WWYD? Partially deleted - thanks!

[lavender's green]

Thanks for the responses, everyone.

I decided to delete because it's a little weird and rare, and therefore identifying. I'll keep my follow-up responses for now, though.

And I will tell you how he's doing in the morning.

Edited November 21, 2018 by lavender's green

[Ausmumof3]

What kind of bow was it?  

Either way, not cool.  Kid needs some lessons in safety (don’t ever shoot anything straight up, point at people etc).  I’d be upset.  It’s hard being a community space because you can’t prevent them from being there again really.

[gardenmom5]

Has you child been examined at the er?  If not, take him in. 

Blase mom should pay the bills not covered by insurance. If that requires a police report, so be it.  

Good the kid feels remorse, now he needs to learn about restitution  - and blase mom needs a reality check. 

Edited November 21, 2018 by gardenmom5

[JustEm]

1 minute ago, gardenmom5 said:

Has you child been examined at the er?  If not, take him in. 

Blase mom should pay the bills not covered by insurance. If that requires a police report, so be it.  

Good the kid feels remorse, now he needs to learn about restitution  - and blase mom needs a reality check. 

 

This

[JustEm]

With the mom's reaction I would 100% file a police report, even if I didn't plan on asking her to pay the medical bills.  because if this boy were to ever hurt someone again, especially if he blinds or kills someone, there is a paper trail to prove it wasn't a one time accident.

Edited November 21, 2018 by hjffkj

[gardenmom5]

Just because scalp wounds bleed a lot. Doesn't mean there's nothing to bleed about.

You want to make sure there isn't something serious. 

[lavender's green]

She was mad at her kid for having the bow and arrow out in a common area around other kids. But to me she said: "Here's what's going to happen. You're going to go home and clean it up and see that it's actually a really tiny little wound, and everything will be fine. We know, it's happened to (whichever kid of hers) before." 

[bolt.]

Is it possible that the mom is taking it seriously — later, in private — while not panicking at the moment because she is that type that “settles into a controlled state” in a crisis?

I think you might have a sit-down with her about risks, fear and future precautions. There’s no need to discuss blame because the mishap that actually took place was minor. That was good luck, but it is the reality: good luck saved the day this time. You are focusing on the “could have happened” because you are very concerned about the “might happen again”.

Children deserve reasonable safety precautions: so focus on the future, not on making her take faux-responsibility for an event that did not happen (even though it very much could have happened).

Think of it this way: you are likely to get one thing out of the interaction. Is it accountability you truly want? Or do you care more about future precautions?

(Of course assess if your son needs medical attention. Take him if he needs to go. Whether he needs to go depends on his condition, not on blame scenarios. Hopefully there will be no bill, but if there is, I can see it being reasonable to consider holding the other parents responsible in whatever way is normal in your country.)

[lavender's green]

This was also difficult for  me because I had to get three kids up a steep hill by myself without a car while pressing my hands to my kid's head. 

[HomeAgain]

Here is what I would do:
1. I'd take care of my kid.  Immediate attention, followed by a visit to the walk in clinic.
2. I'd take action in the future to keep my kid away from a child with a weapon.
3. If the clinic had a co-pay or it ended up being serious, I'd send the bill to the other child's parent.  I'd also tell her I expected a real apology and not a "don't worry about it".

That's it.  Because I can't change what happened, but I can protect my kid in the future.  And no amount of calling the police is going to change what happened and it's not going to change the severity of the situation.  Nor is it going to make the kid change and grow up in a hurry and not make mistakes anymore.  So, that would be my limit of action.

[bolt.]

Sounds horrible and terrifying! (hugs) I think you handled it like a champ.

[Mona]

DH says to file a police report so you can take action later. You don't want to call police but you have to in this case because the report will be invaluable later when you need to sue for medical fees and such. 😞 Hope all turns out well.

Edited November 21, 2018 by Mona

[JustEm]

7 minutes ago, HomeAgain said:

Here is what I would do:
1. I'd take care of my kid.  Immediate attention, followed by a visit to the walk in clinic.
2. I'd take action in the future to keep my kid away from a child with a weapon.
3. If the clinic had a co-pay or it ended up being serious, I'd send the bill to the other child's parent.  I'd also tell her I expected a real apology and not a "don't worry about it".

