mlktwins Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 I know so many of you have been there done that! I am beyond exhausted. The good news is my dad is alive and safe and enjoying living (mostly - he can't drive) independently in an lovely apartment building with nice people and is 10 minutes from me. The bad news is that after 8 months of almost full time care, getting him packed up, moved, unpacked, going through all his stuff (so much junk he never got rid of), having an estate sale, recently dealing with contractors (that was tons of fun) and this weekend of cleaning up after said contractors (we are back for our last day of cleaning today), I am DONE. Put a fork in my DONE! I have nothing left -- LOL. My DH and I can barely move from going all weekend (and this isn't the first weekend we've spent over there - we've lost count), and I can barely stand the thought of going over again today. But...carpet cleaners are coming tomorrow at 9:30 am, realtor's photog is coming Wed at 9 am, listing going up and open house this weekend. I am praying it sells quickly (we are in a hot market) and the closing goes smoothly. My boys have testing this week (their first experience with proctored testing) and then we are taking a delayed spring break next week. I just need to have some fun and enjoy them. They are starting high school (homeschool) next year and I am so sad I've mostly missed my last somewhat relaxed year with them. We purposely didn't outsource any classes for 8th and I had so many field trips and things planned. We didn't get to ANY of them. My dad called me the day after Labor Day (our first day of school) and it has been non-stop since. I am the only one here to help him. Now...I need to take care of me. My health has suffered so much - I feel it to my core. I have been sick most of this winter, we are not eating right (lots of take out), I'm not doing any healthy exercise (although moving and lifting and cleaning are exercise), no time to try and relax and my stress level has been through the roof. I'm wondering how long it will take to feel somewhat normal again. And...my house is a wreck! I still have boxes of his papers, other stuff to go through (that we didn't have time for), I need to take all my sister's crap to NC in August (I want it out of my house). So much stuff... I know I am rambling -- LOL. Thanks for letting me vent! If you are the praying type, or just want to send positive thoughts, I would welcome them :-)!!! Almost there! DH's parents are 92 and still in their house of 50+ years (they are local). We need to recover from this experience before the next wave hits or I might not survive the next one! 5 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmasc Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 Prayer lifted up for you. I know what you’re going through is totally exhausting. But there is an end to the house stuff, and you’re getting close! My only advice is to pay for anything that will lessen your burden if money allows...someone to clean your house, healthy convenience food, date night with DH to just relax and reconnect...anything you can afford! 🙂 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aaplank Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 I pray you get the rest and strength you need. I also hope that you can really live it up this summer to make up for lost time this school year. I'm juggling caring for my mother (lots of medical needs, doctor appointments, etc with little to no help) and taking care of and homeschooling 2 teens. Sometimes I just have to put my kids and me first. It's definitely exhausting! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlktwins Posted April 29, 2019 Author Share Posted April 29, 2019 24 minutes ago, mmasc said: Prayer lifted up for you. I know what you’re going through is totally exhausting. But there is an end to the house stuff, and you’re getting close! My only advice is to pay for anything that will lessen your burden if money allows...someone to clean your house, healthy convenience food, date night with DH to just relax and reconnect...anything you can afford! 🙂 My dad told me I should get a massage. I told him I am and guess who is paying for it -- LOL!!! 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlktwins Posted April 29, 2019 Author Share Posted April 29, 2019 10 minutes ago, aaplank said: I pray you get the rest and strength you need. I also hope that you can really live it up this summer to make up for lost time this school year. I'm juggling caring for my mother (lots of medical needs, doctor appointments, etc with little to no help) and taking care of and homeschooling 2 teens. Sometimes I just have to put my kids and me first. It's definitely exhausting! I totally agree. It was doctors appts and PT almost 5 times a week, plus doing his laundry and getting his groceries, plus packing and moving for the first 3 months. I was just existing! He was in danger with the steps in the house and refusing to move at first. We had already signed up for fall baseball so we did that and my boys swim year round. So much juggling. He wants his house sold NOW (he is paying for upkeep, etc) and he isn't able to take care of the sale himself. So...rush, rush, rush to get that done. Huge monkey off my back when the house is gone though for sure! Then I'm planning to spend one afternoon a week trying to enjoy my dad (grocery store, hair cut, lunch, etc) and at least one day on the weekend where my boys are over playing games, etc. with him. The rest will be me putting us first (his doctors appts have slowed down for now). My dad is busy with activities at the apartment building so he is around a lot of people when he wants. At least DH has 2 siblings in the area that will be able to help him when the time comes (and of course I will be helping). Praying for you too with your mom! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
history-fan Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 Sending positive thoughts. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Some days seeing that glimmer is what got me through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 (edited) I'm sorry! I totally get it. We helped my 85 year old dad sell his house and move to an apartment last fall. Which followed right on the heels of us selling and moving ourselves over last spring and summer. And he's fallen three times in the last two months (he has neuropathy in his feet and legs, and foot drop), so we've been so worried about him. So that aspect is ongoing, now that the moving is over with. And my mom lives in a nursing home with dementia, and DH's mother is losing quite a bit cognitive function after a stroke and another health scare over the past two years. It's definitely a hard stage. Edited April 29, 2019 by Storygirl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valley Girl Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 I hope the sale goes quickly and smoothly and that your dad appreciates all your hard work and sacrifice. Since you've shouldered the burden for everything, perhaps sister in NC could come and get her own stuff or arrange (and pay) to have it shipped to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 Many hugs from someone who has been in your shoes - elder care is hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori D. Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 (((hugs))) to all of you in this tough place of pouring out to help aging parents! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth S Posted April 29, 2019 Share Posted April 29, 2019 So proud of you---the end is definitely in sight! BTDT, spending much of 2017 moving my in-laws to live near my bil's family, then emptying & selling their 2500+ sq ft home of 50 years. The Sale of the House is just such a wonderful, wonderful feeling. Yes, it's a gift to your Dad . . . who is unable to navigate this Season of Life by himself. Thank you! 🙂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 Best of luck with the continuing process. And if you ever manage to draw breath, make looking after yourself a priority. I needed a lot of help to recover when I went through a similar process. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 I'm definitely gonna keep you in my prayers. This is DIFFICULT!! I have been there. Honestly, during that time, and then the couple months leading up to my mom's death, I truly think I aged 10 years there were SO many things going on. Set aside at least a little time for yourself every day, even if it's just a nice, long bath. And a practical suggestion - take a couple thousand mg of Vitamin C daily. It may seem silly, but my resistance gets really low when I'm stressed or not resting well. Vitamin C (at least I think) seems to keep me from getting sick. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 The year after my dad died was utter chaos. My mom who is in good health but doesn't drive needed help with dealing with social security, then we decided to buy a house together and sell her house. I'm not really sure how we all survived the summer, my mom almost had a nervous breakdown, but we plowed through. It's been 2.5 years since we moved in together and things are mostly peaceful. It's a weird change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 (edited) Sorry, op. It is hard. Wishing you the best! Edited April 30, 2019 by Mom0012 TMI Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted April 30, 2019 Share Posted April 30, 2019 Hugs to you all. I have "been there, done that" too and it is one of the hardest experience of adulthood. draining doesn't even begin to describe it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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