4H Dropouts?

[domestic_engineer]

Ok -- I know that the week before the fair is NOT the time to be reevaluating 4H participation, BUT ....

If you dropped 4H from your child's activities, what were the reasons behind the decision?  Did you find a suitable alternative for your goals?  

I feel the pressure that 4H is "the thing to do" in my community, but for some reason, I'm having a hard time bucking the trend.

[ksr5377]

We're about to be drop-outs, at least until one of the kids decide to take livestock to the fair.  Basically, what has been happening every year is that we cram all our project work into 3-4 weeks and it's a completely stressful time for all of us.  Obviously, this isn't the fault of the children or 4H, but it's just what happens with our schedule.  The other thing is that, as homeschoolers, I was hoping for more socialization through 4H.  However, since the clubs around here only meet from March-July, and usually only once a month until school is out, it's not working out that way for us.  This past year we tried scouts as well and it's been a much better solution for us.  It meets at least twice a month all through the school year and also has summer activities, so we are keeping up those relationships.  It really does make me feel like a traitor to say all this though.  I was in 4H all 10 years I could be.  My mom has been an adviser for over 40 years and my grandmother for more than 60.  My cousins, mom and aunt are now running the club my grandmother began all those years ago.  But we don't live by them so we're not in that club and so I have the freedom to quit ?

ETA that the clubs around here do not do project work at the meetings.  Scouts do. On one hand it's nice, because you can take whatever projects interest you.  But it's a lot of work for the parents.  I think this is what it really comes down to for me.  If my daughter takes Cake Decorating in 4H then I am the one doing that project with her, unless I personally find someone else to help her with it.  If she works on her Cake Decorating badge within her AHG troop, then a lot of the work is done together and organized by her troop leader.  Same with my son in Boy Scouts.  Yes, we have to do some things on our own, but not the entire thing!

[SKL]

Not a drop-out, but I have weighed joining 4H for years, did research, downloaded the apps, etc., but never went through with it.

4H sounds like a great program if you take it seriously over the long term.  I could never devote that time unless we dropped other stuff we find important.

We do scouts, which covers some of what we miss in 4H.  My kids also participate in occasional horse shows & dog shows, but it isn't a huge commitment on our part.  Besides that, participating in sports and caring for pets / projects round it out.  (There is also a 4H summer camp in our area that doesn't require 4H membership.  We don't always participate, but it's a great way for the kids to get experiences without a long term commitment.)

[domestic_engineer]

@ksr5377 Yes, yes, yes!!!  Those are the exact same thoughts running through my mind ... socialization-in-theory-only, cramming, parents must be intimately involved in the project.  I don't have the family history with 4H that you have, but it gives me solace to know that it's not just my outsider's position that is causing me to rethink our involvement.  I'll have to think about Scouts as an alternative.  Thanks for sharing.

[KungFuPanda]

Around here the 4Hers I know do robots instead of livestock. ?

[itsheresomewhere]

We quit after dealing with it for a few years.   Our problem was it is very disorganized and poorly run.  If those who have been running it for 20+years would step down and let the younger ones run it, it could change for the better.  Instead we have a problem of it has been run this way for years and why change. Those who do step up and try to help run things quit after they realize nothing will change.  I was one.  Plus, the kids really didn’t welcome outsiders well.  These past few years without 4H have been nice.

Recently, DD found out they gave animal science and wants to try it.  I am not sure I am ready for that again.  

[Faith-manor]

We are retiring from it, though the extension office will not be informed until July 30. Our kids have graduated and we have complete ten years of service as STEM club leader, eight years with rocket team, and nine as fair superintendents over the sciences. 

I can’t manage everything now that I am returning to work, and new policies are going to make the job way too burdensome to consider continuing. The rocket team will have one more year but with a different 501C sponsor.

The program in our area has taken some huge hits over the years and I just don’t have the energy to continue the political and funding fallout.

In terms of socialization, in our area clubs meet nine times per year plus additional education days and outings. They do offer a lot. But the backs of the volunteers have been broken one too many times so I predict a major loss of leaders in the coming year.

[elegantlion]

We were 4H drop outs after one year. Our group was clichey - we were new to the area and trying to make friends. This was more of a suburban group than livestock, good for us. Ds wanted to do two projects book, shooting and something else. They told us he had to do this intro book and frankly it was boring as hell and stuff he already knew. He hated that part. Then his dad took him to shooting for the first time and it was so disorganized that both of them came home frustrated. The other kids wouldn't talk to ds, the other women ignored me. I tried to use all my extroverted skills at one meeting. One lady asked if I was related to (same last name) of someplace close. I was in the middle of telling her no, we'd moved to the area recently and she walked away from me mid-sentence. I was aghast and gave up caring after that meeting. I would go and sit by myself while everyone chatted around me thinking ds was having a good time. No, he was miserable too. We found an out before the end of the season.

I realize that is not the norm, it was more indicative of the local culture. 

[Um_2_4]

It really depends on the group. There are many groups around us and we finally found one that fits. Several of the groups I tried before this one were like those above describe where most of the work is done at home.

We are starting our 3rd year and I lead 2 projects. We are all homeschoolers so it is run more like a co-op. Most all of the work is done at our meetings. We focus more on competitions (presentation day, archery tournaments, etc) than fairs. 