That's it.  Because I can't change what happened, but I can protect my kid in the future.  And no amount of calling the police is going to change what happened and it's not going to change the severity of the situation.  Nor is it going to make the kid change and grow up in a hurry and not make mistakes anymore.  So, that would be my limit of action.

 

But it would be proof of a recurring issue if someone in the future is seriously injured.  It is especially important because this has happened before and the other mom is still not taking it seriously.  The next time could be much worse but could be written off as merely a first time accident and not negligence on the parents part if there isn't proof it has happened before.

[Ausmumof3]

14 minutes ago, lavender's green said:

She was mad at her kid for having the bow and arrow out in a common area around other kids. But to me she said: "Here's what's going to happen. You're going to go home and clean it up and see that it's actually a really tiny little wound, and everything will be fine. We know, it's happened to (whichever kid of hers) before." 

Is it possible that it wasn’t her son that inflicted previous injury but someone else did it to her kid and she’s just trying to reassure you?

the reason I ask about the type of bow is it makes a big difference.  If it’s one of those very little kiddy red bows it’s really not any more dangerous than a kid throwing a stick in the air and being hit.  Still absolutely not ok and the kid needs to be dealt with but not likely to cause major injury.  If however it was a kids compound bow or something it’s a different story.  Those blunt arrows can penetrate and do very serious damage.

[HomeAgain]

1 minute ago, hjffkj said:

 

But it would be proof of a recurring issue if someone in the future is seriously injured.  It is especially important because this has happened before and the other mom is still not taking it seriously.  The next time could be much worse but could be written off as merely a first time accident and not negligence on the parents part if there isn't proof it has happened before.

I don't know that the other mom isn't taking it seriously.  She got mad at the kid.  And calling the cops isn't going to go that direction for a mom who doesn't feel it's an issue.  She'd just be mad that another parent "overreacted" and called the cops.

But it's situations like this where I have no problem saying something to another person's kid and chastising them.  If my kid is in danger, I'd have no problem being loud and firm the next time I saw the kid with the weapon in public.  "Get that away from my kid and take it back home.  You already have hurt him once.  Knock it off."  And I'd be loud, loud enough for there to be a park full of witnesses looking for the parent to see why she's not taking care of her own.

I think we have to give grace to bad decisions, which kids make, and balance that with being their community to keep them from acting on impulsive behavior that will hurt someone.

[lavender's green]

It was definitely not a kiddie bow. It was a target practice type of thing. We've owned a few sets of kiddie bows ourselves. This was much more serious than getting hit with a stick.

Kiddo is in pain and dizzy, so DH is taking him to the ER.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Your insurance will ask about who caused the injury. You need to make sure that you give them that information. I would call your insurance and ask them if they want a police report. This isn’t about getting the other child in trouble. It is about what insurance needs. 

[Melissa in Australia]

if it was a real bow what in the earth was he doing with it in a group of people without adult supervision!!

those things an kill small animals and cause serious harm . I would call teh police and I am not a person who calls the police

[sassenach]

26 minutes ago, HomeAgain said:

Here is what I would do:
1. I'd take care of my kid.  Immediate attention, followed by a visit to the walk in clinic.
2. I'd take action in the future to keep my kid away from a child with a weapon.
3. If the clinic had a co-pay or it ended up being serious, I'd send the bill to the other child's parent.  I'd also tell her I expected a real apology and not a "don't worry about it".

That's it.  Because I can't change what happened, but I can protect my kid in the future.  And no amount of calling the police is going to change what happened and it's not going to change the severity of the situation.  Nor is it going to make the kid change and grow up in a hurry and not make mistakes anymore.  So, that would be my limit of action.

 

Yeah, I wouldn't file a police report because, quite frankly, I've seen too many stories of young kids getting arrested and charged for basically being normal dumb kids. This isn't to minimize your experience- FOR SURE I think the mom's reaction was strange and I would be upset about it. I just wouldn't bring the police into it.

 

[wintermom]

12 minutes ago, HomeAgain said:

I don't know that the other mom isn't taking it seriously.  She got mad at the kid.  And calling the cops isn't going to go that direction for a mom who doesn't feel it's an issue.  She'd just be mad that another parent "overreacted" and called the cops.

