a trust. (Putting assets into the trust will have to be done item by item with the life insurance company, register of deeds, et al.) It's nice to have it done.

[Laura Corin]

Okay.  We now have in one folder that we have shown to the kids:

- copies of wills and POAs (the previous copies got lost in the post; lawyer has originals)

- list of bank account numbers, etc.

I am a bit stuck on living will/advance directive.  In law, in the UK the later document takes precedence.  So if we now do an official living will, it will override the POA on those particular issues (end of life decisions).  It feels as if letting the loved one with POA know our wishes in letter form but allowing them (as they are trusted) to make the final decisions might be better?  Or should we have the official document to show to medical personnel, as it is in place immediately, rather than the POA where officially lack of capacity needs to be proved.

We will consult our lawyer, but do you have any thoughts?

Edited January 12, 2023 by Laura Corin

[Hilltopmom]

My copy of the book came in the mail today. We need to update our wills

[73349]

Our lawyer brought us our finished paperwork today!

We have to add the trust as a secondary beneficiary to our life insurance.