I hate DHS

[Condessa]

There are individuals who work there who are really great and do all they can to help the kids, but taking the organization as a whole—I hate them.  When our little one first came to us nine months ago, they sugarcoated and left out vital information and basically were pretty dishonest about her known issues for the sake of getting her in to a home.  They dictate what and how our family can do minor things, but then give no help or guidance on the big things that are part and parcel of foster care.  They take months to get around to taking care of what they are responsible for.  They drop these desperately damaged kids off and just abandon us with them.  Sometimes I can’t get ahold of a caseworker for a few weeks at a time.  And yesterday, after we had a major incident with our little foster daughter committing animal abuse and I informed the case worker about it, their response was to email me several articles relating to animal abuse in children.  I read through them all.  In summary:

1) Abused children often become animal abusers

2) For a variety of reasons

3) Children in an older stage than ours should get therapy

4) Children ours’s age should never have been exposed to examples of cruelty in the first place

5) Kids who abuse animals might burn your house down, and

6) They can grow up to be serial killers.

 

 

Edited June 4, 2020 by Michelle Conde

[Tanaqui]

Useful information to be sure.

Sigh. I wish I had something helpful to say regarding either a. animal abuse in foster kids or b. how to handle DHS being bad at their job, but....

[hippiemamato3]

I'm sorry. Our oldest son (adopted from foster care at age 10) also abused animals. He is now an adult and in a group home. His behaviors did escalate and it was very scary. The rest of us have been diagnosed with PTSD as a result.

[Ottakee]

So sorry.  Yes, often they leave out information.  Many years ago....in the early 90s The called me for a "healthy, normally developing, African American/Native American infant".   I went to pick up said infant for foster care and was handed a white infant, extremely small for age, developmentally FAR FAR behind, and was told "oh, we think baby is HIV+".

 

 

[SounderChick]

Sorry nothing helpful to add.  We didn't renew our foster license because of the lying and other issues with the department.  

[Melissa in Australia]

I have some small experience with animal harming. 

One of my twins has harmed animals multiple times, it has resulted in animal death. But he didn't intend to kill or harm just could not act appropriately with animals, we worked with his psycologest. What worked was we made a visual sign that had to be read every single time he went outside. We were told the sign had to have one rule that he was already doing, and 2 rules stating basically the same thing. If he broke the rule and went near an animal then he had to straight away go back inside. So far he hasn't hurt an animal for over 12 months. 

His sibling who was in our care for 6 months however mutalated animals on an almost daily basis, it was awful. It showed just how that poor child was suffering inside himself. It wasn't until after he left our care and I read over his placement notes that I noticed it said right in them that he appeared to lack the ability to feel empathy. 

I will try anp post a photo of the rule sign that worked 

[Melissa in Australia]

[Melissa in Australia]

Ops. It went upside down.

i had trouble uploading. I got logged our 4 times 

the put boots on was already something he was successful with. The animal photos were the target animals that we were avoiding going near.

 

[Slache]

1 minute ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I get it! It's upside down because you're in Australia!

[Miss Tick]

Do you know why they wanted two rules that basically state the same thing?

[Melissa in Australia]

To reinforce it. 

 I was told to make the rules very simple and very clear

[MercyA]

I am so sorry. 

[Harriet Vane]

I am terribly sorry.

Our experience was different in the specifics but a nightmare all the same--lots of lying as well as minimizing, denying, and pressuring child to minimize and deny trauma.

[Condessa]

2 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I have some small experience with animal harming. 

One of my twins has harmed animals multiple times, it has resulted in animal death. But he didn't intend to kill or harm just could not act appropriately with animals, we worked with his psycologest. What worked was we made a visual sign that had to be read every single time he went outside. We were told the sign had to have one rule that he was already doing, and 2 rules stating basically the same thing. If he broke the rule and went near an animal then he had to straight away go back inside. So far he hasn't hurt an animal for over 12 months. 

His sibling who was in our care for 6 months however mutalated animals on an almost daily basis, it was awful. It showed just how that poor child was suffering inside himself. It wasn't until after he left our care and I read over his placement notes that I noticed it said right in them that he appeared to lack the ability to feel empathy. 

I will try anp post a photo of the rule sign that worked 

 

Thank you so much!  Some concrete advice on what to do is exactly what I am looking for, and exactly what was missing from everything they sent me.  Do you mind my asking at what age you started using the sign with your twin, and how much time it took to see results in his behavior using this method?

[Melissa in Australia]

I think he was around 7 1/2. Though because of  his disabilities he isn't functioning at that age in many areas

We also secured the animal cages better. 

We had to bring him back to the house many times for just going near the animal pens, had a few setbacks, had much frustration on my part because when he had to come back to the house then I also had to stay inside with him. It was about 4 months reading the sign every time that we felt we no longer needed to read it. 

After about 4 months DH taught him how to play ball with the dog, so learning how to interact with animals in a correct way. 

Things are not fully resolved though. A few months back Ds16 tried to allow him to help feed the silkie chooks.  As soon as he was in the pen Twin immediately started kicking them.  But he has not removed an animal from its pen and harmed it for about 12 month. 

He gets fixated on some behaviour then moves onto the next.

 

[Melissa in Australia]

 Forgot to add He is 9 now

[Scarlett]

DHS is so broken it is not even funny.  My heart breaks for these children and for the foster parents who try so hard to help them.  All of you are my  heroes.  

[Carrie12345]

I’m sorry.

I’m terrified of potential lies and omissions. We’re more than 3 months into waiting on specific (relative) kids, and have received almost zero details of their current mental, emotional, academic, or behavioral status.  Of course I’ll be taking any eventual reports with a giant boulder of salt. 😞