But it's situations like this where I have no problem saying something to another person's kid and chastising them.  If my kid is in danger, I'd have no problem being loud and firm the next time I saw the kid with the weapon in public.  "Get that away from my kid and take it back home.  You already have hurt him once.  Knock it off."  And I'd be loud, loud enough for there to be a park full of witnesses looking for the parent to see why she's not taking care of her own.

I think we have to give grace to bad decisions, which kids make, and balance that with being their community to keep them from acting on impulsive behavior that will hurt someone.

Except that this was not the first time this child acted in this way. The mother knows that, but still allows her child to own and use a bow and arrow. There is no "lessons learned" for this family, because there are no consequences. 

I would file a police report. There is already going to be a record of the injury because the OP's child is going to ER. Might as well have a complete paper trail to arm yourself against a family that's likely to be "difficult."

[gardenmom5]

2 hours ago, lavender's green said:

She was mad at her kid for having the bow and arrow out in a common area around other kids. But to me she said: "Here's what's going to happen. You're going to go home and clean it up and see that it's actually a really tiny little wound, and everything will be fine. We know, it's happened to (whichever kid of hers) before." 

this would leave me livid!   absolutely file a police report asap!   the mother is a disaster waiting to happen.

eta: hopefully this will put her on the radar of cps and that kid will be getting the supervision he needs and deserves.

eta: I'm not saying the kid deserves to be punished - he's a child, and children deserve to have attentitive parents.

Edited November 22, 2018 by gardenmom5

[bolt.]

It’s possible that the mom has seen a similar scalp wound “before” or that she once saw someone injured with an arrow under different circumstances “before”.

The mom’s comment was not clear enough to interpret as, “This child has used this bow carelessly and caused a similar injury before.”

I think there should be some leeway for the things we say in a crisis. It sounds like she only meant to communicate comfort; that the injury was probably less catastrophic than it seemed. Her desire to calm and comfort the mom of the injured child (by saying that it was probably not as bad as it looked) represents a kind intention.

We need more information to understand if she will take the event seriously in terms of preventing “next time”.

[LMD]

20 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

if it was a real bow what in the earth was he doing with it in a group of people without adult supervision!!

those things an kill small animals and cause serious harm . I would call teh police and I am not a person who calls the police

 

I agree. We own bows like this, they are unstrung and stored in a safe place where children cannot help themselves. My child's world would end if they were playing around with one and injured someone. 

Neglectful and unacceptable.

I'm sorry lavender's green, hope your ds is okay. 

[Katy]

I missed the main post, but what happened is child abuse.  A child hurting another child with a weapon due to the neglect of the parent to take a weapon they've previously hurt a child with is abuse, at least in my state.  We've had foster kids in our care for similar injuries when a sibling repeatedly injured a sibling with a weapon.  All kids were removed from the home. And since you're concerned about legal issues and privacy you may want to ask a moderator to delete the thread.

[lavender's green]

My son is still in pain but he's on the mend. We dealt with things in accordance with local laws. The other child/family is not in any legal trouble. I swear I have a lot more gray hairs today, though I know it shouldn't be possible!

[City Mouse]

It sounds like the situation has been dealt with, but Is this one of those injuries that would automatically be reported to the police by the medical facility? I know that any gunshot get reported, and in many places dog bites are reported by the hospital. 

[Ausmumof3]

22 hours ago, lavender's green said:

It was definitely not a kiddie bow. It was a target practice type of thing. We've owned a few sets of kiddie bows ourselves. This was much more serious than getting hit with a stick.

Kiddo is in pain and dizzy, so DH is taking him to the ER.

In that case I’d be pretty livid.  Ds has one and he was never allowed it unsupervised until this year (12) and he’s still not allowed out with it when anyone else is around.  And he’s my pretty sensible kid.  There have been cases of kangaroos and cats running around with arrows hanging out of them from those bows.  And they weren’t the broad tip arrows just target arrows.  My sons bow will shoot one through a full plastic water bottle.  Mum is being negligent.

Edited November 22, 2018 by Ausmumof3