dsmith Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 This drives me crazy every year. We have Christmas eve catered and split the bill with sil. She never has the money that night, and it usually takes weeks to collect. It's not a financial issue at all. She is one of those people that must be insanely busy all the time and can't possibly remember small details like paying her share of things. When it is something that she laid out the money for I have the money immediately for her. We have 2 businesses, a special needs teen we homeschool, a house to manage, dh's parents to keep an eye on, meals to cook, etc. I could really use the $ back that we laid out, but I am sick of making that phone call or text asking for money again. It feels awkward and I detest doing it! And now mil wants to have fil's birthday catered. I don't want to lay out even more money that will be a pain in the butt to collect. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Maybe it’s time sil lays out the money for a change. She might see things differently when it’s her $$. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 Maybe it’s time sil lays out the money for a change. She might see things differently when it’s her $$. I was thinking I would let her pay for fil's birthday, and when she tells me our share just tell her to take it from what she owes us. :tongue_smilie: 20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I was thinking I would let her pay for fil's birthday, and when she tells me our share just tell her to take it from what she owes us. :tongue_smilie: Oooh. That sounds perfect! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I was thinking I would let her pay for fil's birthday, and when she tells me our share just tell her to take it from what she owes us. I was going to suggest this as the easiest way. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Can you ask your SIL’s spouse if she is married? My husband only has enough money for gasoline in his wallet and he doesn’t carry a checkbook. So when he needs to pay back his share, he ask me for cash as I carry the petty cash in my wallet. Your SIL can do the catering for your FIL’s birthday so you don’t need to chase her for her share of the costs. My husband did owe his sister for months for his parents birthday gift because he forgets so he ask me to remind him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 (edited) She's your husband's sister? Tell him his sister owes you $x from the Christmas party, and you need him to ask her for the money. But actually the idea of having her take care of FIL's birthday and calling it a wash is a good one, unless there is a large disparity in the amount of money. Edited January 2, 2018 by marbel 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth86 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 idk, we never trust people to pay us back so we don't ever put ourselves in this situation with anyone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 (edited) Stop being the one to lay out the money; just plead that you are strapped this year and someone else has to pay it out to get reimbursed or they'll have to pony up the money in advance. Edited January 2, 2018 by reefgazer 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 We're the same way; we collect first. idk, we never trust people to pay us back so we don't ever put ourselves in this situation with anyone. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solascriptura Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Maybe you could try PayPal or Venmo. Sometimes it’s a hassle to get someone a check or cash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 We don't have many things that we split nowadays, but Christmas eve dinner is the biggest for the year. Unfortunately if we leave it in her hands to order, pay for and/or pick up, she will use another caterer that is more expensive and not as good, or something will get screwed up. The last time she got food for an event we didn't like the food at all. (How hard is it to mess up penne vodka?!?) The caterer we use is excellent, and he went above and beyond this year to make a special gluten free/dairy free meal for me along with our usual order, and it was to die for!! Next year I will try to get her to pay us before Christmas eve! I think last year she paid us in February. :thumbdown: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 1. I agree, have her pay up front in future. 2. For this year definitely have others foot the catering bill and anything you owe comes out of what she owes you (write it down to keep it straight and email her to show the process). 3. Be honest, friendly and polite but firm. Clear statement in writing if possible. Explain that the amount remaining you need sent to you by Pay Pal by a certain date. Give her that date. Let her know you really cannot wait until February again. (unless you think she might genuinely be strapped for cash, in which case offer a payment plan through pay pal with very specific dates each payment should be coming through). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Some people keep the bulk of their available cash in accounts that limit the number of transactions per month and do 1 large transfer to checking to pay the bills. So in a situation like this, I would appreciate advanced notice by the IL with an estimated cost. I'm sure you'd rather be waiting on the difference between the estimate and the actual cost vs. the full actual cost, KWIM? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Do you know what the hold-up is? As in: Does she not have the money? Is it too many steps to write a check and find a stamp and your address? Does she say she'll do it but then forget? If you understand what her barriers are to getting it done, you may be able to help her develop coping strategies. For example, does she have an app on her phone that would allow her to have her bank write you a check and send it to you? This is a feature that most banks don't publicize, but it may be part of her bank's bill-pay features. Does she have the PayPal app on her phone? If so, she can use it with a credit card or her bank account to pay you. Both of these can be done on-the-spot, and once set up can be used every time she needs to give you money. Of course, it's not your job to figure this out for her, but it could be the fastest way to get the job taken care of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 The answer to me is, ehe either isn't organized enough to expect a Christmas Eve expense , or doesn't respect you enough to pay you in a timely manner. I would tell her it's her turn to organize and if she's too "insanely busy" to manage it, so are you. It's a shame FIL has to suffer because his daughter is immature, but, it is what it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 Do you know what the hold-up is? As in: Does she not have the money? Is it too many steps to write a check and find a stamp and your address? Does she say she'll do it but then forget? If you understand what her barriers are to getting it done, you may be able to help her develop coping strategies. For example, does she have an app on her phone that would allow her to have her bank write you a check and send it to you? This is a feature that most banks don't publicize, but it may be part of her bank's bill-pay features. Does she have the PayPal app on her phone? If so, she can use it with a credit card or her bank account to pay you. Both of these can be done on-the-spot, and once set up can be used every time she needs to give you money. Of course, it's not your job to figure this out for her, but it could be the fastest way to get the job taken care of. The hold up is that she is just so incredibly busy that she can't possibly remember to pay her share of the food or she doesn't have time to write a check. Seriously, in her mind, she is the busiest person on earth. It's all very dramatic. :001_rolleyes: I will ask her for the money again, and probably once more. I will definitely get the money eventually, I just hate having to ask for it in the first place. It really makes me feel uncomfortable. Dh doesn't get overly involved with her in order to keep family peace, so it is better if I handle it. Adding technology into the mix will make things even more difficult for me and not result in getting the money. The funny thing is she has people falling all over themselves to help her with everything, while dh and I have always been very independent. It's like she has a busyness (is that a word?) addiction. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I was thinking I would let her pay for fil's birthday, and when she tells me our share just tell her to take it from what she owes us. :tongue_smilie:Absolutely what I would do! Not unreasonable at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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