I think look around and see if you have other options. We focus more on stem,small animals, home ec (cooking, sewing) type projects. If you are anywhere in So Cal, PM me and I'll tell you where :) .

[Hilltopmom]

4 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

Around here the 4Hers I know do robots instead of livestock. ?

Ours do both, lol.

this is our last year as my last 4Her graduated but still wants to help at fair 

[Bambam]

We left 4-H. We had a very bad male agent (wrote a totally inappropriate email to one of mine. My dh went and talked to him about it, and he didn't want to report him. Looking back we should have. I found out later the other two agents knew about the email and did not report it. And they should have.). We continued the club with no contact with him. Then a new agent that was bad - but in a different way. She basically made us shut down the FB group for communication within the county, and so there was no communication. We decided to leave of the strict regulations and confrontational attitude of that agent. Last I saw in the newspaper, they were down to 33 4-Hers in the county. 

I started an Anchor club for community service. We still miss some of the 4-H competitions, but not enough to deal with the bad agents - both at the county and district level here. It could be a good thing - if the agents are decent. 

[Annie G]

We dropped out after several years. We started a homeschool 4H group because we had a lot of interest. But the other group leaders had a ton of experience and were cliquish and didn’t want to help us get started. I’d attend leader meetings every month and ask questions but nobody was helpful.  It was so frustrating.   And even though we had 20+ kids, none of their parents wanted to help beyond bringing a snack. So I burned out super fast, like 3 or 4 years.   It’s such a good program and I would hope our local leaders aren’t still cliquish (it’s been 15 years). 

[Tenaj]

We quit after one year.  I loved 4-H myself.  I was in it for 8 years and did all kinds of things.  I just assumed my kids would participate so when my oldest two were the right age we joined a local club.

All was well until judging.  My DD got dinged on her grade for her first sewing project.  She was 9 and made an elastic waist skirt which is what is described in the book.  She was told at judging that she should have made something more complicated.  Ridiculous IMO.  This was her first attempt!  If they had marked her down for a crooked seam I wouldn't have had an issue but they wanted her to make a more complicated project than was required by the project guide.

Then my 10 year old son, at the same judging, was counted down for not doing a written report for his aquarium project even though a written report was not listed as a requirement.  He had so much fun with that project until that moment.  Even had raised baby fish that summer.  When I mentioned it to the leaders they shrugged their shoulders and said that the judges don't always know what the project books require.  What!?!  

I had two disappointed kids, two judges who were not appropriately judging projects and that was it.  The kids lost any interest in joining back the next year and so did I.

 

 

[teachermom2834]

My family loves 4H. It is the best activity my kids have ever participated in. Our current county has paid agents and needs very little from parent volunteers so I am pretty hands off.

I love 4-H but I can hardly recommend it to anyone. None of these stories surprise me. It is hard to understand and hard to get plugged in. Things just don’t seem to make sense. It really is an odd activity (though also awesome at the same time). It is hard to explain and hard to understand. I am sure we would have given up long ago if we didn’t have really good leaders. 

4-H really clicked for us when my teens started going to a lot of events and conferences. They then understood the big picture and were able to help the younger kids navigate it. 

But if your 4-H isn’t great don’t feel bad about dropping out! 

 

[Wheres Toto]

4-H is so individual based on where you're located.  Different states, different counties, even different clubs handle it differently.   

Our county and state are pretty good.  It can be hard to get information if you are really new, but they aren't overwhelming with paperwork or requirements, so it's easy to start off slow and learn as you go.  I think there is some cliquey stuff going on in certain clubs but the county overall is welcoming.

I run a 4-H STEM club that meets twice a month, September through June and then a meeting in July for Fair.  The majority of kids in my club don't do project books, they just do the activities we do in meetings.   I'm the science and herpetology coordinators for our Fair.  I know the judges are told to be encouraging especially for the 4th to 8th graders.

[flyingawayalready]

I tried to join 4H as a volunteer a year ago. I have been relentlessly trying to find someone to take me as a volunteer for their club, and nobody has been able to follow through on a date, time, and location. I have people email me back, and say they definitely need my help, and then I tell them my availability, and i never hear back. Over and over again. I showed up to orientation, I showed up to fair stuff, I was punctual, polite, etc and I made my face seen by the county director multiple times. He seemed to like me. I am socially awkward so maybe I made some social faux pas that I am not aware of? I've relentlessly reviewed all of my interactions to see where I went wrong. I'm so frustrated. They say they need volunteers all the time, that they are desperate for volunteers, but when someone is willing and able to do a LOT (I don't even have a job right now) they can't make use of me. I am giving up, not because I didn't want to do it, but because they don't seem to actually really need volunteers based on their behavior.

4H is decentralized, I get it. You have to network your way in. I am not part of any local social circles. Maybe people don't trust me. I have a lot of skills to contribute (sewing, farming, poultry, carpentry, wellness, science) -- maybe they think I'm lying about that?

I keep thinking...man...it cannot possibly be a small town mindset that doesn't like "outsiders" and feels intimidated by me because I have a lot of ambition? I really don't want it to be that. I want to be open-minded about people.

I quit my career due to health reasons and I wanted to give back to the community. I thought it would be a better use of my time than slaving away for abusive bosses.

 

I just needed to complain about this. I have no idea what to do.